“Attorneys of Earth,” Boarvex said, breathing heavily through reptilian nostrils. “We are in urgent need of your assistance.”

Since I was the only partner dressed properly, I decided to take point.

“Hello, Commander,” I didn’t extend my hand because I was afraid Boarvex might misinterpret the movement as hostile and chop it off with his laser axe. “Tell us how we can help.”

“Where is the Councilman?” Henry interrupted, adjusting the elastic waistband on his pants. “Aren’t we being summoned to court? Er, Council Chamber? Whatever it is.”

“The Lord High Councilman has instructed me to brief you, Henry Todd and Evander Marshall of Earth!” Boarvex snapped. He seemed more unpleasant than usual and I suspected that whatever the situation was, it had him rattled.

And that had me rattled. Ever since our first encounter with the aliens five months ago, my greatest fear is that Henry and I will get caught in the middle of some kind of intergalactic war. If there's one thing that the aliens of the Slatt Territories seem to enjoy, it's killing one another.

“Go ahead, Commander Boarvex,” I said. “What’s the problem?”

“We need you to get someone out of Earth jail. He goes by the name Doug Dobbins. He was arrested and detained by your police last night.”

“On what charge?” Henry asked. The Commander shifted his blood-red eyes downward and avoided my partner’s gaze.

“Possession of drugs, I’m afraid.” Boarvex rested his axe against the wall and sighed heavily out of the horizontal orifices under his neck. He looked Henry up and down.

“What are you wearing?”

My partner ignored the question.

"All right, Commander," I cleared my throat to get us back on track. "We'll just need a few details, and then we can go-"

“Hang on a second," Henry said. “Let's be clear: we'll represent your friend Doug, no problem. But this falls under local jurisdiction – if he got caught with dope in LA, then we'll argue the case in front of a Los Angeles County judge.”

Commander Boarvex’s face went from opaque to flushed red. “That," he stood straight up, all four feet of him. "Is not an option. We require Doug's immediate presence: you must retrieve him. Hail Slatt!”

Henry simply shrugged his shoulders. He was right, but before I could begin to explain that to Commander Boarvex, I felt the vibrating click again in the back of my mouth. I managed to glance at Henry in time to see him squint and grit his teeth ahead of the blaring molar-message:

“ATTENTION! RENOWNED ATTORNEY HENRY TODD OF EARTH, AND HIS ASSOCIATE, EVANDER MARSHALL, ARE HEREBY ORDERED TO REPORT BEFORE THE COUNCIL. THANKS FRIENDS, AND HAIL SLATT!”

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The ante-room door opened, and before I could fully recover I felt the multiple hands of the Council Guards pushing us toward a bright light, then we were on the floor of the Council Chamber, with the Lord High Councilman Farkvold of Almighty Slatt seated at his stone-and-metal podium high above us.

The gallery of the Chamber was filled with aliens of all shapes, colors, and sizes, from parts of the galaxy that I'm still struggling to learn, with laws that I have yet to understand. A pear-shaped alien with orange fur stood at the foot of the podium, speaking into a metal horn that amplified his voice throughout the room:

“The Council shall now address the matter of Doug Dobbins and his incarceration in Earth Prison. The Lord High Councilman Farkvold, presiding.” The tinny voice bounced across the chasm and up the walls of the cavernous room.

“Representing Earth, a pitiful planet located outside the Slatt Territories, are Earth Attorneys Henry Todd and Evander Marshall.”

There was a buzz of alien voices in the gallery above us; I felt my molar transmitter vibrate in a futile attempt to translate all of the incoming alien rumblings.

Henry cleared his throat and took a step forward to address Farkvold. “Your honor,” he began in a tone dripping with sarcasm that made me fearful of what he was going to say next.

“Lord High Councilman,” he continued. “I respectfully ask why the Council feels that it is acceptable to summon my partner and I at a moment’s notice like this for a matter that appears - and again I say this respectfully – to be somewhat less than urgent?”

It was a valid point, but all I could think about was the track suit. Blue - baby blue, a color that shouldn't exist outside of nursery, a color that shouldn't be worn by anyone over the age of eight months. Business partner or not, it was hard to take anything Henry said seriously when he was wearing that blue velour monstrosity, that formless infantile discount-store bathrobe with zippers. I could only hope that Farkvold and the Council didn't know any better, and he looked like less of a doofus to alien eyes.

As the Lord High Councilman leaned forward in his throne, the overhead light exposing two black serpentine orbs that glared at Henry from under the ceremonial silver hood.

“Attorney Todd,” Councilman Farkvold's voice was more of a growl, a rumbling guttural noise. The gallery above had suddenly grown very quiet. “Are you questioning the unerring judgement and almighty authority of the Intergalactic Council of Slatt?"

“No, Lord Councilman,” Henry said. “I’m questioning the Council's preferred methods of communication. Wise and knowledgeable as this Council may be, I do not believe you are familiar with the horrors of Los Angeles rush-hour traffic.

"You see, your honor Lord Councilman, this is the third time in two weeks that my partner and I have been ‘summoned’ here. To an interdimensional plane. In deep space. On a weekend. The last time, it was over an eighty-dollar parking ticket --”

"That was a misunderstanding!" Commander Boarvex's voice rose from the back of the Chamber.

What Henry said was true, we were summoned before the Council Chamber two weeks ago after an undercover Slatt Agent got a parking ticket in West Hollywood. Commander Boarvex tried reading the fine print on the back of the ticket and misinterpreted it as a formal Declaration of Intergalactic War.

“Lord High Councilman,” Boarvex said stepping forward. “The Earth Attorneys fail to understand that this is an urgent matter of Council security!”

Henry turned to Boarvex and kept up his offensive, either oblivious or indifferent to how ridiculous he looked in that track suit. “Yes, I realize it’s urgent to you, Commander. But why are my partner and I being punished with an extra hour of traffic on the 10 Freeway just because one of your Agents decided to go on a crack binge? Would the Territories of Slatt fall to pieces if Mr. Dobbins were to sleep it off in a holding cell tonight and we post bail, say, tomorrow afternoon?”

The Chamber buzzed with alien rumblings again and my back molar whirred like a power tool. Boarvex flushed a shade of angry scarlet and I could see vapor rising from his skin --