I never wanted to take my oath, to swear my devotion to a Goddess I cared so little for, to be trapped forever by my binding words to the dawn palace and the high priestess - nevertheless I did it for priestess Ahnn on the day we celebrated my sixteenth birthday - the day I ‘came of age’ and was pushed down a path I had no business following.
I woke before the sunrise at the tolling of the bell, just as I did every single morning of my life. But this today was different, for I could not simply roll over and go back to my dreams. I had to rise with that bell, and I would forever more, for it was time to take my oath.
Groaning at the thought of slipping from my warm bed, I pulled the covers to my chin and let my eyes close. I would take my oath tomorrow, I had little else going for me, I deserved a lie in on my birthday.
A gentle knock at my door pulled my focus and the sound of something sliding underneath made me sit up.
“Happy Birthday, Little bean,” came a familiar whisper.
With a curious sigh, I flipped my blanket from my body and shuffled to the edge of my bed. Light streamed in from underneath the door, illuminating the thin parcel that had been left.
Getting up, I stretched, cracking the air from my bones and crouched in my nightdress. Picking it up, I knew instantly what it was and the corners of my mouth flickered to a smile.
Hurrying to my bedside, I pulled open the drawer and grabbed the box of matches, for the high priestess would not waste a sun crystal on me. Striking once, twice, three times, with shaking hands, I finally managed to light the candle. Diving onto my bed, I untied the string and tore off the brown paper of my gift. I stroked its cover, as if it were a precious jewel; after all, it was the colour of sapphires. The golden writing across the front read Demarion, Son of the Sea. I hugged it close to my heart in excitement - I hadn’t had something new to read in a year. Turning to chapter one, I brought the book to my face and devoured its scent. Oh how I loved the musty aroma of a book, it smelled like adventure, and hope.
‘Here accounts the adventure of Demarion, the last pirate of Athovan’s Isle.’
I slowly read the first sentence, letting the words fill my mind and alight my senses. As I read on in the dim light, I was transported to his ship, the raging waves crashing, spraying their foam onto my chilled face – the smell of the crisp salty air. I even allowed myself to hear the cacophonous caw of the black sea larks overhead, even though I hated such creatures.
But my happiness was short lived; my escape was ruined, as I had now come to expect, by the High Priestess. Charging in like a storm upon the seas, the waft of air blew out the flame and caused me to lose my page as they fluttered in their spine.
“Why are you not dressed, Mara?!” she barked at me like a rabid dog.
“I thought I could take my oath tomorrow instead, after all, it is my birthday,” I said with a shrug, trying not to make eye contact with her, for they were like two blazing wild fires and her crown wasn’t on straight.
“Your sisters are waiting for you on the beach, Mara. They have gone to great lengths to organise this for you,” she pulled down the white robes hanging their hook, and threw them at me.
“Get dressed this instant,” she said and left.
Huffing, I placed the book down on my bedside table, stroking the cover one last time before re-lighting the candle and glaring at my new robes. They were the same as everyone else’s of course. Made of thick, white cotton, they weighed a hefty amount; a poor choice given the climate of our island. I knew I would certainly bake come lunch time, for I always saw Priestess Elfredd fanning herself with a sermon sheet during high noon praise, as she tried her best to stay awake. The embroidery was beautiful though, hand done by the priestesses in golden threads. Following the central sun motif with a finger, I guessed it was done by Priestess Ahnn. She was the daughter of a dressmaker and a milliner, sewing was in her blood and this work was exquisite, each stitch identical and not a single one out of place.
I removed my nightdress and stuffed my head in the robes. Getting lost in the long overhanging sleeves, my cheeks prickled with heat and I could feel the sweat forming in my armpits as I pushed my way through, my clawing hands desperately trying to escape. Forcing my face through the neck hole, I took a deep breath of victory as I let the hem drop to the floor.
I ran my hairbrush through my now knotted hair and tucked it behind my ears and I was ready. It was time. I could put it off no longer. I blew out the flickering flame and watched the smoke swirl from the glowing wick in the gloom. I felt like that candle - like my fire was about to be extinguished, my soul would spiral from my body with the smoke and I would be left a drooping, useless lump like the wax that remained.
Turning to the door, I wondered how long it would take me to starve to death if I barricaded myself inside with my wardrobe and read my new book in bed. But I knew the High Priestess would scream – she would call me dramatic through the cracks in the door and claw it with her nails like a beast unhinged, until it splintered away in her hands, and I would not be able to concentrate on a single word, so I accepted my fate and opened it instead.
I swished across the stone floor like a true priestess, through the hallway and into the main foyer.
The golden chandelier that hung from the high ceiling was dimly lit with fading sun crystals. I knew it would be my job to replace them, I wasn’t even sure if the others knew how to. I loathed it, and to do it on my birthday of all days – the high priestess had planned it just so, I was sure of it. She was the master, the leader of the pack asserting her dominance over a new puppy, breaking its spirit until it jumped up no more and ceased its relentless yapping.
The main door led to the beach, and the awaiting priestesses, to the dawn that was surely about to break, but I could not go through it, not yet anyway. Checking first that the coast was clear down every hallway that sprung from the round foyer, I swished to the centre of the golden sun that adorned the floor. I remembered how amazed I was by it when just a small child - the way it glowed brightly under the light of the crystal chandelier, and when I stood on it, a golden hue was reflected up my body like magic.
Looking down at my hem, I saw the same dreamy glow meandering up my robes, despite the failing light. Spinning as fast as I could I let my new robes fan out in a great circle. Putting my arms out, I allowed my sleeves to do the same, my bare feet patting on the cold stone slabs as I tried to hold on to the freedom I was feeling, the innocence, for my childhood was now over. I wanted to remember the feeling, always.
“Mara! What are you doing?” The High Priestess’ voice echoed around the vast and empty room. I did not stop.
“I am spinning, High Priestess.” I called out.
“I can see that, now stop it!”
“I cannot.”
“You can and you will!”
“If I stop spinning, so will the world, and the dawn will never come and we shall all perish in the darkness, from starvation and grief.” I mocked her for I was feeling particularly difficult this morning, though my stomach churned as the room twisted around me.
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“And I will surely perish if you do not stop fooling around!” The high Priestess seethed, “STOP AT ONCE!”
Timing it just right, I stopped dead, face to face with her.
“Now if the sun fails to rise, and the crops fail to grow in the darkness – and we all starve until we resort to cannibalism, it will be all your fault. And I shall eat you first,” I said, and attempted to strut to the front door, but my head was foggy and my brain rattled around in my skull. In a dizzy stupor, I tripped over the hem of my robes and fell onto my hands and knees.
“You will be a disgrace to the order. You will surely anger Goddess Ansha,” the High Priestess offered me a hand, not wanting to give her the satisfaction, with redden cheeks, I fumbled - ever so gracefully of course – back onto my feet. I waited for my eyes to refocus and to remind my brain that there was only one front door and it certainly wasn’t moving, and then I stepped outside.
The High Priestess was like a dog herding a stranded sheep across the beach, and followed me so closely I was sure she would step on my hem and trip me again. But I was soon back with the flock of white mutton, gathered on under the palm trees, who welcomed me to the herd with open arms.
“Mara, you could have missed the dawn!” Priestess Ahnn said with quiet concern, for the horizon had already begun to glow.
The other priestesses whispered amongst themselves - it certainly would have shaken their faith if the dawn came regardless of their worship.
“Thank you for the book,” I gave a mischievous smile that I knew would calm her mood.
“I thought it very fitting for you,” she said.
“How so?”
“Demarion was the son of the sea, like you are its daughter,” she said as if the connection was totally obvious, “you were washed up these shores – the daughter of the dawn and sea.”
“I am, I suppose.” I said, tutting at myself for not coming to that conclusion myself.
“You could be his sister,” she chuckled.
“He was a pirate,” I reminded her.
“Oh I know, it was just a silly thought.”
“The book said he was the son of a mermaid and God Lamar – the god of the sea,” I said with widening eyes.
“Yes, they say that, but -” she stopped, for the High Priestess had raised a hand for silence and she was not one to break the rules.
The priestesses shuffled into a circle around her, and I followed their lead, but my mind wandered to what Priestess Ahnn had said. I had questioned my heritage, as any orphaned child with half a brain would have, but I had never reached any conclusions. No one came for me, no one reported a missing baby, and no one wanted me. There was never enough clues to determine my parentage – the high priestess had thrown away the note and basket and as I was unclothed an island origin could not be distinguished. I only had my looks, but I was a mongrel mix of multiple islands, with my dark hair, deep set, slanted eyes and pale skin that tanned in the sun light. But Priestess Ahnn’s comments made me suddenly think of other options. Gods and Mermaids. I had fantasised before about my mother being a siren, a childish fantasy nothing more, but it was now fresh in my mind, with added possibility. And Demarion? Could the man from my beloved history book truly be a relation?
“Mara!” The High Priestess bellowed and I realised I had daydreamed through the dawn prayer. Maybe I really would anger Goddess Ansha. Not wanting to be part of a world in which the High Priestess was right – I quickly clasped my hands together, closed my eyes and bowed my head. I rushed the words under my breath.
Goddess Ansha,
I stand in darkness, and pray for light.
Your gift that gives us life itself.
We give thanks for yesterday’s dawn,
We give praise for today’s.
We give hope for tomorrow’s.
Your name we honour always.
Goddess Ansha, hear us please.
I opened my eyes again, and my gaze fell to the High Priestess. Her frown had softened and she almost looked pleased with me. It was most disconcerting.
“Mara, you are to take my place in the centre of the circle,” she gestured for me to come forwards.
I begged my feet to not take a step. I willed the rotting seaweed that was strewn across the white sand to spring alive and tether me to my spot, or better yet, pull me under and drown me in the sand. I did not want to be in the centre of that circle. I did not want to swear my oath to Goddess Ansha in front of those who had raised me, and I certainly did not want to receive my dawn amulet, for I knew that if I did, I would be trapped forever. And forever is a long time, especially if you are half god and immortal.
“Go on, you can do it,” Priestess Ahnn’s sweet voice encouraged me, I could not let her down. I took a step forwards.
“Get a move on!” The High Priestess’ frown returned as she looked to the horizon.
Trudging across the dry sand, I joined the High Priestess in the centre. She pulled from a velvet bag, a golden amulet, engraved with suns and set with a clear pointed sun crystal that she turned so it faced my chest, hidden from view as she slipped it over my bowed head. It felt heavy around my neck, a reminder of the freedom I was to lose. She me a nod as if to tell me I was doing the right thing, but I knew that I was not.
Taking my spot in the circle, the High Priestess signalled to the others that it was time. Holding hands, they all closed their eyes and lifted their heads to the sky to address their beloved once more.
Goddess Ansha,
We stand before your coming dawn,
with a gift of praise,
a gift of worship.
We welcome another sister to your warmth,
to the glow of your heart,
our sun.
Bless her with your gifts, so she may join us
in praising you.
Goddess Ansha, hear us please.
As the sun began to peak her head above the sea line, a bitter howling wind abruptly rolled across the ocean from the south, churning the water into waves, and whispering in some foreign tongue. The high priestess scowled at me, as if the change in weather was purely my fault.
“Face the dawn,” she called out above the waves crashing amongst the reef, and without hesitation the Priestesses all turned to face the rising sun. They waited with hands on their amulets and serene faces, watching for the miracle they believed they helped bring about, as if they turned the world themselves with their prayers.
“Lift them high!” the High priestess shouted and they raised their amulets up. The crystals all began to glow, absorbing the light from the sun’s rays. The priestesses sung their dawn song, rejoicing in their gift.
“We have been blessed this morning!” she said and turned to me, “Goddess Ansha, if you accept this sister, hear her oath and bless her too.”
I took a deep breath. I knew that once the words slipped from my mouth and into the world, they could never be unheard or forgotten. This was my only chance to run. The wind picked up again, screaming like an injured creature as it tore through the palm trees behind me. A southern wind. Like the one that dragged me to these shores sixteen years ago. Bad omen the townspeople said. The wind was godly wrath, and a southern one was God Lamar. God of the sea, father of Demarion.
Priestess Ahnn ceased her praise of Goddess Ansha’s miracle to look over her shoulder at me, lost in my thoughts. Her pleading eyes fluttered my heart and without another thought my eyes flickered to the horizon and the words fell from my lips.
“Goddess Ansha, I swear my undying loyalty to you. Each day I will rise in darkness and pray for your miracle light. I will praise your name and spread your truths. I am your humble servant to do your bidding, I belong to no one but you, my life is now yours,” pausing before saying the last word, I looked directly to Priestess Ahnn, “forever.”
“Now let us see her answer,” the High Priestess said, and the others pivoted to face me in silence.
I bit my lip and with trembling hands, turned my amulet so the crystal pointed to the sun. Staring at the dull stone, I felt as if I would die, whether it glowed or not. And it was not glowing. I had angered Goddess Ansha after all. I closed my eyes and tried to guess what would happen now. Would I be cast out onto the streets? Forced to marry the farm boy after all? I wondered if Priestess Ahnn would be granted permission to visit me and the many wretched children I would surely be forced to birth. I severely doubted it, for the High Priestess would never allow me any happiness after this.
The wind chilled my cheeks as if I were high aboard Demarion’s ship and as it rattled the leaves of the palm trees, I was sure it was calling my name. Whispering to me. Mara.
I opened my eyes. Looking past the murmuring priestesses, with their shaking heads and worried glances, I fixed my gaze upon the horizon. The sun was now halfway risen, illuminating the sea line in a fiery glow, but there was something wrong with the sun. Something strange about it. I squinted and it became clear. Directly in front of it was the blackened silhouette of a ship coming towards the island. A gift for me, brought upon the ocean by the dawn and southern wind. I smiled, because for the first time in my life I felt like I could see my path materialising in front of me. I knew where I had to be. On board that ship.
“Oh thank heavens!” the High priestess sighed heavily drawing a hand to her heart as the others clapped excitedly. I looked down. The crystal was glowing.
Shit.