Chapter Five

Each spare moment was spent in the library. I would shift my gaze from the window to the page as I read of Demarion’s adventures, who I now allowed myself to believe really was my brother.

The four days passed like a snail through honey, but finally their last evening approached. I knew that once I had woken the next morning, they would be setting sail, bound for the south. This both relieved me and vexed me greatly, for I wished to keep my promise, but I knew my hopes and dreams would disappear on the horizon with those sails, and my mood was like a dark cloud on a summer’s day, ready to burst with a torrent of thunder and lightning.

The bell tolled for evening hymns and I hadn’t yet finished washing the dishes. The sink in our cramped kitchen was set in front of small round window, which afforded me the most direct view of the ship yet. Through the leaves of the swaying palm trees, I could just make out in the dim evening light, the sailors carrying aboard their cargo. Salted meats and iyuka fruits with their tough green skin, not yet ripe, but perfect for their impending voyage. I knew from my books that it was just over 2,000 nautical miles to the Isle of the sea, the island of Demarion’s father, God Lamar. I scrubbed at a stubborn patch of dried on rice, wondering if indeed that was their intended destination. To visit the home of Demarion would have given me the greatest pleasure. To tread the same sand he had – my toes curled at the thought. I attempted to divide the amount of food by the sailors to work out how long they intended to be at sea, but in truth, I had no idea how to calculate such a thing, or why I was even trying. I was not going with them and it only served to make my torment greater.

“Priestess Aura – the bell has rang,” Priestess Ahnn poked her head around the door.

“I’ve not finished my chores,” I replied, and dropped my gaze to the pots and pans once more.

“You can finish after, you cannot miss evening hymns, especially when you missed this morning’s, and I have a feeling, somebody might be getting their crown this evening,” she winked. Pushing the door open wide, she waited, giving me no option for refusal.

“Fine,” I said, wiping my wet hands on my robes, triggering an exasperated look from Priestess Ahnn, “let’s get it over with.”

“Giving praise is not a chore to rush through, it is a time for worship, and a time for reflection and enlightenment,” she shut the kitchen door behind us and we walked down the hallway.

“The high priestess isn’t around, you don’t have to say such things,” I gave her a playful nudge with my elbow.

“I speak only my truth. When I’ve had doubts, or times of sadness, I have gone to the dawn room and sung with the others, and clarity always follows, it’s as if Goddess Ansha shows me the way. She sees the questions in my heart and answers them. Perhaps she will do the same for you if you let her, perhaps then you can find some peace in your decision to take your oath,” she sighed.

“I shall find peace when the ship leaves at first light,” I said as we entered the foyer.

“No, you won’t,” she stopped. Her voice was filled with sadness, “until you can let it go, release it from your heart, it will always torment you. You will always wish for the other life you couldn’t have, you’ll always wish you went with it. I would ask Goddess Ansha for direction, she will help you.”

“And what if I don’t like the path she offers?” I asked.

“You go down it regardless, for she knows better than you, she is all seeing and all knowing.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Priestess Aura, she brought you to us – a newborn baby, naked in a basket during Autumn tide? You should have frozen, or drowned, but Ansha saw fit to save you – to guide you to safety – to the Dawn Palace. That has to mean something, don’t you agree? You are a gift,” her face was so full of light and hope, I had not the heart to extinguish it.

“Yes, I shall ask her for guidance, if that’s what you wish of me.”

“It is,” she smiled and pushed open the door of the dawn room. Like the foyer, the circular room had a golden sun swirled across the floor, but this one was not lit up by a chandelier of crystals, but one single stone. It was as tall as I was, and set in the centre of the room, underneath a skylight that opened, allowing the sun to charge it during the day. I was eternally grateful I never had to drag it out onto the beach.

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Floor to ceiling windows surrounded the room, allowing anyone inside to watch the dawn in all its glory from the engraved wooden pews that faced out. As the light of the day faded behind the mountains, the calm tide was illuminated by the rising moon and the bright stars above. The ship was now a mere shadow, a silhouette on the deep purple sky.

“How nice of you to join us, Priestess Aura, we are truly blessed by your presence this evening,” the high priestess gave me an exaggerated courtesy, her crown slipping forwards on her forehead.

“Take your seat,” Priestess Ahnn spoke quickly, pushing me in the direction of an empty pew, and silencing any comeback I had brewing.

“Does Goddess Ansha send people to test us?” I whispered, but all I got in reply was a gentle pinch on my arm and a stern look.

I took the seat I was forced towards, and of course it was one which had the best view of the dock, but I could see my reflection more than I could the ship. My white robes glowing in the glass pane, my face like an incoming storm, folding my arms, I slunk back in the pew.

“Now that we are all here,” the high priestess said, “we can begin our song. We shall sing We give thanks for your light. All rise for Goddess Ansha.”

As I stood with the others, my angle became more favourable, I took a step closer to the window – towards the waiting ship.

The high priestess’ voice droned on like a determined bee in winter, but I was not listening. I lifted a sleeve to try to further block the light, to see the ship clearer still.

Priestess Ahnn coughed next to me. I tilted my head to get a better view. I could see the crew still loading barrels aboard, like ants carrying sugar back to their nest. Priestess Ahnn coughed again. I wondered why the singing had not yet started.

“PRIESTESS AURA!” The high priestess bellowed, her voice echoing amongst the pews. I glanced over my shoulder to witness everyone staring at me. Priestess Ahnn slowly closed her eyes and shook her head.

“What?” I asked.

“I despair at you, child,” the high priestess seethed, “Priestess Ahnn, please begin in your sister’s stead.”

Priestess Ahnn straightened her shoulders and sung the opening line of the hymn. Her voice was like a hot knife through butter, and if the birds could sing as well as she, perhaps I’d have liked them more.

When it was time to join, I mouthed along. It wasn’t that I didn’t know the words, I had heard but five songs my entire life, it was just that I did not feel like giving thanks.

If I was to believe Priestess Ahnn – that I had been brought by the dawn, my bald baby head illuminated by the glowing rising sun, signalling a gift to the order – I would have to believe that when a ship rolled in with the dawn, its sails illuminated by that same light, that it was also a gift. But of a different kind perhaps. A torture to me, for my past behaviour - for that time I dropped a sun crystal and buried the shards deep beneath the sand - for all my antagonistic comments to the High Priestess – the voice of Goddess Ansha on land - for those times I slept through prayer and snuck off to the library.

As the song rose to its crescendo, I wondered if actually we were the same type of gift after all. Had the High Priestess done wrong and I was sent to torture her? I couldn’t imagine her doing anything wrong – taking more cake than fair – wholly believable, but nothing so bad as to deserve me.

Maybe instead, I was more of a test - sent by Goddess Ansha to check the faith of those who gave their lives to her. I was a battle the High Priestess had to overcome. Tame this wildling, make her devout, Goddess Ansha was saying. Now the ship was my trial, my battle to overcome, yet in a way, also the High Priestess’ final test - to see if she had succeeded in taming me.

I imagined what her punishment would be when I boarded that ship for who could I let her win? Would the days plunge into darkness, would a bolt of lightning shatter our glass window? Or would the High Priestess simply wake one morning to find all her braids on the pillow, and her bald head covered in weeping boils?

Distracted by my satisfying thoughts, I had not realised the singing had stopped.

“Priestess Aura,” Priestess Ahnn whispered, nudging my knee. Looking over my shoulder, all eyes were on me yet again.

“What’s going on?” I whispered back.

“Honestly!” The High Priestess scorned, “why are you never paying attention? If the dawn fails to rise on the morrow, we shall all look to you.”

I stood. Even with my back to the ship, I could feel its presence. It was a magnet, and I a lump of iron.

“Forgive me, High Priestess,” I said, with a smirk, “for I was lost in my silent prayers to Goddess Ansha. I was asking her for direction, at the advice of a fellow sister.”

I winked at Priestess Ahnn who smiled sweetly, unaware of my plans, before turning my attention to the bewildered face of the High Priestess.

“And – did she answer?” she asked in all astonishment.

“Tell me, High Priestess, how fond are you of your hair?” I asked with a straight face, staring her dead in the eyes.

“My hair?” she questioned, patting her thick braids as if they were crawling with insects.

“Yes, High Priestess, Goddess Ansha answered,” I said.

“Well – that’s – good news, sisters, is it not? Goddess Ansha has spoken to one of us,” The High Priestess lowered her hands, addressing the others. They murmured in response.

“Wonderful news,” Priestess Ahnn beamed. My cheeks flickered red at her ignorance and my deceit.

“And it comes at the best of times, for I have here your golden sun crown,” The High Priestess reached over a pew, presenting the golden crown in her withered hands.

“Perfect timing, indeed,” I smiled and bowed my head so she could place it on. The jagged edges of the sun bursts dug into my forehead as she pushed too hard, cutting into my skin. A trickle of blood meandered down my face to my lips. I licked them - the metallic taste hit my tongue. The taste of iron. The ship pulled harder.