The bullets from my gun completing passed through the ghost dealing emotional damage to myself, but remembering what May said, I used my fire magic to burn it. It skedadled for a bit, giving the team much needed breathing space.
"Use your magic, if you don’t have magic, fuck fuck fuck…” I screamed, while scanning the dark room, flashlight cutting through the darkness. The outlines of the incorporeal phantom all to real. I imagined a fireball this time. [Skill not available, wait for higher levels.] What do you mean not available? Why isn’t it available? This time I imagined a little spark of electricity, and aimed it for the thing. It coursed up and down its body, and I cast identify yet again. [skill ‘identify’ level two achieved, health points now visible.] The ghost chucked some goo thing at Henry, who in his infinite wisdom, fucking shot it. The bullet passed harmlessly through and hit the wall behind it. The goop, however, phased through Henry, and he collapsed to the ground, I used [identify] on it again, dismayed to find I had only done 5 damage out of 100. A full ass retreat was in order. Pulling Henry along, and spamming whatever spells we had, we fled towards the top of the stairs before checking on him, his pulse seemingly stable, the worst of our worries had subsided, unfortunately, he was still unconscious.
I decided to go to may and ask how the fuck Henry wasmeang to get better, I sludges towards her station, and asked her “how do I heal a wound from some ghost goop?”
”You’re stupid, yknow that? After being explicitly told not to go to the lower levels, you still insisted to go down, average male pride. Anyway, you need healing magic to help him, or he’ll die before the next day.” She replied, not a hint of panic in her voice.
”Oh. I almost forgot, do you know anything of an eleven raiding party in the area? With a stupid amount of elves and wyverns?” I asked, knowing that I might not get another easy chance.
”Oh. Them. They’re the elves of elysium, what they call the planet we live and breathe on, normally they extort small towns and villages, asking for slaves and money or they’d kill everyone inside. There’s been a guild K.O.S, or kill on sight for them, the same as goes for bandits, as recently they’ve been opening gates to other worlds with no magic or system presence, as those are the social norms for civilisation. Words been going round on the streets that the opened a portal to a world without the system, but apparently the high concentrations of magic there it went completely off the charts, with the survivors of the raid coming back battered, bruised, and traumatised, of course those are just rumours circulating on the streets. There’s also apparently an otherworldly presence that came through the portal, giant beasts of war and burden, making what looks to be a city of tents and a keep of metal, who knows what happened to them? Hopefully they never come back to harass innocent civilians.” She calmly explains.
”gotcha, and thanks for the info, now if you don’t mind, I’ve got a friend to save.” I shot back, digesting the quite literal info dump, and contemplation how I’m meant to get healing magic. Maybe picture the little gloop coming out his body like I’m a fucking excorcist. I did exactly that, closed my eyes and focused, the mental strain taking almost everything out of me, but I saw the orb come slightly out of his skin, instructing the level twos surrounding me, i finally collapsed on the floor, breathing heavily and unable to say anything. I drifted of to sleep, unwilling sleep at that too.
I reached out to touch the funny floating colours, but was shocked to see it was the abs of a rainbow man.
“What the fu-“ was all that managed to escape my lips, before a hand wave silenced me. Instinctively reaching for a pistol that wasn’t there on a uniform I wasn’t wearing, the rainbow thing spoke. “Who art thou mortal, and please do not curse in thine room here, it is rather expensive, believe it not.
Why the creepy rainbow fucker was speaking like it was the 20’s, that being the 1520’s, I didn't know, but having my entire body under control of another was unnerving to me. It could make me do abso fucking lutely everything, and even though some people were into that, I sure as hell did not. I preferred to be the one controlling. “What do you mean who I am? I’m a human serving in the United States military, and all you need to know is that my name’s Jack, Jack reed, a pr-“ oh for fucks sake he shut me up again. I bet this guys a whole bundle of joy at parties.
”I simply asked thou for thine name, not thines’ life story, mortal, and please enlighten this humble god here, what is this ‘United States?’” The thing I know knew was a god boomed, the very floor itself vibrating.
This time I tried keeping quiet, to see what happened, and to my utter dismay and surprise, my voice started speaking. ‘The United States is a country from a planet called earth, one of the superpowers on the planet, with advanced technology that could destroy this entire world in the span of a day, and an army which could overwhelm and defeat with minimal losses the entire world.”
You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.
“Christ bow, will you ever stop talking in that retarded millennia old common tounge, and ohhh. What have we said about not scaring the npcs huh? The only way we’re legally allowed to interact with them is with an avatar, and you know that. The council is going to be pissed when they hear about this. Oh fuck, I forgot you hated swearing, well womp womp for yo dumb ass then, cry about it bitch. That’s what a thought. Wahhh cry like a wittle baby everwone knows you are.” A mysterious stranger remarked from the shadows.
”Oh come on man, do you really have to vio me like that, and you heard the many he isn’t of this world so he’s technically fair game! And don’t swear in my house please, it’s extremely unpleasant to do so in living places, it gives bad feng shui, or at least a place from this planet called the oriental empire thinks, but maybe that’s just the crack they get from the imperium of tea talking.”
Jesus motherfucking Christ this lot act more like a bunch of teenagers that have no clue what they’re doing than all seeing gods. Do we get gods that are competent? No, of course not, the gods, yep, gods plural, are a bunch of eternal retards that act like children. Just my fucking luck to fall asleep saving my friend of maybe a couple hours at most from dying. And the twist here is going to be they can read minds isn’t it? Just fucking perfect.
”let the man speak for himself before subjecting him to mental torture more akin to a savage than a god” I was starting to like this one much more than the other one, but for all I know, the rainbow one is like an overprotective parent, smothering me but ultimately not knowing that they’re damaging me, and the mysterious one wants to put me into a brothel and turn me into a femboy. So I didn’t get too close with trusting what otherwise had been completely unknown to me. I felt the imaginary chains loose their influence on me. “Ok. I won’t swear this time, first off, I’d like to thank you, the gentlegod in the corner for saving me from this rainbow god. Even momentarily.” I knew that pleasing the so far lesser evil would turn out well in the long run, or at least the better for me. “I’ll start from the beginning of this random escapade. I do not know where I am right now, but I do know a raiding band of elves came into my world, with hostile intention, and me and my government simply acted in self defence to kill the offending party, and rounding up what prisoners that could be taken.” I cleared my throat.
”So me, with approximately 200 others came to this side with automated machinery to help build a perhaps permanent base here through a portal. Though I can only guess from y’all being here, this world is some sort of game made by gods to spend their extra time on, and this fine rainbow fella here I can only assume to be the god, or goddess of rainbows, much like iris in Greek mythology. If you think I did anything wrong, you might need a little mental health checkout. Me, along with other soldiers of the brave and brilliant US of A, repelled the enemy aggressor, and now are searching for where the attack originated from. Getting our only lead from the adventurers guild, saying that the elves were part of a raiding party that extorts many population centres for money, and slaves. Personally, I absolutely… fupping hate the idea of slavery. Sentient beings, from humans to orks do not deserved to be owned like a piece of equipment, to throw away when broken, rather than treated with the respect they deserve. I came into this world wanting to make use of the Geneva checklist on some elves, until I realised that all things, human or not, as long as they are sapient should all be given access to the Geneva conventions. There’s an old saying. Fear the ones with rules for war, as they made them only because they are scared of what they would do without them, and if you truly are gamers playing a game, do you really want to get your people to get genocided? I say no, so release me, get your civilisations to sign the conventions, so if, and when anyone decides to go to war it’s civilly, and not barbaric. It’s not mutually assured destruction if only one side has nukes. The most important decision you’ll ever make in this game is on the hinges of the laws of war itself, as well as how sentient life should be treated outside of war, with basic human, or now sentient rights.” I lectured, hoping my waffle was making my friends and party have better chances of getting me away from this bullshit that was talking with gods, being rather disappointed myself.
“Hmm your points are quite logical, and if it makes you feel better I’m the god of pleasure, you can take that two ways, and I’m both, sexual and aesthetic, as well as the simple things in life. I’ll get a mandate out that makes it mandatory to sign these, ‘Geneva conventions’ but I’ll need a copy to read first. You can do that?” The now awkwardly identified god remarked,
”yup, that’ll be extremely easy, just ask to open diplomatic ties with the United States of America, provide some oil, and we can talk.”
”just wondering, what happens if one is to break these conventions?”
”It’s quite obvious. Can you not guess? The rights given by the conventions are null and void, bar the prisoners and civilians part, but unnecessary suffering, with high explosive rounds is permitted, and civvies caught in the crossfire is not a warcrime, however, no matter the intensity of violation, you must never break the laws for captives, as if you do, you’ll only fanaticise the population more, as they know surrendering is a fate much worse than death.” I replied, a smirk on my face, knowing the revised Geneva conventions of 2050, following the many minor conflicts, but major humanitarian crisis’ they caused.
”Well, since that’s all resolved, I guess we can send you back into the land of the mortals. Bye for now human!” The god of pleasure shouted after me.
I was laying on the old, cold, hard ground, when my eyes flicked open.