“Yes, we’ll get to Bat’s Ears down the line. But for now, now that you’re able to practice Striding Wind by yourself, we’ll move onto Meditation. You have an incredible base amount of mana, but we might as well work on your strength.” Sparrow lectured, as Theo felt absolutely incredible.
He had just been running and pushing himself as hard as he could for hours on end, and yet he was still completely fine. The combination of Endless Song and Striding Wind was already showing its effect, and Theo couldn’t wait until he started learning how to really use them to their full potential.
So he was dismayed when, completely restless and full of energy, Sparrow motioned for him to sit down.
“Now, Meditation is the one internal magic that any person with aptitude for magic learns. Doesn’t matter if you’re focusing on focus magic, offer magic, or action magic, every serious mage, priest, and bard learns this. It’s not that useful initially, but later on it’ll help you recover mana faster, and even increase your capacity the more you use it.”
Theo sat down slowly, uncertain what was about to happen. He saw Sparrow sitting cross-legged, and mimicked them. Sparrow nodded in his direction.
“Good. Now, I want you to relax. Close your eyes, and focus on nothing in particular. Your thoughts will drift, but that’s okay. Every time that happens, pull your attention back to nothing.”
Theo closed his eyes, and tried to follow Sparrow’s instructions. Except, every time he tried to not think about anything, a random thought would form in his head.
Did he have any food he particularly needed to eat? Did he remember to close his door properly before leaving this morning? Did Alan pay him last night or did he just forget?
An avalanche of inane questions filled his head, and Theo found himself having difficulty knowing even where to start. With Endless Song and Striding Wind it was easy to visualise and understand what was going on, especially because there was something to focus on. Here, he was adrift in an ocean of his own thoughts, and there was a chance he could drown.
Regardless, Theo kept his eyes closed, and tried to fight the tide. Soon, he re-evaluated his goal to just keeping his head above water, and eventually the waters consumed him and he was just keeping his eyes closed while his mind wandered absolutely everywhere.
It wasn’t working. But he kept his eyes closed in an attempt to get there through sheer will. He didn’t even get close, and after what felt like an eternity (but was approximately an hour, looking at the position of the sun) Sparrow broke the silence.
“Okay, that’s enough for today. We’ll continue with Meditation tomorrow,” Theo already had a feeling that he wouldn’t enjoy that, “but try to practice it while you can. And in as many different places as you can manage – it can really make a difference to how well you can focus.” Theo opened his eyes, and found Sparrow still sitting there, meditating. Looking carefully, he could even see some sparkling hints of mana drifting towards them.
Saying goodbye as he was dismissed, Theo left as fast as he could. Restless from all the sitting, Theo sprinted away, making record time towards The Pub. He rushed from the park, past the courtyards, behind the College of Prayer, ducking and weaving past people walking at a speed he now considered incredibly slow. It was really amazing how much of a difference two weeks can make.
More than once, he had to impatiently wait for a group of friends taking up the whole road to move, before deciding to just squeeze past and continue his race with himself. In retrospect, Theo could understand why Sparrow thought that meditation and slowing down could be helpful, but right now all it did was make him have even less patience than normal.
He continued his musings as he approached the exit of the inner ring. The guards at the gate didn’t even stop him anymore, as he rushed past them, less a person and more a light gust of wind.
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It took him a third of the time it used to take before he started training for him to arrive at The Pub.
---
“I don’t get it,” Theo complained at the bar. He’d finished his set for the night, and was currently sitting in front of Alan, with Rick and Sean and a few other regulars still lingering around. They took up a solid chunk of the barspace, but seeing how much they drank (and how free they were with their coin), Alan didn’t mind. Occasionally, someone squeezed past to order a drink, and Rick muttered apologies without turning around as they scooted behind his chair.
“Meditation? You got down both Endless Song and Striding Wind, so Meditation shouldn’t be a big stretch.” Sean replied, leaning back so far in his chair that he was almost balanced on the hind legs. He somehow managed not to spill a single drop of his beer in the meantime. He ran his fingers over the scars on his bald head, and scratched with his non-beer hand.
“I mean, I know that it can be a tricky one. Some give up and just spend their time on other stuff.” Rick added, before pausing and continuing, “Not that I would recommend that. It’s really important for us to make sure that we have enough mana to continue using other internal magic. If it wasn’t for Meditation, a lot of warriors wouldn’t have the mana capacity to strengthen our bodies.” Even though Rick specifically cautioned against not learning Meditation, Theo had to admit that the thought of just leaving it be was very tempting.
“I know, but it’s just so difficult. I don’t even know where to start. I spent an hour closing my eyes and trying not to think. I’d rather go back to almost dying from running laps.” Everyone laughed, but Theo was serious. Trying to maintain his focus like this was draining in a way that physical exertion never got close to.
“Have you asked your teacher for advice?” Suggested Alan, wiping down his countertop and keeping an eye on Sean’s precarious beer. Everyone else nodded and murmured quiet agreement, while Theo was stumped.
---
The next day, Sparrow sat him down in the park right after their agreed upon meeting time (noon) and immediately started to meditate. Shimmering mana seemed to dance around their form. It was mesmerising, in a way that forced Theo to shake off the distraction that was building up. He tried to focus on building up the courage needed to ask that question.
“Uh, Sparrow,” Theo tentatively raised, “How do you focus on nothing?” He felt stupid asking such a question, but reminded himself that Alan recommended it.
“Well, you think of something to ground you, and return over and over to that focus. Why?” Theo paused. Didn’t Sparrow say to focus on nothing? Where did this grounding come from?
“Did you mention grounding yesterday? I don’t think you said anything about that.” And now, like teacher like student, Sparrow paused as well. After a second to process, they replied, “Ah, I might have forgotten to mention that. Sorry about that.” Theo felt his eyelid itching to twitch, and held back the urge to snap and complain.
“Anyway, grounding is important but not the main point. It’s about a state of focus, where everything flows just right. For example, if you use your breathing to ground you,” Sparrow took a deep breath, before slowly exhaling and continuing, “Then there’s a natural rhythm there. In, out, in out. That means it inherently has something to help draw your focus back in every time it wanders.”
Theo could see what he meant, and he tried to focus on his heartbeat. But even so, his mind kept wandering, and instead of pulling it back in, even his heartbeat caused more distraction.
He wondered how loud a heartbeat normally gets. Did everyone have the same kind of heartbeat? What drum sounds most like a heartbeat?
Shaking his head in frustration, Theo sighed, and tried to loosen up and relax. Flopping onto the grass for a moment, he stared up at the lovely sky, and just enjoyed the sight. Unfortunately, he had to learn how to meditate, so he moved that memory aside for later, and tried to focus on not thinking about anything again. And failed. And failed. And failed.
Try as he might, Theo couldn’t get to a state where Meditation made sense, let alone worked. And five hours later, he was ready to run head-first into a ditch. He looked over at Sparrow, who peacefully meditated like yesterday, and couldn’t help but let out a few choice muttered words under his breath. Sparrow quirked an eyebrow.
“Still no luck?” Sparrow asked, eyes still closed.
“Yeah. I just… I try to focus and I just end up running circles in my head. What am I doing wrong?” Theo got up from the cross-legged position, and started to stretch.
“Sometimes, you’re not doing anything wrong, and it’s just circumstance or chance.” Sparrow paused. “But today, you are definitely doing something wrong, it’s just going to be hard to understand until you understand.” They paused as they took in another deep breath. “Stop trying to focus, and just focus. You’re trying too hard, and it’s making it hard to focus on the right things.” They finally opened their eyes and stood up, making direct eye contact with Theo. Sparrow stared directly through him, until their gaze softened and they sighed.
“Here’s another way to think about it. This is about being in the present moment. You are pulling focus back to be in the right place, and being in the present moment helps you stay aware and focused without being distracted. Try that.” And with that, Sparrow shooed Theo off.
Grumbling, but thankful that the ordeal was over for the day, Theo ran off as fast as possible, finding himself moving just a tiny bit faster than he was the day before.
---
Entering The Pub, Theo felt his whole body relax. The comforting background noise of a hundred conversations filled his head, and he could see Alan behind the bar as always, polishing another wineglass (which, considering how often wine was ordered, was either being used for something other than wine or Alan was just bored).
He had started daydreaming about the chaos while in that park. It wasn’t like there wasn’t anyone around, but they tended to give them space once they saw The Dancing Wind was there. The few times when they hadn’t, Sparrow had convinced them with a single look.
So, Theo was very grateful to see things the way they were again. He saw the way the whole building seemed to breathe as one; how the waitstaff flowed like a river downhill, or blood through a body, or wind through an alley. There were pockets of conversation, and he felt as if he could eavesdrop on any of them, but didn’t need to as he could guess the topic from body language alone. For a moment, the world made sense, and he understood The Pub.
He understood!
Theo bent over laughing at how obvious it was.