What is the meaning of life?

Love?

Duty?

Happiness?

If you ask me all of are bullshit.

All the reasons, ideologies, and philosophies humanity have are nothing but our sapience trying to find a cover for our biological and evolutionary sense of self-preservation.

How fucking pointless.

If we could look at life free of our pre-learned reasons, ideologies, philosophies, and sense of self-preservation only thing we see would be suffering.

Waking up is painful. I wake up and realize that my body is aching all over. I get hungry and thirsty all the time. The food is shit also. Every time I get hungry I think something delicious. I think to myself that eating that would make me happy.

It doesn’t. No matter how well it is prepared. I just shallow my disappointment with the food. And don’t even get me started on how it exists out of my body.

And I have to work for that shit too! I have to get tired. I have to get sweaty. How disgusting.

For what? For fucking what?!

To pass down my genes?

To inspire others?

To make my parents proud.

Bullshit.

No matter what genes I pass to my kids, no matter what big of heroic tale I create, no matter how much I make my now long-dead parents proud it is all bullshit.

My life is nothing but a pebble in the history of humanity. The history of humanity is nothing but a pebble in the history of Earth. The history of Eart is nothing but a pebble in the history of the universe.

When I look back at my life memories of mental, emotional, and physical pain outnumber memories of happiness by a large margin. It is life comparing dark matter to light matter.

I endured it all with the thought that it would end when I die.

It fucking didn’t.

Now I am not even sure if I could rest if die. Maybe another God-like entity will just kidnap me again? Maybe it will be Aliera?

It is all too burdensome. Faking a smile is burdensome. Inspiring others is bothersome. Making myself think I care about others is burdensome.

Breathing, eating, and drinking is burdensome.

I just want it to end.

…

Yet, why there is something inside me that still keep moving forward?

Why do I still have it? Despite throwing away most things, why do I still have it?

Damn you! Whatever you are, what kind of conviction you are, damn you to hell!

…

(You completed the First Trial of Selection.)

I opened my eyes. The taste of iron filled my mouth. A quick move of my tongue told me that it wasn’t from me biting my tongue. My mouth hurt. I was clenching my jaw too much. When I relaxed a little, I realized that several of my teeth were cracked due to how hard I clenched my jaw. Blood was coming from my gums.

I looked down. My hands were ghostly white with how tight I clenched my fist. My fingernails dug into my palm enough to draw blood. My legs felt like jelly.

I stumbled, though I wasn’t sure in which direction. Someone caught me. Blood dripped from my mouth to his violet hair.

“I got you, buddy.”

My senses slowly returned back to me.

“Incredible. I only heard someone who could stand this much pain in stories. It was an amazing display of endurance.”

Rodrick complimented me with a clap but I wasn’t in the mood to feel good about it. The pain I felt was… Impossible. It was nothing like I felt before. It wasn’t… physical?

Lily slowly let me on the ground. My throat was dry. Considering how sweaty I was, I just lost all the water my body held with sweat. I opened my mouth to ask for water but the only thing that escaped from my lips was coughing.

Gökbörü climbed on my lap and pulled a water bottle from my bag of holding. Lily took it and helped me to drink it.

“I’ll cast healing magic right now. It is a minor spell but it should help!”

Nocturna kneeled to my right.

The painful sensation I felt while drinking the water told me I must have shallow tooth fragments and blood too. I coughed, drool falling down my chest.

Disgusting.

I looked down. My hands were shaking while my right leg was bouncing uncontrollably. The thumping of my heart vibrated all around my body, especially in my head. I closed my eyes and tried to focus.

Flashes of intense pain filled my mind but I ignored them. I focused on my mana. It was easier to find now since there was more of it. I felt the comforting sensation of armor wrapping around me.

“Poyraz, are we back buddy?”

I opened my eyes and met with Lily’s worried face.

“I am okay.”

I said after collecting enough strength to sound confident. Of course, my ruse didn’t manage to trick him.

(Your partner wants to share the skill “Regeneration” with you.)

Gökbörü let out a small growl and put his head on my thigh. I suddenly remembered how Synchronization worked.

Feelings and thoughts.

Did he feel my pain? Fuck, I didn’t think of it! I didn’t even want to share my feelings with him. He rubbed his head on my body while making noises. I was able to stop my hands from shaking just long enough to scratch his ears.

He perked his ears and growled. I was half sure my pain didn’t get transferred to him, or at least not on a full scale.

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I moved my broken arm and noticed I could move it relatively well.

“Aliera’s divine power will help you recover faster. I am sure you felt it.”

Rodrick explained.

“Is that why I have been feeling stronger? This place is filled with Aliera’s divine power?”

That would explain it.

“Yes. I am sure even your friend must felt it, though on a smaller scale.”

“Why? I don’t have a connection to Aliera.”

Lily asked.

“You are connected to her brother. Since they are in the same pantheon, Stars help each other's followers too.”

That meant that only Nocturna and Gökbörü didn’t get a power boost. I didn’t care too much since it was only temporary and would go away when we leave this cave.

“You have a peculiar Spark. It is... Sorry, that’s not my palace.”

Rodrick sounded excited for a second before stopping. Maybe speaking for others’ Sparks was a taboo? I wanted to ask since it could give us insight into mastering our Sparks but our time was limited. I rose to my feet, pushing Lily who wanted to help me who gave me an offended look.

“Thanks for the help. I know I will sound ungrateful but is there anything else you could do to help us?”

Rodrick gave me an understanding smile.

“You don’t need to thank me. Since we fight under the same patron, you are my brother. You also don’t have to worry about sounding ungrateful. You will actually free me.”

Nocturna stepped in front of me, her orb letting out a blue glow. Rodrick’s tone wasn’t sinister but even I had to admit “You will actually free me.” Sounded bad. Especially since he was a ghost.

“Let me explain: To become a Champion of Aliera, one must be chosen by the Sacred Sword of Selection. The only way one can be chosen by Sacred Sword of Selection is by getting the approval of its previous users. “

Users. Plural.

“I can see the questions on your faces. You don’t have to worry about finding the previous users. All three users of it including me already imprinted on it. You just have to prove your worth to us.”

“I understand that this “sword” is important. But this is not the time to perform tricks to impress a picky sword. We have to defeat a big evil overlord.”

Lily jumped into the conversation. I can’t say I blamed him for talking like that.

“I was brought here by Aliera already. Why do I have to go through a trial when I already work for her?”

Rodrick took a deep breath. How he did that with his ghost body was a mystery. He looked sad for a second and I felt like I was bullying a poor employee.

“It is not up to me. Sacred Sword of Selection will not work unless its previous users give their sincere approval. If it is any consolation, it decided that you have my approval.”

I raised my eyebrow.

“How?”

“The fact that you withstood the pain of your mana circuits being connected is no easy feat. This only leaves my two predecessors.”

“Can you give us tips on how to impress them?”

Rodrick shook his head. Guess it wouldn’t be a trial if it was easy.

“I see. Okay, how are we doing this?”

Rodrick pointed to the broken sword his corpse held.

“All you had to do is touch it. You already started the trials.”

Wait. That broken sword is the Sacred Sword of Selection? Lily pulled my cloak.

“Poyraz. I think we are getting scammed again.”

He whispered into my ear. I crossed my arms and looked at Rodrick. He noticed my suspicious look and opened his mouth:

“I understand your doubt. It is true that the sword my corpse holds is the Sacred Sword of Selection. However, it is my Sacred Sword of Selection, not yours.”

“How that works exactly?”

“Sacred Sword of Selection is not a physical object, at least not until a worthy user appears. It is more akin to a concept. When it finds a worthy user it reforges itself into a form fit to its user.”

Sounds cool.

“Alright, I going in then.”

I took a step forward to touch the sword.

“Wait! Do these trials have to be taken by Poyraz alone? Can’t we help him?”

Surprisingly, Nocturna was the one asking that. I looked at Rodrick for an answer. He smiled.

“You have good friends.”

Nocturna pulled her hood to her face to hide her embarrassment.

“You can tell a lot by his friends. So, yes. You can go with him.”

Lily tackled me from behind, nearly making me fall. I reacted by judo throwing him out of reflex.

“Hell yeah! Time to impress some old man and get a kickass sword.”

He was unfazed. I should have put more strength into my throw.

“Bark!”

Gökbörü barked, telling me he was going in with me.

“You guys don’t have to do anything. I can go in and out-OW.”

Gökbörü jumped high enough to tackle my groin. I crouched with pain as Lily threw himself to the ground while holding his stomach with laughter.

“BARK!”

“There are better ways to convince me you fleabag.”

“BARK!”

“I understood, I understood.”

That bastard. Where did he learn groin shots from? Oh, wait, from me. I kicked Lily, who was still laughing.

“Suit yourselves.”

All four of us touched the sword at the same time. I felt my consciousness move.