“Vulgar. Manner unbefitting of one who is to serve the future king.” The lich mutters in distaste, and I see anger beginning to seethe in his eyes.

Even as I’m distracted by the crazy guy, my ears register a rhythmic clacking. This.. it’s morse code!

I wheel around shocked in order to find the skeleton making the noise. As our eyes meet, I can swear I see a grin on its face.

C.W.O.2. J. H.E.N.D. “Chief Warrant Officer James Henderson!” I call out, decoding the message.

He nods in confirmation before gesturing towards myself.

“This is Ensign Jyun Asamoto of-”

“You listen to your lord when he speaks!” The tired lich shows a surprising bout of emotion as I’m promptly thrown into the wall by an unseen force.

My head swivels around in an attempt to uncover the mystery as I try to regain my bearings. I pause for a second as my mind lands on the subject of magic. A chill runs down my spine as I realize the implications.

“Yes, forgive me oh most glorious master.” I say attempting to placate the lich.

“Excessive bootlicking…” Another bone rattling sigh from the lich signifies his disgust. “You are to behave as a  knight serving under his lord.” He states before turning around.

“I will take order of the lesser skeletons if it so pleases you my Lord.” I respond in an attempt to right my wrongs. A hint of satisfaction enters his eyes as he nods his consent.

“Carve your rank and initials onto your shoulders.” I call out.

Only a third of them comply, the rest of the skeletons look around confused.

“Hmm, what’s this? Former comrades?” Vragska says in a disinterested voice.

“A trained force called forth to aid the lich Vragska!” I yell raising a bony hand to my skull. The others hasten to mimic my motions. Well, the smarter ones of the bunch.

Vragska’s green eyes seem to flare for a second before it settles back down. I can’t even begin to comprehend what’s going through the Lich’s mind. It’s not like I can read his face with it being devoid of skin and all.

“It matters not. Go, intruders have entered the crypt. Why don’t you go fetch me some more soldiers?” He says while making a shooing motion with his hand.

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“Fall in!” I shout to the uniform movement of twenty seven skeletons falling into rank. A few scattered clatters as the rest of the skeletons line up behind them. It shows me the other skeletons have some semblance of intelligence. Vragska ignores the display to head deeper into the cave. I watch as the rough natural walls make way for chiseled stone under his feet.

“Forward march!” As I call out, the leading group falls into perfect step with their new subordinates lurching around to follow.

As soon as we turn a few corners, I hurriedly usher my former crew and the random skeletons into a fairly large section of the cavern.

CWO2 Henderson begins to tap something out, but I interrupt him.

“The ground is muddy. Just write things out.”

I can almost see Henderson blush as I point out an easier alternative to communicate.

What do you make of this situation ensign? He writes.

“It doesn’t really matter what I think. We were dead, our souls captured, and now we’re slaves to a madman. How was your heaven by the way?”

Oh, nothing much. I just found myself at the top of Mt.Everest surrounded by some snow leopards.

“That happened to you before?”

No? It’d be pretty cool if it did.

Don’t we have more important things to discuss? Writes another skeleton. Looking at the shoulder reveals CWO4 M. S.

“Still playing the mother, Chief Warrant Officer Mary Scott?”

Her green eye wisps roll in their sockets.

I wouldn’t have to if our Ensign wasn’t so incompetent. She writes.

“Insubordination! I’ll have you drawn and quartered!”

What time are you living in?

“That certainly is a good question. What the hell is this world?”

Before that, I believe we need to take care of those unwelcome guests our venerable lord Vragska mentioned. Henderson writes after tapping me on the shoulder.

The room quiets down, and soon we can hear the sound of sloshing footsteps further down the hall.

“Let me see if I can’t get any information out of them. Everyone else, stay here.” I get up and silently make my way towards the middle of the hallway. My footsteps muffled by the muddy ground.

It doesn’t take much walking before they come into view. An adventurers’ party straight out of a fantasy novel.

A heavily armored individual in front as the vanguard. His tower shield blocking most of him from sight as his mace bobs around.

To his sides are what I’d call a rogue and a warrior, respectively. The one on my left is in leather and cloth armor, a dagger held horizontally near his chest. The one on the right is outfitted with a kite shield and longsword, metal armor held together with leather straps.

I spot the white robes of a priest in the back and instinctively break out into a sweat. I don’t see an archer, but that’s to be expected considering they’d come to hunt skeletons.

“Yo,” I call out, startling the bunch.

“Skeleton!”

“Clint! Exorcise it!” The bulky knight up front yells towards the priest.

“O-on it!” He replies.

“No, wait, please don’t.” I cry out while falling into a bow.

“Now! While it’s movement is hampered!” A voice calls out from my left. Most likely the rogue.

“HRAAGGGHHHH!” The shout comes from directly in front of me accompanied by the jangling of metal armor as their tank charges towards me.

“LISTEN TO PEOPLE DAMMIT!” I yell springing to my feet. My fist solidly connecting with the knight’s jaw as he’s sent flying towards the ceiling. The rest of the party all stand there staring at me.

The serene moment is broken up by the knight’s body being reunited with the ground. His helmet and skull crushed into a bloody pulp.

“This isn’t funny! Who the hell lists a Lich suppression as a rank B quest?! I’m out!” Cries the rogue as he darts off. Knocking the priest over on his way out.

“He isn’t even the Lich! He’s a fucking minion! I’m out too!” Cries the warrior. As he passes by the priest who’s trying to get up, pausing slightly to knee the holy man in his face.

“Isn’t that a bit cruel?” I mutter as I stalk towards the reeling priest.

“P-p-p-please s-s-spare me.” He says in between sobs as blood and tears run down his face.

My inner jester pops out as I laugh maniacally as I grab him by the ankles, dragging him further inside.