“Aren’t you stronger than her?”
Marie and I were talking softly, as not to wake up Stan. I slept alone the previous night, and my dreams had not been pleasant. Looking at her face this morning, the same was true for her.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you’re a big bad wolf? I don’t see how she could hurt you.”
“Maybe, but I don’t trust myself in this form, I’m…savage. I could do more harm than good. And even then, what about everyone else?”
“Shouldn’t you be with the police then?”
“I am, cops are around our building right as we speak.”
“What?”
“I can hear them talk sometimes. They’re in a room on the bottom floor.”
“Cool. Wait, do you hear everything around us? We’re in a student dorm, how do you even begin to cope with all the sounds?”
“It’s nothing like that. I think my brain filters the noises automatically. I’m conscious of them when I’m concentrating, or if I hear something really weird. It’s a bother when I sleep, but I can just use my noise-canceling headphones for when I draw.” Alternatively I also liked to focus on her breathing, but that was way too creepy to be said out loud. “Anyway.” I continued. “It’s not cool. There is nothing pleasant about being waken up by someone you don’t know saying: ‘Kid is staying home, nothing to report.’ Feels intrusive.”
“At least you’re safe.”
I snorted.
“They’re just showing her where I’m at by being there. She’s a monster, may I remind you. She killed two cops ready to shoot. I don’t think ten more is making a difference.”
She looked scared.
“I hope you’re wrong.”
“Me too. Doesn’t seem likely.”
“What are we going to do?”
“We?”
“You’re not going to fight the devil without a witch, are you?”
“I knew you were summoning Satan.” I smiled softly.
She blushed. “I’m not. Not joking though, if she tries to hurt you, I’m not safe either. I’d rather stay with the werewolf.”
“I’m a Conscient.”
“What?”
“It’s the correct denomination of what I am.”
“Like conscience?”
“No, it means aware.”
“What does that have to do with wolfism?”
“Dunno.”
The monster inside probably knew, but he was choosing to stay silent. I had my doubts though, that the wolf was not so much linked to me being a Conscient, but more to the pelt that was used during my sacrifice.
“In the past, we called it an Oracle. Messenger of gods.”
“We…?” She seemed to realize something. “You’re in Igris’s body, but you feel so much like Ray. Did you…fuse?”
As she asked me the question, I finally noticed. “I think so. I just stopped talking to myself as two different entities last week. I think it was then.”
“I didn’t even notice. I thought I could spot the difference, but it became increasingly difficult to do so. I was only guessing the last few days. You truly became Gray. Are you not concerned?”
“No. It is normal. What’s not is my…our situation. What you and I are going to do.”
Marie sighed. “I don’t know, that’s why I was changing the subject.”
“Can’t really skip on our lives.”
“We could just go to my room.”
As tempting as it was, I felt it was not her heart talking.
“No. You’re scared, so am I.”
She pinched the bridge of her nose, sighed again, the stood up, her face resolute.
“Let’s resume. We are chased by something hot, vicious, and with unknown strength?”
“Hot?”
“Well yeah, she is. I saw the news.”
“It’s beside the point.”
“Maybe, maybe not. It’s definitely to her advantage.”
“You’re beautiful too.”
“Thank you, Gray. But that’s beside the point.”
“Sorry.”
She continued her monologue, exposing her professional side once again. It didn’t bother me this time, as it wasn’t directed towards me.
“She…it will find us, eventually. Police are unaware of the situation and thus cannot defend us. Telling the truth will just make us seem deranged due to panic. Showing the truth…is way too dangerous for you.” She walked in circles, groaning. “What if we showed your dad? He’s most likely got valuable contacts.”
“No.” I answered immediately.
“Please Gray, think about it.” She was standing still now and had a serious look on her face.
It was my turn to sigh. “Fine, let me think…”
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No one said anything for a few minutes.
Marie broke the silence.
“Do you need some time alone?”
“No. It’s just, I see him reacting in a few different ways. Firstly, I cannot show him Igris, he’ll see it as a betrayal, like my brother.”
“I agree, your father is not known for his liberal views about sexuality, or body identification.”
She had experimented that for herself firsthand when I had introduced her to him two years prior.
“Secondly, if I show him the wolf, there is a serious possibility I’ll eat him.”
“Ok, that’s not ideal.”
“And finally, not showing him anything and just explaining things to him will just make it seem like I lost it, and he’ll probably send me away in a help camp or something for a while.”
“Wouldn’t that be okay?”
“And what about you? He’s never going to help you.”
“Oh.” She began walking in circles again. “Yeah, not good. Your mother?”
“She’ll never do anything without telling him first.”
“Of course…”
Marie walked around for a few minutes, before deciding to just sit on my knees.
“Hey…” I didn’t know how to react, loving and hating the breach of personal space at the same time. “Ask first.”
She did not care one bit. “Our only option is you.”
I grimaced.
“I told you. I’m not trusting the wolf.”
ITS influence was so much stronger then.
“Why?”
“I told you, I almost attacked you. You! When I was under this form. It felt delightful to see you scared.”
“But you didn’t attack me... There is something else you’re not telling me about.”
“Damned seer. I already put you in a more than precarious situation. I’m not telling you because I don’t know what it is, only that it’s dangerous.”
“If it’s about you, I’ll be involved, one day or another. Why not tell me so I can be ready when the time comes?”
I could smell her perfume. It made it oh so difficult to say no.
“You’re manipulating me.”
“Yes and no. Manipulation is something you do for your own gain; I’m doing it for both of us. I’m convincing you.”
“Ggrrrr.”
She moved her head back a bit. “That sound was as scary as it was sexy. Won’t stop me from getting my answer though. What’s terrifying you more than the vampire itself? Why won’t you even consider the option?”
“I’m not scared of it. It cannot hurt me. But it can hurt others.”
“It?”
I kissed her aggressively. She let it happen for a bit, then pushed me away.
“Gray.”
“It. Our unwanted passenger. The thing making us wolf.”
“What is it?”
“In Igris’s time, my clan called it a God. It refuted those claims, it said it ate those.”
“Oh.” She closed her eyes. “So you can’t control it?”
“No…it’s lived inside us for so long, too strong. I don’t even know if it’s there or not most of the time. If it’s listening, sleeping. When I’m wolf, it’s brought so close to the surface, it becomes as strong as Gray. It has no control over me directly, but I have no control over it either.”
“It can’t make you do things you don’t want to do? What’s the problem then?”
“Not if I’m conscious. But I’ve had blackouts, in the woods, I’ve got memories missing. It has ways of doing what it wills. I don’t want to test it.
“Why can’t it control you when you sleep?”
That made me pause for a bit. “I don’t know.”
She seemed pensive. “Maybe it’s forced to sleep with you. Maybe sleep and fainting is sufficiently different. You say IT. That it’s not a God, that it said that to you. It speaks to you?”
“Yes. I don’t know if it’s a she or a he, I don’t think it matters, but it’s an animal, speech is something it learned through hunting. It took control of Igris while she was waiting for Ray.”
“It could take control over her?”
“I…we were broken without each other, taking over the body would have been simple.”
“You know that? It told you?”
“No, it’s a guess.”
“In any case, you transforming into the wolf is not bad, as long as you’re not unconscious.”
I nodded, it felt like that was the case.
“It’s our best bet then.”
“What do you propose?”
“I don’t know. It’s just the intersection, we still need to construct the road.”
It felt nice to see her frowning so close to me, she was cuter than the fennec hunting mice.
“I give up for now. Do you have any idea?”
I had one, but she would hate it. I had to speak to IT first.
“Nothing tangible.”
“That’s something.”
“Mhmh.”
“Fine, I won’t bother you any more than I already did, you’ve already confessed a lot today.”
“Thank you, Father Marie, for listening to my confession.”
“Shut up.” She said playfully. “By the way, does IT have a name?”
“Not really. The Beast?”
Her smile faltered.
“The Beast? It’s a wolf and it calls itself the beast?”
“Your expression doesn’t bode well.”
“It’s a rather famous story. The Beast of the Gevaudan is a myth. It’s based on a true story that happened in France during the middle ages. For decades, dozens of cattle, pets, and people disappeared. They thought it was a bear but found prints of an enormous wolf. People tried to hunt it. After many gruesome failures, they asked the king to save them. He couldn’t help them.”
I shivered. Not at the story, but at the feeling it brought. Pride.
“How was it stopped?”
“It wasn’t. They killed lots of wolves, always saying ‘that was the beast’. But the killings continued. After ten years, they found the carcass of an enormous wolf, much bigger than the others, and brought it back to the king.”
“It was already dead?” Something felt wrong about the ending. “How do you know about this?”
“I read, I play video games. It’s a famous story. I’m surprised you didn’t know. You love nature more than I do.”
“It’s more horror story than a nature documentary. Wolves already have such bad press, a story like that is basically asking for trouble.”
“I remember a book; I could find it for you.”
“Sure, anything helps.”
“In any case, if that’s what’s inside you. Maybe we should hold on to some better plan.”
“You said it yourself, we’re out of options.”
“I didn’t say that. I did think that really hard though.”
I hugged her tightly. “I don’t want you to die because of me.”
She hugged me back.
“We all die, Gray. But you’re not responsible for the evil acts of others.”
I closed my eyes, hearing fierce heartbeats next to my face, then I felt her lips on mine.
I winced; we were not alone anymore.
“Why are we stop…” Marie began at the same time as Stan entered the room.
“Sorry for the disturbance, need sustenance.”
“It rhymes.” I added automatically.
“Cockblock.” Insulted Marie.
Stan grinned through his half-woken face. “No cocks involved.”
The moment was over, I gently pushed Marie off my knees, stood up, and asked Stan.
“You want me to make you breakfast?”
He only looked at me in confusion.