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~CHAPTER VIII: Acceptable Rejection~

Several weeks passed and Ying-tai’s wound healed over that time. The Emperor had sent for him to join him in his tea room. When Ying-tai arrived, The Emperor had a game of chess laid out in front of him and a hot tea pot with two tea cups.

“Ah, Ying-tai! You’re finally here,” The Emperor smiled welcomingly and motioned him to take a seat.

“Forgive me, your majesty. I was still speaking with Huian and Xia about our preparations for our journey to Zhao and Wei.”

“It’s fine. A man should never apologize for tending to his duties,” The Emperor said, pouring them tea. “Here. I know you don’t like wine. But tea suffices just as much,” he offered the cup to Ying-tai. He bowed his head and accepted it from his hands.

“Your move first,” The Emperor watched him.

They played for a while and when The Emperor lost he applauded Ying-tai for his talent.

“Aya, Ying-tai. Because you taught Xiu Juan the tactics of chess she is able to beat me,” he chuckled. “There is too long of a time frame in between our time together like this,” The Emperor sighed while collecting his pieces.”

“Indeed,” Ying-tai agreed. “Moments like these with you are prized.”

They set their pieces and readied themselves for another round of chess.

“I actually wanted to speak to you about Xiu Juan,” The Emperor began.

Ying-tai looked at him.

“I’ve been watching her lately and fear that when I leave, she will be alone. Her brother does not know how to show the affection this family needs and I do not want her living her life with someone who will not shower her with the amount of bliss I try to give her since the day she was born.” The Emperor looked up from his chess board and looked at Ying-tai. “Seeing how she is with you brings me to a compelling need to ask you: Can I trust her in your hands, Ying-tai?”

Ying-tai’s heart beat faster at The Emperor’s question. “I’m afraid I don’t understand,” he flustered.

“I won’t be here forever, Ying-tai. I need someone who I can trust to look after my daughter and we, Xiu Juan and I, trust you more than anyone. I know how she feels about you. But I don’t really want to assume you feel the same way without being certain.”

Ying-tai paused, embarrassed to speak about his private feelings with The Emperor.

The Emperor knocked one of Ying-tai’s pieces, “Your silence is making me think otherwise, Ying-tai.”

“I’m flattered you have this much faith in me to be willing to trust your daughter in my hands,” Ying-tai bowed his head. “But I am nothing more than a man of war who serves Qin. You praise too highly of me.”

“So you are saying you do not stand on the same ground of affection as Xiu Juan?” The Emperor assumed.

“No. That’s not it at all.”

“You do not love her,” the Emperor claimed.

“Please do not misunderstand me, your majesty,” Ying-tai pleaded. “After every blood showering battle, she is the only thing that keeps me human.” Ying-tai continued on to prove himself, “The only reason why I willingly walk out the gates of Qin every time the battlefield calls for me is because I long to give her the world of peace she prays for. Until then, I will not stop returning to the war outside that cries out my name. I cannot be a good husband to her if I keep leaving her to fear for my life. She may insist, but I will not let her carry the burden of a wife of war on her shoulders.”

The Emperor nodded. He understood Ying-tai, but his heart broke a little for them as the future was uncertain and anything could happen between now and then.

“I will do it on my own term. And after all has ended, in this life or the next, I promise to spend the rest of it making it up to her,” Ying-tai declared to The Emperor.

The Emperor did not say any more for he knew there was nothing else that needed to be said between two men of war. He invited Ying-tai to make his next move and continued on with the game of chess.

Xiu Juan was playing her guzheng in the palace’s sun room when she heard the doorman announce the arrival of her father. She quickly got up and fixed her ivory robe so it lied out nicely below her.

“Hello, father,” she bowed to him. Xiu Juan then waved her hand to Luli to get some tea ready.

“Sit, Xiu Juan,” her father said.

She shuffled her way to the table and sat in front her father.

“Is something the matter?” She asked.

“I spoke to Ying-tai about your marriage to him,” The Emperor began. Xiu Juan widened her eyes and took in a deep breath, growing anxious.

“What did he say?” She asked in a small voice.

“He declined,” The Emperor looked kindly at his daughter whose shoulders dropped.

“Did he say why?”

“He didn’t want you to spend your life waiting on him,” The Emperor explained to his crushed daughter.

“I never minded that,” Xiu Juan objected.

“Try to understand Ying-tai, daughter,” The Emperor gently coaxed. “He is only doing what is best for you. Times are hard and he has his duties.”

“I support him though. I don’t mind if he has to leave all the time. What’s wrong in fighting through this war together?”

“He is a man of duty,” her father repeated. “He will put that before anything. Even you. But it is all for good intention.”

Xiu Juan did not argue with her father and sat in silence, upset and confused.

“Do not hate him for this, Xiu Juan,” her father turned around to look at his daughter before stepping out of the sun room. Her head was lowered and eyes were dimmed. As soon as he left, she shot up from her seat and burst out of the room and into the carved golden corridors. Luli ran and called after Xiu Juan, watching her long hair whip the air and her ivory skirt flowing violently behind.

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Outside, Xiu Juan made her way to Ying-tai’s chamber with Luli trailing behind her and spotted Huian who was dressed in Qin’s red uniform and iron armor.

Huian saw the infuriated Xiu Juan approach him and bowed his head lowly to her.

“Huian, where’s Ying-tai?” She demanded.

“He’s not here. Last I heard he went to the horses’ stable to prepare for our leave,” he explained.

Xiu Juan grew angrier, not knowing Ying-tai was going to leave so sudden. She spun around and made her way to the horses’ stable.

“Oh, uh, thank you, Huian!” Luli quickly bowed her head to thank Huian and scurried after Xiu Juan.

When Xiu Juan arrived at the stable, she gusted through the gates and set her blazing eyes on the nationwide feared elite Qin soldiers preparing their horses for departure. When they saw her advance toward them, they all moved to the side and dropped to their knee at once and saluted her all while trying to steal glances at her. In front of her stood Ying-tai fully dressed in armor. She stood there tall and poised with her ivory robe floating lightly alongside the winter breeze brushing under the seams. His hair was up in appropriation for battle and was dressed in Qin’s deep red uniform that was made for the highest honored official. The complimented golden sashes in his attire represented pride and virtue. He had on a black cloak that draped over his broad shoulders. He looked invincible and magnificent in his fully dressed armor. Almost unapproachable. He turned around and noticed Xiu Juan. He bowed, greeting her.

“Leave us,” Xiu Juan demanded everyone around them in a cold voice whilst keeping her eyes on Ying-tai. The elite soldiers bowed to her command and quickly marched away.

“You’re leaving?” She questioned when they were alone.

“Yes,” Ying-tai answered.

“Were you planning on leaving without notifying me?”

“I was going to come say good bye,” Ying-tai affirmed.

“Why so sudden?” Xiu Juan inquired.

“Zhao and Wei are closing in. If we don’t move soon, they’ll get a head start on us,” Ying-tai explained, returning to tend to his dark horse.

“How long will you be gone for?” She asked, starting to get impatient with Ying-tai.

“I don’t know how long we will be gone this time. If we successfully take down Wei’s capital and occupy our targeted camp base by Zhao, I will send word to his majesty and inform him on our next reposition.”

Xiu Juan, annoyed by his unemotional responds, confronted him.

“Is this all that’s in your mind in every waking moment?”

Ying-tai paused in the midst of what he was doing.

“I try really hard to understand you, Ying-tai. And most often I do. But I cannot understand why you rejected the proposal.”

Ying-tai, with his back still to Xiu Juan, replied, “Your father told you?”

Xiu Juan did not respond.

He turned around and stared at her and reiterated, “What did he say to you?”

“He told me you refused to be wedded to me,” Xiu Juan informed, her eyes sorrowful.

“That’s correct,” Ying-tai confirmed. “I refuse to be wedded to you.”

Crushed and angry, Xiu Juan approached him and raised her voice at him.

“I feel compelled to ask you why!” She ordered.

“I am not right for you,” he claimed.

“What do you mean you’re not right for me? You don’t get to decide that!”

Ying-tai faced Xiu Juan and explained himself.

“You’re a princess and you need a stable relationship. You need someone who is not expendable. Someone who is, for all certainty, going to be by your side always. I am not that person.”

“I don’t mind waiting for you. I will support you in everything you do, near or far!” Xiu Juan insisted. She took his hands in hers and looked up into his eyes. “We can do this as husband and wife. What’s so wrong with that?”

Ying-tai, holding his composure, patted her hand. “One day I might not return home, Princess. I will not let anyone go through that kind of grievance for me. I cannot carry that guilt.” He let go of her hand and stood straight before her and stated bluntly, “I will not be a good husband to you. You will not get the care you need from me.”

He turned his back to her to pull his horse out from the stable. “I am a man of war. My place does not belong here or in your heart.”

Tears streamed down Xiu Juan’s face, “Why would you say those words to me, Ying-tai? Did what we have not mean anything to you?” She breathed hard, “I’m not satisfied with your answer.”

Ying-tai paused then turned his head to the side, “I already said everything I needed to say. There’s nothing more to it.”

“Ying-tai, please,” Xiu Juan shook her head and pleaded, crying. “Don’t do this to me. Not to me. Even if it was fated that one day you will never return to me, I would never regret it. I would live the rest of my days happy knowing I shared a bit of my life with you.”

Ying-tai led his horse out and faced Xiu Juan.

“Forgive me,” Ying-tai bowed lowly to her. “If you may pardon me from your presence I will take my leave now, Princess.”

Xiu Juan took a long look at Ying-tai who was still bowing to her. She sighed deeply, strongly holding in her cries. She raised her hand up to Ying-tai and rested her hand lightly on his head. “Lord Ying-tai, may your voyage be profoundly triumphant with no mayhems and devastating casualties,” she declared.

With that, he raised his head and walked out of the gate, his armored dark horse following closely behind.

Shortly after, a royal servant came to retrieve Xiu Juan.

“Princes Xiu Juan, his royal highness asks you to return to the palace for the parting ceremony,” he announced.

Xiu Juan clenched her jaw and took in another deep breath and wiped away her tears then ordered the royal servant, “Tell my father I will be on my way immediately.”

At the grand stair gate, Ying-tai stood before The Emperor and Jiao Long to bid farewell.

“May you be only victorious on your journey with no dilemmas and return home a champion,” The Emperor blessed. Ying-tai raised his head and The Emperor placed his hands onto his head gently, “My son, defender of Qin.”

Jiao Long rolled his eyes and looked away into the distance. Ying-tai turned to him and bowed to him.

“Crown Prince Jiao Long, I’ll take my leave now.”

He turned his eyes to Ying-tai and acerbically smiled.

“The palace will be quieter without you now,” he sarcastically remarked. Then he gave him a cunning stare, “It will rather be vulnerable and naked from lack of defense. Empty and quite…airy.” He took in a deep breath of air then exhaled and gave Ying-tai a look from the side of his eyes to show him he was content.

“Be advised: if anything happens to Qin while I am away, I will come back storming through the gates and smite every last enemy like wild fire. Even if that enemy turns out to be someone of my own,” Ying-tai swore, giving a piercing stare into Jiao Long’s eyes.

“Qin will be sustained,” The Emperor affirmed, glaring at Jiao Long. “Don’t say such impetuous things, Jiao Long,” he lectured.

Jiao Long twisted his lips and said nothing more.

After bidding farewell, Ying-tai descended down the stairs to where Huian and Xia were waiting with the other men. He mounted onto his horse and looked up to the palace one last time. Xiu Juan was nowhere to be seen. He spun his horse around and galloped away to the gate with Huian and Xia right behind him.

As he passed through the gate’s threshold of Qin’s great palace, Xiu Juan walked up next to her father and watched the last of him leave. While watching from afar, from the bottom of her heart, she made a quick prayer for him.

On his horse, Ying-tai watched every one of his men leave their family. He would burn their faces into his memory in case any one of them was not able to return home. They cried, waved their handkerchiefs at them, and bid them adieu. Some were proud and sent them off with a smile, crying out blessings of good luck. Passing by his precious people of Qin, they cheered on his name loudly and proudly. He was a hero to them.

The Emperor, who was trying to hold his composure, sighed, “Though we familiarize ourselves to departures of dear ones, why does the pain of the heart never learn to cease?”

The Emperor, Jiao Long, and Xiu Juan all continued looking onward to their soldiers who were departing.

When Ying-tai heard them shout to close the gate, he turned his head to the side a bit, not daring to look back completely. He put his hand to his chest where his paper of Xiu Juan’s pressed plum blossoms resided.

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Xia looked at Ying-tai. Concerned, he asked him, “Is something the matter, Lord Ying-tai?”

Huian heard and looked at both of them.

Ying-tai straightened himself up, looked forward and stated, “No. Just eager to get back inside the battlegrounds.”