I did not say anything. Yet.

The Ishstar stares at me, reading me. He knew that I could not object. I stand gazing anywhere like a little silly boy, finding nowhere to hide. My mouth and throat felt dry. I gulped, each swallow of my saliva, hearing the gulping sound felt like each fear of tension is becoming more tedious. Like a droplet of water on a tub.

"I-I..." I can not continue. I can not think right. I looked at him straight but my eyes moved their own like a broken controller, positioning to look on my left side, blinking fast. I'm becoming weak, lowering my shoulders, and my hands holding to my other arm.

He is still eyeing me. Does he want me to answer? Of course, I just can not think properly. My mind is clogged up. I keep having premonitions or predicting my possible death like melting my tongue before being thrown into the pits. Or getting thrown stones at me until I die.

My eyes felt watery. I'm almost crying, but I toughen up myself: Bottling up my emotions like collecting them in one jar, but I feel a crack whenever I bottle up. My facade is unveiling, and I think he noticed it.

"Are you finished, young one?" He did notice.

I nodded straight. I would not expect him to care or there was not enough time for me to be this emotional. I wipe off my teary eyes, preventing seeing myself as a weak person, I disregard the concept of what men or boys should be which they believe, I only choose to be practical. There's a difference.

"I-I will follow your demands f-for another mercy, uh..." I do not know what to call him and he opened up the answer, "Obeisa," and copied him "Obeisa" after him. I don't know if it's a name, respect, or whatever it is. I restate my previous sentence with respect, "I will follow your demands for another mercy, Obeisa," with one hand on the center of my chest with a low bow of my head, copying their gesture earlier. I felt that's what they do

"My, that is likely, young one," he maintains a smile, they always do that. I wonder if their jaws would get sour by smiling for a long time in my experience.

I breathe "Ca-can I ask you something?" My eyes again, moving sideways. "My, young one what will it be then?"

"Why didn't you kill me?" I looked worried at him. I was wondering about this, why they are against killing me? "Y-you could just keep your senses to yourself and find out our language," I stopped for a moment sounding so worried and anxious. My heart kept pounding like a hard hammer, pondering. Then I added another, "A-and kill us straight away," I told the truth about my position in this.

They could just kill us if they kept their senses to their selves, they could easily track us by that, but they didn't. Why? There's no gain in keeping me alive, after all.

The Ishstar in my front view closed his eyes calmly, like a peaceful person. "My, that intrigues my curiosity more, young one," he smiled, then added, "Perhaps boredom." Then changing his expressions to questions. "Perhaps pique in interest? Curiosity? Peculiar?"

I can't focus on anything he said all I care is about me possibly dying. My soulless eyes came into acceptance, it felt like I poured them into my eyes. Depression and hopelessness.

"My, child, what I am conveying is you are not an idiot," He said plainly. That word felt a spark in my eyes. I indulge his words. "Although, you are still naive, inexperienced, and unsophisticated. I do think that you are more likely better than the rest of them," another one, hit directly to me like I have been stabbed multiple times. He is right. I can now look at his face, eyeing me down motionless. I remained silent but I felt alive at this very moment, because of his true words to me, there is no dark intention I sensed which was another relief.

Yet I think about Carlos, even now I feel guilty about not helping him. There's nothing you can do, Tuk. You gotta accept it. I sigh out of exaggeration, releasing the tension inside me.

He gave me a plain face, feeling like the first I had seen it. "Let us go back on unveiling my demands, shall we?" he then smiles. I followed with a nod.

CHAPTER 9

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"M-mom?" I stutter when I look at the side of the vast swamp, my eyes meet her soulless body while being eaten by those monsters. "Dad?" I looked at him, disfigured on his left face, hanging on the tree. Those white skin monsters, eating my parents. Ripping their skin like they are tenderized raw meat: A lot of scratches on their body, ripped skin, and bruises.

I imagine him getting closer to me "Tuk?" I called him, and I'm back from daydreaming in this room on the bed where we slept together while hugging each other. I remember how I felt his arms around me. I want it to be him.

Flashes of them being dead and eaten by those white monsters. I felt an acceleration of fear running through me. Mom. Dad. I started crying.

Mima and Anne and now my parents, my family. There's Tuk only I have left. "Where are you, Tuk?" I said and thought while hugging myself, I felt safer and protected. "Please. Come back," I said crying. I want him by my side.

I'm scared of being alone. Tuk, where are you?

I stepped out of bed and headed towards the door, I stepped some clothes on the floor but I didn't care about it. Heading towards the stairs, I stepped down, and I saw Tuk who now put a spark in my soul. "Y-you ready for the job?" he changed: His attitude and tone of his; and I don't know what happened to him when we became teenagers now. "Yeah," I sound so soft, but I am happy to see him. "Dubin-sak is calling us to do some things like I don't know what that is," He said a stupid name. Dubin-sak?

"Dubin-sak said you sh-should handle the books." He said but I was laughing, "The name. It sounds stupid." He laughs too, "Haha. Well, we better respect their cultures."

"Yeah," I said cannot think of anything. My memory flashes of my Mom and Dad.

"I'll be back," He farewell, he stepped down the stairs but I was so scared of not seeing him again, I pulled him giving him a fast kiss on his lips. I didn't want to lose him.

Tuk, you are the only one I have left. Don't go.

I wanted to see his reaction to my true feelings for him. For a moment, he was shocked, and all I saw was Tuk being flustered and blushing. "S-see ya," was all he said to me. I expected him to kiss me back, I wish he did, but he already left running in a hurry.

My mind flashed again, and I felt the fear jolted me like an electric shock. I started crying again with my mouth covering with my hand.

I can't believe they're dead.

"I'm so sorry Mom, Dad," I have said this plenty of times, even when Tuk was sleeping while he hugged me, I was counting my sorries to them. I cried, covering my mouth. "I'm so sorry," plenty of times in my head.

Tuk. Please come faster. I need you.

"Tuk sure is a good kid," my dad said a sign of nostalgia, hearing him as a memory of his words about Tuk. I cried, he is. "It is rare to spot a good man, Emil," he said to me. I like how apologetic he is. I like how he tries to understand when he makes mistakes, he learns. Whenever he did something bad to me, he regretted himself and learned from his wrongdoings.

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"So, you better get him before some girl stole him from you," he teased me, another memory. "Dad! I don't even like him," I said bitterly with my face heating my nose and cheeks, making my face red. "Whatever you say Ms. Binsmitt," he said our last name.

I cried a lot that's all I do.

I'm sorry I hated you for trapping me at home, I got lonely at home and I want to express my freedom by being outside with my friends Mima and Anne, they were my first friends before I met Tuk. I didn't know that people would judge us unfairly because we are not Saintrus. We are not religious people like them.

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"Dad," I called when he was reading my solution to the math question he made, he was working as an architect but when we moved into Ghoirne, he worked as a farmer now, his thick hands sometimes covered in soil when he finished working. He looked at me smiling, "Yes, Bin?"

"How come people hate us? We didn't do anything bad right?" They looked at us like we had bad intentions for them, Mom and Dad have fewer friends in Ghoirne, and few people are not Saintrus like them, but the treatment of us is very unfair. "Just ignore them, Emil," he said like always, but it is getting to me, it was harder to ignore them. "People judge all the time, Emil. There is no stopping them, that's why it is best to ignore-" he didn't continue when he saw me crying, and then he rushed closer to me.

"Bin," he hugged me and rubbed my back. He shushed me like the way he held me when I was a baby, I cried aloud. "There-there Bin," he brushed my hair gently like he always did when I cried. "I can still hear them, Dad," I said to him scared and sad. "Just ignore them, Emil," he said again. "Be strong, Emil. We will get through this together, Bin."

"I love you, Bin. Be strong."

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I took a deep breath like how Tuk always does this by breathing a long natural breath. It calmed me down.

Thanks, Dad. I love you too.

I looked around the place which felt new to me: Weird stone symbols carved on the stone wall, dark oak wood floor and stairs. It felt like I could find this house in history books that my mom taught me, she taught both English and History. The atmosphere of this place felt unnatural to me, I'm so uncomfortable.

I love you too, Mom.

"What did Tuk said about the job?" I forgot what he said about the job. I don't think I'm in the mood for it.

It flashes again my memories from the swamp. I ran back to the room and slammed the door shut. Saying my sorries again. "Tuk, please," I whined. "Come back," I said my last. Crying.

"Ochan, fe mei," I heard a voice behind the door, I jumped out of the door scared. "Tuk? Is that you?" I hope it was him, but it does not sound like him. It sounds like an old man.

The door opened itself, and the old man with glasses appeared "He-hello?" I greeted him, wiping my tears but he didn't answer. He raised an eyebrow seemingly like he was confused.

"Pama okan se?" I don't know what he is saying. Both of us felt a connection with the same confusion.

When I peeked at the window, I saw my world that was blurring but I recognized the picture of it. I had forgotten that we were in another world. I illustrated him, I pointed outside the window, the planet where we belong, and I moved my finger to me, showing him that we are not from here but from there. His eyebrows showed confusion.

I wondered how Tuk managed to talk to him. And who was the guy who carried me yesterday? Maybe he might who helped us both, where was he then? I can't remember.

I can't recall. My mind stings bringing me back to what happened back then. I cried. It was horrible. "I'm sorry," I said it again. I'm sorry. I cried uncontrollably. My mind is blocking the outside world, venturing my inside: My parents. My death parents' death.

A large fragment of memory of them. It continues to replay in my head a lot and a lot. I'm sorry.

"I'm so sorry."

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"You're grounded!" My dad shouted at me when I left the house without their consent. "But Dad-" he cut, "I don't wanna hear it, Emil. Just go to your room!" He put his hand on his forehead, he released a sigh, stressing himself out.

I told them about what happened to Anne and Mima, I kept crying about it. I talked to them about calling the police or the guards patrolling over the Ghoirne every night because the mayor is very strict and constructed to do so. "Emil... They wouldn't..." My mother called but she did not complete her sentence, she blinked fast and looked to the side. Nervous about what she is about to say.

"Wouldn't what? They killed my friends out there!" I screamed at them. "They were blindfolded and tied, Mom!" I cried again. "They... They wouldn't mind, Emil," she said.

I left stunned, my eyes went wide with my mouth open. "Are you serious?" I ask sarcastically. "Are you fucking serious, right now?"

"EMIL!" Dad shouted.

"They committed a-" I cut her "Don't tell me, you are like them, Mom!" I shouted sounding angry and frustrated, they had known Mima and Anne when I was 7, and this was all they had to say to them.

"Emil, please understand tha-" I did not let her continue. "Oh! I understand Mom! You are so scared of being like all of us don't belong here!"

"All you guys do is follow them because you are so fucking scared of them calling us unbelievers again and again! I'm so fucking sick of it being their fake person! Like you have any friends here at all!"

"Don't you know how much they hated us! You don't know how much I hold it."

My father slapped me in the face. "THAT'S ENOUGH! GO TO YOUR ROOM, EMIL!" He demanded, I got furious. "I wish you're the one who's been dead!"

"Emil..." Mom started crying.

"I wish you all should have been dead than them!"

I ran straight to my room slammed the door shut, and let my crying body shackle on the bed.

I wish you had been dead than them.

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"I'm so sorry," I regretted everything I said about them. Mom and Dad. I haven't got the chance to say sorry to them.

I hugged myself trapped in my mind replaying the scenarios again and again in my head. Saying "I'm sorry" again and again. Hugging myself like it could protect me from something or someone.

I heard a thud on the floor, I felt some presence and it was the old man. He gestures to the thing he put down on the floor: A freshly baked bread, rounded yellowish, the hot steam felt on my skin, smelling the salty texture of it, on a squared wood plate with some weird sprinkles on it.

I looked up and met his eyes on me, he closed his eyes with joy. He gestures again and jerked his head to the bread. I picked it up with one hand, the heat was all right. Wasn't too hot.

I took a bite. It felt salty, but when it sipped onto my tongue it sweetened. I made a delighted sound by the taste of the bread.

"Do you like the bread, child?" My eyes went wide. I could not believe he was speaking English. I only nod. "Great," he jollied. It's a nice feeling. The old man seems like a nice person. I showed a soft smile. "Thank you," I thanked.

"It is my pleasure. You sure did a long time venting, little girl" he said.

I hugged my knees on the floor, I made a fool of myself like a little girl. "You're Dubin-sak, right?" I asked. "It is me, indeed," he answered enthusiastically.

"So, what happened young one?" He asked genuinely, seemingly worried. I felt comfortable with him and I talked about it. "My parents are dead," I said to him, forcing myself not to cry. He did not speak for a moment "I am very sorry about that, where were you when it happened?" He asked again.

"I... was at the swamp," I said forcefully, closing my eyes when I remembered that again. He stopped for a second. "Was there someone with you?" he deepens his voice, sounding concerned. "Yes, it was Tuk," I answered and tightened my grip on my knees. Where are you Tuk?

"Where is Tuk? Is he gonna come back?" I look at him. I am worried about him. He isn't here yet. "He will, child," he said.

"However, it seems like you need to get some sleep," He looked out the window, and it is the night that fast. "You took your time, child. No need to pressure yourself, take all the time you need in this room," he patted my shoulders, reminds of my dad.

I hugged him, "Thank you so much," he seemed like a nice old man. I hop onto the bed, trying to forget everything. "Good child," he patted my head.

After everything that made me feel down. I made a smile today.

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It seems rather she is asleep. That is good. Let us hope the drug last longer.

She took her time crying the whole time. She is simply lost because of her dead parents. Now, I confirmed that she is fond of the boy, Tuk, and not the other one. I presumed it was Carlos.

I thought she was a kidnapped girl, and she was told to lie. If not, she'll slit her throat. Or Carlos abducted them, by losing the girl's consciousness and Tuk would have to follow his demands.

"Perhaps, Carlos is not acquainted with them," I presumed. She did not mention anyone other than Tuk, and it made sense that I was watching them sleeping, and hugging each other.

I made a death note to the guy, Carlos as an intruder: His characteristics are rather stupid, sluggish, and unwanted. It is evident to see as such a nice gullible person would put into the pits into the swamp. If ever they survive the fall, they will be eaten by the imps.

Let us hope they do not survive the fall, otherwise, a fate worse than fate if survive.

"Hoho! How forgetful I am," I release a chuckle. I forgot something, a letter came back from Kan by the Ishstar earlier. I was rather thrilled about the Kans, answering my request for my cursiosity.

"Tuk, whosoever you are following, young child. I have not yet left this place." Let us hope he figure it out.

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WE ARE MONSTERS OF WHAT OTHERS PERCEIVE US