Journal Entry 1

Stories used to be such a beautiful existence to me. I've read thousands of books & heard or read about many more. It never mattered what the source was so long as I found it interesting. Like this one time during the reading portion of a test there was a story about two brother princes & how, when their father died, the country & army was split equally between them which soon led to civil war. Through superior strategy one of the brothers put the other into a hopeless position. While in this unsalvageable situation he had a heart attack and died. Then the heartbroken mother & queen, for whatever reason, turned their story into a game.

In the story this is the origin of chess. I've never known whether there is any truth to this story but it never mattered to me either. What matters is that after more than a decade I still remember this story. I don't really know what this shows about me but to be honest I don't know much about me. I sometimes think that everyone else is as lost and fucking clueless as I am. That maybe everyone is serving the unworthy deity of their psyche. I might be wrong though for thinking that everyone is as twisted & warped as I've become. Maybe, but

I

doubt

it.

Those judgmental pieces of shit. Always caught up in their own self-fucking-righteousness & their endless arrogance & unwavering conviction that They're Always Right!

Besides, I'm always right. So long as I imagine something then it is true. My ability has also begun to lead to my mind... unraveling. I'm in one of my lucid periods right now. It's the time when the screw on the cupboard door which gets loosened with each use is screwed back in again. It's also what I like to call fucking pointless.

Journal Entry 2

It was beautiful the first time I used the power. I was reading a book about ladybugs in class, I don't remember what it was about anymore but it was the book I learned to read with, & then while reading I started thinking about how it would be nice to lay in a field and watch the ladybugs build a city for themselves. Grass started sprouting out of the ground and filled up the classroom. I actually wondered at that moment if this was the grass on the other side which so many people always sound so enamored with. Then flowers started popping up with colors I had never even seen before and the room was filled with the most amazing fragrance. Dandelion fuzz swirled through the air with such graceful movements and formed into random patterns or shapes. I swear I saw Mario killing Bowser. Then the ladybugs arrived and built a small village. The houses mere built with grass stalks in the style of log cabins while the villagers went around carrying things in grass blade woven baskets.

Then it dissipated. It had only lasted around two minutes. Afterwards, I thought I was special. Because I was a kid though I needed everyone else to know that I was special. So, my teacher listened as I described my vision or whatever it was. She then praised my sense of imagination. That was all the encouragement I needed. It turns out while in these trances I was unaware of anything else & I would be unable to move my actual body. After my longest trance yet, fifteen minutes, I found out an ambulance, the principal, & my mother had been called. The teacher had called on me two minutes in.

If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

After the doctor determined that there was nothing physically wrong with me two things happened. I got a new friend whom I still affectionately term theradick. Whenever I saw him I got to feel like shit, but also very special. I got to feel even more special when sympathetic parents got the nut sent to Special Ed, all for the sake of the children, of course.

The second piece of good news was that my mother had someone she could talk to about her whack job child & her interactions with me. It was CPS.

I still miss her. She was such a kind, gentle person. No, I didn't get taken away by CPS but still...

I miss her.

Journal Entry 3

Over time I was able to interact with reality & my visions at the same time. After that I was able to use my ability in school again. Although by that point I very seldomly used those abilities & when I did it was usually accidentally. I had learned to fear my power after I imagined the story of Hansel and Gretel playing out before me.

The woods weren't at all sinister. The gingerbread house was freshly baked. It looked like another fairy tale vision, even after the kids were captured and one was forced to eat treats while the other was forced into *gasp* manual labor, it was still amazing... up until the witch was forced into the oven. Her screams and the stench of her burning flesh was ignored as the children apathetically ignored her & started a competition with each other to see who could find her valuables first. The vision ended as they skipped out of the house together.

Time passed and then for the first time my ability affected reality. I had been reading... Well, you see as you get older your interests change & when I was in that particular age group my interests were very firmly entrenched on that particular subject. And there was this girl I had liked for a few years by that point. She was actually beginning to flirt back.

Then I had a fantasy about her.

The next day she was a lot warmer and flirty. That day day was the first time I had sex. Over a course of a few weeks I became one of the most experienced people in school.

One day she came to school looking very haggard.

I was invited to her funeral. Her mother talked to me about how her daughter had really liked this boy at school. About how happy she was the day they started dating.

She wanted to know if I had any idea why she might have hung herself.

I talked about how she showed up at school that day. I talked about how I knew that something was wrong & then I talked about how I did nothing. If I had done something else. If I hadn't pretended that nothing was wrong then she would still alive.

No, I was wrong. It wasn't my fault. There was nothing I could've done.

Then we cried. She with me & me by myself.