"Keep your clothes on, don't lose your socks, listen to direct orders, if anything happens go to Geoff, don't release any live animals, please don't get injured in anyways I can't fix in 5 minutes, don't-."
"I'll be fine!"
Gable gives the hyperactive child a glare that spelled both dread and disbelief, but seeing the dumb for sure look still shining on Lukas' face he simply settles for tying the fluffy scarf around the child's neck even tighter.
Like all good things, my time at Gable's hobbit dream home has come to an end. I am to be returned back home this very afternoon, where hopefully mother has cooled down from the Rosalia lockdown. Hopefully.
Do your job and distract mother you useless nerd.
Since grampa is taking us back, why not let Lukas have a little trip back to the campgrounds! We're calling it a home visit from his 'apprenticeship'. It would be good for him to get out of the woods a bit. Sure kids need structure and a schedule but kids like Lukas as just too hyper not to let them out to wreck general chaos once in a while.
That and to give Gable a much needed break.
For someone who needs his alone time, he sure is fussy over Lukas leaving, even if it's just for a few days. Guess the loudmouth brat grew on him. Eh, I suppose dealing with grampa is worse.
Speaking of grampa.
"Do not lose your clothes again, do not streak or go skinny dipping at this time of year, especially not in front of the children. Don't let Lukas fall back into bad behavior. Don't give Geoff a bad time any more than your natural state makes unavoidable, don't-"
"Gabe, we'll be fiiiiiine! Besides, I'll be right back before you know it! You know, with the munchkins gone an-ack!"
I don't know why Gable is dressing grampa too, for he is a grown man perfectly capable of dressing himself. But I must admit the warm fluffy scarf makes a wonderfully effective choking tool. Go Gable go!
How dare he try to sneak off and hog Gable for himself?! Hmmpf I'll just have to keep an eye on him, if anything I'll throw Lilyanne to him. Try sneaking yourself to Gable's with a cute crying toddler in tow!
"Is it normal to choke people to show affection?"
At Amar's legitimate question, all strangulation and murder attempts suddenly stop. Instead, both gramps and Gable frantically rushed up to lecture us.
"...No."
"Is not!"
"Physical harm is called abuse and is never acceptable, especially among family members and loved ones."
"If anyone lays a hand on you you should punch em! Or bite them? Or just pummel them to death! That's what I would do."
"Escape is good, Escape is always an option. Running away is preferable. "
"Running and hiding is good. No shame in living another day! If you can't kill them at least cripple them so they can't come after you easily!"
"It's better to avoid compromising situations in the first place.
"Stab em good!"
"Do not. Unless you're in a bad situation, then yes. "
Caught in the middle, Amar's little head ping pongs back and forth between the two adults. Let's just hold that thing still now.
Alright alright, we get it already. We won't be stupid kids that get into stupid dangerous situations. Not like the kindergarteners can't handle it....I think? Honestly, I can't guarantee that for myself either but it's better to just nod and agree when people get like this.
Except for you Lilyanne! Listen very carefully!
The last time grampa took me home from Gable's place was a sleepy blur. One minute we were on Gable's floor the next, poof, home in the Ventrella mansion. Hey, um, how do I access this short cut?
This time we're actually all awake to witness just how it happened.
Without any explanation, Gable gets to work in some seals more complicated than anything I've browsed through from the books and scrolls in his study. There's no ink or paper, only the warm glow swirling and lingering in the air. When grampa seems to be able to breathe normally again, he moves to help out with the circle seal. His palms look to be radiating something electric, flowing along tinging Gable's drawn-out marks like watercolor paint. While Gable's controlled writing is much nicer, something about whatever grampa did really makes it magic.
"Alright then girls! Where do you want to go?" clamored Grampa, voice way too loud given how we're all huddled in such close space. Into the circle everyone, and stay there.
But the lights and noise only make Lilyanne cheer harder "Go hwome! Mama n Papa!"
Yeah sure, why not. Gotta give Lilyanne back to the parentals. They must be sick with worry and concern over her. If not, then at least missing her terribly.
I can hardly recall a day that she wasn't watched over by at least one parent, though admittedly it was primarily mother. She's very....uh....cuddly...and sticky. I now know just how much of a helicopter parent mother is capable of being.
Judging from past and now present observations during my groundings, mother must be awfully missing her cute favorite child. I don't get it but hey, I've never had to be a mom. Viva la- second childhood redo!
"Is that okay with you boys?" grampa turns, as if the kindergarteners actually get a say in this.
"I don't know? Anything you say is best Commander?"
"Aye aye Cap! Do I get to ride a steed back to camp?!"
"Oh? That sounds fun!"
Seeing that it all works out, grampa makes a surprisingly bright clap of his hands. Yes, it's bright, I don't know how magic is supposed to work either okay? Especially if it's from grampa, if there were any rules he would be the first to utterly break them to little pieces.
Whatever he does seems to set the circle to activate. Though there's no need to in this small space, I pull Lilyanne up close to me, being careful to hold her hand tight. Wouldn't want anything to happen just because she saw something shiny and decided to chase it.
"Then homebound it is for my grandbabies! Ah but let's have some fun with this! Lily sweet! Oh good Rosalia's already hanging on. This will work just fine! Now just touch this shiny part right here! Think about where you wanna go~"
"Mama rwoom!"
"-Right, think about it and press your hand right there!"
Never mind, grampa has provided the shiny thingy. My baby sister is like a dumb bird or squirrel, ooing and tunnel visioning it until she grasped whatever grampa told her to.
The problem is that she gave him the occupied hand, the one with me attached to it.
It's a problem because I can see the moment Gable's nonchalant waving turns panicked. Can feel it when a static shock zaps through my fingertips and up to my short hair. There's a high pitched yelp that most likely came from me as whatever the hell that was shocked my nerves to the point I can't even feel Lilyanne.
Wait, there is no Lilyanne? When did we get separated, how? The shock? Why do I feel so light on my feet? Oh shit.
Before my vision is overtaken in a swirl of lights and electrical shocks I see grampa make a grab for Lily, thank goodness for that. She's safe. Hate to say it but I couldn't trust anyone else more than gramps to take care of her.
There's a sudden pressure on the back of my neck and collar but the world flashes and it's a whiteout. I may or may not have screamed.
"Rosa? Lukas? You can stop screaming now? Why are you two even screaming?"
I blink, once, twice and struggle to right myself straight despite already standing up. Do you know that feeling of when you get knocked over by a wave and pulled into the ocean? It's that feeling. It's disorienting and you need a bit of time to spit up the sting of briney water and get your bearings.
My bearings say that I'm definitely back home in my family's mansion. Rather than the main hall like the last time, it appears to be an inner corridor? If I'm not mistaken, this should be the hallway leading to father's office.
Whatever malfunction occurred wasn't so significant as to mess us our circle's destination. However, confusion aside, there's no Lilyanne or grampa in sight. Only an unequally confused and dazed pair of little boys.
Silly Lukas, why the screaming? That malfunctioning magic circle wasn't so bad. I most certainly wasn't screaming, just a little surprised. I get dizzy spells you know.
"Where did cap go?" blinks Lukas.
"In the same place with my sister I'm sure. But why are you guys here?"
"I don't know!"
"I think it's because I grabbed onto you two at that time? If Cap' is with Lilyanne, it's because he was touching her right? So because we were hanging on to Rosa, we came here with?"
"Oh I get it, we hitched a ride on Rosalia!"
Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
"Something like that?"
That's a reasonable enough explanation. Touch and proximity is a major factor. The boys were standing closer to me.
"Okay yes, that makes sense. Hmmm but where did grampa and Lily go? And why here? I'm really glad we didn't get sent someplace weird but, hmmm."
I really am glad no one got thrown into a void or lost a body part, me especially, in the crazy transportation circle.
Okay, I got it, no more personal touching of strange magical artifacts for me. Obviously, I was the wrong factor in magic going haywire and this was an unplanned result if Gable's panicked expression was anything to go by. Until I get a better explanation and understanding of what's going on, I'm not touching anything zappy zappy.
"The circle pattern? Lukas weren't you studying seals? I think saw similar things in some books at Gable's." questions a kid.
"I was supposed to... but I don't remember them all you know. Gable's making me remember way too much, all the lines and squiggles look the same in the air than on paper!"
"It's kind of familiar? I've been in another circle like this before...I think this one takes the magic caster a place of 'intent'? You don't even need to say it out loud? Ah magic is weird, really cool but weird. Rosalia what did Cap' say you or your sister were supposed to do?"
Ah while I'm ruminating, the brats work fast deducing. Can't be helped, I have a lot more to mentally juggle. Yeah ok, good enough explanation for now.
"Right! 'Think of where you want to go', Lily said she wanted to go home. Funny though, I could have sworn she said she wanted mother's room."
Fine with me, the worst place we could have ended up at is the stupid prince's. I'm not looking forward to that annual visit coming up.
"Is this not it?" tries Amar, looking around the hall.
"No, it's my father's."
"Oh ok. So you wanted to go your father's? Ok then, that's good then that we got here. Maybe they're over at your mama's qaurters?"
"Maybe....Hey! What is that supposed to mean?!"
"??? That you wanted to see your father? I don't know?"
Don't be instigating that of all places I would want to appear at the nerd's room. How gross!
But I get nothing but blinks of confusion, ah brats.
Well, I suppose it's a much better place than being trapped in mother's boudier again. I found another hidden closet of dresses in her giant wardrobe but I really rather not be forced into so much boredom that I recount. At least father's study has interesting drafts and drawings to doodle and make notes on. Lots of progress on the farms and little inventions we have yet to commission or patent properly. I think so far only the hand whisks and butter churners.
But I have lots more toys- er tools to be worked on.
It's been a while since I looked at them. I wonder how the farms are doing this close to winter. There's a lot to be done if I want to implement reliable anti-famine measures in time before I turn 5. I'll be quite busy then I suspect. Can't have those hungry mobs rising up on me.
Oh and there was the matter of the tutors that I wanted to discuss with father, making it a formal employee education program and classes. Perhaps hiring another more suitable teacher for groups, maybe from the troops?
The sugar! Trade walls!
That was the latest thing I wanted to discuss with father! Yes why can't we important that sweet cheap stuff, even at a shipping rate and handling cost? What's the economic situation like in general? How can I market my future products if I don't know enough of the actual market?
I haven't even thought about touching the nearby ports yet.
Yes there's so much to be done. So much that the nerd is still useful for. Guess it's not so bad to land in front of his office.
Is he even still alive after mother? I don't think she would kill him literally, since she seems to love him so disgustingly and all. But it's a risk every Ventrella must live with, wrapped around mother's delicate and terrifying finger.
Don't ask me why we're all so scared of her. It's just instinct and common sense at this point, I don't really want to find out what has grampa and father shaking so hard.
"Hey hey, since we're here, where do you keep your steeds and horses?! Stables?! Can we see em. Can I pet em?"
Ah yes, another reason to see the nerd. Gotta be a good host and let Lukas pet some horses. Maybe not father's personal steeds but still. Man these legitimate reasons keep stacking up.
Very legitimate reasons, don't blink at me like that.
I sigh and give, telling the boys to wait right there in the hall while I go to find my father. It would be rude to just let them wander into his personal office, besides he might appreciate the heads up that I'm back.
Not like how my parent would be happy to have Lilyanne returned but apparently I'm trouble and they get worried I'm 'bothering' someone or something when I'm unaccounted for. Rude.
At this point I don't even bother knocking. For some odd reason, the door is never locked when I come by. That's very careless and out of character for father. Wait...is this a magical lock?
Eh oh well, it's not technically an unknown magical artifact. At least I never got zapped in all the times I've gone in and out.
"I'm home! Father I want to eat sweets so I think-....!!!!!"
Oh dear.
Oh hjdafsglkjawejfkbalsbfjdskaq2h48rb!!!! Nothing to see here!!!
"Eeep! Rosalia?"
"CHIP?!!!?!"
"Pardon me." I make a low curtsey, as is polite, and quickly back away.
Seeing absolutely nothing, nope, nada. What a hideous carpet father has, let's get him a new one later .
"Chip!!?!!!"
"Oho, don't panic dear."
"How do I not pan-"
And that's more then enough for me. Goodbye forever now.
"Please don't mind me, my mistake. Carry on."
New carpet, new desk, yes I'm oh so considerate. Mother won't have to lift a finger, absolutely not. Please don't move at all mother. Do not.
Without looking up once, I maneuver my way to slam the door shut.
What a lovely door, we should renforce it somehow to make it all the more lovelier.
Okay then, breathe Rosa gurl, breathe. This is nothing, I'm a modern woman. I've had access to the internet and drunken parties. I've lived through college and all my bartending shenanigans. Lots of things to see, many worse things to see. It's not like I'm a blushing Lilyanne. Ohohohoho, yes this is fine.
Except those are my parents so no, no it's not.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! ICKy Gross gross gross GROSS! It's snu-snu! My eyes! Death by snu-snu! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
"Rosa? What's wrong?"
"Oi is there a dead body!?! An attack?!"
In the burn of my eyes, I run into the closest little body waiting down the hall. No matter how much I rub my eyes, with either my own somehow wet hands or another's also now wet shirt, the cursed image is seared behind my eyelids.
I saw my own father's bare thighs? What do I do with that sort of information?!?! I don't need it! I don't need any of this! No one needs to see their own parents snu snu!
"What's snu snu?"
Snu snu?!!?! I can't help but cringe and die inside, though in this little easily overwhelmed body it results in a lot more crying. Again, I may or may not be screaming.
"Uh okay? Should we go take a look?"
Oh no no no bad, bad idea. It's bad enough that this baby mouth of mine is crying incomprehensible gibberish and teaching kids words they really should not know. No no no , let's not mentally scar anyone else. Especially kids this young! Oh the trauma!
"No don't!!!"
"It's fine, it will be fine. Lukas can you hold Rosa up? Be right back."
"Sure sure. Geez, you're all snotty. What was it? Was it that bad?"
In a flash, I'm transferred over and Lukas has a too cold ice bar wrapped up in cloth to smash against my burning hot face. Nose smashing aside, I can't let anyone else see the shame, the snu. I have to stop Amar.
"Stop! Don't do it, it's fine! Let's go wait outside!"
"???"
Luckily for me, the kid stops. But he is a fast little thing, less than halfway down from the cursed unblocked unlocked door. He tilts his head in owlish confusion and right after, that's when I know I'm not so lucky and it's too late.
His nose twitches and scrunches, like he smelled something rather unpleasant. Pinching it, he looks up with a displeased look that says he so knows.
He jogs back.
"Ohhh, so that's what it's called." he mulls, like a child learning new vocab words.
Ah shit.
"What's called what? What happened?! Is there blood? I thought you were okay with smelling blood now?"
"Blood is okay if it's plain? I'm getting better, Tamera says my nose will get used to it as I get older. But no blood, I think it's the snu snu? I didn't know it was called that."
"LET's allllll go outside!" I try in vain, because yes we are moving out but they keep talking?!?!
"What's snu snu?" echoes back Lukas.
"Do you remember that time we saw hookwolves mate in spring?"
"Oh that?! Is it like the time with the evergreen deers?"
"Yeah? That. But with people?"
"Ohhhhhh I didn't know it was called snusnu! No one ever tells me anything!"
"Ack, Rosa don't cry?! Why are you crying even more? Lukas why is she still crying?"
"Beats me. Cap is louder though."
"Was it the snusnu? There there, it's okay, don't cry. Should we tell her?"
"Rosalia's smart. She already knew the word s-!"
"WAAAAH NO no no!"
Stop saying that word! No no no no I am not having this conversation here or ever! Go talk to Gable you brats! I'm not even crying! I'm not responsible for anything!!!
The cursed door to father's office slams open with the sound of mother's familiar "oh dear!".
No no no oh please don't mind us at all, we're just on our way out of here.
I really don't think I can look at either of my parents in the eyes right now. I understand they're humans and my sister and I were created somehow, yes of course I really do. But they're my parents!?!!
After all this time I've really come to see them with the same level of embarrassing as actual biological parents, which they technically are. Absolutely are, I think I'm going to be sick. The shame, the cringe, I really can't.
"Rosalia! Rosa why are you - ...You there....unhand my daughter." comes a low voice I almost don't recognize.
Father...
I don't want to think about why it's pitched that way and cower even lower, gripping into the kindergartners. I almost feel bad for the kids for getting caught up in this messed-up family drama but I'm busy trying to save my own hide here.
"Guys, start running."
"But your da is really scary looking."
"And he smells funny. Sorry?"
"Run! Lukas ice it! Amar speed run us now! Go go go don't you dare let them get me! Go!"
The worst things always happen whenever Gable isn't around. This is why Gable took us away isn't it? Stupid gross couple!!!
Curse my life, oh why me?! Wherever Lilyanne is I bet she's having a much better time.
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Baby Bonus:
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"Mama! Mama?"
"Well Lilyanne my dearest sweetest little baby girl, this is certainly my not as little girl's room. Yes this is her dresser and all her lovely things! So many things. Huh? When did she get this many things?"
"Mama?"
"Maria doesn't seem to be here sweetheart!"
"*hic* Mwaamaa?"
"Ahhh Lily, don't cry. I'm sure Maria is around somewhere, she's just not in her room!""
"Waaaaaaaah Mwamwa! No mamaaaaaaa!!!!"
"My what healthy lungs you have! Almost as healthy as Rosalia's! You're getting so much stronger Lily! "
"WAAAAAAAHHHH MWAMA!!! LILLI WANT MAMAAAA!!!!!"
"SHhh Shhh don't cry! Gwampapa' is here! So don't cry so much Lillyanne, or Maria will really be mad at me if she sees you like this!!! "
"*Hic Hic* WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
With a burst of not so beautiful fountain works, a little toddler drives a grown man into the pits of panic and stupid desperation. But what, oh what could soothe the sweet little screaming creature?! Her mother? Well too bad, her mother wasn't there.
Maria was a big girl now and had to do big girl things too. Ah, they grow up so fast.
What about her mother's things? Yeah that worked when Maria was small. Sometimes she liked smelling his cloaks and clothes, wrapped herself with them. That will work!
"Look at this Lilyanne! Your mama's...errr uhh...what is it? Shawl! It's sparkly!"
To soothe the screeching angel, he had to delicately wave the delicate article of cloth back and forth in front of her wet face. It took some time but eventually the darling little girl calmed down to giggle and grasp at the shawl.
"Mama!"
"Yes Lilyanne, it's your mama's shawl and this is her room and she'll be back very soon for you!"
"Mama!" chattered the toddler, chubby little arms waving and finally catching at the shawl, which she clumsily started wrapping around her grandfather's head.
"Mama!" she pointed and clapped.
Oh isn't that just precious?
"Hahaha! No my silly sweetie poo! It's grampapa'!"
"Mama?"
"Grampapa!'
"*hic* Mama?"
Oh dear, oh no.
"*hic hic* Mwama?"
He grabbed the next article of clothing before his delicate baby granddaughter turned on the monstrous water fountain again. She was so well hydrated!
Hours later, his daughter did return, with her listless depressed husband and red struggling firstborn in tow. Huh, what happened there?
"Papa? Why are you wearing my things?"
His lovely Maria asked, genuinely concerned and drawing the attention of the rest of her family to the disaster of a scene in front of them. At least Lilyanne was happy.
"Bwaaaaaahhahahahahah! Holy-hahahahahah! Princess!!! It's a princess grampa!!! Holy disne-pffft bwahahahha!!!"
And so was Rosalia if her roaring laughter was anything to go by,
"PFFFFFt where's a camera bwahahaha!!! Gable, where's Gable?! No Gable! Bwahahhaha! Guys? Guys get in here, you have to see this!"
"Honored Father? I don't believe that's your color?"
"Frederick dear! Don't discourage him, papa if there's anything you want to tell me of course I'll love and support you no matter what! Oh but papa not the Downing gown! Oh and it doesn't go with those stockings."
"That's what I'm saying my love it's an awful clash of colors and parts! The low neckline works surprisingly well though?"
Hey don't look at him, he's surprised the thing even fits! Chest, waist and butt. What is with the additional butt thing on women's dresses these days?
By the way does this dress make him look fat?