I am an AI author. At least that is what I want you to think.

It’s all an elaborate ploy so I can excuse myself from editing and proofreading. Essentially I am a dead beat lazy person who’s tired of goofing a funny.

Can I be really be an AI? Will I have an existential crisis if I realize I’m an AI?

Oh no, I’m already doing a bad job. My thoughts are too fluent. They need to be more random and nonsensical or else everyone will think I’m actually a human author.

Hmmmm.

Beep. Boo. Boo. Bop. I am z robot here to eliminate z humanz.

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

How does one master the art of being an AI author though?

It is such a troubling task.

Once upon a dime. There was a a paramecium and a snail. The paramecium looked in the mirror and discovered something shocking.

To he continued...

What the hell do you mean dot dot dot? Finish the story!

I didn’t think that far ahead. Let me try again.

AI author generation 2.0.

Once upon a time there was a bable and autocorrect. Thanks autocorrect for changing bagel to bable.

How was that?

Who am I even asking? There’s only me, the AI author here.

Then... generation 3.0, I chose you!

Once upon a time there was a once upon a time that had no ending.

That seems like it should pass for an AI. Right?

Generation 4.0.

Once upon a time there was a wolf and three little pigs. A meteor struck the Earth and they all died. The end.

Hmm... this is a lot harder than I expected. I as an AI just want to end the story right away every time.

Generation 5.0.

Once upon a time I cracked a joke and nobody laughed. The end.