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I WANT TO BE THE DARK LORD
Triple stack pancakes

Triple stack pancakes

I set off in the direction of the ursaper staying close to the tree trunks as I went. I heard a branch break nearby and froze, trying to spot anything through the brush and trees. Then it happened, the ursaper burst through a wall of brush close to me, too close I tried to put the tree between us and was batted away by its massive paw. I was sent end over end sprawling across the forest floor. There was a sharp pain in my arm and a constant ache in my side but I didn’t have time for that I had to run, had to get up and go.

I dug my newfound claws into the dirt and scrambled my way into a run, the only thing keeping me out of reach was the constant zigzagging around and in-between trees. Every breath felt like ice cutting through my chest, but the sound of the ursaper crashing through everything right behind me kept me from slowing even for a moment. Finally the pit was in front of me and I leaped with all I had barely clearing it, landing badly and crashing along the ground sending new waves of pain through my arm and side.

The ursaper to intent on chasing me never even jumped it just charged straight into the pit slamming full stop onto the stakes. Then the paw crested the top of the pit. This fucking thing was trying to drag itself out, how hateful was this thing it had to have been gored by at least ten stakes already. Can't let this thing get out was my only thought as I found myself leaping down onto its back, I slammed my fist repeatedly into its head. As fresh waves of pain rolled through my body, I realized the bones in my hands were shattering while doing almost nothing to the ursaper. I channeled aether into my hands, they had to be stronger, tougher then any bone plate. I felt the change in my hands as bones knit themselves back together and something about their shape was different, but I didn’t waste time looking just slamming both fist as hard as I could into its head.

A cracking sound unlike anything id ever heard resounded through the forest. The Ursaper wasn’t moving anymore and then the pain hit me. Wave after rolling wave of agony radiating through both my arms looking down both arms were mangled, twisted in wrong directions. Ironically my hands appeared to be fine other some new bone plate like growths covering the back of my hands and knuckles. There was a clear depression in the ursaper’s skull where my hand had landed, and blood was now dripping out its snout.

I took my time gathering the will to stand. Using the ursaper’s corpse to wiggle my way up and out of the pit, every little bump and nudge re-igniting fresh pain in what was most of my body at this point really. I trudged my way back towards the cave slowly as the forest grew darker with the coming night. When I saw the faint glow from inside the dome I wanted to jump for joy, what I actually did was manage a tired chuckle and a dopey smile. Once I was inside the entryway, I let myself collapse and wait for someone to find me.

I heard a gasp and then the pitter patter of feet rushing down into the cave, shortly followed by a hoard of goblins stampeding back out. They worked together to drag me down through the cave and onto my normal bedding where the Viess, Ultai and Sazz were waiting.

“It’s dead” I said smiling sheepishly at the glaring trio, for a response Sazz sat on my chest sparking fresh pain throughout my body, but before I could do anything she nodded. Ultai and Viess grabbed an arm each and began setting the bones in place, and I screamed inhuman screams while thrashing, Sazz just smugly enjoyed the ride. When they had finished setting and splinting my arms and Sazz had climbed off, I asked them to see to gathering the ursaper’s body and getting the pit filled in. Sazz and Viess nodded and went to go take care of things, Ultai looked down at me and said “For strong chief, you break often” then she Smiled that toothy grin of hers.

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I was awoken in the middle of the night to find Sazz and Viess dragging me through the tunnels, all the while Ultai was seated on my lap holding the top of my pants like a saddle horn and giggling like a mad woman.

“Ladies where are we going?”

“Bath, lots of dirt and blood.” Sazz said while wiping her hand across my nose and causing me to almost retch much to Ultai’s delight.

“And why am I going?”

“Babies” was Viess’ definitive answer.

“Now hang on here ladies, we gathered that thistle for a reason you know, and I'm not exactly in fighting condition here”

“Make it harder for Kalder to run” Sazz said.

“Talk about Thistle after, Bath now” said Viess as we entered the reservoir. The trio wasted no time stripping me down and setting me to helplessly float around the water. Viess and Sazz began washing up, Ultai on the other hand giggled and then there was a splash. They could have at least brought a torch so I could see what was about to happen. There was a loud splash and spray of water from between my legs accompanied by a very feral growl. The Predator in these waters had caught her prey and it was now resting quite comfortably in Ultai’s mouth. Then Ultai did her trademark giggle without ever opening her mouth and it took everything I had to hang on to my soul.

“My turn” was all I heard before Sazz had her tongue down my throat. I returned the favor with enthusiasm, happy to finally be a participant. Sazz’s hands never stopped roaming, leaving me increasingly jealous with thoughts of all the things around for me to get my hands on if they were in working order.

A soft solid single growl echoed through the cavern causing Ultai to yelp and release me, fortunately I wasn’t fated to be free very long. Viess wasted no time in mounting me and immediately started riding with all the force she could. The sheer intensity of her movements would have drowned me if not for Sazz supporting my head, unwilling to give up our lip lock. Before long riding turned into short fierce grinds, I could feel Viess staring intensely into my eyes even through Sazz’s head. Viess suddenly clenched up and with a long slow moan that caused me to finish with her, she let herself drape across me and Sazz finally let me up for air.

“That was fantastic, why don’t we save talking until tomorrow and just enjoy a well-earned sleep tonight?”

“No, Sazz and Ultai not done yet.” Viess practically purred into my neck.

In that dark and steamy reservoir many evils were committed against me ensuring id have no rest that night, And I began to think, Fuck …... I'm glad to be the goblin chief. Just before I lost consciousness for the night, I managed to tell them exactly how I felt about everything that had happened tonight “Stupid Sexy Goblins”.

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It took a few weeks for my arms to heal, during that time Viess, Ultai and Sazz had taken to wearing the Ursaper teeth as earrings. Apparently for this particular tribe it was a Mark of pride to wear the bones of something your mate had killed, which I had to admit was doing wonders to my ego.

Grak had also taken to visiting me frequently, he had an un-ending passion for his rabbits. I have to admit I didn’t share his enthusiasm but listening to him talk while ceaselessly smiling was definitely good for my spirits.

With everything that had been hunted recently, the tribe had managed to outfit every member with bone knives and the majority of arrows now had proper heads on them. The tribe members were still constantly passing around the metal tools id brought with me, so it would seem I was going to have to make a trip soon.

Once I was back in good health, I had the tribe start a guard rotation and let them know I'd be back in a few days. I headed back to my old hut to gather a bag of coins I kept under a floorboard, it was a sendoff from when I'd left the academy years earlier. With that i was finally ready to head to the merchant city of the kobolds.