The horned rabbit screamed. I’d never heard a bunny scream before but this would have done credit to a small wolf. It leaped at me, spiraling horn leading the way.

I was so surprised I didn’t move, didn’t get behind my shield, nothing. I just stood there watching this stupid rabbit flying at me with my mouth hanging open. So I was there, unmoving, until the stupid thing speared me in the chest.

-3 hp flared across the lower part of my vision. My life bar reduced drastically.

After that, I went down like a bag of hammers. Hitting my back and frantically trying to get the beast off of me. I’ll admit I panicked and bit and flailed more than I probably should.

It hopped off, leaping three or four feet in a single jump. Then it turned and lowered its head again. I’d dropped my shield in my panic and couldn’t take my eyes off the rabbit. I was barely getting back to my feet when it sprang at me again.

I dropped to the ground and the beast sailed over my head. Quickly getting back up, I drew and hurled one of the knives on my bandolier. It landed somewhere over in the bushes, gone from sight. I sighed. Stupid low Agility.

Then I had to dodge the rabbit flying at my face again. I’d dropped my axe now, so I was standing there bare handed with this demon bunny leaping back and forth at my head. It landed and turned. I quickly chanted the words and twisted my fingers into the gestures for candleflame.

A literal candle’s worth of flame erupted above my right fist. That was it. No leaping inferno, no blazing torchlight. About an inch long tongue of fire. Well, you fight with the weapon you have not with the weapon you want.

The little snow white bastard was jumping at me again. I dodged and slipped. As I stumbled, my hand hit the rabbit. It squealed as its fur caught on fire. You’d think that would be the end of it, wouldn’t you? But no.

The BURNING horned rabbit, chittering and crackling, turned to jump at me again. Still on the ground, I rolled to the side, fetching up hard against the downed bamboo like tree. The rabbit sailed by, wildly overestimating how much power it needed to put into that jump.

I stood and looked at the tree. It was about twenty feet long, but I was standing around two-thirds of the way towards the top. The bottom was off all uneven.

The rabbit was looking worse for wear, though the moist leaves had quenched his flames. His beady, red eyes remained fastened on me. I ran down to about five or six feet from the bottom of the downed tree. The rabbit crawled forward, stalking me.

Dwarves are heavy. I remembered when drill sergeant tossed that dwarf into the hallway onto those humans. It had killed one of them. I dropped the big elbow onto the tree. It snapped to flinders. I jammed one of my knives into the top of it, creating a makeshift spear.

The damned bunny kept crawling at me, hissing. I didn’t even know that rabbits could hiss. Its rear leg seemed to be injured to maybe it couldn’t jump anymore. I stabbed at it. Missed.

How did I miss a crawling rabbit? I shook my head as I backed up, keeping the monster at spear’s length. Stabbing again, I got it good this time. I hurt one of its forepaws.

I kept backing up. Stabbing once, then twice with both of them misses. I screamed in frustration and finally got it, the blade of my knife sinking deep.

I thudded to the ground, gasping for breath and feeling like I’d run a marathon. Putting my face in my hands, I concentrated on slowing my heartbeat. The horn wound in my chest started really throbbing once the adrenaline of combat wore off.

Taking off my leather breastplate, it wasn’t all that bad. Bloody but not deep like I thought. I got out the roll of bandages. Cutting off a few inches, I rolled it up and packed it in the wound. It hurt, bad. This was a pressure bandage like I’d learned to make in the army.

I cut off a few more inches of bandage and laid it over the wound. I didn’t have a great way of keeping it over the cut, so I put my breastplate back on. Cinching it down tight that put all the pressure I’d need.

HEAL check successful. +1 hp

I cut off the stupid thing’s horn. No way I was going through a battle like that without a trophy. Taking a deep breath, I stood up and repacked my bag. I cut off some of the twine to wrap it around the knife, affixing it to the pole. Then I went and found my other blade. When I was a younger man I’d gone out in search of tail but never quite this literally.

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

I walked to the stone archway that separated this chamber from the next. Peering in I saw a larger clearing, again surrounded by slim, purple leaved trees. There were more rocks in this room, scattered out over the grassy field.

Three of the horned rabbits munched on leaves. They were right together, almost on top of each other. One had a single black ear, and another was light brown with white socks. The third was snow white, like the one I’d killed.

I couldn’t just charge at these things. The one I’d fought had nearly killed me. It inflicted half my hit points worth of damage. Thankfully, my heal check gave me one of them back. That meant I could only take one hit before I was seriously impaired.

Let’s try that other spell. I put down my shield, leaning it against my leg. Laying down my improvised spear by my other leg, I said a quick prayer to anyone who might be listening.

First, I poured a bit of water from my bota into my hands. Slapping them together, I chanted the words and twisted my fingers through the gestures of the snow ball spell.

I had realized my incredibly low agility score was probably keeping me from hitting things. I didn’t feel extremely clumsy, but I wasn’t very flexible, which may count. So as the snow ball formed in my hand, I kept doing the packing motion. Instead of a fist sized ball, I conjured something close to a softball.

Bowling is a sport that doesn’t require extraordinary agility. I’d seen plenty of drunk, fat guys doing just fine. So I bowled the snow ball. It took less agility that just throwing it. Before you judge me, do you think shooting a basketball or hurling a bowling ball requires more agility?

It rolled across the grass, up the slight hill. It wouldn’t have been a strike, but I did hit black ear on the foot. He squealed and charged at me. The other two stopped chewing and looked up, but didn’t move.

As it ran towards me, I had plenty of time to pick up my shield and spear. I sort of squatted down, not quite sure how to do this. The rabbit got close and leaped.

My general unfamiliarity with spears kept me from hitting the creature center mass, but I did get a slash before it piled into my shield. The impact knocked the spear out of my hands. Now weaponless with an angry rabbit stuck to the front of my shield, I belly flopped down on it. I heard the crunch.

When I got up, the rabbit was ruined. Victory! It still twitched and made a low pitched cooing sound so I ended its pain with a swipe of my axe. This might be my method.

I gathered some rocks to throw at the surprisingly passive rabbits. Getting behind my shield, I chucked the first one. I landed in the bushes, not even disturbing their meal. I sighed.

Throwing the second stone, I managed to hit the white one. It growled and charged. I grabbed the spear, this time holding it under my arm. The beast ran by having one long jump lead directly into the other. It got close and leapt.

I completely missed with the spear. Misjudging its arc completely, my spear was several inches from making contact. Its horn lodged in my shield, going through the leather to stick into my arm. The impact rocked me back and HURT.

-2 hp

I belly flopped on the shield again, crushing the rabbit. Three down, four to go. I cut the tails off the ones I’d killed and stored them in my bag. Carefully bandaging my cut, I was irritated when it didn’t get me back a hit point.

It took me four throws before I hit the last one in the chamber. It squealed and charged. I managed to hit this one with my spear. It drove the knife in, but it came off the pole. That killed the rabbit and I collected my fourth tail.

The end of the spear where I’d had the knife attached had splintered, so I put it on the other side, wrapping it with twine. I shook the pole and the knife didn’t rattle. Good enough.

The next room had an S shaped clearing with lots of big stones dotting it. I could see one of the dog sized rabbits on the far edge of the near clearing, munching away on a bush with blood red trumpet shaped flowers. I crept close, spear and shield banging, but the creature didn’t acknowledge me.

I stopped, crouched behind one of the stones. Peeking out, the big-horned floof was still crunching on that shrubbery. I threw one of the rocks I’d gathered. It banged off the stone wall of the chamber, maybe four feet up. I closed my eyes and shook my head, irritated at what a terrible shot I was in this body.

Opening my eyes AND THE THING WAS RIGHT ON TOP OF ME! The little bastard had charged as soon as my rock hit the wall. Its beady little eyes were fixed and it leaped. I ducked down and the stupid rabbit speared me on the top of the head with its horn.

-3 hp

Dammit that hurt! I rolled backwards, flapping my free hand and batting it away. Rolling over to get up and the bunny gathered itself and jumped my way again. It speared me in the side.

-3 hp

I used my shield to hold the vile little rabbit in place and rolled over. Feeling it crunch against my ribs gave me much more satisfaction than it should. I lay there for a moment, just breathing.

Getting up, I sat back against one of the big rocks and cut out a square of bandage. I removed my leather skullcap and felt around, hissing in pain once I found the wound. Packing the bandage in the cut, I put the leather helmet back on and buckled the chin strap.

I took my boiled leather breastplate off and opened my tunic. It was a pretty bad cut on my side. I cut another bandage and packed the wound, then unrolled a lot and wrapped it around my chest, covering the lower ribs.

Heal skill successful. +1 hp

Oh good! That just leaves me with three hit points though. Not enough to take many hits. I carefully put my leather breastplate back on and against cinched it tight. Wriggling around until it fit right I picked up the shield and makeshift spear. I cut off the horn of this one and put it in my sack. Little turd almost cashed in my chips, so I thought I’d keep a memento.

Moving carefully to the edge of the next clearing, I scanned everything. I was learning I couldn’t take these things for granted. They wouldn’t always hang out and wait for me to kill them. Like, you know, rabbits.

The fuzzy terror was right there in the middle of the small clearing. It was sideways, horn bobbing up and down as it chewed on some grass. I took a deep breath. Two more tails to collect.