“Hell yeah! All in one piece on the first try! I’d like to see Corpse try to make fun of me now!” A girly voice rang out in my ears as I struggled to lift my heavy eyelids.

I didn’t have time to open them myself as a pair of fingers forcibly pried open my right eye, exposing me to a looming and childish face just inches from mine.

“Hey, you in there? Does it feel like your brain works and stuff?” The girl asked, poking and prodding my face.

“Damn, yeah seems like it. Could I have some space please?” I opened my other eye and felt warmth spreading from my core to my limbs which were tingling with pins and needles like they had fallen fully asleep.

I looked up wearily to survey my surroundings. I was propped up against a stone pillar of some kind in the center of a wide meadow surrounded by a fall forest ablaze in the colors of changing leaves. I could smell the dew, the dirt, and the decomposing leaves like I was using my nose for the first time. This wasn’t the game. The smell and taste functions were the only sensory inputs the game had trouble replicating for some reason. Wherever I was, I was really there. Oh Shit.

Standing before me was the girl that had awoken me. She was five foot nothing with a petite frame (minus the oversized and out of place chest). Her hair was long, bright silver and worn in a stylish braid over one shoulder. She was dressed like a rebellious punk rocker, or more likely a dedicated poser in my estimation. A spaghetti strap black shirt with a grinning skull contrasted oddly with a pink frilly skirt, studded belt, and fishnet stockings. A pair of green Chuck Taylor’s and a little too much makeup completed the look that made my head hurt.

“There’s a Hot Topic manager somewhere worried sick about this kid.” I muttered, not one to ever internalize my thoughts.

“THAT’S the first thing out of your mouth!?” The girl was shocked and indignant. “I resurrected my ass off to get you here along with all that item data!” She continued angrily.

“Whoa hey sorry!” I waved my hands in front of me as I apologized. “So you must be Ariel I’m guessing?” I added trying to change the subject.

“That’s right, and this is my own personal planet mostly, and it took a boat load of power to get you here! So you better show some gratitude.” She huffed, calming just a bit.

“I see, well thanks and... mostly?” I had caught the word even though she had dropped her voice on the ‘mostly’ part.

“Umm well yeah you see a distant relative of mine has been sorta trying to take over the place, unleashing minions that slaughter my followers. I’ve been busy trying to break your record in EG so this in kinda your fault and maybe I let things get a little out of control over here...” She twirled the end of her braid and seemed embarrassed as she explained. “But it’s still a cool place I promise! All of the fantasy Abysses were modeled after it and you can even use magic that mimics the EG interface perfectly!” She perked up and recovered.

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I absorbed that last part and looked down at my body, not sure what to expect. I was basically naked aside from my trusty white boxer shorts. I wasn’t obese, thank fuck for that. But I wasn’t exactly a house anymore either. My physique was bland and on the scrawny side.

“Ugh the Seinfeld body. Level fucking one, eh?” I grimaced but wasn’t entirely put off.

“Even gods have rules.” Ariel answered sympathetically. “You won’t be able to use much of your gear with those absurd item scores until you get your stats up to the requirements but your consumables and that OP bag should all work fine.

“And my skills?” I asked hopefully but I could feel internally that I was in for disappointment.

“Sorry man, level one is level one.” She replied. “All of your gear was transferred to your bag. You can reclaim item skins and use them as clothes even though the super spy look is probably gonna earn some weird looks around here. Let’s see what else... Oh yeah there’s a map and a little info packet I threw together in your bag also. Anyways great to meet you LainTrain, big fan! Welcome to The Tenth Realm, Ragnofheim! Gotta go now. Take care of my world for me! Byyyee!” Before I could finish sputtering a protest at her abrupt departure, I was left alone in the meadow. That name sounded Norse, weren’t there only nine realms according to them? Fuck it, questions for a day when I’m not naked in the woods.

“A Big Boob Punk Poser Loli Goddess Dumped Me In A Magical Game World! Throw a slime and a cat girl in there and Crunchyroll would greenlight the shit out of that.” I joked to myself with a chuckle. An odd movement at the corner of my eye drew my focus to the long grass on my left and I damn near choked on my surprise.

“No frigging way!” I blurted as what looked like a giant slow moving drop of inky blue liquid slowly snailed its way toward me. “Aww why was no one here to catch that!?” I lamented aloud as the slime prepared to attack me.

I walked over to the undulating blob with a great sense of nostalgia and pulled my leg back to kick it like a soccer ball, just as I had done in my first days of Exiled Gods. Slimes were some of the weakest monsters and I had exterminated literally thousands in the game. I would kick it a few times and it would maybe deal a damage or two and my XP would go up a bit, simple as that.

“Just like old...” My bare foot sank into the slime’s body with a bloop and a second later an agonizing pain shot through my foot and up my leg, paralyzing me for a second. I dropped flat on my ass and watched in horror as the skin on my foot dissolved and exposed muscles, veins and bones. I’d love to say I grunted or roared at this point but I’ll be honest. I screamed like a spoiled three year old that just touched the stove. I thrashed my leg and barely dislodged the ruthless Jello. Its body was now tinted a weird plum color from the infusion of my flesh and blood. It hit the grass and recovered quick as a cat, moving even faster than before toward my apparently delicious ass.

I scrambled on my hands and one uninjured leg to the broken pillar and climbed on top of it. I looked from the slime to my skeletal gore covered foot and back in the most pure shock I had ever experienced.

Biting my lip so hard it bled, I struggled to focus. How was I supposed to bring up my inventory!? I supposedly had all of my consumables but there was no slick heads up display like in the game. Hadn’t she said it was like magic? Could it be voice activated or something like that?

“Ugh...i-inventory!” Nothing “Shit shit shit! Items!” Nothing. “Goddamn poser loli! Astral Vault!” Suddenly a familiar interface blipped into existence before my eyes and I could have cried in relief. I scrolled through items in a flash, selecting an Instant Grand Healing Potion. A second later, a crystal vial filled with glowing gold liquid appeared in my hand and I immediately pulled the stopper and chugged it. It worked, and for the first time ever I got to experience magical healing in a real world. Tasteless, cool, and slightly viscous liquid went down smoothly. The pain in my leg vanished and my foot was perfectly restored instantaneously.

I allowed myself a deep breath before returning my attention to Satan’s little snot ball that (thank all that was holy) couldn’t seem to climb.

“How the hell am I gonna kill you?” I asked it rhetorically as it aggressively bumped into the stone over and over.

I scrolled through my inventory, noting with a sour face that all of my weapons and equipment were highlighted in red, meaning I didn’t have the stats required to use them. I suddenly stopped, noticing a particular weapon that wasn’t red. A wicked smile spread on my face.