“I don't know what happened Mel. I can't sense an actual injury but I can feel that he's hurt.”
“Don't look at me. I've got a massive headache from whatever is affecting him. Whatever caused it, he had warning. The wards he triggered were designed to put anything in the forge to sleep, protect him, and chill the room, something like an emergency shut down for the forge I suppose.”
I tried to focus through the tone-deaf brass orchestra that was managing to mutilate Beethoven in new and innovative ways.
“Could it have been a purely mental attack?” Tyr's deep baritone made the blasted orchestra play louder. Khan snorted in response.
“Not to get through his wards and shields. I think whatever is hurting him is internal, and that worries me more than the thought of him being attacked in his forge.” Khan's steady growl had added a quartet of yowling cats to the damned orchestra. I pushed myself up off the floor and noted that only Cassandra was near me.
“Khan's right, if this is the result of a personality from his previous life trying to take control it could be a problem.”
I realized that the shields were still active and my entire forge had a thin layer of ice. Great I'd overcharged the wards and probably ruined all the metal that wasn't tempered.
“Sis, I need you to get a package from the back of my tea cabinet, black box with green ribbon. Synbel sent some moonroot back with me and I need it.” I poked at the shield and frowned. “If you can get it through the shield, um Cassandra how did you get through it?”
“I borrowed a cap from Hades. Khan let out a scream loud enough to wake a giant and told us we had to come here. Want to tell me what happened?” I rubbed at my temples and she pulled my hands out of the way and put her fingers there instead, pushing tendrils of energy into my mind. I flinched a bit. “Sorry. I can't seem to find any injury which is odd as much pain as Khan was reporting.”
“Memory overload I think. Someone showed up and said something that triggered a cascade of recall; I'm still sifting through the memories trying to fit everything together. Not sure if you can heal this sort of pain or not. I think my brain was just force fed a hundred years or more worth of memory. Apparently even my brain can't open that many new pathways and connections without some damage.” Cassandra frowned and looked at the door.
“And you think Valerian is going to help that? Cathal sleep won't heal a memory overload like that, you need to untangle your energy, think about the memories and process them, all that takes time.” I nodded and shifted so I was sitting on my own away from the wall wincing as I felt a few layers of skin peel off when my back came away from the frozen metal.
“He's not talking about Valerian, Cassandra. Actual moonroot is a fairly rare plant that can be cultivated in maybe half a dozen locations in existence and nowhere on earth. Demeter tried transplanting a few clippings to Olympus once and they withered to dust in a few hours. Nobody that has access to it is really certain of what makes it grow, each spot is different and rarely more than a few square feet in size. But if he really does have some stored here then chewing it straight or making a tea of it could help, Synbel actually makes soup from it, though it tastes terrible. Still moonroot is good for correcting energy imbalances and can help with repairing damaged energy channels in the body.”
“Khan, stop talking, your voice feels like a cheese grater on my brain right now.” I reached out towards the shield and tried to will it down only to be met with resistance. That was odd. “I can't take the shield down. Can you Khan?”
“You activated it with blood. If you can't bring it down it means you have to wait for it to come down on its own, tear it down with brute force, or fix the imbalance to your energy from when you mind was overloaded. Can you tell me what triggered it?” I looked at Cassandra sitting inside the protective bubble of the shield with me and Tyr where he stood outside it leaning against the wall of the forge beside the open door. Someone had brought an old camp lantern in for light. I considered the question for a moment, I thought I knew who was tearing down the Councils wards on earth now, and I even had a vague idea of why he might be doing it but I couldn't be sure of how.
The problem was that the information was fairly personal in nature and as much as I might trust the two of them, it wasn't something I wanted widely known. I closed my eyes for a moment and focused inward trying to sense the bond between me and Khan. After a moment I finally latched onto it and sent him the brief message that had triggered the memories along with my ideas. I opened my eyes to see him stumble a bit to the side and right himself again and then cock his head sideways at me.
“I'll be back as soon as I can Cathal. I want to go see if I can confirm any of this.” He vanished with a faint shimmer leaving me alone with the other two until Melisande came back in. She set the small box down at the border of the shield and backed up looking at me. I frowned at it, and then looked to Cassandra.
“Would you be able to get that for me? If Hades’ Helm can get you through the shield and back in, once I've had a chance to eat some of the stuff and it’s taken effect I should be able to drop the shield. While we're waiting for that though, Tyr, if you can get a hold of Hephaestus? I need the two of you to start working on how to anchor the remaining wards like Thoth suggested. After that I want both of you to come back here.”
Cassandra pulled an old folded leather cap from her pocket and tugged it on vanishing from sight. I frowned and reached out with my other senses only to find that even the feel of her energy had vanished. A moment later the box vanished as well and then she reappeared pulling the cap off and holding the box. I took it gently and untied the silk knot unable to stop myself from wrinkling my nose at the bitter astringent smell when I opened the box. The contents were a tough, stringy looking, purplish blue that looked like dried ginger except for the color. I popped a piece in my mouth and started chewing the tough substance, ignoring the rotten taste that no method of preparation seemed to remove from the root.
I felt the shift in my energy almost immediately; as healing herbs went moonroot was one of the best for correcting energy imbalances and replenishing energy when it was low. The fact that it seemed to work universally was nice. Though the few people that knew about it didn't share the information often and safeguarded where they got it from. I finished chewing the first piece and swallowed it before closing the box and retying the ribbon around it. The moonroot wasn't really a cure so much as a band aid measure, I'd have to confront the new memories soon or they would tear me apart. I touched the base of the shield and willed it away.
“Come on. Cass, you and Mel can make yourselves at home, I need to take care of something.” I led the way back up to my house snuffing out the lantern on my way out. I nodded towards the kitchen for Cassandra and headed into my workroom. I pushed aside the computer stuff again and rummaged around until I found a mirror with runes etched into the wooded frame. I pulled over a stool and sat down and focused on the new memories.
“Corena” I drew power out with the name and thrust it into the mirror along with the emotions it conjured shaping the energy into patterns for a construct to display memories. Slowly an image materialized of a woman lying on her side in a bed, soft brown hair that matched the sheets around her; warm hazel eyes and sun kissed skin the color of a sandy beach. I remembered what it felt like to be wrapped in her arms, to have her pressed against me as I fell asleep, the almost touchable quality of her laughter when she heard a good joke and the odd quirk of her mouth when she fought not to smile at something. I used the scrying mirror to let the memories and emotions flood over and through me. Thousands of happy memories and hundreds of fights over stupid things. Everything from the first meeting when she found me laying on the ground after a battle, bleeding to death from more wounds than I could recall, to that last catastrophic moment as I pulled a sword out of her.
This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.
That had been the start of my final fall. I had let one mistake dictate my actions and allowed my grief over the loss of the woman I loved, the woman to whom I had bound my heart and soul, to dictate my actions and caused more damage to others trying to hide from the mistake. Some of the memories were still incomplete. That was a given, even a normal person’s memories had gaps, but at least if the message from earlier was correct it was someone that blamed me for her death seeking revenge that was causing the wards destruction. I sat back, the image of Corena still frozen in the mirror, and stared at the ceiling.
“Everything turns out for the best in the end, even when the end is out of sight.” I muttered the line uncertain where I’d first heard it. I picked up the papyrus scrolls Thoth had given me on his first visit and read through them. Most of the locations he mentioned made sense as such things went. They were already unstable and anchoring the wards there would allow them to stabilize and provide the raw power needed to fuel the wards. The Bermuda triangle wouldn't be hard to manage since it was in a relatively neutral territory as far as the deities that still interacted with earth cared, though I was reluctant to tie anything to it given that it was a massive natural gateway and tended to open and close sporadically. The pyramids I could get permission to use with Thoth's help. I'd have to get Hephaestus and Cassandra to arrange for the use of the Acropolis in Greece and I'd have to speak with Gwynn ap Nudd about using one of the Gates of Arawnn or another point in his territory as an anchor point. The trick was going to be the suggestion for the site in the Yucatan which Thoth had been oddly specific about but hadn’t elaborated on his reasons for.
I wrinkled my nose as I considered one; faeries were always annoying to deal with. The Welsh Tylwyth Teg were the worst in my opinion, unlike most faeries they were more inclined to want to trade gifts than make pacts and bargains like the other Fae and turning down a gift the wrong way could make them feel justified in calling for a duel. Of course, if I was unlucky Gwynn could decide he wanted to be my friend, dealing with him was always a bit of a lottery. Not that I would ever accuse an egotistical death deity of being bipolar to his face. But this was the guy who’d punished someone for killing one of his hounds by trading kingdoms for a year, although the myths always seemed to leave out the aftermath in both realms of that particular event.
I’d also need someone to act as a guide to get me in and out of his domain once I got to Wales which would mean finding a local spirit or practitioner that was friendly, or dealing with another old acquaintance. It was more than that though, if I was going to deal with him it meant going to his territory and that posed another type of risk for me. I closed my eyes and let down another of the shields in my mind and felt the warm beacon of light to the north east in my mind. How well would my vitally important self-control hold if I was that close to its source, and how much did I want it to?
I reached up onto the top shelf by the door and pulled down a small picture I had printed out years ago. The young woman was only a year younger than me with black hair cut short at her shoulders and skin tanned dark by a mix of genetics and hours spent in the sun. Even now looking at the picture made me smile. I'd never actually had the pleasure of talking to her in person, we'd met online when both of us were a lot younger and talking to her had helped me through some fairly hard times in my life. At some point I'd started feeling and thinking of her as more than a friend though. When I started regaining my memories I’d distanced myself and eventually started a fight. I'd said a lot of things that I hadn't meant and had no right to say in the first place it had been months since we’d spoken at all and I was reasonably certain she hated me.
I slid the picture into my wallet. I needed to get ready to travel around the world and the only fast way to do that wasn’t going to be easy. Half a dozen deities and mystery figures from my past, a major crisis for the world, and a potential personal crisis; it never rains when it can pour. I dug an old military jacket with a couple extra pockets sewn into the lining out and started pilling more potions, crystals and metal objects into the pockets. I didn’t bother looking when I heard the door open and someone come in.
“Mel left the book on the counter for you, she figured it would be best for you to keep it on hand till you can figure out how to read it.”
“Thanks Cassandra. I’m going to need to ask for your help negotiating with Athena for us to use the acropolis as an anchor point for the Council’s remaining Seals. I'll trust you to settle on a fair price and to stress the significance of the need for us to do this. You’re welcome to take Melisande with you if you need. Take Tyr with you when you go to Olympus as well, I want him and Hephaestus to get to work as soon as possible on the prep work for anchoring the wards to the spot in Mexico that Thoth suggested, and I need to go to Wales and speak with the king of the Tylwyth Teg about using part of his territory for another anchor point.”
“You need to rest Cathal, and you need to deal with your problems. I’ve spent the last few years studying medicine and psychology, not to mention countless years of personal experience in this life and centuries before this dealing with trauma and injuries. What you’re holding onto, the burdens you’re carrying, are going to wear you down if you keep pushing yourself this hard. You have friends and family you can trust, talk to them and let them help you more.”
I turned around and leaned against the work bench behind me as I looked at Cassandra, I didn’t bother to say anything at first. I just thought about the memories that I had just regained. I thought about the pain that had come with them, I recalled all the pain and damage I had inflicted on others both in my past lives and in my current life. I let my feelings about that bleed through the control I’d fought for over the last year. She rubbed at her arms as goose bumps formed.
“You want me to trust other people with my problems? You want me to share my burdens? I've done that Cassandra. Every time it’s gotten the people I cared about hurt, killed or worse. I can’t just ask someone to help shoulder my burdens. You think that one little flash of insight gives you an idea of what I feel? You may be a goddess, you may have been worshipped once, but if I let you see inside even for a second it would break you, the barest brush against my emotions was enough to make you weep and you think you have the RIGHT to tell me what is best for me.” I heard glass crackling in the suddenly freezing room as frost spread across the computer monitors and windows. Working with energy the way I do means you have to stay in control, when you’re emotional it does what it wants, this time though that suited my purpose.
“I had someone! I shared my burdens with her and because she tried to help me, in my arrogant belief that I could protect her, I killed her with my own hands! Because I couldn’t live with my mistakes, I ordered men that trusted me to lead them into hell and expected to come out the other side covered in jewels, into a death trap! I know what it’s going to cost me to keep blocking out what I feel, I’ve been here before and I’ve done it before and I’d damn myself until Oblivion claims all things before I risked harming one more person because I wanted the simple pleasure of companionship!” I’d started moving towards her as I spoke my voice rising in anger. She stepped back as my voice reached a low roar and echoed in the small room making bits of frost fall from the ceiling like snow. I took a deep breath and walked to the far side of the room and picked up a piece of mica snapping the fragile mineral in half and feeling the construct in it pour out of the fragile container and force my rampaging energy back into my body.
“If that’s the way you think Cathal then nobody can help you. I’ll go speak with Mel and Tyr about going to Olympus. Do you need a guide to enter Arawnn?”
“No, as much as I dislike dealing with him I have someone in mind more suited to the task that will likely show up when I get there anyways. Please if you want to help me just do as I asked. I may be damned but that doesn’t mean that everyone else on this planet needs to be as well.” I turned away from her and waited till I heard the door close before I bent my head down and allowed myself to start crying.
Emotions are how we relate to life, they are an integral part of us and cutting ourselves off from them, good or bad, comes at a price. When you stop feeling you start dying little by little until eventually you're just a shell with nothing left. I remember what it was like to be that shell, I also remembered what it had been like to be crushed under the weight of my emotions. I sat alone in my workroom for a long time pulling myself together, getting my head back in place and putting back together the mental shields that kept not just my energy in check but also kept me from sensing the things that made it harder to pretend I didn’t feel. Maybe Cassandra was right and it would be better to let the people that cared for me try to shoulder some of the burden, but she could also be wrong and I wasn’t sure I could survive being responsible for getting someone else I cared for killed.