Many people in my life told me how they first felt conscious. Most of the time they would be sitting or playing around as a child and they would realize that they were alive.

That’s not something I can relate to. I have no memories of suddenly realizing that I was breathing, thinking human being. As long as I could remember, I was aware that I was alive. Maybe I did have a moment like that and forgot it?

Honestly, it doesn’t matter. If it was up to me I would stay unconscious and unaware for the rest of my existence. What matters to me is the time I realized that other people existed.

I am not talking about “Hey, this dumbass Lily is a human like me!” I am talking about every person who lived, currently living, and will live is just like me. They have emotions. They have dreams. They have their own dislikes and likes. Every person is like an ever-expanding library. Maybe their library is made out of a different material than mine. Maybe it is bigger or smaller. Maybe it has a different structure. Maybe the books inside are in a different language or a different genre.

What I knew was it was awesome. Just breathtaking. Imagine going to see a massive ancient structure. Imagine how much planning and intelligence went into building it. Imagine the strength and endurance required for it. Imagine the speeches, prayers, and people living there in it. That was what I saw every time I looked at another person.

How dumb I was to realize it until my mid-twenties.

I was angry after my family died. No, calling it anger is not enough. Hate, hate beyond what many people could understand. I didn’t want them to understand anyway. To understand it means going through what I went through. I don’t wish that to other people.

I wanted to hurt everything. Destroy, kill. I was an immature brat without any control over my emotions. I was always ready to explode. Even during sparring, I was harsh. That’s how I met with Lily. I broke his nose and had to treat him to apologize.

But as I traveled around the world, going from mission to mission I saw countless things.

Comrades putting their trust in you.

Children coming to hug your leg.

Old grandmas giving you handcooked meals.

People cheering the moment you arrive.

It was true that I saw countless bad things. Pain, loss, and anger.

But seeing all those things, how can I keep clinging to my hate? Even with my loss and pain, there were people in need.

I couldn’t be just a destroyer. People needed heroes, saviors. I wasn’t sure if I had what it took and I am still not sure but it was never about what I could do, it was what I needed to do.

“Thanks. I nearly had forgotten it.”

My failure and solitude nearly made me forget my purpose.

(You fully resisted Primordial Fear.)

I wasn’t a full white-wearing hero.

I did shady stuff and I would do it again.

I wasn’t hopeful and couldn’t make inspiring speeches.

But seeing people suffer in front of me was not something I could allow. Seeing the Tormented One and the souls trapped in it, I couldn’t run.

(Monstrous Strength is activated. Strength is increased by 30 percent for 150 seconds.)

(Frost Booster is activated. Your weapons will be enchanted with ice element for 10 minutes. During that time your weapon’s power will increase by 5 percent. Enemies hit by ice element will slow down and may get frostbite if their resistance is low.)

(Ferocity of Wolf King is activated. Your speed and reflexes increase by 20 percent for 3 minutes.)

(Armor Collapsing Claw is activated.)

Tormented One dragged itself to me with a surprising speed. Its soundless screams filled my mind.

“It is okay. It is all okay.”

Before it could reach me, I moved towards it. Dodging its hand I managed to get under it. My goal was its “head”. If I managed to destroy it maybe I could release all the souls trapped in there. However, my body was grasped by smokey hands smaller than its main hands existing out of its body. Their touch burned me with a sensation similar to frostbite. I gritted my teeth to not scream and sent mana over my body to break free.

I released my mana, cutting through the hands and hitting its head. I felt hitting something solid as my wrists and shoulders shook with the shock.

“It did no damage.”

I talked to myself as I dodged its grasp. That was problematic. Even with using a combination of my most powerful buffs, I wasn’t strong enough to damage it. Did it have some kind of condition I had to fulfill to damage it? Or was I simply not strong enough? Should I try to put most of my mana into a single attack again? No. If it didn’t work or wasn’t enough, I would get caught and die due to the after-effects of Arcane Overload.

At least it was slow. I was able to run circles around it. But I should keep in mind that I was this fast under the effect of the Monstrous Strength and Ferocity of Wolf King. I dodged it trying to grab me and struck it. All of my attacks bounced off it. Fuck, it looked so frail but it was the most durable being I came across.

It stopped for a second and put both of its hands on the ground. My instincts told me to back off and I jumped back. Skulls made out of smoke existed out of its body and started to rain down in every direction.

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“What the actual fuck! This motherfucker is a Dark Souls boss!”

I jumped back as its attack range increased. I manifested a shield when I realized its attack kept increasing in range. Did it not have a limit? I raised my shield but…

“Be careful.”

I heard a voice in my head. A massive fireball hit the creature not long after.

“Amaterasu?”

I was sure that the voice inside my head was Amaterasu. That fireball also was a dead giveaway.

“We are all okay. I am using Gökbörü as a channel to speak to you mentally.”

Okay, I wasn’t sure how it worked but the fact that they were in safety was reassuring. Also that fireball managed to stop it from raining down skulls so I was happy to receive help.

“I don’t think we can get close to that thing. I have no idea how you can resist it. Nocturna and I can provide you with long-range support but I suggest retreating.”

“Yeah, that’s the logical decision.”

After a brief radio silence, Amaterasu spoke up:

“Poyraz, if it is for us please don’t. You already did more than enough for us.”

I gripped my sword tighter and looked at the faces frozen with agony.

“I can’t do that.”

Too bad I am too dumb to make that decision. I charged towards the Tormented One. It slammed its hand to the ground. Ground split open and chains flew towards me. By jumping, ducking, or straight-up parrying the chains I moved forward without even slowing down.

It looked down on me and I looked up to it with an emotionless face. Ghostly hands came out of its body once more to grab me.

“Aliera. I know you are watching.”

I destroyed them with one swing and rolled to dodge its actual hand.

“I need help.”

I tried to strike different parts of its body. Its head, arms, torso, and even the cocoon. All of my strikes bounced off it.

“I don’t have anything to offer.”

It started to release those skulls again. I lifted my shield and tried to interfere but I wasn’t successful. Skulls hit my body and exploded. My blood dripped on the ground.

“I only have my life and you own it already.”

I pushed through the unending rain of exploding skulls and swung my sword again. For the first time in this fight, a small wound appeared on its body.

“I offer you my bravery and will. My sacrifice. Please.”

I heard lightning crackle as raindrops fell to the ground. I was washed from head to toe before not long after. The duration of Monstrous Strength ended and weakness filled my body as penalty duration started. Even with that, I kept on striking. The wound I opened got bigger and bigger as my stamina got depleted.

My exhaustion and constant need to block and dodge skull and hands led me to slow down. With one misstep I found myself in grasp of one of its hands. Despite its skeletal appearance, I was tightly wrapped. I tried to send mana to my body so I could gather enough to break free but what little mana I had was not enough. Magic hit the creature but it didn’t loosen its grip. Instead, the pressure I felt only increased. My body let out creaking noises as I was squeezed. My vision went black for a second before…

“Let my buddy go, you ugly bastard!”

Lily’s shouting reached my ear and I was hit by wind blowing. I forced myself and saw Lily in the shape of a massive spear made out of green mana and wind slammed against the creature’s side. He hit the massive creature and managed to raise the creature off to the ground. It flew several meters back and I fell to the ground.

The first thing I saw when I hit the ground was Lily also being on the ground. He was kneeling with a terror-filled expression.

How? If he couldn’t resist it how did he manage to strike it? Even though worry filled my heart I had to find out how he did it. I remembered his skills. Hawkeye was one of his skills. That meant he could see me and the creature from far away. And if he were to start accelerating and focus mana from there, he couldn’t stop even if he were to be hit by Primordial Fear because of the massive momentum he created.

“You insane fuck.”

I dragged myself to him. My body ached.

“You never think the end of your actions!”

I lifted him and started to drag him to safety. Normally I could lift him overhead and run like that but I was too tired now.

“You… Would…. Have….Done…The same.”

He said with gritted teeth.

“I would have let your stupid ass die if you did something like this!”

Pained screams cut me off and Lily flinched in my arms. He couldn’t resist the status effects. I had to be quick. Especially since…

I looked back and saw the creature dragging itself to us with one hand. Wait, one hand? It was grabbing the place I wounded and Lily hit it with its other hand. But why? It didn’t bleed. Its biology wasn’t like us so it probably didn’t need to pressure its wound. I wasn’t even sure it obeyed the laws of biology.

Since it was dragging itself with one hand and Amaterasu kept shooting it with magic, we were able to gain distance on it.

“Can you move?”

“Yeah.”

I let him go and he was able to stand on his two feet. I looked back at the Tormented One.

“Poyraz, no. We don’t have to do this. You don’t have to do this. I saw that thing. I felt what you felt. I don’t know how you were able to stand in front of it but you don’t have to.”

Lily grabbed my cloak as he pleaded with me. I didn’t look at him.

“I have to Lily. If I don’t, then who?”

He grabbed my face with his two hands and turned me to himself forcefully.

“If things don’t get done without you then let them not done! You are breaking yourself to pieces just to save others! Look at you! How long have you been in this world? And yet your body is covered with scars! Fuck everyone else, I don’t want to lose my friend!”