When I woke up, I didn’t want to wake up.

When I went to sleep, I didn’t want to go to sleep.

I only wanted to be with Newt.

My life for the next couple days was me laying on the cold stone ground, always crying, never eating, never talking.

Then one day, I woke up, just empty.

I had no tears left.

I just felt empty.

Dead.

Gone.

I just rotated onto my back and stared up at the cloudy gray sky.

Everything was terrible with no Newt.

I was just about to curl back into a ball, when I felt hands pulling me up.

I warily glanced at the person, and saw Frypan.

“C’mon.”

He looked terrible. I just sort of sighed and followed him.

He led me to the kitchen, where my friends were.

They all looked awful, their eyes red, their body’s sagging with exhaustion.

They started telling me something, but my mind blurred them out when I remembered Newt’s scars. They came from here.

I had tears pouring down my face now.

So much for out of tears.

Eventually they started to leave, so I did too.

I went back to my hard stone floor.

If you could even call it a floor.

It was a couple more days before someone approached me. This time it was Clint.

It was about noon when he walked up to me.

“Come on.”

I just shook my head.

He pulled me up anyway.

We went to the kitchen again.

He motioned for me to sit at a table.

I did.

He plopped a plate of food down, then sat across from me.

“You will eat.”

I shook my head

“I-I c-c-can’t.”

My voice was cracked and unused.

“Do you think Newt would have wanted this?”

At his name, I buried my head in my hands, a fresh wave of tears starting.

Eventually I looked up.

Clint was still sitting there.

“Eat.”

I shakily picked up a spoon and started robotically spooning mashed potatoes in my mouth.

I almost choked when I remembered me, my friends, and Newt eating mashed potatoes.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

Back then we were all happy.

I had somehow finished eating, and Clint said some sort of encouragement as I left.

My stomach flipped around.

I hadn’t eaten anything in at least a week.

Now a full meal.

I didn’t want to go back to the cold stone.

Not yet.

Instead I went to the forest.

Not deep into the forest.

Just enough.

I leaned against a tree.

Newt came into my mind.

At the end, his tear streaked, dirty face.

The sound of the gun shot.

The numb feeling.

Suddenly, my stomach seized and I threw up everything I had just eaten.

Well Clint, I tried.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

I went back to the cold stone.

The next day Jeff came.

“Get up, we’re going walking!”

I just stood up and followed him.

Everything was going alright, until I saw Sonya.

I don’t know why.

She just. . .

She reminded me of Newt, and I couldn’t take that.

One minute I was walking with Jeff, the next I was behind a hut, fighting tears

I was crumbling, but trying to hold myself together.

I had been for a while now.

Probably since Newt. . .

Breaking, but managing to hold on to that last bit.

And, then I let myself crumble.

I let myself break.

I leaned against the hut, and slid down to the floor.

I ran my hands through my hair as I started crying.

I knew it wouldn’t matter.

Every time I thought I couldn’t cry any more, I always found a way.

Whenever I thought my heart couldn’t break anymore, it found a way to.

My face was wet from tears, and I knew I had to stop.

Stop before someone found me.

I thought of Newt.

I thought of him in the glade, smiling.

I thought thinking of that would make me happy.

It didn’t.

It felt like I was breaking all over again.

Sob after sob burst from me, my whole body shaking.

And of course, that’s when Jeff found me.

“What happened?”

“I- nothing!”

I realized I was still on the ground, tears still running down my face.

I quickly stood up, frantically scrubbing at my eyes.

Jeff walked over to me, concerned.

“Are you okay?”

No.

I wasn’t okay.

I wasn’t okay.

I wasn’t okay.

I wasn’t okay.

I wasn’t okay.

I wasn’t okay.

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

I didn’t say goodbye.

I just turned and went back to the slab of stone that had become my home.

I knew I wasn’t okay.

I would tell myself It’ll be okay, but. . .

I told Newt that. . .

And look what happened.

I wondered if I would ever get a house again.

Apparently Brenda wondered that too.

The next morning I woke up with a feeling of emptiness.

I opened my eyes, and saw Brenda standing over me.

“How long have you been there?”

Brenda replied without an ounce of humor

“Five minutes. Now get up.”

I warily stood up.

I followed her.

When we reached the beach, I realized what we were doing.

“Uh, Brenda? Are we going to. . .”

Do I say our even if the other half is dead?

Or do I say my?

Brenda just nodded.

“You can’t just sleep outside forever.”

I reluctantly followed her.

I assumed they had taken out. . .the thing inside.

I couldn’t even think his name without wanting to curl up and disappear.

She opened the door, and almost the moment I stepped over the threshold I was blinded.

Memories flashed before my eyes.

Newt laughing.

Me and Newt together.

Newt after the jump.

Newt when we got Teresa.

Newt after we escaped the maze.

Newt’s content look right before I closed my eyes and pulled the trigger.

I realized I wasn’t in the hut anymore.

I was running.

I tripped, and fell flat on my face.

I slowly stood up, and realized I was back in the forest.

I looked around me, and saw the tree.

The tree we had carved our names into.

A sob burst from me as I lunged at the tree.

I was ripping the bark, trying to tear the mocking message it held.

My hopeful words and Newt’s reply filled my head, running over and over.

“Now we’ll be forever.”

“. . .Yeah. . .forever.”

We were not forever. I finally collapsed from exhaustion, the tree still looking normal. I glanced at the sky.

I had been here, attacking the tree for hours.

The sun was in the middle of the sky.

I hadn’t cried.

I hated it.

Hated that I had cried so much I couldn’t anymore.

I warily stood up and walked out of the forest.

I saw a crowd surrounding a large rock.

I headed over to them, and Aris pulled me up to the front of the crowd.

He handed me a chisel.

“What?”

He smiled sadly.

“We wanted you to write his name.”

I didn’t know what he meant until I saw what was written on the rock.

Alby.

Chuck.

Teresa.

The dead gladers.

I sucked in a breath and nodded.

I placed the chisel on the stone and started.

Each time the chisel chipped off a piece of rock, it chipped my heart.

I wanted so badly to be done.

I finished, and handed back the chisel, swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat.

I pushed through the crowd fighting tears.

One minute I think I’m finnaily out of tears, the next I’m refilled.

Thomas comes up from behind me, and I don’t notice him until he says something.

“Minho? Are you alright?”

I could have said something sassy.

I could have said something stupid.

I could have said something true.

But instead I lied through my teeth.

“Yep. All good.”

Thomas started to say something, but I cut him off.

“Are yo-”

“Well, Thomas, it was nice talking to you, but I have to go see the builders about a new house.”

I didn’t wait for a response.

I calmly walked until I knew I was out of his sight.

Then I ran.

I ran to the only secluded spot I knew.

The forest.

I was sprinting now, tears trickling down my face.

The sun was setting.

I slumped against a tree not caring if it was strong enough.

As I sat, I heard the crumpling of paper, and remembered the note Newt had given me