Today is another good day. The sky is without a cloud in sight and the sunlight warmly shines down upon this vast land called The Ciallmhar Forest, making the greenery brim with vigor. Looking at the clear blue horizon that spreads as far as your eyes can see, a man would instinctively nod at the notion that if he were to die any day, today would be a good one.
Whether it was a joke or not, that tragedy befell a certain man.
Inside a cave located deep in the forest, on top of the rocky ground next to the river which flows into the cave, there lay a single corpse.
My corpse.
No… even if there's no strength, my body is clearly alive.
But my heart is already dead.
I might have come off as heartless, but I've always been a compassionate person. After all, I treasure my family before anything else.
My family, my son.
We've been through thick and thin together, in health or sickness. I wanted to make you into a fine adult myself, why is it that you passed away before that even happened? Even though I still haven't been able to repay you for all the joy you've brought me just by being by my side.
........... (-sob-)
I no longer have any will to continue living...
.
.
.
.
-gurugurguru-
And so, while I was mourning for my son, an inelegant sound breaks the silence.
I guess whether I've given up on life or not, my stomach will rings when it's hungry…
Really… even though I'm filled with this much sorrow, my belly still can't read the mood at all. A human's body is as honest as ever. Un....? Rather, I'm not really human anymore am I?
Why is this happening? Even though the head turned into a monster's, the body is human-like?
Much less a female one… Is it because the insect was a female?
Then I guess it's understandable but…
Sad things are sad.
Ah…
Now that i say it, while the body does look human from the outside, the inside does not feel human at all. It seems like compared to the time when I was human, my monster self has a much better understanding of its own flesh. Each throbbing muscle, every vein that my blood flows through, I can sense the inhuman structure of my muscles, bones, and the strange arrangements of my organs. Even this human-like skin, while it is soft, it's very resilient, it feels like it won't bleed even if I got cut by a sword....
-gururururu-
My stomach rang again.
Really, this guy here can't read the mood at all.
To my right, there's the leftover pile of carnage that was once part of the monster's body.
When my body was rebuilding itself, a big part of the monster's massive body fell off and left me with this human-sized body.
Maybe I could try and eat that?
It's not going to be a delicacy, but beggars can't be choosers. Strangely enough I actually don't even feel too repulsed when thinking about eating that monster corpse. If it was the me before, I'd probably hesitate a lot more, is this an influence from the monster's psyche?
Let's give it a try.
I reach my hand out, grab a fist sized piece with rubbery texture and put it in my mouth.
-mogu mogu-
"Blergh"
Nope, Impossible.
Can't eat this.
Putting aside the terrible taste that's like eating dirty cloth, there's a worse issue here. Even though it was definitely meat once, there's no longer any nutrient inside. Did I absorb all the elements inside before it fell off to supply the energy needed to rebuild my body? This is now just a dried up piece of wood, I can't even call it meat anymore. It was depleted of everything and what was left are just inedible tissues…
I tried the other parts but every single one of them were the same.
The shells might have some calcium to it? They are too hard for me to chew through though.
I have no motivation to live on.
But if I were to die then I'd like to die in a way other than starvation.
So hungry.
Isn't there a hamburger tree somewhere?
_____________________________________________________________________________________
From then on it has already been 5 days.
I still haven't been able to secure any food.
After all, my body doesn't even have the strength to move outside of this cave. The only reason why I could tell how many days it has been is because the cave entrance is right around the corner and I could see sunlight seeping inside.
Luckily there's a source of water right next to me, but there are no fishes to be found.
Even if there is, I wouldn't be able to catch them.
My body has no strength.
Even If I drink water, it's not as if water can provide my body with energy.
The best I can do right now is slowly crawl on the ground, with this, I don't think I can even catch a mouse if one happens to run by, not to mention monsters.
If a monster finds me here, I'm as good as dead.
I've thought of catching bugs or small lizard that passes by but there were none of those as well.
Uuuuu...
So hungry.
Actually even though I've only been drinking water for days now, it's strange that I'm still alive. I've heard that human can only go on without anything to eat for 20 days. Considering that my body had no energy reserves after the transformation, I was already in a starved state to begin with. It wouldn't be strange if I were to pass on to the next world any moment now. Yet, my body shows no intention of giving out still. As expected the body of a monster is resilient after all?
___________________________________________________________________________________
2 more days passed.
Even though my body looks like it can still hang on for a while longer, my mentality isn't so sturdy. I might just crunch on these rocks beside me in desperation.
Is this how my life is going to end?
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
On the next day's morning, a change happened.
With the arrival of the sunlight, the sound of footsteps resound from beyond the caves entrance.
It did not sound like human feet at all. There seemed to be only one individual, but the sounds that entered my ear were from at least 4 to 6 legs hitting the ground. Ahh wait…I have no ears. But I could pick up precisely the vibrations that carry through the air. It seems like the tiny hairs on my body are acting as a sound sensor, and the vibrations they pick up are transmitted to the hearing membranes under my skin. I wonder if it’s similar to the membrane under the abdomen of grasshoppers and cicadas which they use to sense sound.
I’m reminded once again I’m no longer human.
Not that it matters anymore… my life will be finished once that monster finds me. If you were going to kill me then I'd like you to do it a bit earlier, what were my days of sufferings for?
What appeared before me eventually, was a gigantic ant. It's at least 1 meter long, even though the outward appearance is no different from Earth's ant.
It stops before me, tilts its head to one side and stares at me curiously.
To see that gesture as kind of cute…
Has the hunger driven me mad?
Still, the instinct of the monster inside me isn't sounding any danger alarm.
We stared at each other for a couple minutes then the giant ant turned around and left without any further action.
Huh? eh?
Wait, don't leave!
If you were not going to kill me, then at least leave one of your legs here!
If you spare someone just to let him die soon after, you might as well finish him off.
Half-assed charity is just another form of evil you know!
Ahhh...
It's gone…
.
.
.
Betraying my expectations, however.
The ant comes back when it's past noon, carrying something between its jaws.
A red ball, dripping with thick crimson juices…
Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
My eyes are glued to that particular object.
If only I could see my face right now, I must be making a very scary expression. I don't know if a monster's face can make an expression or not though.
But that thing, there's no doubt about it.
It's meat.
Fresh, red meat.
The giant ant drops the ball of meat in front of me.
Is this for me?
Is this okay if I eat this? It's okay if I eat this right?
I'm going eat this for real you know?
Even if you want to take it back I won't let you!
My mouth was already gnawing on the piece of meat before I realized it.
Ahhh… bliss…
This manner of eating. Not even thanking my benefactor before the meal surely isn't suited for a gentleman, but this is no time to worry about that.
Delicious.
Even though this meat was not cooked or processed in anyway, it was amazingly tasty.
This isn't something like "Anything would taste good when you're hungry"
I'm sure that this would be delicious even if I was not starving.
The meat is soft and juicy. With every bite, red blood flows out and fills my mouth with sweetness. The fat is tickling my tongue, mixing with the meat and making the taste even deeper. The aroma of fresh blood is filling my nose with ecstasy.
It's a whole world of new flavors.
Surely this deliciousness is something that my former self as a human wouldn't be able to comprehend.
Ahh…
I get it.
I really get it.
I know too well what's the real identity of this meat.
But I'm not too bothered by it.
If I'm hungry, then I'll eat.
It's not because I'm a monster, though I don't deny being one changed my perspective a little bit.
Even if I was a human, I would not deny this meat.
Now that I think of it, there was that kind of story even back in my world.
“On 13 October 1972, an Uruguayan plane crashed on to the Andes, longest continental mountain range in the world. More than a quarter died in the crash, followed by many deaths due to injury, cold and avalanche. The last 16 survivors were rescued 2 months later and this incident is famously known as the “Andes flight disaster”. The reason is as expected, with the minimal food supplies it was impossible for them to survive until they’re rescued, result in the surviving passengers lived on the flesh of the deceased that were preserved by the snow. There was a lot of controversy surrounding this incident since all the passengers were Roman Catholic. And many refused to eat human flesh at first due to their religious convictions”
Human have a strong will to live after all. While we’re all immersed in modern society’s ethics and values since we were born, if you’re lost in the wilderness with nothing but your hunger and the prey in front. There isn’t a big enough room in our heart to fit in vain ideals.
“That said, there were cultures that willingly practice cannibalism as well. One would be the Aztec people that lived during the 14th -16th century. Studies indicate that they ate human because of their eating habits as well as religious practice. Considering the food situation in their society at that time, human flesh was a precious source of protein.”
It makes me wonder if their religious practice of human sacrifice and cannibalism also were simply a byproduct of the circumstances, a way to justify their method of survival?
After all, people will believe in whatever is most convenient for them.
As for me, I’m someone who put myself as the priority. Ethics? Morals? I guess it’d be nice if they’re upheld. But they aren’t worth anything when compared to my life.
It’s not as if I’m trying to make excuses…
Or maybe I am.
When all is said and done, my mind is still that of a human, I don’t think it’s possible to eat this meat without a shred of guilt.
The proof is that while my stomach is feeling very happy, I can’t stop the shaking of my shoulders, or the feeling of something gripping my chest tight.
I won’t say what I’m doing is just.
I won’t say that it’s forgivable just because of the circumstances.
But if doing this is evil, then I am fine with being evil.
That’s right.
My own morality that I follow is simple:
Delicious things are delicious.
__________________________________________________________________________________
It's been many days since I finally crossed the line.
The giant ant comes to my place once every few days, bringing me similar balls of meat.
The little hesitation from the first couple of meals is no longer to be found. It’s not as if I’ve discarded the part of me that was human. I just came to accept the part of me that’s a monster.
I wonder how would I describe myself right now? A human that regards other human as food? Or a monster that thinks like a human?...
Disrupting my chain of thought, the usual ant shows itself in front of me again, holding a meat ball in its jaws. It has been over a month since I was stuck in this cave, and this marks the 9th time the ant has delivered meat to me. I don’t know why it has taken a liking to me, but I’m thankful.
There's nothing I can do to pay it back though.
For the time being, I pat and gently rubs it's head and chin.
Trembling slightly, it shakes it's head and rubs on my palm in response, letting out a satisfied " kiiriii ~~" sound.
Damn it! This cute fellow!
I never thought that I would find a giant ant cute, but I've grown very attached to this guy.
Rather than an ant, aren't you more like a dog?
Anyway, thanks to my new friend, I was saved.
But my situation didn't improve too much.
Hunting seems to be hard work, it only brings me food once every few days. It's enough for me to move around the cave, but I'm in no position to fight yet.
Since I have free time, I've been thinking about what to do.
I'm slowly recovering thanks to the meat, If I don't needlessly waste my energy, I would be able to help Ari-chan hunt in about 1 week or 2.
Right, I went ahead and named it Ari. I don’t really know if that’s even naming, since “Ari” just means “Ant” in Japanese…
Leaving my terrible naming sense aside, once my strength fully recovers and we're able to secure a good amount of meat, it will be time to think about my next steps.
First of all, about my classmates…
To be honest, I never really wanted to mingle in with those guys too much. They're responsible for their own fate. For the time being, I have no intention to look for them.
I could just live my life quietly, simply securing enough food and water to pass the days. It doesn't sound like a bad proposal. I would like to refrain myself from troublesome things so a lazy lifestyle suits me just fine. In fact, just living lazily is a kind of bliss in itself.
However, since I'm actually in a different world, I would like to at least go and see the world at least once. Unknown land, unknown creatures, unknown cultures, not to mention a fantasy land much like ones that only appear in stories. I've thought of finding ways to return but it would be such a waste if I don't at least see what this world has to offer. So that comes first.
After facing death so many times and suffered in many ways in such a short while. I've decided it, I'm not going to surrender to this unfair world. The more this world tries to put me down, the more I want to retaliate back. I'm going to live defiantly and brilliantly, for no one but my own sake!
So with that, I've drawn up my first priorities in this world:
- Learn the language.
- Go on a sightseeing trip.
- Revive my son.
With the most important priority being the recovery of my son of course.
This is a fantasy world, so I'm sure there's a way to do that somewhere.
.... there is, right?
O…Oohhh! I'm getting fired up!