Sunlight was already pouring through the window when Eddy finally opened his eyes. He hadn't been sleeping, though he had been having a nightmare. It was a weird state between not quite asleep and not quite awake. A hazy middle ground that made the nightmare seem real. He could still smell the burnt gunpowder and taste the bitter metallic air.
At least he didn't scream anymore.
“mmph-grrrl.” He mumbled mustering the energy to pull himself upright and swing his legs over the edge of the bed. “Pleh.” He huffed. He really wasn't a morning person. Even if morning did take place at 11am now.
“Fucking fuck.” He grumbled reaching up and wiping his eyes with the palms of his hands. It took a few blinks to clear his vision. He half expected to wake up in his old barracks.
In reality he was in his condo. More specifically the master bedroom. He stared at himself in the mirror mounted to the top of the dresser. He looked....well, like shit. His black hair had long since grown out past regulation length, wild and nearly touching his shoulders at this point. His green eyes looked tired blood shot with dark lines under them. Once upon a time his features had been rugged. Now they were just sharp angles and gaunt. Broad shouldered but lacking the mass that had once filled them out well. More than a few scars marred his chest and gut. Long ribs of wavy scar tissue running wild across his shoulders and back.
Medical technology had come a long way and AR-grafts were a lot more durable and stronger but still healed hard. The VA didn't exactly pay out for plastic surgery either. He had gotten off lucky. Most of it looked worse than it actually was. He knew grunts that had it far worse. At least his body was mostly whole. Even if he did look like a half melted GI Joe.
“Fuck you.” He muttered looking away from the mirror and climbing to his feet. He stretched out his arms with a grunt and a wince. He wandered out of the bedroom through the living room to the kitchen. He had one thing on his mind. Coffee. Coffee always made things better. He dumped all the contents needed and fiddled with the maker until the orange light clicked on.
Satisfied that the thing would eventually brew a pot of coffee he moved on to the next part of his morning routine. Flicking on some music and hopping in the shower. Hot showers were right below coffee on the 'makes life better' checklist. He spent at least a half hour soaking under the scalding water. He shaved more out of habit that need. Throwing on a black sweater and pair of loose fitting blue jeans. At least he felt somewhat human after the shower.
He slipped on his wrist bit, pour himself a cup of coffee and plopped down on the couch with his tablet. It was no surprise he didn't have any new notifications on his social feed. No new emails either.
He was starting to read an article on the latest deployments overseas when a pop up flashed across the tablets screen.
APPOINTMENT WITH LINDA – 12:30
“Fuck.” He had almost completely forgotten he had an appointment with Linda. As much as he wanted to skip it, he couldn't. Part of the stipulation of his benefit payout was he attended mandatory appointments for at least a year after discharge. No visit, no pay. It was part of the mental health act the military had adopted a few years. “Taking better care of our troops” or some shit like that. Whatever, Linda was better than one of those counseling AI's.
A pair of socks and boots later and he was ready to head out.
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Twenty minutes and a mag-rail ride later and he arrived at the cafe Linda had picked. Maybe cafe was being a little generous. It was little more than a kiosk and counter set back into a wall. A few booths and tables sectioned off in glass cubicles. The whole thing crammed between two skyscrapers and surrounded by glass top to bottom. A few of the cubicles were occupied by people but it was easy to spot Lina already waiting for him.
He ordered a plain black coffee and paid with his bit before heading for the booth. The glass cubicles felt...claustrophobic. Precautions that had been built in years ago when a pandemic had raged through the country. It had been years since a vaccine had been made and the last confirmed case, 'social distancing' was something people had never really moved away from.
“Eddy.” Linda greeted with a smile. “Good to see you.” Linda was in her late thirties and despite the blazer and pencil skirt she looked frail. It was common with people who worked in virt-space. Blonde hair that was hastily pulled into a pony tail. Too skinny with too pale skin. She probably didn't leave her home for anything but these little “sessions.”
“Hey Doc.” Eddy said simply and sipped his coffee. “Kind of a dumpy place to meet don't you think?” He asked looking around the cafe with a frown.
Linda snorted. “I don't have an office so this was the best I could think of. Your the only client I have who doesn't use virtual meetings.” She had called him a technophobe more than once for that exact reason. “I use to get coffee here when I worked in the public health office for my internship.”
Eddy shrugged. “I don't own a dive gear or whatever they are called.” He grumbled. “Too much hassle.” That and his parents had never been able to afford one when he was younger. Most of his life had been spent on a farm. Even after he joined the military he had never seen much use for one.
Linda rolled her eyes. “Technology isn't a bad thing Edward.” She said flatly. “It's also called a V-gear.” It was Eddy's turn to snort. Did it really matter? “We'll talk about your aversion to technology another time. Today I want to talk about how your settling in. It's been nearly six months since you were discharged. How are you feeling?”
How am I feeling? Like I'm going stir crazy. He thought to himself. “Fine.” He lied. “You know, just taking things day by day. Still reading that book you lent me.”
Linda nodded watching him carefully. “We talked about you maybe using your GI bill and going back to school, have you given that any thought?” Eddy shrugged, he hadn't. “Having something constructive to do with your time is paramount to your recovery Eddy.” She chided. “Having too much time on your hands is the quickest way to fall into bad habits.”
“I know.” Eddy said. “I just haven't found anything that catches my attention. I was thinking of taking up painting or something.” It wasn't like he didn't want to do something. Everything just sounded....boring.
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Linda nodded again with a smile. “Painting is a good outlet. You could volunteer, go back to school, get a job if you really wanted.” She leaned back in her seat and sighed. “Do you know why I agreed to be your therapist Eddy?”
He raised an eyebrow. He sort of assumed the case had just been dumped on her. That she hadn't had much of a choice in it. “No.”
“Because I have seen cases like yours before Eddy. Your not the first combat veteran I've seen. Though you are the first I have met who has done so many tours of duty in such a short time. Do you want me to tell you what usually happens?” A dark look crossed her face. “It usually goes one of three ways. Either they integrate smoothly and move on with there life. Usually because they have family and a support system in place. Something you don't have.
Other times they turn to drugs and alcohol and end up mental health facilities. Sometimes for a short period sometimes the rest of their lives. They never fully come back from war and end up being a shell of themselves. The worse though? The worse is when they can't adjust at all. They can't come to terms with any of it and end up taking there own lives. Veteran suicide has always been high but in the last twenty years it's sky rocketed.”
She waited letting the words sink in. Eddy avoided her gaze, mostly because he understood. On the worse of nights he had seriously considered it. He had no family, no one who would miss him and no purpose anymore. As much as he could rationalize that war was war and he had only done what he was ordered to do, it still weighed on his mind. He had taken lives and part of him wondered if he would every truly be forgiven for that. Certainly in his religious parents eyes he wouldn't.
It had been more cowardice that had stopped him than anything. He didn't want to die. He couldn't keep going on this way though. Eventually it would be too much, he knew that. He understood, he really did but he didn't know what to do about it.
“I know Doc.” He said quietly. “They tell us all about it at the VA.” He had been forced to watch more than a few videos about it. He had watched so many that it had just sort of blended together. “I'm not suicidal. I haven't been taking any drugs.” Well, illegal ones at least.
“I know Eddy and I'm proud of you for that. You've come a long way but you still have so much further to go.” Lina said sitting forward. “I want the best for you Eddy. Your a good guy. You may not be a soldier anymore and you'll never be the same person but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. However your not going to go anywhere if you don't take a step forward.”
Eddy huffed and took another sip of coffee. “I know Doc. I promise I'm trying.” Was he though? Had he really made an effort at all? Maybe, just maybe he would try putting in a little more effort. “I'll go buy some art supplies or something after we're done here.” He promised.
Linda grinned. “Good, I don't want to nag but you really need to find something to do. How have you been sleeping? Are the meds helping?”
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It was an hour and two cups of coffee later when his session with Linda finally ended. She had asked him dozens of more questions and gave more than a few lectures. She reminded him more than a few times to write in his journal as well. They said there goodbyes and Eddy just wandered.
He didn't really feel like going home not yet anyways. He had told himself he was going to try and make an honest effort. Going for a long walk seemed like a good start. He had nearly a full cup of coffee his earbuds and two working legs. What more did he need?
He wasn't really paying attention what direction or streets he took. The streets were empty except for the occasional self driving vehicle and random pedestrian. His mind wandering over possible ways to fill his time. Maybe he could join a gym or.....
He stopped his attention caught by a flickering yellow neon sign. “ELECTRONICS” it blinked letter by letter. It was a small shabby shop which didn't surprise him much. Physical shops were rare practically everyone ordered everything net side.
“Why not.” He muttered to himself the door letting out a small ring as he pushed it open. The interior of the shop was surprisingly well kept. Display counters making a U shape around the shop. Boxes of various parts and rows of small cases lining the walls.
“Hello welcome to Zenith Electronics.” A perky brunette called from behind a counter. She couldn't be much older than eighteen. She gave him a dazzling smile. “Can I help you find something?”
Eddy looked around the shop for a moment. Now that he thought about it, why had he come in here? “Uh. Yeah I was thinking of picking up a V-gear or something?” He said sheepishly. “I don't really know anything about them.”
The brunette's eyes lit up. “Of course, we have plenty of models. Did you have something in mind?” She seemed way too excited. Then again she probably didn't see a whole lot of business.
“I really don't know a single thing about them. Do you have any suggestions?” That had exactly been the wrong question to ask. She immediately launched into a shpeal about various models and there pros and cons.
He didn't have the heart to interupt her. Instead just bobbing his head every so often and looking impressed with the various boxes she set in front of him. God what had he gotten himself into?
“Tasio's newest model is my honest suggestion. It has the smoothest calibration and the lightest model around. It's pricey but a good investment. Especially for a newbie.” She said with a grin. “It still takes physical cartridges as well.”
Eddy blinked at that. “Are physical cartridges better or something?” Why wouldn't it just be digital like everything else?
She waved a hand at him. “Nah but all the true hardcore folks have physical copies. It's sort of like a trophy you know?” He didn't but he nodded anyways. “Are you looking to get into gaming?”
Eddy thought about it for a moment. Originally he had no intentions of buying anything. But after all the time she had taken to talk to him and how excited she was....
“Yeah.” He blurted. “I've never really played anything beyond wrist bit games. So I don't know much about them.” He had listened to more than a few of his fellow grunts go on about how awesome some of the new games were.
She touched a finger to her lip thinking. “Hmm. No offense but you sort of look like a shooter or sports game kind of guy. I really don't get into anything other than RPG's.”
Eddy shook his head. “No shooters. I'm not really into sports either.” He trailed off. He knew what an RPG was and even had seen some of the more competitive players on e-sports channels. “An RPG wouldn't be bad. Do you have something that's not so, you know. Competitive? Something sort of casual and just fun?”
She nodded. “Totally get it, not a PvP player. I'm not really either. In that case you should try out Aether Realm.” She said turning and pulling a case off the wall and setting it on the counter. “My buddies and I play religiously. It's a super cool mmorpg. Way more PvE action, a pretty awesome crafting and building system. It's got a super chill community and the environments are gorgeous.” She said practically vibrating in place.
Eddy looked over the case. He didn't understand half of what she said. Still, the pictures on the case did look cool. “It's got magic and stuff?” He asked reading the blurb on the back of the case. “Like fireballs and stuff?”
She chuckled and nodded. “A whole lot more than just fireballs. It's not the easiest game to get into but a lot of fun. It's the latest by Square force, they don't ever skimp. Tell you what. You buy it and don't like it, I'll exchange it for free.” She said with a nod. “I'm that confident in it.”
Well, why not? The girl seemed passionate about it. The cost of the V-gear and game was expensive but it wouldn't break the bank. Worse case scenario he was out a bit of money and time. Hell, maybe he would actually have some fun with it.
Eddy nodded. “I'll take it and the headset. Do I need anything else to get started?”
She practically squeed with joy. “Yes! I'll write down my server and ID. We can team up and I'll show you the basics. No the headset and game is all you need. I mean they do offer some extra crap but it's more of a gimmick than anything.”
“Awesome.” Eddy said with a smile. He didn't know why but he was starting to get excited. Maybe this really would be fun.