“How am I supposed to work in those conditions!?”
“Calm down Gray.”
One week had passed, and as of Friday today, I had received fifty calls and messages alike, mostly from anonymous senders, asking me to generously donate my body parts to ‘science’.
My reaction had come from the latest conversation with a Frankenstein freak. It went like this.
“Hello? Are you Ray? The Conscient?”
“The one and only, please don’t tell me…”
“I just need part of your brain. Nothing too damaging, I swear!”
“I WILL NOT AGREE TO A BRAIN AUTOPSY!!!”
“You don’t understand.”
“YOU PEOPLE. I DON’T UNDERSTAND?”
Marie had entered my room at that moment. “Gray? Is everything…” She dodged the pencil that flew out of my hand. It smashed itself in pieces behind her.
“I DON’T UNDERSTAND?” I repeated inside my phone. “I JUST WANT NOTHING POTENTIALLY GIVING ME BRAIN DAMAGE! CAN YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?”
“Of course, but that is just very unlikely, only mild speech impediments, at most.”
“ARGH!” I exclaimed before my phone flew towards another wall to meet the same fate as my art utensil.
I realized Marie was in my room, looking worried.
“Sorry. I was in the perfect mood to draw, then my phone didn’t stop buzzing…”
“It’s okay. Why didn’t you just shut it down?”
“You were at your courses, I wanted to stay reachable in case one of those nutcases came after you.”
“They’re not interested in me, you know that. I’m not the one getting called by dubious scientists with even more suspicious methods.”
“Letting myself get listed in this U system was the biggest mistake I could have done. How am I supposed to work in these conditions?”
“Calm down, Gray.”
“I’m calm.”
“Your phone has merged with the wall, and you almost ripped my face off with your now deceased pencil.”
“My…? Oh no. I just got used to its feel in my hands.” I went and examined what was now pieces of carbon on the floor.
“Of course, you would get sad about the pencil and not the three hundred dollar phone.”
“It was two hundred, I got it with a discount or I just would’ve taken the cheaper one.”
“King told us it would be like that; you have to be patient.”
“I’ve been patient for months now, on the run from a vampire, in hiding from that vampire. Waiting, waiting. The beast said to wait, now you. I just want to draw, enjoy my time with you. Have Stan come back.”
“IT wants you to wait? What for?”
“It thinks something worthy of its time is going to come and look for trouble if we just stay silent and wait.”
“It makes predictions too? Damn, that’s too many seers and Oracles in the same flat.”
“Can’t really ask it to leave, even though it’s not even paying rent. Fortunately, I don’t think it has the power to see the future. It has access to my memories and thoughts though.”
“…So it is because you think someone is going to come. Is that the real reason why you’re so on edge?”
“No. Yes. Maybe. Those phone calls are a definite cause of that, but maybe I feel IT’s not wrong. I’m scared about your security, too.”
“Well, don’t be. I can handle myself fine, and I really don’t see why anyone would come and bother me, I’m just a nobody.”
“You’re not a nobody to me.”
“Not enough a reason to bother, I believe.”
“I think you’re wrong.”
“You’re scared that I could be wrong, and what such a mistake could entail, that’s different.”
“What if some of those crazy doctors try to kidnap you?”
“That’s not going to happen, the Second Law, remember?”
“Sure.”
“You should be more worried about your parents. And even though it's sad, Stan not being here is good. I believe it makes him less likely to become a target.”
I sat on my bed, looked outside through my brand-new window door.
“I know, I know.”
She sat beside me.
“But you’re still on edge. That’s normal, you can’t hope to regulate all of your fears just through sheer will of mind, or by telling yourself it's unreasonable. It’s ok to be anxious or scared. There are good reasons to be.”
“How can you stay so calm?”
“Well. I’ve never been afraid to die, I want to live.”
“Doesn’t make sense.”
She laid on my bed, clearly tired after her day at the university. “You know it makes perfect sense.”
I looked at her, feeling my emotions cool down.
“What about your mom?”
“Yeah, that scares me. But I believe no one will go after my mom to get to me, just to get to you. Nothing logical about it, just a belief. That helps.”
“So I should just follow your religion? At last, your treachery is revealed. All of our friendship was a lie, just so you could get to your true goal, proselytism.”
“I don’t know what proselytism means, but yeah, definitely all a lie.” She poked my sides.
I transformed into Igris on the spot.
“Oh. Wow. That was super, super weird.”
I realized it was the first time I had done it in front of her.
“Sorry, I thought you were inviting me.”
“Erm. Was I? I didn’t ask you to morph in front of me, Gray. It was mental.” She stood up, getting closer to my face, then touched it like I was a clay doll with both her hands.
“MHHeeey!” I managed to complain.
“Sorry. It was just so disturbing, cool and horrible at the same time.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
“Have you never done it in front of a mirror? Or filmed yourself? Scratch that last one, that’s a really bad idea. No footage of it should exist. Shape-shifters are not supposed to be real, after all. In both the U and the normal world.” She let me go.
I didn’t want to talk or even think about that last statement. “I’ve never looked at myself change, no. From Ray to Igris, it goes too fast. I’ve seen my limbs as I change into the wolf, though. That’s really horrible. I think that’s why I’ve never been interested.”
“Can you do it again? Igris to Ray, I mean, not wolf.”
I tried… and couldn’t. I felt her presence next to me, an innate knowledge telling me she was too close.
“I can’t do it when you touch me.”
“Oh? Yeah. Makes sense with how your skin moves and stuff, I could get pieces of me stuck inside you.”
“Ew.”
“See? Men are disgusting.”
“EW. Get your mind out of the gutter.”
“Never. I’m a psycho…”
“Psychologist after all, yeah, yeah.”
I moved away from her and changed back to Gray. My T-shirt and shorts were fitting me anew.
“This is so trippy.” She exclaimed. “Again.”
“I’m not a circus show…”
“Oh, no. Definitely not.” She was biting her lower lips, a bit ashamed.
“You just thought exactly that…”
“Guilty as charged. But come on, look at it!” She got up and opened the little closet door that led to my sink and mirror.
“I don’t want to. I want to cuddle again. I’m still angry about everything.”
She looked at the ceiling and sighed. “Fine.” She closed the closet door.
I changed back into Igris.
“Mental.” I heard the whispered comment.
“Well, I’m happy it is not as horrible as when I transform into a wolf.”
“How is it different for you?”
We got back together on the bed, my head on her knees.
“First of all, it hurts. A lot. My human forms, going from one to another, feels…natural. Nothing hurts. It’s just like breathing.”
“You probably can’t expect to ruin all laws of physics without a bit of pain, I guess.”
“I don’t think that’s it. I’m getting bigger and heavier, sure. How? I don’t know. I guess I’ve got an accessible pool of energy somewhere, that I can use to replace missing matter.”
“Oh! You’ve read my recommendations.”
“I did. It was slightly boring, but I found the science behind everything captivating.”
“Arthur C Clarke is the king of hard Sci-Fi, after all.”
“Still, that’s not what hurts. It's the change itself, I can feel everything break and rip.”
She silently combed my hair with her hand.
“…to make someone follow your religion.” I said.
“What?”
“Proselytism. That’s what the word means.”
“I had forgotten about it. But don’t you think that’s why religions are there? To help us cope with the un-copable?”
“That would be a nice definition of religion. I don’t think falsely accused witches would have agreed with it.”
“Mingled with politics, yeah, religion is crap. But hey, maybe those witches were real ones!”
“What if they were?”
“Oh. Yeah. Bruning them at the stake is still problematic.”
“Understatement of the year.”
“I think beliefs are what makes us capable of the greatest of things. Or the worst.”
We cuddled in silence for a while.
“I was really scared when you went missing though.” Marie was continuing our earlier conversation.
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop being sorry. The first time I was scared you were dead. I think it was the first time I ever felt despair. I was sure you were still alive, but I was so terrified the feeling was just wishful thinking on my end.”
“Mhmh.” I didn’t want to interrupt her.
“The second time though…I knew you were going to be safe, but still, I was scared.”
“How could you know that?”
“I’ve seen you as the wolf. You’d need a tank or two to pose a real threat to that.”
“Why were you scared then?”
“Because even though I knew you wouldn’t die, I was terrified you would be hurt. Inside or outside.”
“I was. I still am.” I thought about the women in the basement.
“More than that though…I doubted you, I think I was really scared about that.”
“You doubted me?”
“I believe, even now, that there is a high chance you just leave me for the old ‘I shall protect you’ matchagubbin bullshit.”
“I…Don’t swear.”
“Sorry. I’m not wrong, am I?”
“No. I’ve thought about it.”
“You can’t help anyone by abandoning them.”
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Her eyes were lost inside mine, but she was looking at her own past now, not me.
“I won’t leave you.”
“Promise me.”
I winced in pain, memories coming back to me, making the words stick in my throat, not getting out.
I finally answered: “Many lovers of mine died. All because of me. Nonetheless, you would make me swear? I can’t handle you dying.”
Marie didn’t get angry, she just gently smiled.
“I’m not a lover. I’m Marie. My death is and always will be my own because that is how I live and always will live my life. Would you try and take that away from me?”
Her answer startled me. I did not understand it completely. I felt it entranced me, gave me access to the feelings that once made me into an Oracle.
“Life cannot be held by anyone. But the chaos of life… I shall promise it, Marie. I shall not abandon you. Whatever the future holds, even if our paths diverge.”
She kissed me.
“Good.”
I tried for more, but she backed off.
I raised an eyebrow. “What’s that mean expression on your face?”
“I want to let my friends meet my girlfriend.”
“Stan met me.”
“Unlike you, I have many friends.”
“Wait. At your gay bar? I refuse, I’m going to get hit on the whole evening, I’m tired of people wanting my body for unethical things.”
“Arrogant, and a funny comparison, I’ll admit. But sadly, you have no choice on the matter.”
“Oh, come on. You’re tired! I can see it.”
She kissed me again.
I saw her decided expression, so I sighed.
My evening plans had just been filled against my will, and cuddling time had been cut short to “prepare” for it.
Truly a lose-lose situation.
The Cranium was the exception to my not liking clubs or crowded spaces rule. The gay bar I was forcibly brought to, even though not the worst, was really not my cup of tea.
“That’s Natasha, and this is Jay.” Marie introduced me, as I was wincing painfully at the neon lights flashing violently around me, mixing unnaturally with the electronic computer noises that filled the club. It wasn’t big, only big enough to fit twenty comfortably. Forty people at least had to be present. There were some stairs though, leading to a second floor, but I had smelled what was upstairs. Even more people, and according to my nose, most likely naked and engaging in quite unusual mating behaviors.
I was distracted and missed Natasha, or Jay, I had already forgotten, extending her hand.
Marie pushed an elbow in my sides.
“Oh sorry, I’m not used to this kind of place.” I apologized earnestly.
“No worries. Igris, is it?”
“I’d prefer if you called me…”
“Igris, that’s exactly it.” Marie intervened. “Gray’s cousin.”
Oh, she had told them about me, giving the same name would’ve been weird, for sure.
I didn’t like being called with my old name though, the evening wasn’t going to be pleasant.
I shook her hand as I tried to examine the two girls through the flashing lights and jostling crowd.
The one I was currently shaking hands with, Jay I believe, was a bit of a caricature appearances-wise. Colored hair cut very short, and quite on the plus size. She wore no piercings and had a friendly expression. I was going to avoid feminist talk with her though, just to be sure. The other was…quite different. She had tattoos all over her body, and ten times as many piercings as Marie. She wore dark, revealing clothes, exposing her lithe body and giving a clear view of her cleavage, even though her breasts were small. The most unsettling part though was her face. Its femininity and cuteness were harshly counterbalanced by the tattoos on it. They went from her neck to her upper cheeks, stopping just beneath her eyes, like tendrils of an octopus reaching for her brain. Her eyes had been filled with black ink, which I didn’t even know was possible without going completely blind.
It was hard to distinguish a specific smell in such a crowded place, but hers was so strong it was hard to miss. There was rose perfume, but even with it, nothing could hide the promise of sex underneath her skin.
It made me think about Jeanne, and how she could promise pleasure in every sentence. Until you realized what she truly was.
“Igris? Be nice, shake her hand.” Marie woke me up.
I was ignoring Natasha’s hand as well.
“Erm…sorry.”
“Don’t worry.” There was desire and enticement in her voice. “Pretty rare to find a girl as beautiful as you…and taller than I am.” Now that she mentioned it, she was pretty tall.
I was more worried about the flirting in front of Marie. I looked at her. She was sighing. “I’m not sharing, Nat.”
“Maybe not now…”
“No.”
“A shame.” She immediately backed off, and I felt her hand leave mine, her gaze becoming less voracious.
If she wasn’t in the U, I didn’t know who was. There had been way too much power in her flirting. Did Marie not know? For someone who could pierce any secret, that seemed weird.
“So, Marie, she’s the one? The reason you won’t participate in my games anymore?” Natasha asked.
“Nope. At least not without her, and if I saw anyone touch her, I think I’d get seriously pissed off, so better avoid it.”
“We could arrange it somehow.”
What exactly were they talking about? I was afraid to ask.
Jay gave me a way out. “So, Igris. What are you doing in life?”
The music was too loud, and without my improved hearing, I wouldn’t have gotten half of it. I moved a bit closer to answer.
“I’m a painter.”
“Like Gray?”
“Yeah, it’s how Marie and I met.”
“Through him? You know, she talks about him all the time, but she never wanted us to meet.”
Marie entered the conversation. “Because I know you, you’d get all pissed off about him being a white, rich, male, and you’ll go apeshit on the first comment he makes about anything.”
“I would not!”
“You definitely would, dear.” Natasha had gotten closer to us, as well.
“Yeah, like you can talk!” Marie answered her.
“What?” The tattooed girl had an innocent look.
“As if I was going to let him meet you when he was single.”
Her innocent look didn’t seem so innocent now. “Touché. He’s not single anymore?”
Dangerous question to answer, I changed subjects.
“You’re bi?” I asked Natasha.
“Oh, I’m many things.” She very ostentatiously flirted with me again.
“NAT!” Marie was pissed now.
“Fine. Fine! Look at her though, she’s hot. How am I supposed to resist?”
“I trust you to hold back.” Marie had a serious look.
“Pfffrr.” Natasha giggled. “Look at you, so territorial. Never would have expected it.”
“We should go and get something to drink.” Jay said to me. “I think it’s going to take a while.”
I raised an eyebrow and saw Marie and her friend continuing to argue over whether I was free game or not.
I sighed. I didn’t know the rules of this LGBT environment. Normally I would have defended myself, but as I could hear and smell what was happening upstairs, what was normal to me wasn’t normal here.
“Ok.”
I talked with Jay a bit but was interrupted multiple times by girls asking me my number or if I was available. The worst was the hands on my back, ass, and some even on my boobs. I thought only men were uneducated enough about relationships to be capable of such a porcine act, but it seemed that being an ass was genderless. There were men in the club as well, but they weren’t going to be interested in me in this body, so they left me in peace.
Marie came back, alone, thirty minutes later, saying Natasha “Had found something else to occupy her mind.”
I asked Marie if she had gotten rid of Natasha’s body properly, but she hadn’t answered my sarcasm. Rude.
She sat down next to me, and put a defensive arm around my waist, claiming me quite clearly. It didn’t stop two girls to invite me upstairs.
I winced at Marie’s insults towards them.
Jay was fun, but she had not come to talk, and after Marie had joined me, she quickly left on the dancefloor, trying to find a partner for the night.
“She’s nice, trying not to let me alone and uncomfortable while you rip this weird friend of yours a new excretory system.”
“Mh.”
“What?”
“It was a mistake.” Marie finally said.
“I know. What did you expect would happen?”
“I didn’t expect you to seduce everyone in the room.”
“I have done no such things.”
“Do you even see how you move? Even when you were just talking, you felt…”
“I felt?”
“I can’t express it clearly.”
“Talking about moving, I’d like to dance.”
“I don’t want you to dance. And I think it’s a really bad idea.”
I looked at her, she was truly conflicted. I understood why she had brought me here, she wanted me to see part of her universe, a part that had always been closed to me before. She wanted to lay it bare, show me her imperfections. For someone who was so scared of being left behind, such behavior could seem counterintuitive, but such reactions were the definition of humanity.
CHAOS REIGNS HERE.
I felt a push from within. A desire to let go of the mask of shyness that was Ray, and the mask of sadness that was Igris, and just embrace what we were. It had been there since we entered this den, but it was so much stronger now.
“I will dance. And I will make you jealous, Marie. I like it.”
Marie looked startled for a moment.
“Wait. Gray. Your eyes, you can’t…”
But I was gone and reached the center of the mass, where everybody flowed in such disharmony, it became balance again. Marie was following me, trying to stop me for whatever reason, but she could not move like I moved. No one touched me, I was the breeze. She was swallowed in the sea of dancers, drunks, and lovers.
I just walked on water.
As an Oracle, dancing was our way of life. It was easy to understand the purpose of this soulless, digital music. It was meant to let the dancer decide what to show. I would reveal truth, as always.
I made a step. An old one. It meant desire. As the second beat came, my body moved again. Abandon. A third. Desire to forget.
At the fourth step, I felt the stares upon me. It was natural they would look now, this one was attacking them, accusing them. They all wanted to be unique, so none were.
I could hear Marie, but in my frenzy, I did not understand what her words meant. It was not a language I was familiar with. Or maybe it was. “Gray! Your eyes are golden! Snap out of it! Shit, let me through!”
Fifth step. Hope. To find salvation. To find something true.
Sixth. Anger. At this world, at everything. More than that, anger towards thy own self.
Seventh. Hunger.
Eight. Fear. Loneliness.
Marie was getting closer.
But the ninth step would be the final one, the third of the third. The most revealing one.
Huma…
Someone stopped me in my tracks, able to touch me even though I was in my trance.
“Let’s stop here. More than that and it’ll be a problem for everyone.” Natasha was gripping my arm, with quite the inhuman strength.
It felt weak under my power.
“Who are you to stop the truth?”
“A demon. It is my right to prevent it from being spoken.”
I looked at her, saw the promise of pain and lust in her darkened eyes. No ink in there, it was her natural color. I could almost see the dark tentacles on her cheek move. She was looking strained, like it was taking her a tremendous effort just to stand there.
Which it definitely did.
“You have that right.” I acquiesced, before feeling faint.
“Gray! Erm, Igris, I mean, snap out of it!” Marie finally arrived next to me.
She looked genuinely worried. I didn’t like that look on her face.
I blinked two, three times, then felt my legs give out under me. Natasha and Marie stopped me from falling.
“Fuck. Marie. What the hell have you gotten yourself into?” Asked the tattooed girl.
“What do you mean? She’s just not used to those places.”
“Yeah sure, say that to everyone looking like mindless zombies, just because she danced ten seconds.”
I felt weak, but her words pushed me to look around. The music was still blasting through, but the circle of maybe ten, fifteen people around us was silent and unmoving. They were not especially looking into our direction, but every single one of them had a puzzled expression like they had been told such shocking news, they had to take a moment to process it.
“She’s just a really good dancer.” Marie tried.
“Yeah, no. Let’s bring your girlfriend upstairs, we need to have some privacy.”
Marie gave her a surprised stare.
“Upstairs? Privacy? Uh. No?”
“On the third floor, not the second.”
“There is a third floor?”
“Yes, there is.” Was Natasha’s only answer.
I was beginning to get my bearings back as we entered what seemed like a staff room on the second floor, to a staircase leading to the third.
The third room was in fact an apartment. Apparently, Natasha’s.
“That’s where you live?” Shouted Marie.
“Yes. And no, I wasn’t going to tell. I don’t want anyone come knocking on my door every time I’m not in the club.”
“I wasn’t going to do that.”
“I’m not going to do an exception just for you.”
Marie pouted.
As I felt myself get better, I squirmed myself out of the grip of the two girls.
“I’m fine.” I shivered, realizing what I had glimpsed upon while passing through the second floor. “Urgh.”
“You don’t seem fine.” Noted Natasha.
“I am, that’s just me finally reacting to what’s on the floor below.”
“It’s way too dark in there to see anything.”
I glanced towards Natasha.
“Let’s drop that, you told me what you were, I didn’t forget.”
Natasha winced.
“Dang. I hoped you would have forgotten that, when an oracle prophesizes, they usually do.”
“Wait, what? Oh my God.” Marie seemed to realize. “You’re not human.”
“No. Shit I wanted to talk in private, but I can’t be outed, don’t you know about the rules?” She was looking at me when saying that last bit, with an accusatory stare. She, then stared at Marie. “And now I’m going to have to kill my friend.” I saw her power flare and her tattoos seemingly move on her face.
“WHAT?” Marie screamed.
“I’m really sorry, there's just no…”
“That won’t be necessary.” I interjected.
“You would kill me because I know you’re part of the U?” Marie asked, furious.
Now Natasha looked really unsure. “Wait, you know about the U? Since when? Did your girlfriend tell you? That’s…”
“She’s in the census.” I explained. Then I stepped back, because Natasha had lost her will to fight, but not my best friend.
“She is? But…” Natasha’s sentence was interrupted as she suddenly held her leg up in the air while screaming in pain.
It looked ridiculous but was understandable as Marie had just kicked her in the tibia.
“AOUCH. Marie, what the fuck?”
“You would have killed me?”
“I didn’t know you were now part of the U. I thought I had no choice.”
“You were barely looking bothered!”
“I was not barely bothered! I was very bothered!”
“Yeah, bothered like you just had to go throw out the trash in the trashcan while it rains outside!”
“Oddly specific. Quite accurate.” I noted.
“Shut up Gray! Don’t need sarcasm now!” Marie barked at me.
She was supposedly someone calm. Oh, how people change.
Natasha was clearly not defending herself, and was quite frankly, looking very remorseful.
As I had with King, I picked Marie off the ground.
“GRAY!”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“LET ME DOWN.”
“Nope.”
Whatever she tried, nothing changed. The way she acted as a rabbit struggling in vain was waking some dangerous instincts in me.
I turned her to face me.
“You’re so cute when you’re angry.” I commented with a cheeky smile.
“I’m so going to…”
I stopped her with a kiss.
“Would you…”
Wasn’t enough. So I tried again, a bit more fiercely.
She hit me with her knee right in the stomach.
FUN
I snarled and growled, and I was more biting than kissing now.
After a few minutes, I felt her mellow down.
“Pervert.” I accused.
“Not…fair.” She was searching for air.
“Fuck.” I had forgotten about Natasha, and her rude comment made me look at her.
She was looking at us, a glass of what looked like whiskey in one hand.
“Marie, you’re sure we can’t share? I thought she was the meek type, but a wolf in sheep clothing eh. Hot.”
Marie grimaced. “I’m not sure I even want to see you anymore; you were going to kill me.”
“I had to.” Agreed Natasha. “That or we both died. Better one dead than two.”
“No-one would have known.”
“I’m bound, if my master asked, I would have had to answer. The secret would have been out in two months, tops.”
So many things to unpack in that first sentence. But I refrained myself, for now.
“I hope you’ve got more liquor because I think we’re going to need it if we want to finish this evening sane.” I asked instead.
“Plenty in the cupboard, feel free to take what you want. I’m going to go get a shower, then we’ll talk. I need to cool down after that show.”
Marie raised her eyes in the sky. “At least that part of you has not changed.”
“I’m still your friend Marie, for all its worth, I really didn’t want to kill you.”
“Yeah, yeah. Go take a shower, it’ll let me calm down.”
“See you soon.”
And we were left alone in the apartment, still hearing the noises of the club downstairs.