Zurg roared in agony as I watched the black smoky tendrils engulf him. I knew time was beyond scarce, and I needed to recover from having a legendary weapon explode in my hand. In EG Soul Damage could only be healed naturally over time... if you were a broke ass peasant.
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*Used Item: Ankh of Origination-Relic
-Removes Level Drain Effects
-Heals Damage Caused by Negative Energy
-Heals Damage to Spirit Body
-Removes Curses except those inflicted by a Deity
Cooldown: 6d:23h:59m:59s
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The Ankh was purchasable at level eighty by anyone that could afford the price of twenty million in game gold. For reference, that crazy penthouse I lived in was around twelve million so yeah... Pocket sized Deus ex Machina for the one percent.
The relief was instant and the empty cold pain faded from my heart as color returned to my blackened right arm.
Somehow Zurg was still standing. Why was I the only one that dropped like a rock during evolution? He was now covered completely by blackness. His silhouette was growing at an alarming pace, and I could feel the wind at my back rushing into him. Something told me that he was invulnerable in that state, like a cut scene between phases but real. His height reached a size that he could have easily punted a full grown elephant like a chihuahua. This is not to advocate chihuahua punting, even if they bite your inner thigh for no reason at your grandma’s house when I was seven. The point I’m trying to make is that Zurg now looked like a skyscraper with freeway on-ramps for arms.
The blackness began to clear, and the first thing I noted was the dark red scales covering most of his skin with more forming every second, filling in exposed areas. His head was now encased in what looked like jagged black and red obsidian. No holes there, where’s he breathing out of? There were only a few places where the impenetrable looking scales had yet to grow, and something told me if they did fully encase him that I would never be able to break through to anything soft. I developed a desperate and very stupid plan in a flash.
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*Used Item: Lichblood Elixir-Consumable
-Breathless: 9m:59s
-Immune to Poison: 9m: 59s
-Immune to Bleeding: 9m: 59s
-Weakness to Holy (100%): 9m: 59s
-Weakness to Fire (50%): 9m: 59s
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This potion was useful in a ton of situations and I didn’t have many to spare, but there was no time to be greedy here. I focused on my target, the last unprotected patch of gray skin I could see. Unfortunately that area was also occupied by a redwood sized piece of reproductive anatomy. I flew like a bullet, claws extended to maximum. It was in this fraction of a second that I also felt a strange disturbance in the area, and from the corner of my eye noticed that the green jungle landscape behind me had turned to lifeless brown. That couldn’t be good. One thing at a time.
I refocused and impacted the huge dark vein like a diver breaking the surface of a pool. A torrent of blood hit me like a firehose, but I dug in furiously and ripped the wound wider. Now for the rough part. I fought against the current of blood and pulled myself inside the ruptured vein and dug my claws into the sides as Zurg’s regeneration sealed the wound behind me.
Yes, I was now the most malicious bit of foreign matter ever introduced into the bloodstream of a god killing cyclops king as far as I know. The vein was surprisingly roomy, sort of like a tube slide at a waterpark. I learned a few other things in that moment. For example, blood is pressurized. I could feel a crushing weight from every angle, and it was actually damaging me. Also, blood can be acidic and that was damaging me as well. I was losing health just barely too fast for my regeneration to stay ahead of it. Also the pain. I was in maddening pain like a full body toothache and a second degree burn had a baby and named it Fuck Gray III. Did I mention my plan was stupid?
Okay focus, if I just let go of the walls I should eventually circulate to something vital like a big artery or even the heart. How would I even know where that was though? It was pitch black so even my awakened senses couldn’t help me. I suppose I can feel things, and one random factoid I could remember said that blood only takes about a minute to fully circulate the body. More important parts of the circulatory system would probably be more... spacious I guess? I really should have paid attention in Biology. With a shrug, I decided to just figure it out as I went and released my hold on the walls of the vein.
The current took me at an unbelievable speed. I instantly lost all sensation of direction. Up, down, left, and right became no more than a fond memory as I tumbled and continued to experience the worst pain ever. After a few seconds I found an odd sort of clarity, and felt the flow slow down. Then with a horrible burst I accelerated back to many times the speed of before. That must be the heart beating. Does it really beat that slow? A memory of some nature documentary from childhood flashed through my mind with another interesting but likely useless fact. ‘Blue whales have the largest hearts on earth and only beat around eight times a minute...’ The iconic English narration droned through the TV screen of my distant past. Thank you Mr. Attenborough, or is it sir? Didn’t he get knighted?
As the seconds drifted by my grip on sanity loosened and my health dwindled. I couldn’t afford to panic and waste my opportunity so I simply held my arms out and waited for the sides of the vein to disappear. I controlled my thoughts which is hard to do without breathing for some reason.
The blood pressure crushing my body began to increase, and I wondered if that meant I was nearing the heart. Suddenly a huge sucking pressure ripped me faster than I had yet to feel and I could no longer touch anything around me. This must be the heart, at least I prayed to Ariel that it was because I was out of time. I would die in probably ten more seconds, and a pointless Soulthirst rampage in this body would probably just lead to an endless loop until I ran out of named souls to sacrifice. It was now or never.
“Guess aorta do this.” I’m really sorry I couldn’t help it. I fought the current until I could feel the rubbery wall. Then I used White Nova, freezing myself solid to the wall. With all my might I rapidly flexed my fingers and arms, freeing my hands but keeping me anchored in place. I navigated menus blind, relying on memory. Believe it or not I had trained myself for this, as darkness was a pretty common difficulty mechanic shoehorned into Abysses.
“Sure you can handle these ten enemies, but what if it’s dark!? Mwuahahaha!” -Probably All Developers
A familiar obsidian sphere appeared in my right hand. In my left hand, another sphere appeared but even in full daylight it was not visible to the naked eye.
I was a little scared because I had tried this once before in EG and it had killed me then, securing my best run ever by killing the boss of layer 998 and destroying his entire lair.
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*Used Item: Core of Pyrathagos-Artifact
“The Primal Fire Blesses You.”
Duration: 4m:59s
Cooldown: 29d:23h:59m:59s
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*Used Item: Core of Zepharos-Artifact
“All Must Bow Before The Wind Emperor.”
Duration: 4m:59s
Cooldown: 29d:23h:59m:59s
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Of the four primal cores in my possession, none were more volatile when used in combination than these two. Pyrathagos transformed me into a fire titan which produced near infinite heat. Zepharos transformed me into an air archon which produced hurricane winds from within my body. Using both of those created a destructive hybrid of both that was best never used. Almost never. What happens when infinite heat meets infinite oxygen in a pressurized system? Well...