When I awoke the next morning I set Ultai in charge of the trap project and gave Zraih some ideas for spring loaded designs before heading to find Avi. We headed to the front entrance to have room to spar properly while Avi would give me advice.

I awoke in a world of pain Avi beat me senseless no matter how hard I swung or fast I moved she would just grab my arm flip me to my back and kick me in the ribs. I can smell blood, and looking around yes, yes indeed its mine. I tried closing my eyes to ride out the pain.

“You make a shit soldier, come on, up you go, the mornings young and you’ve yet to land even a hit on me” Avi chided

I groaned and managed to get back to my feet having serious thoughts of side effects be damned I might just try and find out how fireproof dragon-kin actually are. Huh Avi is a grey dragon-kin what the fuck is that element?

“Avi what element are you anyway?”

“Not sure my parents weren't exactly the educated types but I think fog. I can see and move through the stuff without disturbing it at all.” Avi responded

“You should have been a scout or assassin or something then, would have gotten more money for it at least.”

I was then promptly punched in the nose and told to “quit stalling”. We trained until the mid-afternoon, I never did manage to hit her, but I am getting pretty good at not getting the wind knocked out me when she throws me on my back. I may have even picked up a thing or two about properly using the claws on my hands and feet but that’s a little harder to tell when I can’t land a single fucking hit.

Lunch was a very sweet affair, Sazz was more than happy to lovingly hand feed me with my head resting in her lap after Avi unceremoniously dumped my almost corpse by the fire. I chewed as slow as I could, I am a big enough man (now somewhat literally) to admit I am stalling, I don’t want to go back to training and if I hadn't grown attached to this tribe I would flee far and fast from what I was starting to view as my personal torturer Avi.

After lunch on our way back out for more training/torture we had the ever so soothing backdrop of goblin giggling coming from all the dark corners of the cave system. Unsettling as it is to be scared of your own home while in your own home, it does give me some ideas on how to add my own flavor to the goblin’s traps.

Afternoon training consisted of Avi throwing rocks at my, lots of rocks. Supposedly it was to “help my hand-eye coordination and reflexes.” The problem with trying to block and dodge rocks thrown by battle hardened dragon-kin is that she has very good aim and if you do manage to block a very fast-moving rock is still hitting whatever body part you used to block. My only solace is that after taking a rock to the little toe I let out a string of expletives so abhorrent I have now seen a dragon-kin soldier blush.

Avi assures me I’m learning exceptionally well, most people never dodge any of the rocks she throws, and by blocking almost half of them I may have set a new record for her. I can no longer tell if she is actually this naïve or is in all actuality a diagnosable sociopath. The realization that she has tortured me to this extent while still technically badly wounded is causing my new levels of anxiety, I am going to have to find out if any of the goblins understand therapy.

When training was done for the day Avi drug my limp, broken and ever so bruised body to the baths. The she-devil incarnate had the audacity to blush while she undressed me, I would have taken my revenge by teasing her mercilessly but as I only really have the one muscle left that isn't totally destroyed, I am feeling just a small bit overprotective of it. At least she was gentle while helping to clean me.

“Why do you clip your hair so close to your scalp?” Avi asked while scrubbing my head.

“I have hair again? Sweet merciful aether I'm not bald anymore!”

“Yeah....... little gray peach fuzz all over your head.” was Avi’s response.

“I'm blonde and far too young for grays I assure you”

“And I have very good vision, it is gray I assure you” Avi teased.

I then spent a not inconsiderable amount of time grumbling about thrice-damned side effects.

Eventually Avi chimed in with the dreadful question of “ What's the story with you and those three female goblins anyway?”

“I'm not sure even I fully understand it, but I think something along the lines of they were the first to find me so they made claim on me. So far Grak seems to be keeping the others female goblins happy enough it hasn't really been an issue. As far as anything more goes, I haven't really had a chance to think about it yet but I'm not planning to go anywhere and they seem happy to have me so I guess I'm okay with that.”

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

“You know that’s more than a little weird, right?” Avi retorted

“I’m a wizard living in a glorified hole in the ground with a bunch of goblins, weird seems par for the course.”

This set Avi off in a laughing fit and we eventually relented deciding we’d had enough bathing. We headed back to the main cavern to enjoy dinner where I was more than happy to be doted on by three particular goblins that were shooting Avi very evil glares, meanwhile Zraih watched us while continually pantomiming barfing.

After dinner I made my way into the main pathway the cave took down and tried to steady myself and prepare to use an unholy amount of aether. I began pulling on the aether with all my willpower, feeling wave after disorienting wave wash over me as I rearranged the very cave itself underneath my own feet while I remained standing in relatively the same place. I started by dragging the cave even deeper into the ground, before opening up the main pathway down. My next move was to shift all side passages and caverns back behind the main cavern. I finished by creating a forest of stalagmites running the entire length of the entryway with all of the already built traps woven in between.

The aether pushed on even further than my own designs, twisting and warping the stalagmites further into its own approximation of a forest. Gnarled branches made of various types of stone began to jut off from the top of the stalagmites while various grooves and patterns flaked away from the base creating a fake covering of bark. The various branches began sprouting leaves made of crystalline minerals that reflected what little light they caught from either end of the passageway in a dizzying kaleidoscope, causing the already dense shadows in the passage to appear even darker and twist and writhe. Some of the branches began to hang low, weighed down by budding fist sized fruits made of whatever metal ores that particular tree had managed to dredge up.

I looked on in a bit of self-awed wonder at the stone and crystal forest stretching its way up and out before me and the soft blue glow around the highest branches, seemingly drawn down from the very entrance to the now massive cave complex. All in all I found myself feeling very smug with my creation, right until the side effects started.

I raced back through the caves, unable to even spare a glance for the still lost and disoriented goblins in their newly rearranged home. During my panicked flight I could just make out the howling echoes about a “fucking ghoul” something to investigate when I could spare the brain power. I made it to the mushroom cave just in time to fertilize the moist dirt, losing what should have been my dinner but instead turned out to be a nigh endless stream of half chewed, ground up leaves.

This continued well into the night enough so that I'm fairly certain I have vomited my entire forest worth of leaves. Just when I felt hope began to return my stomach lurched and I found myself voiding dirt and sand from an entirely new direction. I have often found myself comparing various toiletries to sandpaper throughout my life, I am deeply upset to now know for a fact that even the most roughly crafted cloth or paper, is a blessing to be cherished and never even to be considered in the same realm as sand again.

I find myself forced to cancel today’s training with Avi and I now believe with all my heart that she is a saint for not inflicting harm upon my more sensitive places such as the aether has.

Finally managing to struggle out of the mushroom cave with a deep longing for another bath and sleep, I was greeted by the sight of an angry little male goblin. This small goblin took one look at me and started a long-winded tirade, especially by goblin standards, aimed at me. Something about serving my own interest and not the goblins, somewhere in there he made a comment about me being meat, which Sazz felt warranted interjecting that I was in fact “spicy meat”. Further incising this angry little man, eventually he managed to get out that he was challenging me to be chief.

I simply don’t have the energy mental or physical left to think of a better way to deal with him so I simply accepted. He charged at me right away brandishing a small metal knife that he wouldn’t even have if not for my involvement. Given my current state and increasingly bad mood, I decided not to humor him further. As soon as the goblin was in range, I kicked with every ounce of energy I could muster, connecting right between his stubby little legs hard enough to launch him across the cavern.

When he finally came to a rolling stop, he tried to stand back up, promptly vomited on himself (Giving me at least a little dignity back after my previous day) and collapsed back to the ground, occasionally managing a whimper. Being fairly confident that I could call this my victory I gingerly made the thankfully now much shorter trip to a very necessary bath.

After making my way back to the main cavern again Viess cuddled up next to me before simply asking “Grumpy?”

“More that I'm tired but, yes I'm grumpy too.”

“Wasn't using it anyway.” She laughed back at me.

I cringed with a little bit of shame as I answered “I'm not sure if he’s going to have the option too after that, but why was he being outcast like that?”

“Not outcast but, not Grak. Grak very busy bunny.” Viess snorted out trying and failing to keep her laughter in check.

“Well, that explains part of it, anything else make him that angry?”

“Probably bored, not hunting now, fun to hunt, make trouble, too much energy.” Viess explained

“Maybe I can talk Avi into beating up the rest of the goblins alongside me from now on, maybe you goblins will be too tired to cause trouble then.” I said while nudging conspiratorially.

“Nope, I got gobolds, I good.” she answered while resting more of her weight onto me and happily staring at her eggs.

With that display of cuteness, I couldn’t help but snatch her up like a little green psychopathic teddy bear, and cuddle into her while I laid done for some much-needed rest.