Andrew turned around, knowing exactly who the voice belonged to.

It was Iwanma DickInSon, his arch-nemesis back when Pink Anne wasn't his arch-nemesis. Apparently, Dickinson wasn't a popular surname back where he was born, and the Ministry that handled his birth certificate capitalized some letters to make sense of the name. It made a lot of sense, maybe too much.

Iwanma is a man around Andrew's age, with generic muscular male features and was ugly because he was a villain. He was initially friends with Andrew in high school, but many complicated things happened, then his family died. Since then, he turned bitter and jealous of Andrew for living his life like a normal teenager.

Andrew glanced to the huge baseball bat on Iwanma's hand, sharp metallic thorns attaching to it. His body already felt stinging just thinking about them sinking through his skin.

"Hey, Iwanma Dick." Andrew swallowed his saliva. "Why are you here? How did you even get into Sotvana while bringing a weapon with you?"

"Oh, I put him here." The voice of Jod rang out from above.

"You what?" Andrew turned to the sky. "And you gave him a metal bat?"

"I didn't. I told him I'd give him something he really wanted in life."

"And he chose a fucking bat?"

"Not really. He chose to kill you, so I gave him a bat."

"You were never good enough for Anne. I'll decimate you!" Growled Iwanma as he charged forward.

"Wait, no. That's not a reason to kill someone!"

Iwanma closed the distance and swung his bat. Andrew dodged to the side, and Iwanma's bat clobbered the wall. A piece of the wall crumbled. From the sheer damage to the wall and the voluminous (wow, big word) biceps on Iwanma's arms, Andrew expertly concluded that he hit very hard.

"W-wait!" Andrew ran towards the stairs, trying to escape. "We can talk this through."

"Talk to my bat." Iwanma swung on the floor, destroying the marble tiles upon impact. Andrew ran with all his might, but he was no match when DickInSon went in hard. Soon, Iwanma caught up with him.

"You die now!" He whirled the bat across the air. Andrew reflexively covered his hand with his face, eyes shut, waiting for imminent pain. But one second, then two seconds, then three, and he didn't feel pain.

Andrew opened his eyes slightly for a peek, and realized Iwanma's bat had stopped midair. The guy had an ugly and unchanged expression on his face. He peered outside and saw birds floating in the sky and people looking like they were walking but were frozen on their spots. It was like he was looking at a still picture.

"Did time stop?"

"No, everyone is just magically frozen," said Jod sarcastically. "Of course time stopped, idiot."

A blue screen suddenly appeared right in front of Andrew. He leaped back in surprise. "Woah! What the hell is this shit?"

The blue screen looked very sophisticated. Then Andrew realized it looked like status screens in RPG games because he just knew.

Reality Paused

Stats Equip Weapon Skills Resume

"Is reality a game all along?" Andrew asked in shock.

"Look. They're not gonna pop up that often. Just when somebody wants to kill you," Jod replied.

"How is that reassuring?"

"Just pick your weapon."

"So, how do I do this? How do I pick the options?"

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

"Just use your willpower to click on a choice."

Andrew stared at the Stats box. The letters glowed before another screen appeared.

Name Andrew G. Strength 18 Agility 22 Intelligence 97 Precision 80 Endurance 15 Luck 0

"Wow. I suck," he exclaimed. He clicked on the RETURN button on the bottom right, then clicked on EQUIP WEAPON. Another screen popped up.

CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON The Blade of Akazamakridiculouslylongnamefathama Wield the power of the Legendary Lord Shortname Pistol Cheating, but that's what you do best Sexy Swimsuit It doesn't do much, but you look swell

"I think I'll pick the blade," pondered Andrew. "You know the weapon is good when you can't pronounce its name."

He clicked on the option but received no blade. Instead, he got an error message.

Sorry, you're not strong enough to wield The Blade of Akazamakridiculouslylongnamefathama Strength Point needed: 40

Andrew was annoyed. In the end, he only sighed and clicked RETURN. "I've used a gun before. Surely I have enough stats to use this weapon."

He clicked on PISTOL but was met with another error screen.

Sorry, carrying firearms is illegal inside Sotvana Charisma Point needed: 55

"What the fuck is Charisma? It's not even in the stats menu."

As the two weapons on the top turned grey and became unclickable, only one weapon remained: Sexy Swimsuit.

"I'M NOT PICKING THIS!"

"Do you want to die instead? There's no guarantee you will resurrect," Jod told him.

Andrew angrily barked back, "You gods just want to see me suffer, do you? Fine, I will do this for the sake of my life."

You have picked Sexy Swimsuit Sexiness +100 Agility +1000 Manliness +10000000

Andrew felt lighter and faster than ever. He looked at his body. It was very sexy. Although he would've appreciated it if there weren't hundreds of agehao faces printed on the swimsuit. "Why did I gain speed? This doesn't make any sense."

"The world will automatically resume in five seconds after you've chosen your weapon. Just saying," Said Jod. "Five. One."

The bat resumed its swinging motion right in front of Andrew's face, and he somehow rolled to the side. Iwanma couldn't believe he didn't hit the target, and turned to Andrew begrudgingly. "How did you dodge that, you nonce? And why are you so. . . sexy?"

Iwanma's eyes widened in shock as he stared at Andrew. He wanted to avert his gaze, but the sexiness kept pulling him back. The curve of Andrew's swimsuit perfectly hugging his fair-toned hips. Sweat beads running down the V-neck on his chest. The outline of his butt nestling seductively under his clothes.

Iwanma's limbs went soft like soggy noodles. He dropped the weapon, cheeks flushing red. "I never knew you were so beautiful, Madame Andrew. Let's mend broken bridges. Who needs Anne when we have each other?"

Another status screen appeared in front of Andrew's eyes.

YOU WON Reward: Iwanma's Heart

"I DON'T WANT THIS REWARD!" Screamed Andrew.

"Come to me, sweet cheeks." Iwanma extended his arms lovingly. "I put the Dick in DickInSon."

"Fuck outta here man, the world ain't worth this shit." Andrew sprinted down the stairs and ran straight outside of the castle. The swimsuit disappeared and his normal clothes resumed on his body. He wasn't in the game anymore, but he couldn't afford any missteps. He ran until he'd passed the entrance to Light Novelland, and everything felt normal again.

Andrew gasped for air as he limped inside his car, hands shaking as he inserted his key. "Cursed fucking city. I'm never coming back here again."

"Told ya," said Jod from above.

"Stop playing with me, you asshole!" Andrew's face burned.

"Hey. It wasn't me. Didn't that girl tell you this was gonna happen? You've changed the course of the world, and now this is the reality you're in."

"You DROPPED Iwanma right in front of me."

"Either him or a pack of wolves. I figured you'd prefer the former."

"HE WANTED TO BANG ME."

"It could've been worse. Imagine you using the swimsuit in front of the wolves."

"That's it. I'll never come back anymore. Screw the world, man; I'm just gonna enjoy life."

"See ya."

Andrew drove straight back home. Dragging what was left of his enervated body back to his studio, Andrew thought of what he wanted to do for the rest of the day. Sleep. Let's sleep and forget everything. I'm home, and no one is gonna bother me anymore.

He held out his hand to twist the doorknob, but realized the doorknob wasn't there anymore. The whole door wasn't there anymore. Shivers ran down his spine as he slowly turned to the far end of his living room, where a figure was already waiting for him with an apple in one hand and a Swiss knife in the other.

"Where have you been, cutiebear~~~" Pink Anne greeted as she grinned.