This time...this time I wanted to be a part of it. Looking from above onto the Wreckage, the beautiful, nonsensical, warmly-lit city of stacked boats, I heard the laughter, the clanking of the glasses, and the songs being screamed against the noise of the waterfalls and...I managed to shut up the voice in my head telling me to stay away, telling me to isolate myself.
I felt incredibly stupid as I pulled my cloak around me and descended into the light, felt like there was something big I should have done instead. Announce my presence, somehow.
But I just wanted to be a part of this.
My brain tried telling me to feel awful instead, but the celebrations were bigger, more important than my desire to be alone and so I joined in, although I did not fully warm up to the people dancing and singing. I took a round of rum or two, stood at the side, and exchanged pleasantries, wherever appropriate. And that was enough.
There was a barrier. Of course, there was. I was the godling Lord Protector and they were my subjects. And for the first time, I really understood what that meant. They would never joke with me about the little things. They would never vent their frustration at me. No one would dare to approach me for a dance or a tryst in the shadows. I could never do any of those things, lest the people I had vowed to protect lost their respect towards me. They even behaved differently with me in the room, politer and more controlled.
That stung, somehow, but felt far away at the same time. Mortal problems I found to be fleeting, escaping my grasp and complete understanding...with the darkness looming at the horizon and the Wyld in turmoil.
None of my companions were here, the Wounded Pride was out still, those that dared to speak openly to me. And it showed. Grim was in the wilderness, where else would he be, and the rest had not yet returned from their journeys.
As I was drinking the aged rum pilfered from the graveyard of ships, watching the laughing and dancing men and women of Ravenport, I decided to leave come morning.
I had much to do still, and the protection of these people would fall onto the shoulders of the free [Knights of the Wyld], and that was fine. I needed not worry about each and every one of them anymore.
I saw Samson, the boy who befriended a grieving whale, sitting as far away from the heart of the festivities as I was, a weathered and worn look on his face that seemed far older than a boy should have any right to have. Our gazes met above the crowd stomping to a jig and he nodded curtly, coming over to me.
“Samson, boy.“ I said with a smile. “Don‘t you enjoy the festivities?“
“I do.“ He said calmly. “But I am...I don‘t know. Ever since I gazed into the dark of the deep ocean, I feel...alone among my own people.“
“I told you to come to me with your problems.“
He nodded. “I know. But everyone was so busy and it was so dangerous and I didn‘t want to distract you again.“
I gripped his shoulders firmly, pushed him gently towards the open night sky. “Come. Share a few words with me, will you?“
We found a good spot on the aftcastle of a boat that hung wedged between the others and had not yet been rebuild, because it was askew and there were easier vessels to transform into living space.
From where we sat, legs dangling under the railing, we could sea Shipwreck Bay and the lights of the guard posts where I knew Sir Fisher to make his rounds. He was unusually gifted towards protecting the others from the dangers of the sea.
“He is a whaler, isn‘t he?“ Samson suddenly asked as we watched the knight sitting on top of some crates, sharpening one of his harpoons calmly without taking his eyes from the ocean.
“That he was.“ I nodded. “Now he is one of Ravenport's most formidable warriors.“
“I know. I heard them talking about how the knights fought the Weirderbeast. But he makes me uneasy.“ Samson shuddered, trying to pull his clothes tighter around himself, but he was shaking. I took my own cloak and laid it around the shoulders of the boy. The cold did not bother me one bit, these days.
“Why? Because of your whale?“
Samson nodded. “Not like he tried going after her, but...men are hunting whales. It will happen - and I hate it.“
“Would you take the life of a whale over that of a fellow citizen of Ravenport, given the chance? This world is too big for us, Samson, for mankind in general. The ocean is home to weird and strange creatures, with the whales being the most gentle of them. But the others? Mankind will struggle and die forever unless we grow strong enough to take what we need to survive. That includes hunting whales for their blubber and their meat.“
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“I know. But it is so sad. They never hurt anybody, they are so gentle and kind.“
I now looked at him from the side. Really looked at him. “You know, Samson, you may be the only man alive to truly know that. What would you do if you were in my position?“
“Find another way. There will be other sources of food. Just spare the whales.“ The eyes of the boys glistened as he stared across the waves.
“I will always put my people first, Samson, even if it is my life on the line. That I have sworn. I will do anything to feed them the coming winter. But here, in the Wyld? There may be creatures more dangerous and predatory than whales...who might give us the meat we need. Do not lose hope just yet, boy.“
The boy wiped away a tear, then looked at me in earnest defiance. “I know. I will do anything I can as well.“
Struck by his sheer determination, however feeble it might have appeared to the high and mighty, I sighed deeply. “I know your struggle well, Samson. The feeling of helplessness in the face of the unjust and overwhelming, yet I cannot stray from my conviction. There is only the one way to ensure that the things precious to us are protected. I hope to earn your forgiveness in time, if I am to hurt you to protect what is precious to me.“
“You do not have to hurt them! I am sure. I will find another way!“
Now it was my turn to fall silent. This was a disaster waiting to happen, or so it seemed, and yet I was powerless before the simple conviction of the boy and the coming needs of a colony of refugees in the winter.
“Let‘s hope for us to find a way.“ I finally said. “You befriended a mighty creature with your compassion alone and served Ravenport well in the process. I would be a fool to ignore your ideas.“
The cold night, as autumn prepared to depart for the frost of winter, crept under our clothes and soon we returned to the festivities, who long had lost their charm to me.
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I made true of my decision to leave in the morning. Ravenport was safe for the moment and small enough to function without constant supervision. There were complications looming on the horizon, with the journeys of my companions coming to an end, and I wanted to use the period of calm to search for the missing keys of the Elemental Guardians.
Returning to the Weirdwood, as I walked the Stormplains seeing the trees growing higher and ever higher with each step, was a sobering feeling. We had left ten defenders in the darkness of the forest. A victory bought with blood and yet...there was a nagging feeling that I could have prevented the loss of life.
The Weirderbeast had not really threatened the safety of Ravenport. Not yet. In the future, the access to the wood, the flora, and the fauna would be worth everything, but...ten deaths. Ten deaths.
Ten deaths to kill the Weirderbeast, ten souls to claim the elemental key of the earth, ten fighters sacrificing their lives to free the burrowed insects, longing to devour everything stepping on the forest floor.
I had made a grave mistake and lives had been lost because of it. My people seemed to see it differently, judging by the festivities and the joy they displayed, but I knew better. In the end, the might of the Mad King had been what tilted the scale. Could I not have fought the remaining beast by myself?
Sure, the survivors had gathered strength in the process, enough of it to allow me the space I needed to continue claiming the Wyld. Maybe the goal was justification enough. Claiming the Wyld would allow me to help my brother in spirit up north and would serve to protect us better in the long-term than the ten warriors, hunters, and knights could have done.
And yet...sacrificing lives would never lose its sting. I had been trained and groomed for the task -and jaded by the last year - and yet I struggled.
It had been one of the reasons I left Ravenport as quickly as I did. I wanted to give something back. I wanted to make something out of the opportunity they had bought me with their service.
Right now, that meant finding myself the biggest bird anyone had ever seen.
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Entering the forest was like diving into the ocean, so suddenly did the silence envelop me. The first times I had walked these giant, interwoven branches, the noise had been a constant companion and a reminder of the sheer amount of life below the leaves of the gigantic trees. Now, silence was the only witness of my journey, as if the forest itself was mourning.
For all I knew, the Weirdwood was cursed still, at least the part where the Weirderbeast had found its ultimate demise. I had to be careful around those parts, but all in all it should only make for a tenth of the whole area that was covered by the trees.
As things stood, I imagined the Roc I was searching for would avoid the cursed trees, as the curse had turned the forest itself against anything that lived and breathed. The first tree I had climbed those weeks ago, where I had laid my eyes upon that majestic bird and activated the quest to claim the Wyld for myself, was close to the cursed area. Or so I reckoned, as it was difficult to navigate the dense wilderness and easy to walk around in circles with no landmarks to help me orientate.
I was prepared to spend a few days here and planned to climb a few of the highest of the giant trees to look for a trace I could follow. If I wasn‘t expecting a cursed forest, dangerous wildlife, and a bird of legends at the end of my search, I would have counted this trip as a vacation as it combined my love for heights and climbing with the refreshing loneliness of the wilderness. Especially as I could explore a couple of days and nights without sleeping, by now, or even slowing down in the darkness.
There was some joy in the feeling of conquering the unknown and the wilderness by just being a part of it, walking through it, exploring its secrets and wonders. Not quite overshadowing my doubts and griefs, but still. It was the part of the Wanderer in me making my heartbeat in excitement, or was it my own joy, now? There was no telling the difference, but my spirit was lifted after a few days of moping and the sense of adventure and exploration replaced the dire struggling for survival I had felt...well ever since I had fallen, truly.
We were safe. I was safe. And I was endeavoring to make it even safer for everyone. That made my steps lighter and my travel swifter with every step I made away from civilization.