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Into Nothing
42 // Tired

42 // Tired

Aleister sneezed and almost dropped the box multiple times as he transferred it to his room.

He rubbed his nose after letting out another sneeze. He grabbed a towel and wiped the dust off into the trash. Clearing it revealed that it was crafted out of a dark wood with the slightest tint of green.

“The wood of a willow tree,” Syn said.

“Oh, is that rare?” Aleister asked.

“Rare, no. Uncommon, yes,” Syn said. “It’s only a fraction less expensive than oak, even though it is several times harder to obtain as willow trees tend to grow near swamps and because of its toughness and shape, harder to cut down. They don’t have the most pleasant color though, which is the reasoning behind its cost.”

“Good to know, probably,” Aleister said with a shrug. “I don’t know if you were trying to make a point.”

“It was just an observation and what you do with information I told you is dependent entirely on you,” she said.

Aleister accepted her answer and undid the hatch. The box opened and revealed a variety of equipment, including a cauldron, a mortal and pestle, multiple glass beakers and vials, multiple pouches of minerals and a flask that contained some sort of viscous and shiny ashen liquid. “Not bad, not bad at all.”

Syn agreed. “Fairly standard range of tools, all of which are of a good quality at the very least.”

“Do you know what’s in here?” he asked, picking up the flask

Syn grabbed the flask out of his hand and brought it close to her face. “Looks like quicksilver.”

“Is that more or less rare than platinum?”

“I would put them on the same level as they have their own specific uses,” she explained. “Platinum, as you know it is used as a precious currency and for creating ornaments, decorative items, jewelry, and other similar items as it isn’t strong enough to be used for weapons or armor. Of course, there are ways to counteract that, but I won’t get into that for now.”

“They would primarily use quicksilver for weapons and armor, I assume.”

“And alchemy,” Syn said. “After all, there is a reason you uncovered it in this box.”

Aleister put the quicksilver flask back and brought out the packs of herbs. The basic cleaning and preparation process included using cold water to rinse and wash all the dirt and other compounds that were built up on them, but some required different or special methods of cleaning them such as using dousing them in alchemical solutions or using a brush to scrub the residue off.

He started by organizing the packs of herbs that were already identified. As he sorted them out, he took several notes of each unique identifying factor such as the color, the curvature, the ridges and indentations, stalk length, leaf shape and patterns, and everything in between.

Night soon came. And thus, he had to cease his operations for the day. Aleister stared at absolute chaos in his room with an awkward smile. “This is going to take much longer than I expected.”

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“It will take even longer than whatever your new expectations are right now too,” Syn said.

“Well, I’d rather do this than run.”

“Doesn’t matter what you would rather do, you have to do both.”

“I know, I know,” Aleister said. “I actually thought of this a while ago, but before I met you I was actually thinking about joining the Lillium Army. However, becoming a Weaver that way doesn’t make any sense in hindsight.”

“Oh, the joys of hindsight,” Syn said in a melancholic tone. “I’m not surprised that you thought about joining the army. It wouldn’t have been the worst idea since you do receive a number of benefits, but it would have provided no help in you becoming a Weaver.”

Aleister tossed and turned in bed. He eventually tightened his fists over the pillow covering his face.

“Are you trying to suffocate yourself to sleep?”

“You’re still here?”

“When am I not here?”

“Don’t even get me started.”

Syn let out a light laugh. “You never answered my question.”

“Yes, I am,” he said in a dry voice.

“Why?”

“What other reason could there be? I just want to fall asleep.”

“And, why can’t you fall asleep?”

“If I knew that, we wouldn’t be talking right now.”

“Obviously not true,” Syn said. “Just because you know something, doesn’t mean you’re able to act on that information.”

“Fine, let me rephrase my answer. I don’t know why I can’t fall asleep.”

“Are you tired,” Syn asked.

“Tired is an understatement,” Aleister said, letting out a sigh. “My eyes sting and the bags under them feel like the weight of the sun. My arms and legs throb with a dull pain. Even my head hurts from thinking too much.”

“And what are you thinking about?”

In a raised voice he said, “I don’t know, how about everything?”

“See, you do know why you aren’t able to fall asleep,” Syn said, still maintaining her calm and neutral tone.

“Great, I know I can’t fall asleep because I keep on feeling like I’m wasting precious time I could be using to do other stuff instead.”

“Being well rested is one of the more important aspects you should focus on and is not a waste of time.”

“I know, but I can’t stop myself from thinking otherwise.”

“Then why do you think that it's a waste of time?”

“Because the results aren’t immediate,” Aleister said. “After a run, I can feel the beating of my heart. When I put a book down after studying, I can remember bits and pieces of what I read. When I sleep, I lose consciousness, and when I wake up the next day, its just that, a new day. It feels like I’m skipping time. Because the results are compounded and are seen throughout the day in unseen ways.”

“A good answer, but not to the question I asked,” Syn said. “Why is it that non-instant results feel like a waste of time to you?”

Aleister groaned. “All of these questions aren’t helping me fall asleep any faster.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, and your understanding of everything I do is also wrong. The benefits of me asking you these questions aren’t immediate, but I can’t help you without asking you these questions, can I?”

“Every moment that passes by that I’m not a Weaver,” Aleister said after a few moments of silence, “Makes me feel even more like a failure. I already failed at becoming a Weaver as a child, I failed at becoming a Weaver when I used such and expensive resource such as the white onyx crystal, and I can’t help but think what will happen if I fail at becoming a Weaver this way too?”

Syn shook her head. “Do you not remember what I told you when I first met you? Everyone fails. Including me. You have to fail in order to succeed. “

“Feels like I’ve failed more than others.”

“I feel like a broken clock,” she said. “It only becomes a negative if you don’t learn from them. Don’t think about what went wrong, think about what you can do ”

Aleister forced a smile. “This is the part where you tell me how I’m supposed to fall asleep.”

“Alright, this is actually what I remembered that I wanted to tell you,” Syn said, not feeling then need to continue asking more questions. “Remember when you counted your breathes to mediate? Just do that, but channel your fey bloodline.”

“Oh yeah, just channel my fey bloodline,” Aleister mocked. “How exactly am I supposed to do that?”

“It isn’t something I can explain, you just need to feel it.”

He didn’t know what he was supposed to feel, but he sure did try.