I should have known that it’d be a waste of time but fool that I am I had forgotten that it was sugar, spice, and everything nice. Blend it up and what do you get? A fucking headache, what else. I tried talking to that girl again in the hopes of gaining insight into my ability but I got pounded in the ass instead by the dreaded thank you cookies. Well that was ok I guess since that meant I didn’t have to eat any of the slop that was being served at the school.
Alright I’ll be honest, what I said before wasn’t entirely truthful it’s just that the discussion I just had made me feel like I had a rock smashed into my skull repeatedly. Well I learned that the personalities didn’t just have the ‘kindness?’ trait modified but also made it so whatever traits I associate with that kind of personality will be inserted in. Which would have been obvious if I had talked to the other students (or teachers) long enough to notice that there is basically no variation in their personalities on ‘Cult of the Smiling Zombies Day.’ So, it’s less that their personalities are being modified and more that they’re being forced into my generic version of what people ‘like that’ are like. Which means I probably deserve the headache since I basically think of happy, cheerful people as a group of idiots. The reason for the headache also becomes apparent now since you can only listen to so much bullshit before you go nuts and when you’ve already gone half nuts. At any rate it wasn’t long before I ditched that dumbass and school, what it’s not like those assholes were actually going to get around to teaching-insufferable pricks, then I went to the convenience store stole some milk, a burritos-I was going to take one but then I didn’t, some chips-a side to go with the burritos, and an orange soda.
Went to the park, started chilling-it’s getting colder- and started analyzing my ability some more. Next, my mom is never an idiot and today girl showed favoritism towards me- she didn’t give out cookies to the entire school. My best guess here is that my view of a person allows for variation in the default personality. I’ve known my mom for years-oddly enough- so I know enough about her personality that many of her traits can still be seen and when it comes to girl I know that she decided to approach me instead of staying with her friends and that’s all I know about her and so the ‘personality trait?’ favoritism towards me appeared.
I also considered that maybe I was wrong and she actually was an idiot and I’ll notice the truth tomorrow but I decided to ignore that possibility for now since that leaves me in the middle of fucking nowhere. I also briefly considered the possibility that the more familiar I am with someone the more their personality shines through but since I very seriously doubted that girl’s strongest personality trait is ‘devotion towards me’ it seemed like a stupid idea so let’s ignore that idea forever.
Well I guess I’ll wander around town and do random whatever since school isn’t out yet and mom is mom today and she seems to take a rather dim view to it whenever I ditch because I didn’t feel like being bothered by it today. In the end I just went to the theater and watched some movies but my efforts turned out to be pointless since when I got home mom wasn’t there anyway. Not that it was actually pointless since she could have been in earlier but I just wanted to bitch about something-you know for fun.
Well, while it would have been nice to see mom again I guess she isn’t in so I’ll look for that bat and try to kill a few hours. Found it. Now I can go beat the shit out of some mailboxes but being a gentleman and a connoisseur of mailboxes I’ll have to be careful in my selection. Here’s one which is shaped like a roast pig with an apple shoved into its mouth smashing the apple further into its mouth-I thought it was fitting-I continue on. Then I found a bank but after breaking the post it fell on hard times. Next I found a pink rabbit in a bikini, I broke the post-yeah again-and put the rabbit in front of the door, guess he’s lucky when it comes to female callers. Hey look it’s that lazy bastard Snorlax but I can’t do what I want with it at the moment so I’ll work on it later. It was getting somewhat late anyway.
I’m back but mom still isn’t back from wherever *le gasp* maybe, just maybe, she actually got a job. Well damn, I should have saved the sarcasm for bitch witch tomorrow.
Oh well. I’m going to go eat, I briefly consider eating food you’re supposed to but either the living hell will continue or if it doesn’t then I can just decide that I’m healthier and I will be… so no real motivation. In the end though I actually ate some shitty ramen so it might have better if I had cooked a ‘real meal.’ A few hours later I decided to go to sleep even though it wasn’t late ‘cause I was bored. Mom still hasn’t come back yet so that’s a thing. At least girl will be normal tomorrow and Monday and I’ll finally get some friggin’ information.
It’s morning and so I start debating with myself.
Me: It’s not like I’m actually bothered by it.
Me: Yeah, but it’s something I do every day and it would feel off if I didn’t do it today.
Me: OH NO! What horrible fate to feel as if something is slightly off.
Me: It’s practically tradition by this point.
Me: I guess I can’t go against the status quo. Well whatever.
"Fucking Alarm," I cursed as the damned thing went off.
Great, time for the morning routine. Get out of bed. Get Dressed. Brush my teeth while taking a shower. Ignore the Bitch Witch as she says whatever it is she's saying as I walk out the door.
All joking aside there were a few differences this morning. I didn’t brush my teeth in the shower today since I didn’t lie in bed for twenty minutes ignoring the alarm-only eight. I also wasn’t able to ignore Bitch Witch today but that’s because I didn’t see her. I do know that she got back at some time since some of her stuff was there which hadn’t been there the night before.
Have you ever fantasized about what heaven would be like? I never really put much thought into how amazing it would be to have perfection placed in front of you and then you’re told-in the most heavenly voice imaginable-that it’s all yours. I’m so close to heaven right now… but I have to share it with others.
I’m in the cafeteria right now and thinking about today and the blissful days which are to come. For some reason the cafeteria ladies on smiley Fridays decide to prepare everyone with box set meals for the weekend-breakfast and lunch-with directions so they retain almost all of their flavors and since today is Friday they prepared some kind of weird original creation. It’s this thing where there’s this somewhat thicker than syrup fruit sauce in the center and it’s been heated to a pretty high temperature. The dough is mixed with some kind of crystal like looking thing and this insulates the sauce with two layers and then there’s another fruit concoction which is about as thick as taffy and goes around the two layers of dough. Then there’s another thin layer of dough but without the crystals. Anyway when you eat some the pressure when you press down with your mouth destroys the dough between the two layers and the ‘fruit gel?’ begins to melt and. Well, it tastes really good and each is a somewhat large bite-sized piece.
Hey! It’s girl, now I can accomplish something more than an inadequate food description. Looks like she noticed me but she actually seems somewhat less than thrilled to see me. I wonder what crawled up her ass this morning. She’s coming over, I wonder if I should ask her what’s wrong. Seems to be one way to break the ice or maybe not but whatever the problem is I should probably deal with it first that way when I’m pumping her for information it won’t be tainted with doom and gloom.
“You’re kind of depressed so what’s the problem.”
It’s amazing how quickly depression turns into anger. I guess I made a social mishap somewhere.
“I gave you a gift yesterday. Your response- better than the cafeteria I guess. I try talking to you and you put in ‘one’ of your earphones and start playing music that way you can ‘maintain focus for just a little longer.’ Apparently that wasn’t enough seeing as you had to walk off without saying anything midway through the conversation. Not that you had been paying attention anyway seeing as for the last five minutes you had been humming along to your song. Then today you waved me over and I somehow thought that maybe I was going to get a deserved apology but it turns out that you’re just an asshole.”
Wow does she drone on and on well she’s gone now and it turns out that the smiley fucks actually care when you’re less than perfect. I kind of figured that you could do anything to ‘them’ and there would never be any consequences actually this is strange since I beat the shit out of one of them and talked to them the day after to see what would happen and nothing happened. I guess I’ll have to apologize to her either during lunch or whatever class it is we share with each other. Do we share more than one class with each other? I guess I’ll check everyone in each class today it’s not like the teachers will mind since they’re part of the ‘Cult of Smiling Zombies’ today.
Second period now and I’ve found her, sucking on one of the tootsie roll pops that the teacher gave me I walk on over and I’m about to try apologizing but no she goes on some rant about how I’m doing the same thing to the teacher that I did to her and how terrible can a person get and whomp de whomp da diddily whomp. I might have thought that she had a point if that hadn’t been the teacher I had bashed in the face with a textbook but he obviously doesn’t care but it seems like I’m not getting anywhere with this so I mumble something about how she’s right and then I go sit down.
“Welcome home, while away. They have tampered with the locks and your things they rearranged. We propose a better away.”
…
How the hell did the cafeteria ladies get this good at cooking this should seriously be impossible but who would complain about a miracle falling into their lap. I would, repeatedly-my ability needs to go burn, my ability needs to go burn, my ability needs to go burn-but I’m not going to complain about this miracle. Looks like girl is walking over. She’s finally realized the errors of her ways and has come crawling back to me. Seriously though I thought I was officially the biggest piece of shit ever but maybe I’m not beyond redemption yet.
“So what were you trying to say in class.”
Somewhat hostile tone, but hey now I’ve been given the chance to apologize. Change of plans.
“Wanna go on a date with me tomorrow?”
Personally I think this was a stroke of brilliance. It can be seen as an apology. My social mishaps will be considered benefits and I even get to see what a mook nutso is like on a normal day. She doesn’t seem to be going for it. Plan B
“You know…
to make up for the other day…
you decide places and time.”
I figure if I look and act pathetic enough she’ll start to feel pity and forget, for a few seconds, what an asshole I had been and those few seconds should be long enough and they were. Tomorrow we’ll meet at the mall at eleven. Thank god she didn’t decide Sunday was the day to be out.
Fifth period: I got a sucker the size of my head.
Bitch Witch wasn’t at home when I got back but she did leave a note.
It’s tomorrow now and mother made me breakfast, I told her it was unfortunate but I couldn’t stick around because I had to go suck a tit.
“That’s great honey!”
It’s 11:50 now and my date still hasn’t arrived so vengeance I guess. I figure she’s probably at the mall right now since revenge isn’t as fun when you can’t see the results and is passing by every so often to see how long I’ll last. Which I’m basing off of seeing her ten minutes ago she was at the second floor though so I couldn’t rush over quickly and act desperately happy to see her. I wish I had bought flowers that way I could have painted an even more pathetic figure, guess I’ll make do with a box of chocolates.
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12:37- that fucking bitch.
1:42- She was no match for me, not after I pretended to cry. Apparently she felt so bad about being late for our date that she wanted me to decide where we’d go, her smirk made me think that she may have been lacking sincerity. I declined though since I thought it would be unfair to take advantage of the situation when we all make mistakes. My mistake was when I ate her chocolates, forgot, and then gave them to her as a gift. I washed her shitty smirk away. She looks pissed but I actually planned ahead for this.
Another one bites the dust. We’re destroying mailboxes and after this are bumper cars that way most of her anger is projected onto the mailboxes and since she has to get out some of her anger towards me the rest of her anger can be expressed through bumper cars. I would try to romance it up since this was supposed to be a date but the reality was closer to me staging an intervention which would prevent a future psychotic episode.
She smiled a bit towards the end of the date so I guess it was a success. I apologized again about before and then her smile seemed to be completely sincere. It took way too long but I finally fixed our ‘relationship.’ I’m going to be absent on Wednesday.
I’m eating breakfast with my mom and we’re talking.
Me: So what’s your new job like?
Mom: It’s the night shift and at that time I’m the only one working. It’s not what I would have preferred.
Me: What would your dream job have been then?
*She’s thinking*
Mom: A psychologist. It seems like this world could be a bit more understanding and being able to become a bridge to enable that understanding just seemed like a thing I’d like to do and since I probably lack understanding at times I would even become a better person. What do you want to do when you grow up?
God I hate that-when you grow up-shit. Maturity isn’t intrinsically linked to a person’s age. That aside that was a surprisingly detailed answer when I was just asking to get her mind off of her crappy job and now I have to answer with a response which at least takes the question seriously.
Me: A book critic, ‘cause I think I would enjoy having that job.
Mom: On that note have you read any good books lately?
Me: No, I’ve read most of the ones I like at the school library and while I’m sure I could find others I like hiding out somewhere but the grand search hasn’t turned anything up yet.
Mom looks thrilled about that for some reason.
Mom: Here’s a book I read which I think you’d enjoy.
Well, I haven’t read it but I hope this isn’t similar to the time when I asked her for suggestions on books and I couldn’t read any of them.
Me: Oh cool. I’ll go read it now.
Later on that night I got bored enough to actually read the first chapter of the book, to see how it goes, turns out that it was something I actually liked. I didn’t finish reading until three something in the morning but since I finished the book it was worth it.
“Fucking Alarm,” I curse with heartfelt sincerity and may you be cursed to the pits of Abaddon for all eternity. Thirty minutes later I get out of bed and turn the alarm off and then I start the morning routine. In the end though I had to run/walk/jog/walk to school otherwise I would have been late for breakfast.
Well, in about another hour I won’t be tired anymore-I know from experience. First night I’ll be more energetic the day after, after waiting for a bit. If I do the same thing the situation will be similar but on the third day I’ll end up being drowsy and if I do it one more time I’ll struggle to stay awake throughout the day. I don’t know what happens after a fourth time since I’m tired on the fourth day and I end up wanting to sleep. If I did do it a fourth time it wouldn’t be for fun but for the hell of it. Sometimes I wish my thoughts didn’t wander off on a tangent whenever… well, frequently.
Oh look, it’s girl-maybe I should ask for her name sometime, whatever it’s not like I would ever use it-guess I’ll wave frenetically. Good, she noticed. She’s walkin’ over here and she has a bit of a smirk so I’m expecting some kind of bullshit when she gets over here.
“Sup Prick.”
Hey, I think I got a new nickname and following that line of thought: fair enough.
“Hey.”
I guess a name would have come in handy after all.
“How’s it going?”
Perfect finish.
“Fine. You?”
Great, small talk. Isn’t it strange that when building most things you’re supposed to have a great foundation first and the smaller pieces come later and depend on the foundation for support. But, when building a relationship with someone you start throwing straw everywhere and then you’ll occasionally lay down a brick. Which is all fine and dandy so long as no one sneezes but the straw doesn’t help with that.
“Oh good.”
“That’s good.”
God damn it! Why is this conversation so boring? I’m not bringing up the weather I would bring up our second period teacher and talk about what an asshole he is-you know mutual ground-but I’m not even sure what she thinks he did and since she defended him the other day in class, how the hell does that even work, it couldn’t have been that bad. Do they even know how good the cafeteria food is?
“What’s your favorite food?”
It was on my mind.
“Ratatouille.”
She said that with a straight face. How? She’s joking right? Right? Okay she started laughing so she was joking though she could have been laughing at the weird faces I was making. Whatever, at least I probably scored some points. Hey! This fucking bitch does she not understand conversations. Why didn’t she ask the return question? *Hey, what’s your favorite food? *My favorite food is blah, what’s yours?
“YEAH! HAHA! I like kiwis. Thanks for asking.”
“Fuzzy balls are your thing huh prick.”
“Yeah, and you love to eat rat shit. Now that that has been established we can fantasize about shit and balls together.”
Ripley’s believe it or not. Apparently saying that was a good thing since we’re both laughing now. At least it’s no longer a mystery why she wasn’t more offended about before. She’s probably offended people way too many times. I do feel a bit miffed that she scored more points than me during that last exchange but she did have a better angle to go with.
“I’m sorry but I don’t have that kind of fetish so I won’t be able to join you, but feel free to have your fun and there’s the bell so we’ll have to continue this conversation later, seeya.”
I guess I have some time to consider my response; right now she has the advantage so I have to turn it all around. Where did I go wrong: dur when I got impatient and spoke without thinking. I should have let her make a mistake but hey it’s not my fault I’ve just gotten too used to saying whatever since well who cares what you say to the zombies.
“Isn’t it strange that the foundation of a friendship is built on straw-small talk-it’s supposed to be one of the essentials when maintaining happiness but we build it with the equivalent of pebbles. Sure if you group enough of them together it won’t fall apart immediately but when it has to weather a storm it just collapses.”
To be honest I was just saying that at first to catch her off guard and have the advantage this time in our verbal sparring but turns out I was surprisingly passionate.
“Prick, you actually care about friendship I’m touched.”
The conversation continued from there and I kept joking with her but honestly if I had wanted a shallow fucking conversation I would have watched a shitty fucking sitcom. Gods, my fucking luck that the only other sane person was some annoying bitch who doesn’t get that there’s more to life than her own fucking entertainment. I just thought that I’d finally be able to talk with someone about things which are actually important to me. Half the time I feel like I’m going insane, I’ve had to start taking life lightly otherwise I would have gone insane by this point but I never wanted to be completely isolated from any deeper feeling and how dare she take that away from me. Fuck, I kind of wonder if getting high would help but instead how ‘bout I go to sleep instead.
I can’t sleep I’ll read one of my favorite books instead. Hey look there, I’m laughing already. Sadly enough books are what have always consoled me when I’ve been upset. In the end I didn’t go to sleep until twelve something.
I’m not actually looking forward to seeing her again; whatever I just won’t call her over today and on Thursday I guess I’ll be over the disappointment.
“Hey prick!”
Oh my god.
“Is it really such a bad thing that friendships are built with pebbles. Friendships are easier to build because of it and with enough pebbles you can weather damn near anything and if you don’t have that many pebbles stocked up do you really want a light acquaintance-who you’ve known for years-all up in your problems. Friendships have light foundations because we all part eventually and we wouldn’t be able to stay human if our emotions were constantly torn to bits because people have to part from each other.”
Honestly this is the first time I’ve ever heard someone in prick mode apologize. Honestly I’d like to continue talking about our daily interactions but that wouldn’t be very interesting now would it. What is interesting is my pain. Right. RIGHT. What the fuck ever. It shouldn’t come as any surprise that it didn’t last. I did ditch school on Wednesday, I didn’t want to see her in smiley mode so I skipped it. Ironic isn’t it I didn’t want to see her happy who knows I probably deserved it. You know that wasn’t the only conversation I had with her that I considered significant. A few times I just bounced a few of my theories off of her. Like how pride isn’t such a bad thing since all it does is encourage us to continue to do what we feel proud doing or when I talked about how our feet are supposed to turn towards whatever our attention is actually on and how maybe that’s why people get uncomfortable when they stay in the same position for too long- because their focus shifted to something else and they modified their posture to reflect that. After the first time when she saw that this kind of stuff was actually important to me she actually treated it seriously, jokes inserted at times but still. I know that you thought I forgot but that day after school after I had asked her to hang out with me and we… made a bed to set that Snorlax mailbox on. That same day we found a mailbox of the neighbor’s lawn so we modified it into being his lawn. The next time she was in bastard mode we continued by modifying the bulk of a volcano into being our second period teacher’s head but we left the top alone. Finally we took my mailbox-a crown-and played king of the hill. Honestly it was kind of lame but I won so I retained some dignity.
Tuesday 2 weeks later: She didn’t come over to talk to me, I was hopeful, maybe the effect had begun to wear off and she was talking to someone else who was halfway sane. I went over to talk to her.
“Hey.”
This apparently counts as provocation.
“Oh look it’s Nutso the boy with a whore and a junkie for a mom and whose favorite activity is playing pranks on mailboxes.”
*That wasn’t very clever I could have come up with something much better or added something like ‘but he still loves her’ after the comment about your mom. Just really nails in the mockery.*
Passage from Journal Entry 4: A moment of carelessness is apparently grounds for a living Hell on Earth. So, fuck me I guess. It seems there’s no one left. Everyone around me is dead and gone, but no one buried the bodies. I can see them staring at me and preparing for the next show. They’ve prepared the dress and make up-they’re beautiful-now it’s time for improv on the big stage. Today I decided to join them on the stage. I’m outshining them, their lack of emotions allows them to play any role but it also prevents them from matching my intensity. That’s why it came as no surprise when I was given the lead role, I deserved it, but why is it when I’m surrounded by zombies, why am I playing the emotionless villain. The curtain is coming down now, the people are cheering- I played my role flawlessly, the curtains have fallen but I can still hear the screams.