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I Think The Gods Hate Me?
03 <> The First Step

03 <> The First Step

I’m not too used to having dreams.

I don’t think anyone gets used to having dreams since they’re so inconsistent.

When I was younger I had a dream of being stuck in my house, there were cans everywhere of every kind.

And I was crying, trying to find anyone and when I went to the door, there was something calling out to me.

It became a recurring place in my dreams.

Somehow, I’d always come back to that house, and the words from that door never became any clearer.

Which makes me wonder why it’s suddenly open now.

Staring at the open passageway my legs were frozen, no matter what I did I couldn’t move.

I was torn between curiosity and fear, trying to contemplate what is beyond that door but not wanting to leave the familiar embrace of the ruined house I knew.

“Isn’t it weird?” A voice piped up from the couch, drawing my attention to Xayan.

He stared at me as he laid across the couch, staring at the TV that displayed the same blank neon screen as it usually did, “Before I was hit by that volleyball, I had something similar to this.”

“A brightly decorated house, perfectly clean, but no one was around except for a shut door.”

“It made me jealous.”

Xayan stood up, shuffling past the cans and reaching out to me, cupping my face with wide eyes, “So why?”

“Why, after working so hard, why am I back where I started? Stuck with you?”

My body felt frozen, my hands trembling as he tilted my head towards a nearby mirror where I saw myself.

Back in my original body, blood staining my blonde hair and seeping down my neck to cover my skin as well.

It was me.

But it felt foreign.

Xayan tilted my head back towards me, digging his nails into my skin as his mouth opened to speak,

“███ ███’█ ██ ██?”

-

The first thing I felt when I woke up was sweat all over my body, soaking whatever unfortunate shirt I wore to sleep.

I took in a deep breath, raising my hand up to see it trembling subconsciously.

What the fuck was that?

A warning? Obviously, there’s always something like this, isn’t there?

From the few isekai’s my friends made me watch, there was never something where the new met the old, so this was…weird.

The second thing I heard upon awakening was the blaring alarm from Xayan’s phone, set precisely for 5:30 AM, a whole two hours before school even started, he didn’t even live that far.

Rolling onto my side, I slapped the phone enough times to shut off the alarm before sitting up and rubbing my face.

If I wanted to last I’ll probably have to learn Xayan’s mannerisms, and his past, and…whatever.

Why can’t I just lie and tell people I lost all my memories? That’d be ten times easier.

What would’ve been a hundred times easier would be if I got a concussion like Xayan was supposed to, but I guess not.

I slid out of bed and headed towards the dresser, changing out of the dirty clothes and tossing them on the bed to clean later.

The dresser was a different story, however. Most of the clothes were too small, had holes, or were dirty. The few clothes that weren’t were all the same color and design, a black t-shirt with a red-white target on the back.

My brows furrowed in frustration as I threw the t-shirt on, pairing it with the black dress pants he had.

In all honesty, from the few times Xayan was shown I’m not too surprised. Whilst everyone else got outfit changes each episode, Xayan consistently wore the same outfit but I always chalked it up to the artists getting lazy.

Personally, the worst part was the fact the outfit didn’t even look half bad aside from the fact that with how skinny Xayan was, his stomach area made his hips look unnaturally wide. Gosh, does he even eat?

I debated on grabbing something from his kitchen, but after remembering the mess out there I doubt there was much in the fridge anyways.

Slipping on his shoes and bag, I left through the sliding door on the side of Xayan’s room that led into the backyard.

-

School wasn’t too bad. If anything it was better than my old school.

The content they were studying as seniors was the same as everything taught when I was a junior, as well as the fact that Xayan took no magic classes meant I didn’t have to worry about learning that.

I breezed through every class and was done before everyone, not to brag or anything.

Okay, now I sound like some arrogant anime protagonist, let’s just get to the juicy parts. Lunch.

The moment the bell rang, Marian burst into my class and dragged me to the lunch line, stating that Xayan “needed to eat more, “ which I couldn’t deny.

Now I’m sitting in the gym eating with the rest of the volleyball team and simply accepting whatever food they passed me.

Their conversations mostly went in one ear and out the other.

“Xayan, open up.” Marian’s spoon prodded at my cheek as he held some peach yogurt, hand feeding me it as if I was some baby.

Actually in general I’ve learned a few things. The other species see humans as more fragile than most, and Xayan getting hit probably further intensified their idea of humans needing to be handled with care.

Not that I mind! It was nice being pampered, even the teachers take it easy on me because Xayan’s a human.

Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.

I happily ate the peach yogurt, making sure to leave nothing on the spoon before tearing open the granola bar I was given as well.

“I heard that captain is gonna give us a scolding during practice today.” Solil piped up as he chewed on the home lunch he brought.

Corill nodded in agreement, a shiver running down his spine in fear as he released a sigh, “Ah, I’m too young to die! It’s over for us…I mean seriously, losing the first scrimmage before the season, how are we expected to make it to any form of tournament anyways?” He whined, blobs of slime running down from his eyes like tears.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll take it easy on us since Xayan did get injured. And we can learn a lot from the scrimmage, maybe it’ll help us improve!” Marian said, earning a nod from a few of the members.

I wasn’t too sure on Marian’s optimism, in episode five when the captain did come back, I’m pretty sure he made them do suicides several times.

With one final spoonful of yogurt, the bell rang and everyone was back off to their classes, waving goodbye to each other.

“Marian,” I piped up, tugging on his sleeve, “Do you think I can have some shirts and pants from you? A lot of my clothes are too small.” My first course of action was getting Xayan a better wardrobe.

The doll looked pleasantly surprised but nodded anyway, “Sure! I can get you it tomorrow. If you want you can come clothes shopping with me too.”

“Thaaanks for the offer, but I don’t need a lot more.” I denied before heading back to class.

This shirt was already getting itchy from wearing it, and I could only hope the PE uniform for practice wasn’t as bad, but I didn’t get my hopes up.

-

Okay.

I was right.

I now lay on the gym floor, wheezing and panting after having to run several laps around the gym, as well as having to do burpees and suicides several times.

Why? Because Xayan got hit.

That’s right, folks! Because Xayan got injured and could’ve gotten a concussion, he’s being punished for not being able to tough it out.

“What are you doing on the floor, Xayan? Get up!” Havek, an angel, scowled, grabbing me up by the collar and lifting me, “You still have ten more laps to do, and two sets of burpees left! There’s no lounging around!”

He placed me back on my feet just for my legs to crumble like jello, sinking to the floor as I gasped for air.

You’re probably wondering why an angel is able to participate in volleyball, I mean, they do have wings that would let them fly and such, but Havek is different.

He lacked any form of wings, apparently they had been removed for some reason not yet mentioned in the show, but either way it made him a FUCKING BITCH.

“Havek, you should really go easier on him-” Solil said as the rest of the team watched, all exhausted as well.

The comment caused Havek to become even more furious, “You’re right Solil! Now you have 15 laps, get moving!” He shouted at me with enough force to practically rattle my brain.

Maybe Xayan left to not deal with this bullshit…

I climbed to my feet, swaying side to side as I started running around the gym once more, sweat dripping down my chin as my throat grew dry with each intake of air.

Havek turned his attention to the rest of the group as he waved at them to go start practicing serves and sets, making running even more difficult as I had to avoid balls rolling in my way or shooting towards me.

Speaking of things shooting towards me…it almost felt as though every one of Havek’s serves were aiming directly for my head..!

I let out a yelp as I had to duck under another one of the angel’s serves, nearly tumbling over as I did so.

Demon angel! A fucking demon angel!

After my 15th lap, I finally got a break since the team convinced the captain to drop the two sets of burpees. I was gasping for air, feeling as though I just crossed a desert as I crawled over to Marian’s bag and took out his water bottle to drink from it.

The team was currently doing a 6v6 match against one another with the more advanced players on one side and the rest on the other side.

For once I was a bit relieved that I had to run all those laps as it meant I was automatically benched for the first set to recover.

I continued to drink from Marian’s bottle, gulping down a good 2/3rds of it before stopping. I was glad that Xayan’s body was already used to rigorous training, cause if it was my body, I think I would’ve passed out at the second burpee.

The rings of the volleyball being hit against the gym floor reverberated through the place as I sat watching, taking note of anyone important and their positions.

Havek was an all rounder, he was well versed in just about everything when it came to having a position.

Solil was a decent enough setter, but could make some pretty good spikes once and awhile.

Marian was slowly becoming an all rounder as well, he just needed to work on serves and receives.

Then there was number eight and eleven. Number eight was an elf named Nervim, he was extremely good at blocking due to his height, as well as spiking. The only problem with Nervim was that he’d often receive with his upper arms rather than forearms as intended.

Eleven is a boy named Arlo, he looks relatively normal until you realize he has two cockroach antennas. He’s pretty nice and a very good libero, as well as reliable. It’s a wonder why someone as rich as him would even attend a rundown school like Cinnabar.

“Mine!” Solil received the ball with ease, sending it over to Havek. The angel set the ball over to Marian, who took off with a running start before leaping into the air and hitting it.

The other team had two blockers that jumped up, just for the ball to slip through between their arms. “Yilmaz, you’re still not closing your arms enough when blocking!” Havek scolded, “Am I going to have to tape your arms together or something?!”

Another reason why I was glad to be benched…he was brutal with criticism. The rule of criticism being constructive and neutral was nothing to Havek, since he’d be constructive but still tear you a new one if you were bad enough.

“Xayan, switch in with Yilmaz, but I doubt you’ll be any better.” Havek called out, causing me to freeze in surprise.

I laughed awkwardly, waving my hands in front of me, “What? I- Naah, I’m still really exhausted from all those laps, I need a bit of a longer break…”

“No excuses!” He shouted as I dragged myself onto the court and got into position.

On the outside I could only hope I looked calm, but on the inside I was on the verge of losing it. I’ve never played volleyball before, why does he expect me to know now? Maybe Xayan’s muscle memory will kick in and I’ll be able to but until then I’m fucked!

My feet felt frozen as I watched the ball fly into the air and pass over the net. It was received with a loud smack, followed by voices piling over each other calling for the ball.

I shifted around, trying to look as if I was trying my best until it came towards me.

I felt frozen.

I felt scared.

My arms were frozen in place as I watched the ball drop down towards me, a horrible physical reaction as I tried to scream at Xayan’s body to move, to do anything.

The ball slammed into the top of my head as another player tried to dive and recover the ball, yet it was too late.

Hanging my head in shame, I quickly covered my ears and turned on my heel to run out.

My hands were trembling and the world felt as though it was spinning, not to mention how numb my legs felt.

Throwing open the gym door and leaving, I turned the corner and ran to who knows where. Somewhere safe. I just needed somewhere safe.

I could feel my heart thumping against my ribs, threatening to tear them apart with how fast my body moved. With how quick my breathing was my head grew light as I stumbled onto the patio, sliding open the glass door and falling to my knees.

This isn’t how Xayan was in the show.

This isn’t how it’s supposed to go.

I clenched my teeth as I crawled along the floor and closed the door softly, my eyes darting around the room as I reached Xayan’s bed.

Was this a reaction from Xayan? Or was it from me? Is Xayan afraid of being hit by the ball again? Why?

Why me?

Before I realized it, I was crying, the upper half of my body slumped onto the bed as I sobbed into the sheets, weakly grasping at Xayan’s blanket as I hiccuped and tried to drag myself up.

Everything felt disconnected, at some point I couldn’t even tell if I was still grabbing onto the blanket or not.

After a few minutes, it stopped.

I laid against the bed as my breathing stabilized, a hand against my chest as I felt Xayan’s heart slow.

Fuck.

Instead of being relieved I felt so…embarrassed.

A wave of shame flooded over me as I fully climbed onto the bed and curled up on my side, fingers digging into my skin as a mixture of my own and Xayan’s thoughts collided.

The team must think I’m pathetic now. I’m terribly unreliable, and I wouldn’t put it against Havek to kick me out of the club due to it.

But isn’t that good if I’m out of the club? I’ll be able to try and live normally in this world, won’t I?

My eyes felt heavy from the tears, my feet felt even heavier from sprinting all the way home.

I forced my grip on myself to loosen as the stinging sensation left behind from my nails faded, along with my consciousness.

Let’s just hope practice isn’t as bad tomorrow.