I woke the next morning knowing I'd crossed a line. The problem was, I didn't know whether to be happy or sad about it.

See, Gibb was a bad guy. But what I'd done was brutality for brutality's sake. I'd gotten my kicks out of it. It didn't feel great to know that I was capable of such violence. I'd done stuff back on Gerondia, sure. Used Keepers' resources on chasing Lisia's old contacts, and threatened them, but I'd never followed through. Not like last night.

I know Nadir said he would cover for me, but the last dregs of the good guy in me was sure I was about to get caught. And maybe I should be caught.

Or maybe I should just work a bit harder until everything was resolved neatly and tidily. Since it was all connected, maybe reviewing some of my earliest notes from when I arrived on the station would help.

I got out of bed. Xen was in the office, applying the last of the synthaskin that had arrived last night on Xen's left leg. "Good morning Marys. Though the morning is almost over..."

"Long hard night last night." I grabbed my digipad and sat at my desk, scanning through it back to my first entry on arriving here.

My first notes were about Xen. I nearly scrolled past them, except... hang on, Korr was allied with the Wilt, so there was a slim chance that something to do with Xen would be important.

Xen, Vindemia Cafe, gynoid. Owned by another until freed by Synthetic Collective one year ago

One year ago? That wasn't possible. There were pictures of Xen on this station two decades ago. Xen had even talked about Mona from back at that time without it striking a discordant note that Xen was changing up the timeline on me. So why had Xen lied in the first place?

I stared at Xen, watching Xen put the last strips of sythaskin on, sitting on the floor with Xen's left foot pulled inwards, the other leg stretched out. Xen did not feel my eyes on Xen.

I opened my mouth to ask why Xen had lied, when the doorbell rang.

Then a fist started pounding on the door. My questions for Xen would have to wait.

Xen looked up at me, getting to Xen's feet and picking up the empty synthaskin box. "I'll hide."

"Thanks." It could be Constable Frod, about to interrogate me regarding my exit from the ball with Gibb last night. I was still in the loose shirt and sweatpants I'd slept in last night, but I didn't care. He was basically my best friend now, our station Constable. Goodness knows I saw enough of him these days. I wasn’t the kind of person who needed to dress up fancy when a friend was visiting.

When Xen was through to the other room, I opened the door. Teg Korr barreled into me.

"Where is Xen?"

"Get out of my office!" I shrieked.

Korr grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, pushing me well away from the door so it shut automatically. "I know you've got Xen. I'm tired of waiting for you to slip up and reveal Xen, so I'm taking matters into my own hands. You could say I'm inspired by what I heard you did. You know, beating up that old man? I figure you can take a few hits, since you're so good at dealing them."

"Xen is not here, and even if Xen was, I would never hand Xen over to you," I shouted, perhaps a little too theatrically. You see, I didn't want Xen coming out, sacrificing Xen's self to save me a beating.

I kinda wanted the beating.

His fist hit my cheek and I kissed the floor hard. The pain was awful, but it numbed me against the recriminations in my head, which is the part I wanted. He picked me up by my shirt again, stood me up, and socked me in the gut. I smacked against the desk, and slid to the floor. Even without my mods turned on, my head rang and I couldn't see for the haze in my eyes.

"Stand up!" he yelled. "Give me a decent fight!"

"Make me," I muttered, spitting blood at his feet, or the vague direction of. I couldn't really see him anymore.

The next move was dirty. He pulled me up by my hair and yanked my head back. His breath was hot on my face. "Where is Xen?"

"Safe from you."

He struck me across the face. I swung in his hand, my scalp burning with the pull of his hand in my hair. "Where is Xen?" he repeated, his words distorted through his gritted teeth.

"You'll never see Xen again."

The air duct cover fell to the floor in the other room, clanging as it did. He heard it, turned, and dropped me.

"No!" I yelled out, and he kicked me in the gut.

The office door opened and like a black snake, Nadir moved with lightning-speed to intercept him. He restrained Teg, wrapping his limbs sinuously around the man. For all that the Terran struggled, he could not escape the manservant's rubbery grip.

"I came as soon as I could," Nadir said, no strain at all in his voice. "Frod is on the way to apprehend this man."

"Thanks, Nadir," I said wetly from the floor, my mouth still dripping blood. "How is it you're always in the right place at the right time?"

"We have our ways. But I promise you, we are discreet."

"Good...?" I said, then Frod entered the room.

You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

"Right. Marys, we're getting you to the free hospital. Korr, you're going away for a very long time."

"She is hiding Xen!" Korr roared.

"Xen is dead," Frod said deadpan, even I was sure that he knew that wasn't strictly true. Nadir definitely knew it wasn't. "Nadir, escort him to stat sec. Marys, you're with me."

"Thanks, Frod, but I'll pass."

He crouched down beside me, concern in his scrunched-up features. "You're sure?"

"Yeah. Just take him away, and let me lick my wounds in peace."

Frod gave me one last regretful look, then escorted Nadir and their prisoner out of my office. As soon as the door was shut, Xen was by my side, helping me up.

"I should have come out -"

"No. I'm glad you didn't. That's what I was trying to communicate to you. I wanted you to stay hidden. He might beat me, but you... he'll straight up kill you."

"I'm not worth this, Marys."

I said nothing to that, but let Xen support me through to the bathroom. Xen grabbed me a cup, made me wash out my mouth, then grabbed a cloth and started cleaning up any blood Xen could see.

Xen's new skin felt so good against mine. Again, I wished I didn't know what Korr was accusing Xen of. Because without that knowledge, I would absolutely accept a bit of that sort of sympathy right now if it were on offer.

Maybe it was time to ask Xen about Korr's accusations. Or about the one year or twenty-five years lie.

But first, Xen had something to say. "Marys, what's gone wrong between us? I have to admit, I've been holding myself back from you out of uncertainty. But I feel like you've gone cold on me. First after we slept together, and then even more so after I came back from Gerondia... are you mad at me for not staying on Gerondia? Did you want to get rid of me?"

"It didn't feel right," I started, unable to meet Xen's eyes. "You're my client. And the job's not completely done yet. When we slept together, I thought it was in celebration of a completed job. But I'm still doing a job for you, technically, by hiding you. I didn't think it fair to put my feelings on you while you're trapped in here with me. You might think it was like you owed me or something, which I didn't want you to feel..."

"Well, you failed to take my feelings into account," Xen murmured, then pressed me up against the wall by the arms, planting a deep kiss on me that I was so hungry for...

... and definitely not ready for, in any way, shape or form. My mouth still tasted of blood, my body ached everywhere that Korr had hurt me, and there was too much which had me confused and on the borderline of disgust.

"Wait, wait, Xen, stop." Xen's face pulled away, with a curious tilt of the head. "There's something else you don't know yet. Either you lied to me, or something's gone wrong somehow. You told me when we first met, that you'd been freed by the Synthetic Collective a year ago."

"Right. Yes, that's true."

"But you've been on the station for over two decades."

"Yes."

"How is that also true?"

Xen paused for a moment, expression blank. Then Xen pulled all the way away from me, relinquishing my arms, as Xen calculated silently with a growing expression of concern. "M... Marys... I don't understand. My memories are saying that both statements are true."

"How can that be, though?"

"Clearly they can't be. And now that I examine my memory more closely, there's a lot missing."

"Well, you did erase Beatrice from your memory. That's probably why. Xen..." The moment was here. I had to ask Xen about the accusation. Xen would have to retrieve Xen's memories, to prove Korr wrong. "Xen, there's something else. Something I should have asked you about as soon as I learned it, but I'm too scared of it being true. Because I like you... a lot. I don't want it to be true. But I need to know."

Xen shook Xen's head. "What is it? Please, just ask. I like you too, Marys. I don't want to feel this distance from you anymore."

I let out the breath I was holding. "Korr claims you kidnapped and groomed his daughter Beatrice. That you were her nanny, and you ran here, and poisoned her against him for twenty years, so that it wasn't until her will executor sent her dying words to her father that he ever learnt where she was or what had happened to her. Xen, did you do that?"

"Marys, I..." Xen was quietly horrified, mouth agape, body curved in on itself as if recoiling from a blow. "I can't tell you for certain what happened, because those are the memories I blocked. But I can tell you this... I would never manipulate a young person in my care into a relationship. Never."

"Can't you just open up those memories again and confirm that?"

Xen stepped away from me. "No, Marys. I trust my past self. Xen of the past decided I needed to live without those memories, for whatever reason. And so I will."

"But you could turn them on, tell them to me, and then shelve them again."

"And thus engrain in me the feeling, making it a part of my neural patterns again, perhaps permanently. No, Marys. I won't do it. Either you have to believe me, when I say I never would, or just... just cast me out of here and let Korr's brand of justice end me for a crime I swear I would never commit." The passion in Xen's voice was so believable. I so wanted to believe.

I shook my head, and moved closer, but stopped shy of actually touching Xen's arm. "I'm not going to do that. Just... can you tell me what parts you do remember? So that I have a little bit of context? It might make it easier for me to understand. Come on." I beckoned Xen out in the backroom, and sat on my bed, up by the pillows. I patted the far end for Xen to sit on.

Xen sat, perched high as if ready to take flight at a moment's notice. "Korr purchased me fresh from the showroom of my manufacturers on Terra. He wanted me for... yes, for childcare. I remember that, even if I've erased the child in question. But then, what I remember gets very patchy. Everything with the child is gone. But I remember he would let his men in his gang use my body. He never did personally, but he let them, as... a punishment? I don't know what I did to deserve it. There must be something locked up in my memories about that.

"And then I remember that I left. I must have taken Beatrice with me, because you have that picture. I don't know, but maybe she was happier here, away from her father. I certainly was. Maybe you could ask Constable Frod about her, or anyone who was around back then. Maybe Nadir remembers her, although he only showed up around ten years ago, if I remember rightly. It's hard to know. Now you've pointed it out to me, I can tell that there are more holes in my memory than there are memories. Why did I do this to myself?" Xen glanced over at me apologetically. "Still, my memories around the last two decades are happy. And not in a way of keeping secrets, but in an honest and open way. I wish I had more answers for you. But that's all I have. I'm asking you to trust me on the rest."

Xen extended a hand across the bed.

I folded my arms. It wasn't enough. My face stung, my belly ached, and I was pissed off at not knowing, when the answer was right there in Xen's head. "Well, isn't that just peachy? Mighty convenient, that you sought me out the day I arrived on the station, to protect you from big scary Korr. But I work on facts, Xen. I thought a synthetic like you would appreciate that. Instead, you expect me to protect you based on your word alone, when your word is inherently contradicted by your own confusion around your timeline. Well, I don't know anymore. I just bet you tell your little sob story to all your lovers."

Before my very eyes, Xen's smile vanished, and Xen's whole face closed off from me, eyes down, lips pursed.

It was then that I really felt I was the bad guy after all. Forget beating Gibb up. Xen was nothing but sunshine and hope. But I'd just hurt Xen worse than anything Korr had done to me, by failing to trust Xen, and mocking Xen's pain to Xen's face.

Right there was where I'd finally crossed the line.