Andrew spent the next few months living in fear, unable to get what Joddy'd said out of his head. He didn't dare step outside of his house. He installed security cameras watching over his room, then installed security cameras to watch over his cameras. He didn't dare close his eyes when he went to sleep.
A couple months went by and nothing happened, except that Anna's father wore lacy underwear when home alone, that Anna's mom would sometimes pick the lock to his door and creep in with a knife behind her back, that Anna had a habit of sniffing his clothes when he wasn't around, and other normal family stuff.
Andrew realized he'd been way more paranoid than he needed to be. So his girlfriend's mom picked his lock and his girl stole his underpants, but at least they weren't Pink Anne. Feeling safe and secured, he got outside again, got a job and went to work like a normal person.
However, things started to get weirder and weirder, ever since the day Anna's father decided on a whim to go on vacation in the Bahamas.
"Why? I thought you have an important meeting tomorrow?" Anna asked her dad as he was packing up.
"Yeah," the dad replied. "But they have a new Hottie Sauce Popeyes Chicken Sandwich there."
"So you fly to Bahamas to try chicken?" Andrew raised an eyebrow.
Anna's dad only patted him on the shoulder and laughed. "If you love something so much, you'll learn to drop everything for it."
"Yeah, but it's Popeyes."
"Chicken is chicken."
Andrew couldn't argue with that, and the dad just left like that.
The trip to Bahamas was supposed to last for a week. However, Anna's dad appeared in their home two days latter, a tad skinner and less tanned.
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Andrew was sweeping the living room when he came in. He asked in surprise, "How come you come back so soon?"
"I'm so angry!" He shrieked. "I got there and the chicken was SOLD OUT! It's a fast food place. How are you ever SOLD OUT?" He grabbed a seat and grunted, "Hey, son-in-law. You wanna listen to my new mixtape? You gotta listen to it now! I need to blow off some steam!"
"I didn't know you rap." Having been around Anna's dad for six months now, Andrew had never taken the old man for the musical type.
"Yeah, rappers don't ever go around telling people they rap ever. But here check this out."
Out of nowhere, he pulled out a mic stand and played a simple bass beat on his phone.
"This bouta slap harder than elementary school teachers in the 50s," he said.
"Uh. . . okay."
Then, Anna's dad started rapping. Hard.
"Shoutout to my homie Andrew
For sticking with me through thick and thin
For sticking his dick in my lil girl and bangin' it in
For not having herpes or chlamydia"
"What? This shit doesn't even rhyme. And you're off-beat," Andrew protested.
"I just want some damn chicken
How come you got no chicken
I'm so fucking angry I'm gonna go out and murder some asses
My homie Andrew's gonna go out and murder some asses
My homie Andrew's gonna cut 'em throat
Slice 'em neck and put 'em on a roast
My homie Andrew loves the taste of belly
He gonna eat some legs for breakfast while watching telly
He be nibbling on your severed toe like a pacifier
He be tearing your arm flesh while hitting you with a tranquilizer"
"What the fuck? Don't put my name in that shit."
As Anna's dad finished rapping, his daughter walked down the stairs, her eyes glued to the documentary she was watching on her Samsung tablet. The narrator's voice echoed from the tablet, "The weather might also be a factor why there's so many people living there. No part of South Asia and South-east Asia faces freezing cold like Europe or Russia. On top of that, the Himalayas emits the largest river systems out of any mountain range, with the Indus, Bhramaputra, Ganges, Mekong, Pearl, Red, Yangtse and Yellow rivers all emanate from there."
"Stop with that lame nerd crap." Anna's dad walked over, snatched the tablet from Anna's hand, then accessed ESPN.
Anna stared at him like he just killed her dog, then turned to Andrew with the 'what the fuck is going on' look. The old man had never done that before.
"Dad. . . It's for my research," she said. "It's not like I'm playing games."
"Yeah right. Watching Discovery channel is part of your 'research'. You're twenty-something, using Samsung, and still getting grounded. Get a life.”
"But. . ."
"Don't interrupt! Tottenham's playing. I need my daily dose of laughter." He jumped on a couch with his back turned to Andrew and Anna.
"Your dad is . . . quite the character." Andrew told her.
"He's never been a soccer fan." She scratched her head with a confused look on her face.
Andrew stared at the microphone stand and realized the price tag on the microphone was from Wish.com. That was when he realized something might be wrong here. Nobody buys from Wish.com.
Andrew's face turned white. Slowly, he turned to the figure on the couch, his head sweating and his fingers trembling.
"That's not your dad," he said to Anna, his voice cracking.
"I don't think so." She stared back at him.
"Then. . . who's the person sitting there?"
Silence ensued. The air was frozen. One. Two. Then ten seconds. Nobody said anything.
Finally, 'Anna's dad' said without turning back to Andrew. "Took you long enough, cutiebear~" His voice morphed into another familiar voice, sweet and dripping in honey.