Author Note: Ok, I shouldn't be going to write something else when my other project's totally stalled by my stupid brain and wanting to work more on the world before the third chapter, but I'm not putting much into this story, hopefully it will be mostly a gag-story, no idea if it will develop into something, just liked the idea

Chapter 1 - Bad News, Good News and more bad News, or how I met God and he wasn't as Omniscient

I Died.

What – The – Fuck?

Fuck, fuck fUck, FuCK, fucK...

What was I doing? Why did I have to cross the street?

It wasn't that hot, the shade on the other side wasn't that good, and where the FUCK did that strange truck with Asian-like letters came from?

It ran over me, it simply didn’t stop or lower its speed, I couldn't even see the damn driver before everything went black.

Of course I still got a nice amount of sensation of having my body get smeared off on the next 100 meters. I'm sure someone recorded it; I hope the video goes viral at least, that way my family may get the news faster than through normal bureaucracy.

‘Sighs’ I obviously didn't really sigh, I currently don't have lungs or mouth to expel the air out.

I’m barely what could be called a wisp, a floating ball of white fire, a flame shaped like a water drop with a flickering flame on the upper half.

At least that huge figure has been patient with my reactions ‘I wonder who this is?’

I'M GOD

‘Wait. What? How did you do that? You spoke directly to my mind, wait, do I even have a mind?’

CALM DOWN YOUNG SOUL, THINGS AREN’T AS BAD AS YOU MAY THINK. YOUR LIFE RAN LONGER THAN IT SHOULD, YOUR FATE WAS MEANT TO END SOONER AND IN ‘CLEANER’ CIRCUMSTANCES. AS YOU SEE, EACH SOUL CAN BE DESCRIBED AS A THREAD IN THE LARGE TAPESTRY OF EXISTANCE, AND EACH THREADS LENGTH, COLOR AND THICKNESS IS WAS GIVES THIS GREAT TAPESTRY…

This God guy kept talking and talking, I wonder if he practiced this speech before, something kind of makes me doubt I'm the first guy in this situation. I try to look around as the monologue keeps going.

...FATE'S A POWERFUL FORCE, AND HAVING YOURS TWISTED MEANS YOUR LIFE'S NOT WHAT IT SHOULD AND YOUR NEXT LIFE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A HORNED SNAIL...

I'm in what looks like a strange white room, and did this guy say I should have be a snail in my next life? That really sucks, I'm glad I didn't die even younger.

I wonder if I can fall asleep and let this old man keep talking, maybe I will wake up once he stops; his monologue's making me...fall…asleep...

...KE UP! WAKE UP ALREADY! YOUNGSTERS TODAY DON'T RESPECT FIGURES OF AUTHORITY LIKE BEFORE! WHEN I WAS YOUNGER WE DID AS OUR ELDERS TOLD US...

God, this guy just doesn’t understand how boring he was. ‘Hey! Gramps, come on, stop with that, go to the point already, I may be dead, but you are about to bore me into it again.’

*EHEM* OKAY, MAYBE YOU ARE RIGHT. I WILL MAKE IT SHORT, AS I WAS TRYING TO EXPLAIN. I'LL HAVE YOUR SOUL REINCARNATE INTO A NEW WORLD WHERE YOU WILL HAVE TO GET ENOUGH GOOD KARMA TO FIX YOUR FATE, WORRY NOT, YOU WON'T GO UNPREPARED, YOU WILL BE KEEPING YOUR MEMORIES...

‘That sure sounds nice, maybe it will be as one of those stories I have read online, I should try to remember what they usually do during the kid stage to grow in power quickly, also I wonder if I should tell my parents, better not, what if they think I'm the Devil or something like that.’ As god spoke I could see my soul be covered by a golden radiance.

…AND I WILL BE GIFTING YOU A POWERFUL ABILITY, IT'S HARD TO USE, BUT THERE'S NO LIMITS TO IT, I WILL GRANT YOU*BZZZTTT***

‘Jesus, fucking, CHRIST!!! What the hell is that sound? It’s like many power tools working on my head at the same time’. I couldn't hear what god said before the white room went pitch black, but I managed to feel something getting into me, becoming part of me; I felt heavier.

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

Next thing I know is that all I could see is a sea of fire, thousands of millions of souls like me, some larger, some smaller, some of different colors, but all of them similar, all moving along a large river on a black emptiness. I could feel myself dragged into it, pulled along with them.

But things weren't ending there for me in this strange situation. Just as I was about to get in that river of soul fire something grabbed me.

I felt like a giant invisible hand pinched on the tip of my fire and held me like a water balloon before throwing me over; I could see a different sea of fire appear in front of me. The fire in this was like an inferno compared to the previous one. Every soul was several times my own, strange marks glowed on most of them, some souls had items floating inside or around, others animals and strange creatures.

I saw souls connected to each other, a big soul with multiple smaller ones floating like moons around a planet. I saw animalistic souls, shaped like strange beasts lashing at others souls. I saw things that I could only explain by abstracts, souls shaped like purity, power, wickedness and others.

And just as I dipped into that large river, the speed picked up, the fire grew more intense, like a river turning into a rapid. The fire became a blinding light and suddenly I felt myself more solid, I felt how the warm that bathed me gave into a cold air and two large hands grabbed me, even with my eyes open I could barely see past my nose.

And just like that I was born, the lights of the room were blinding but I managed to shield my eyes from them with my small pudgy hands ‘OK, looks like I can at least understand them.’

"Look at that, our baby's finally born" I couldn't see well, but the voice seemed feminine enough and came from the direction I just came out, that must be my mother. I’m thankful that I couldn’t see or my life may have been permanently scarred.

"Yes, a strong little boy, I wonder what's his name" The second voice I heard came from a side, sounding this manly, I bet it was my father.

‘Name? Is this a world were parent's don't choose their sons' names?’

"Come on dear, you can tell us your name already, this is surely not your first time" The woman I should call my mother asked me directly.

‘What? First time what? Woman, I was just born, how could I talk?’

"Come on Champion, your father has passed through this too; reincarnation is not strange thing here.” I heard my father talk about it so nonchalantly that it left me perplexed. “Ma'am, is all okay? Shouldn’t he already be talking? Or at least communicating with us in some way, no? This is the first child we have here, but we heard how it goes; we remember our first time reincarnating here, he's not crying, that's good, but most kids should talk and present themselves" My father seemed to be talking to the person holding me currently.

‘What? What?! Where the fuck did I end?’

“Calm down you two, it’s not completely strange if this is actually his first life in this world. Remember that most of us rarely tell our parents about reincarnating, at least till we are self-sufficient” The woman who held me at first slowly passed me over to my mother. Gotta admit that being held by my mother made me feel safe in this crazy mess I ended.

"Come one honey” My mother stroked my cheek “You are safe to tell us everything. Like you, we also reincarnated many times. This is my 1,052 life” My mother made me feel safe in her embrace.

"Yes son, your dad's on the big 11 hundreds, pretty nice round number, you can tell us, I'm sure you must have lived a lot before"

My brain almost stopped there, something in me wanted to blame God, where the fuck did he sent me.

And what was that before with the two rivers of fire. Something tells me that things won’t go like they were supposed to.