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I Keep Reincarnating, Why Is He Still Alive?
Chapter 32 - Place of the Soul's Return

Chapter 32 - Place of the Soul's Return

Tao Mian carried Lu Yuandi back to Peach Blossom Mountain.

When they decided to leave, Lu Yuandi suddenly said they should help the crown prince one last time.

So Tao Mian cast a spell, and an endless blaze erupted, swiftly engulfing the desolate palace.

Lu Yuandi's body could no longer endure any turmoil, so Tao Mian, fearing the fire might reach her, placed her far away beside a nameless stone monument.

Only then did he set the fire.

The immortal had prepared everything and was about to retrace his steps to find his disciple when a heartrending cry came from behind.

He turned around and saw a young girl in an apricot-colored palace dress, ignoring the people trying to stop her, determined to rush into the flames.

Hearing the repeated cries of "Your Highness, you mustn't," Tao Mian recognized the girl's identity.

It was the little princess Lu Yao from years ago.

Reflected in Lu Yao's eyes were layers of flames, but the light in her heart dimmed bit by bit. She knelt on the ground in despair, covering her face with her hands, and sobbed uncontrollably.

Tao Mian etched this scene deeply into his memory.

It turned out that within these cold palace walls, there was still someone grieving for Lu Yuandi.

He lingered no longer, bypassed the back wall, and returned to his disciple's side.

By Lu Yuandi's hand was a broken branch adorned with a few withered flowers.

Seeing his figure appear, Lu Yuandi smiled.

"Little Tao, shall we go?"

"Let's go."

Tao Mian caught a glimpse of two lines of words newly inscribed on the stone monument, but Lu Yuandi told him not to look.

"It's just a story left behind, no need to mind it."

Tao Mian complied with her wishes. He carried the frail Lu Yuandi, as light as a piece of paper.

Though the road back to the mountain was long, it didn't feel lengthy. Lu Yuandi lay on Tao Mian's back, her eyes closed, letting the night breeze caress her hair and face.

"Are we there?"

"Yes."

Lu Yuandi coughed lightly, looking up at the mountain before her.

Even at night, it didn't seem desolate here; instead, the moonlight draped the mountain in a layer of gentle gauze, everything clear and serene.

"I can't walk anymore, Little Tao," Lu Yuandi said with a smile, suppressing the blood rising in her throat, "Carry me up the mountain."

"Alright."

Tao Mian asked where she wanted to go, but she told him not to ask, just to follow her directions.

They first went to the Taoist Temple to see Wu Changzai. Wu Changzai was asleep, and Lu Yuandi didn't have the heart to wake it, only reaching out to stroke the cage.

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On the way, they passed by the sleeping quarters of the Chu siblings. Lu Yuandi didn't let Tao Mian get close, standing quietly outside for a while, lost in thought.

Then they continued up the mountain path. By now, the peach blossom season had long passed, which was a pity, but a few persimmons still hung here and there. Tao Mian picked one for Lu Yuandi, but she didn't eat it, cherishing it in her hand.

Master and disciple walked and talked, and Lu Yuandi spoke more than usual.

She said that as a child, she thought Peach Blossom Mountain was vast, taking days and nights to explore. Everywhere was filled with unseen flowers and trees, everywhere held something novel.

Her greatest joy then was exploring the mountain's boundaries. She had climbed to the highest point of the mountain and reached its farthest end. There, by a clear stream, she piled a tall stack of stones as a mark of her visit.

After living there for a few years, she had explored every corner of the mountain and felt it had grown smaller. The idea of leaving the mountain had already taken root in her heart. She thought, the mountain is good, Shi Fu is good, but outside the mountain, there was always a voice calling her, saying, your matters are unfinished, how can you indulge in the comfort here?

So she left, departing from Peach Blossom Mountain.

Outside, she had no confidants and dared not make close friends. On those rare nights when she didn't have to scheme or plot, she would talk to herself.

She asked herself if she regretted it, regretted leaving Peach Blossom Mountain and Shi Fu.

The answer was always, always.

She thought the human heart is truly greedy, wanting everything. The court and the martial world, she wanted both.

But reality forced her to choose one side.

She had once been obsessed with the sense of control that power brought, the ability to decide life and death, to follow her heart's desires.

She thought, in the end, the mountain is small.

Now, thinking back, it was just twisted self-consolation. She couldn't return to the mountain, so she resented it.

Now she had finally returned to the place she had dreamed of day and night. She raised her arm, brushing through the layers of branches.

It turned out the mountain was so vast.

People say returning to the green mountains is good, but how many have returned?

Lu Yuandi smiled silently, withdrawing her arm, clutching the persimmon Tao Mian had picked for her.

They wandered the mountain for a long time, each time with Lu Yuandi giving directions, walking east, looking west.

Unknowingly, the moon rose to the middle of the sky.

"Little Tao," her voice grew weaker, and if one didn't listen closely, her words were already inaudible, "it's here, turn a corner, and we're there."

Tao Mian remained silent, though he had guessed a quarter of an hour ago where Lu Yuandi wanted to go.

He followed her instructions, carrying his disciple, walking along the path, until a gravestone stood quietly in the moonlight.

"It seems my memory... isn't too bad," Lu Yuandi spoke with a slight breathlessness, and Tao Mian heard her laughter.

She asked Little Tao to put her down, so she could greet Senior Brother Gu.

To let him lead her on the road.

Lu Yuandi seemed to regain her energy, and with Tao Mian's help, she slowly walked to Gu Yuan's grave.

She sat cross-legged, coughed twice, accidentally vomited half a mouthful of blood, which she carefully wiped away with a handkerchief, making herself clean and tidy.

The handkerchief was already completely stained with blood.

"Senior Brother," Lu Yuandi tucked the handkerchief back into her sleeve, smiling at the gravestone, "though you and I have never met, soon, we will."

She said she was late by decades in greeting him, hoping Senior Brother wouldn't mind.

Lu Yuandi murmured softly, speaking whatever came to mind. She first reported her name to Gu Yuan, then introduced her life story, hoping Senior Brother Gu would take care of her, and in the next life, let her find a good family.

At this point, she paused, troubled.

What if Senior Brother had already reincarnated? Forget it, forget it, don't worry about that. In any case, for the sake of their shared bond, if they met, she hoped Senior Brother would help his junior sister, striving to be human again in the next life.

Lu Yuandi then talked about the third junior sister and fourth junior brother, saying they were better than they were back then, at least they were still with Tao Mian. What were you and I doing at sixteen or seventeen, fighting and making enemies everywhere, leaving Little Tao to clean up the mess?

She asked if Gu Yuan ever regretted leaving the mountain, why she regretted it so much. How could people be like this, making choices and then clinging to the past?

If she could completely let go, she could have sat on the emperor's throne for at least seven or eight more years.

If she hadn't left the mountain, she could now be lively and follow Tao Mian, accompanying Senior Brother for several more Qingming Festivals.

Why do people always waver, always look around, always sit in a golden house, yet still yearn for the peach blossoms outside the wall?

As Lu Yuandi spoke, tears fell. She quietly let the tears wet her clothes, still speaking.

She asked if Senior Brother believed in reincarnation, saying she thought about it and decided it might be better if he didn't take her to reincarnate. Even if she lived again, she would still live in confusion.

She seemed to realize the tears continuously flowing from her eyes, took out the only handkerchief from her sleeve, but found it was full of blood, with no clean spot left to use.

She helplessly put it away, preparing to wipe her tears with her sleeve, when another clean handkerchief was handed to her.

Tao Mian had somehow come to her side.

Lu Yuandi smiled, took it, and wiped her tears haphazardly, still able to joke with Tao Mian.

"Little Tao, hurry and bury me. That pit has been waiting for many years, finally put to use."

Tao Mian silently looked at her, and Lu Yuandi looked at his reddened eyes, suddenly feeling relieved.

"I once worried whether, after my death, you would remember me like you remember Gu Yuan, considering all the bad things I've done."

Tao Mian wanted to say that compared to your senior brother, you two are like two peas in a pod, equally adept at making mistakes and angering Shi Fu.

But his throat choked, and he couldn't say a word.

Lu Yuandi leaned against the empty monument, looking at the moon in the sky, and said that now everything was worth it.

Someone would not forget her.

She asked Tao Mian if he remembered the scene when they first met, guessing which character his "Mian" was. She said it was the "mian" in "thinking of the distant road," but Tao Mian said it was the "mian" in "drunk and wanting to sleep."

Tao Mian only wanted a dream, for you to come and go as you please. Lu Yuandi, however, lingered, unable to let go.

The distant road is unimaginable, but I dream of it every night.

Dreaming of being by my side, suddenly realizing I'm in a foreign land.

Some things are destined from the beginning.

Beside Gu Yuan's gravestone stood a peach tree, which over the years had grown tall and wide.

Unfortunately, it hadn't bloomed.

Tao Mian cast a spell, and the once withered branches suddenly blossomed, vibrant and dazzling. Lu Yuandi looked up, the sky filled with delicate peach blossoms, covering her clothes, hiding the dried bloodstains.

She smiled sweetly, catching the falling flowers with one hand, humming a childhood song.

Peach blossoms red, willow green.

Carp leaping ashore, spring water lapping the bank.

Thinking of my drifting self.

Going far, going far.

The flying thistle finally finds its home.

The persimmon in her hand rolled away, her face tilted to one side, her soul returning to Peach Mountain.