Chapter 13

I felt like something was pushed down my throat, a horrible liquid I was forced to swallow more and more! I was like a balloon, getting bigger and bigger until I couldn't bear it anymore.

Please stop! I’m going to explode!

I was nearly ripped apart, I felt like any second now I was going to go “POP!” and I couldn't do anything about it, but each time I really thought I was at my limit and I would die for sure, I just got even bigger like I was being mocked by the horrible thing doing this to me, as if it was saying 'ah don't worry, I can make you even bigger yet!'.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH” I woke up and screamed, and the sound of my voice crashed against the walls of the empty cave, echoing and booming in the distance like only stone could make it sound, but padded by all the spiderwebs covering it.

I blinked a few times, stuck in that moment right after sleep when your body is awake but not your mind, then it all came back to me.

The corpses of the lean spiders I had killed were still there, burned and singed and smashed beyond recognition, but still slowly oozing blood. I hadn't been out for too long.

I went back on my feet slowly, instinctively using my new spider legs to help me. I looked at them and sighed, I felt tired. I didn't even need to turn my head to know that my spinneret was still there, too.

Once standing I put a hand against my belly. The dream, and its pain, had been too vivid, and I couldn't entirely shake it away, some of its feelings were just so strong that they clung to me even right now.

I tried to close my eyes and take a deep breath, but I didn't stop seeing, like, my eyes didn't close. I tried again, and then once more, but I just couldn't!

That's when the last fog of sleep vanished from my mind, and I realized there was more than just my unclosable eyes.

Now that I was really watching and not merely letting my eyes wander, like I often do when I wake up, I saw that I was just... I don't know, I was just seeing too much?

The world was too large around me, and too sharp, too vivid. I could see nuances of colors in the webs and stones I never REMARQUE until now, chaotic patterns in the webs as if each had its own personality, or maybe its own different creator, and they all looked really crude.

What the fuck? I thought, taking my hands to my eyes and trying to feel them.

"W-what?!" I couldn't help but shout all aloud when my fingers covered two hard bumps where I was sure my eyes should have been! I was seeing my fingers from so close, I even winced and took my hands back a bit by reflex before I realized it didn't hurt, b-but sticking your fingers in your eyes should feel bad?

W-what did this fucking sword do to me this time?!

I wasn't even covering my entire vision, but I had my hands on both my eyes!

I slowly moved my hands away from my face and trailed both sides of my head, and I felt the same strange bumps on each side, one, two, three left and three right, and each time I covered another bit of my vision.

I-I need a mirror, something! I quickly punched a hole in the ground and filled it with water, then forcefully made it flat as glass by using my water affinity, and I looked down.

...Oh…

I looked... different. Goodbye dear COLOR eyes, they had been replaced by black spider eyes, eight of them in total, two in place of my normal two eyes, then two more on each side of them and another pair above, forming some kind of triangle on my face.

It didn't look... bad. They didn't bulge like the eyes of the spider I fought, they were more elegant in a way, more refined for sure, but…

I took the water out of the wall and turned it into a large surface in front of me, maintaining it perfectly flat.µ

Eight elegant but monstrous black eyes, four sculpted but sharp spider legs and a sparkling, yet bloated spinneret firmly hanging behind me…

I look like a monster…

I felt tears go to my eyes but nothing came out, all I saw in the mirror was a pitiful girl with eyes that couldn't even cry.

No, Lana, not a monster, more like a Demi-human I said in my head to reassure myself, but…

I didn't dislike demi-monsters, sure, Nate was one and she was super cool, and I had demi-monster friends back home, but that didn't mean I wanted to be one!

I liked my own body, and this one felt foreign, it felt bad, like it missed some things and had too much of some others. I didn't have the words to describe the feeling, but at least I knew it felt bad, and what's more, I didn't even know when it would stop!

First it was a spinneret, then spider legs, and now monstrous eyes?

W-what if I keep changing until there's nothing left of me? I shuddered at the thought, submerged by sorrow and anxiety.

I looked at Terrenacht, still stuck in the ground where I tossed it earlier.

I-I can't keep using it. I was sure that my sword was the reason I was so deformed, and I couldn't go on like that, I couldn't bear the idea of having another part of me stolen and deformed to look like a monster.

I took a step back, away from it.

I didn't know what to do. Terrenacht was the only weapon I could wield, without it I was left with magic and my fist, but the fights were already hard enough with it, how could I hope to survive if I couldn't use it?

I took a step forward. I needed Terrenacht to fight.

I took a step back. But if I kept going, I would lose myself.

Step forward. But I'm a swordswoman!

Step backward. But I would not be myself anymore if I used it again.

I looked at it and swung my head, bit my lips.

I had to take it to survive, but I just couldn't resolve myself to do it. I wanted to close my eyes and cry, but then I tried and remembered that I couldn't even do it anymore, too, and that was the last straw.

I turned my back to Terrenacht and started walking, leaving it behind. I would have to find another way to survive, but sacrificing parts of myself was just another way to die, so I walked away and didn't look back. I had to find the exit from this hellish place.

***

My vision was a lot sharper now, and I used it to its fullest as I walked, because I needed a distraction from the horrible feeling of foreboding that was wrenching my guts since I left Terrenacht behind, a mishmash of fears, anxiety and questions that turned in my head like a grinding stone.

Would I be able to do it without a weapon? Was I even right about Terrenacht being the one that disfigured me like that? How would I fight now that I left it behind? What would Nate think about my decision?

STOP! I thought loudly, Stop it, Lana, get a grip! I admonished myself. Get a grip of you’ll get yourself killed! I tried to cover my eyes and took a deep breath. It didn’t help as much as when I could close my eyes for real, I didn’t have the ability to cut myself from the world anymore, but it still helped a bit.

I hate those eyes. I thought, trying to find a way to cover them properly. I abandoned soon, my hands weren’t large enough. Maybe with some clothes I could cover them properly, but I wasn’t even sure, with how sharp my vision was now.

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Heck, I was nearly able to see through my hands just now! Well, maybe not that well, but it was still enough to bother me when I tried to find an alternative to closing my eyes.

Just keep going and find the exit and stop thinking about all of that. I took one last breath then went back to walking, this time without pestering questions revolving in my mind.

…

…

That place was just big and empty, grey stone and white spiderwe-

Uh? Suddenly I stopped as my eyes spotted something… different on the ceiling, like a warping in the webs.

It was subtle and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have caught it if my gaze didn’t fall right on it as I looked around, my gaze wandering everywhere.

It was like… the webs were there, and there was stone behind them, but they were weaved in a way that seemed to make your look flow away from something at its center, but I could go against the flow

Finally something interesting!

So I went against that flow, it was quite hard but no hell I would quit snooping around something interesting, that was the perfect thing to do for me right now!

Swim swim swim against the visual flow of the web, straining my eyes until they were painful, and then…

Is that a hole to another tunnel? I thought when my gaze finally punched through the camouflage.

I tilted my head a little and tried to squint, but with bulging eyes it was a challenge, so in the end I just studied it a little more, until my hands and my head were itchy to find more.

Stretching a little bit -force of habit- I started climbing and sighed when my other legs started helping me along. Yes, I know, I had to get used to that for the time being but... well, it still felt strange, alien. I mean, I was literally not doing anything consciously, they just started moving on their own to anchor me to the web! And holy shit it was bizarre, I felt ants crawl along my spine just thinking about it.

I sighed again.

Well. At least I was faster than before, right? I had to climb at least fifty meters of sheer wall and, I mean, I wouldn't have broken a sweat even before my... transformation, let's say, but with my new legs I reached my goal in under a minute! It was like... as if I was floating on the spiderwebs, I guess?

That didn't feel so bad…

Also that was so much better than my spinneret! That useless thing was big, heavy and put me off-balance, and it could only produce weak threads, so at least this time around the changes were useful?

What? I was just trying to be positive okay?! It was that or losing it.

Reaching the entrance was hard in another way, though. Not physically, because my spider legs were just that good, even if I disliked them, but because the hole was hidden much like the sneaky spider I fought earlier. Even after piercing its camouflage, it kept flowing and changing in a way that tried to... deflect my gaze? It felt very much like a shield making another blade slip on it, but the shield was the entrance and the blade was my gaze?

Kael is better at this metaphor shit.

But even though it was hard not to lose it I still got there piece of cake! There are a lot of things you can achieve when you're fast and bored, and my parents disliked most of them.

Finally there, I took a peak inside and was awestruck, I couldn't tear my eyes away from the light show going on in there, it was so cool!

At first glance the inside of this new tunnel was just a tightly-packed tapestry of soft grey-white threads, sturdier-looking and smoother than any I had encountered until now, but nothing that cool, until the wave hit it.

And by wave, I meant a wave of rainbow light that seemed to flow along every visible thread, like veins filling with blood and life. It went through every few seconds or so, like the slow, massive heartbeat of some gigantic beast, and I felt my own pulse answer to it, my own heartbeat made faster from the excitation and my spider legs getting ready to ride it. Any second now I could have been pulled along, if only I choose to, but right now I didn't want to and the tunnel didn't force me.

What a strange feeling, gods, it was like climbing on that wall just now! I mean, I could feel my body do things and get ready for things without me even knowing what was happening. Maybe a fish would feel like that if it suddenly sprouted legs and those legs were getting ready to walk by themselves?

Hypnotized by the beautiful colors riding the web, but still warry, I slowly reached to a thread, running some mana to open my gauntlet so I could touch it with my bare skin. It was as soft as it looked, and warm to the touch. It was brimming with energy, ready to get on the move and eager to take me along... a bit like a happy dog pulling its slow master along for a walk, I guess?

I don't know why but I could feel that this tunnel was a bit like a road for the spiders, a fast way to move around or something? The feeling wasn't clear but the idea of travel, of journey and motion filled the mana around me so densely that I could barely feel the abundant air element mixed with it, like an ever-flowing breeze.

Those feelings drew my attention towards the mana of this place and, closing my eyes to-

Ah. No.

No, of course not. I wanted to close my eyes to focus on the flow of mana but I could no longer do that, could I?

I sighed and sat on the edge of the tunnel, cross-legged. Maybe I couldn't close my eyes, but I could at least do my breathing exercises, and that would be it for the time being.

It took me a long time to get in the right state of mind, distracted by details my eyes would catch and annoyed by the ever-present feeling of restlessness that never left me since I picked up Terrenacht, but I persevered because the mana around here felt really special, not pure like mine or Kael, but mixed, old and complex like Nathaelle, and that intrigued me enough to keep my boundless energy in check.

Exhaling one last time, I left my mind explore my surroundings. The air was full of mana, yes, but the threads themselves held even more of it, every last one of them, and I was surprised by the sheer amount of mana that was simply flowing around.

I mean, it wasn't that impressive compared to what Kael, or worse, what Nate could wield, but it was still a huge amount, in particular compared to me or, now that I thought about it, most people I knew before... before being enslaved.

I had been around Kael and Nate so much that I nearly forgot what a normal amount of mana was... a-and I guess I was also maybe a bit of a freak, too? I-I mean, I had less mana than them, sure, but I wasn't crushed by the tunnel nor the ambient mana, and I'm pretty sure that this made me just as abnormal as those two?

Honestly it was really hard to get an idea about that, it felt like an eternity since I felt what Mom and Dad's mana was, and now we only had Nate as a comparison, which wasn't helpful at all.

I smiled and chuckled a bit. I wonder what the others would think about us right now I thought, remembering some fond memories about our friends from the village, happiness turning sour as I remembered how we were captured and enslaved, separated from each other as time went on..

Maybe we'll get to see them again…

Sighing, I cast away that thought and went back to the present moment. The memory trip, as melancholic as it was, had still somewhat pumped me up, and now I was smiling as I looked at the tunnel.

What to do... On one hand, this tunnel looked like some kind of fast way to go around. With it, I could probably find my way out faster than by simply walking around.

On another hand, I didn't really know where it would take me, and it really felt like a one-way kind of thing, a bit like a mountain torrent, so no coming back here easily once I used it…

Oh, fuck this. Clicking my tongue, I crept inside of the multicolor tube, helped along by my spider legs; Worrying was useless and doing nothing was even worse, and so far nothing around here had been able to damage me faster than I healed, so who cares?

***

The inside of the tunnel felt quite cozy around me, maybe a bit like home? It was a strange way to feel inside a tunnel full of rainbow spiderwebs, but I guess that was because of all the spider parts that grew out of me?

Anyway.

I shook off the feeling and got ready for the next wave of light, my spider legs carefully pinching threads around me while I slightly bent forward, as if I was getting ready to jump, and then I waited for the rainbow pulse to hit me. I was slightly excited for some reason, like, I could feel that this was going to be fun!

But before the next wave of light hit me the whole tunnel slightly dimmed, and my heart started racing from a bad feeling that swelled inside my mind! Something was wrong, I could feel it in my guts!

So you even found the Webways? Aren't you impressive for a Spiderling... A voice suddenly resounded in my head and I felt dizzy, as if the world was shaking with every word she said.

I think it's time for you to stop roaming around, little spiderling. You've killed enough of your siblings already, they should be left to fight each other without having a terror like you around, otherwise no good pawn will come out of this batch... hum, not that it would be a tragedy, I've already got you after all... I could literally see the threads vibrating around me alongside the voice's tone, but I wasn't really paying that much attention to her.

Why? Because I was trying to get the fuck out of here, is why! But the bloody hole I went through was now tightly closed! I panicked and fire bloomed around me before I hurriedly focused it on the door of webs, trying to go through.

Fleeing are we? I guess it's no surprise with how intelligent and perceptive you seem to be, after all you must feel that I'm your Queen.

Burn! Burn, for fuck's sake! Why weren't the webs burning?!

That fire of yours, it's a fancy trick, it really impressed my scouts, those that looked at your fight from afar and weren't burned to a crisp by you anyway... I'm curious, where may have you picked that up? I certainly don't have that ability... maybe you ate a Fire Ant or something? I've never heard of that, but you are a mutant after all... Well, we'll see to that later, now, come to me!

Suddenly I felt like something pulled me forward. The whole tunnel lit like a sunset sky as colors seemed to flood my whole vision, blinding me, and I felt a rush of wind crash against my face as I was pulled forward so fast that I didn't even hear myself scream, and I was pretty sure I was screaming with how sore my throat was!

Shit! I had fucked up so hard this time!