"So."

"..."

Gu Cheng looked out across the broad grassy field in front of him. There were fewer people cavorting and relaxing on top of the cold ground than there were the day before. The morning was still early, it was possible that it would get busier soon. Nobody else at the apartment was awake either. There were no sounds from the other bedrooms when Joseph Zaria suggested they take a walk in the large park across the street from the townhouse. It seemed like a good time to talk, before everyone else was awake. That was what she said.

"Gu Cheng?"

He knew he should comfort her, but he didn't know how. It was obvious that she was uncomfortable sharing the conversation from the night before that she had with Speaker Kimura. A tiny part of his heart was ecstatic and on fire knowing that she would not hide things from him. Still, she had just told him that someone else was able to calm her nerves and help her with the anxiety that she had not even known she was suffering from. He didn't understand some of the terms she used, ptsd, triggers, words that were used in her world but not his. He understood what was happening in the broader sense. After the horrible things she went through at the Duke's estate her mind was having trouble dealing with the trauma, and she immediately went into another dangerous and high stress situation afterward, with no time to heal. The nightmares and her reaction to certain movements had been signs of something that went much deeper. And he had dismissed them. She just needed to rely on him more, and he could fix it. Only he had made it worse. And another man, had made it better...

Cold, slim fingers touched his cheek, turning his face downward to face her where she was standing in front of him. He tensed his muscles to keep from turning away. He told himself it was the bright yellow coat that he couldn't bear to face.

"Gu Cheng? Are you mad at me?"

A subtle jerk of his head side to side was all he could muster.

"I am so sorry, Gu Cheng."

It's not your fault, he thought.

"I've been reacting so negatively, but it wasn't because of you."

No, it was because of that asshole and what he did to you.

"I know that it wasn't really you that day. My brain knows it. I just need some time to help my brain realize that it is over and I'm safe."

She's breaking up with me. She has found someone else who can make her feel better and I scare her. I should want her to feel safe and be happy, but why don't I want it if it can't be with me?

"Maybe being in this world will be good for me. With time, I can process that he is gone and dead, and I won't make you feel so bad."

She wants me to leave without her. This world is good for her.

"Gu Cheng? Why won't you talk to me?"

A furrow was pressing down in between her large brown eyes. His hands twitched inside his coat pocket, wanting to reach out and smooth it away. Doubt was not something he was very familiar with. A month ago, he would have grabbed her and held her tight, but now? He didn't know if she would pull away. He hated seeing the fear on her face. If the only way to help her was to let her leave, he didn't know if he could do it.

"I don't know if I can."

"Oh." Her hand dropped down to her side, and she turned away to look out over the field as he had been doing. "So you ARE mad at me."

No! Wait, I wasn't responding to her question, I was saying I don't think I can leave her! How do I-

"Okay, I get it." She turned back with that polite smile on her face. He really hated that smile. Why couldn't he make her smile naturally anymore? "I dumped a lot on you, I get that you need some time to think. I should probably take some time to myself as well. I can't expect you to deal with everything while I am just staring at you!"

She backed away, her hands deep in the pockets of the hideous coat. "If you are up for it, maybe we can meet back at the apartment for lunch? No pressure or anything. You can send me a message if you don't think you will make it!"

With a hesitant wave, she turned and walked down the path, further into the park.

I have to go after her. What would I say? What happens in those shows of Grandpa's? I'm supposed to grab her and kiss her, and she will know how I feel. But what if I do, and she is scared of me? No, those shows don't feel right, she doesn't like that kind of thing. I can't take it anymore, knowing she is scared when I get too close. What if she is starting to hate me?

Gu Cheng stood and watched her walk away, a battle with himself playing out behind a blank mask. He pulled out the new phone and pulled up the messaging part. His fingers hovered over the lit up letterpad, but he sighed quietly and put it away again. She was just a small figure in the distance, but she had not looked back once. The thoughts in his head quieted, and he was left with a feeling of emptiness.

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

As the sun rose higher in the sky, more people appeared around him. Some were running along the path leading deeper into the park, others in pairs or groups went off into the grass to relax or play. Everyone who passed smiled at him in a friendly manner, but a few asked him if he was feeling alright. He wondered what his face looked like that they would ask. Or maybe it was the fact that he was standing still at the edge of a well-used path and staring at nothing for so long. Gu Cheng greeted them, assured them that everything was fine, and began to walk.

Joseph Zaria was somewhere farther into the park, so he started to walk that way. Like always, his feet tried to take him to her. Just past the fields, the path veered into some trees and then split. One path led around a bend toward the left, the other to the right. There were still too many leaves on the trees, he had not seen which way she went after leaving his sight. He pulled his own phone out and checked the time, compensating for the world's difference. There were still two hours until lunch. He had been standing back where she left him, staring at nothing for quite some time. There was no point in going back yet. She was right. He needed to figure things out in his head before he pushed any more weight onto her shoulders. Maybe he should start with why he was feeling more doubt and sadness than the happiness that the others seemed to be feeling all the time.

The path to the right led through several more large fields full of cheerful strangers before ending at a water fountain easily the size of his apartment back in City C. Something that looked like marble rose up from the water in three tiers, topped with a statue of a tree. The likeness was incredible. Gu Cheng could almost imagine the branches swaying in the wind. Water poured from its leaves, gathering at each level before spilling over the edges to the next. The bottom did not have a raised edge around it like fountains in his world tended to have. There was a slightly concave surface that looked like it would have traction at the bottom, leading gracefully down to a grate at the center of the fountain so that anyone who wanted to could stand underneath the waterfall. Gu Cheng smiled as he imagined what it was like in the summer. Did children gather here during the hottest days, splashing around in the cool cascade? There was so much room. Perhaps adults did as well.

The barely noticeable smile slipped from his face. Would Joseph Zaria want to play in the water in the summer? Would she be happier somewhere like this than at the beaches he had planned to take her to? Maybe it didn't matter. Speaker Kimura was not from here. After he went back home and took her with him, she might never see this fountain.

No. He knew that he couldn't do it. He had to talk to her.

I've seen her. She does not give her attentions out so easily. She won't be swayed by a handsome face. She won't fall in love with him so quickly...

The new phone came back out of his pocket, and he backed away from the spraying water to keep it dry. His fingers flew across the letter pad, his heart in his throat as he asked her if she was waiting for him at the apartment. His lungs felt like they would explode as he held his breath, waiting for an answer. When it came, he sighed in relief and started back the way he came, breaking into a run as he left the central fountain area and his feet hit dry ground. His boots made thumping noises that echoed in his head with each step. If he had his sneakers, he could go faster.

Dodging around other runners and slowly strolling couples, stepping out into the grass to get around what looked like a multi-level pram, he did not slow down. A familiar face approached him from the side, the female from the day before that accosted him about being a mate. She was fast, but he did not want to deal with her. Concentrating, he put ice along the soles of her running shoes. The woman slipped, falling hard on her butt with a loud swear. It was quickly followed by laughter as someone helped her up, and she fell again. Then, she was too far behind to hear anymore.

The road in front of the townhouse was busy, cars going in both directions in a steady stream. Gu Cheng rested his hands on his knees, his breath coming out quickly. He was not winded from the run, and that little distance was nothing. He had asked if she wanted him to come back, and she had said yes. His heart was racing, and his breath didn't know if it should be coming out quickly to match. He stood up right, glaring at the cars and wondering if he should just freeze them all in place so he could go. Finally, there was a gap, and he sprinted across to the other side, skipping every other step before bursting through the door, and then doing the same with the stairs inside. His hand grabbed the doorknob, and then he stopped.

No. What if she wanted me to come back so she could tell me she was staying here. What if she was saying she yes because she was worried about hurting my feelings by saying no?

Gu Cheng turned the knob, frowning when it opened immediately. She had not locked it when she got back. Or maybe she unlocked it again when she knew he was returning. His heart sped up again, and he willed his expression to smooth out again before stepping into the apartment.

Laughter came from the living room. The two teenagers, along with Speaker Kimura's son, were joking and laughing on the couches, but they grew quiet as soon as they noticed him. Their eyes traveled back and forth between the cold man at the door and the serious woman in the kitchen before they all ran for the door, fleeing to the landing. When the door shut behind them, Gu Cheng and Joseph Zaria were alone.

Joseph Zaria moved the pot of water she was warming up to the side and turned off the flames on the stove. She stepped out around the counter, her fingers clenching the edge of it. They stared at each other for several moments. Gu Cheng started to talk, but the words would not come out. It was Joseph Zaria that finally broke the stalemate.

"Gu Cheng, are you going to leave me?"

"Never." He did not think about the answer. His heart made it for him.

"So you still want to be with me, even though I make you unhappy?"

"You have never made me unhappy. Do you want to be with someone that makes you feel calm now that you have found someone?"

She snorted and gripped the counter tighter. "I am a big girl, I can choose who I want to be with, and I made my choice back in City C, even though I screwed it all up afterward. But what about you? You have a magical mate, and I bet she doesn't have half the drama that I am bringing you. Wouldn't you rather be with her?"

"There has only been you, and there will only ever be you."

And then Joseph Zaria was moving so fast that she seemed to be flying, her arms wrapping around his neck as he picked her up, their lips meeting in hunger and relief.