Novels2Search
God's Little Joke
Chapter 1 - Cliché, Although Welcome, Is Still Cliché

Chapter 1 - Cliché, Although Welcome, Is Still Cliché

The first thing he knew, was the wind on his skin like a gentle caress and the feel of the ground beneath his body. Next was the scent of green and living things. And yes, for those who've never been in the countryside, green did have a smell. The smell of soil, of growing plants and trees, of life and nature. As he slowly opened his eyes he gazed around at what appeared to be a fairly dense forest. His first thought?

"How cliché, appearing in a forest immediately after arriving. Good thing I made plans for this eventuality. Honestly, I might even be a little thankful to that bastard for dropping me here as I can get a handle on my new skills and try to figure out an initial combat style on what I hope would be low-level monsters. Now if only I can find a river or lake and a cave this would be perfect." His next thought was to wonder about how clear he was thinking. It was as if a fog had lifted from his mind that had been there his entire life(well past life) and didn't even know existed. Not only that, but the fugue and lethargy he normally felt, as well as the depression that was his constant companion, was gone as well. It was decidedly....odd, to say the least. Almost disorienting to be honest. "First things first, find somewhere safe to hole up and then do your self-psychoanalysis," he thought, shaking his head. Standing up, he started to take stock of himself. His clothes, while not winning any beauty awards, were at least functional at a glance. Thick black cloth pants, a white cloth shirt, and somewhat decently sturdy leather boots kept him from feeling the weather. On top of that seemed to be a simple breastplate with shin guards over his pants and bracers on his forearms. The leather of the armor obviously wasn't the greatest. If he bought it in a store it would most likely come as a set called "Beginner's Adventurer Armor". But it was free so he wasn't going to complain.....well too much at any rate.

Nodding to himself once at his attire, he then started to play around with system commands. He already knew it was voice activated, but it would be much better if he could command it silently as well. He obviously wasn't going to go around shouting "Inventory!" or "Status" like an idiot, telling all the world his special powers. That was just asking to get kidnapped and experimented on. Or kidnapped and sold into slavery. Or kidnapped, tortured and killed. Or kidn- well you get the idea. So without another thought, he focused his mind on the task at hand and thought "Status". And that easily, a window appeared before him.

Name - Kieran Race - High Human Level - 1 Job - Occupation - Title - Otherworldly Child of Despair HP - 310 MP - 6600 Strength - 17 Agility - 19 Constitution - 21 Intelligence - 56 Wisdom - 43 Charisma - 26 Luck - 87 Growth - 99

Skills   Meditation ★✰✰✰✰ Greater Mana Capacity ★ Enhanced Growth ★ Theory to Application ★ Quality over Quantity ★ Demon Eye of Truth ★ Skill Store ★ Truthseeker ★✰✰✰✰ True Elemental Affinity ★ Gravity Manipulation ★✰✰✰✰ Soul Empowerment ★✰✰✰✰ All Language Comprehension ★

Yes, nothing had changed since he clicked finalize. And it was also good he could use the menu commands mentally. "Now let's see what other goodies my new Menu has. Options" he thought and was happy to see a new screen pop up. Scanning through it quickly, he turned on the Automap feature and set his Minimap function to display only Friendly, Neutral and Hostile targets at the moment. He was quite surprised to find that there was a BGM option but decided to keep it turned off for the moment. What he found even more surprising was the Autoloot function. Although it had a range of only 5 meters currently, it also had the option of upgrading it via the Skill Store later on. "Yoink! I feel like that particular function was made specifically for me!" he thought rather happily. "Now that that is taken care of let's see what that stingy god left for me. Inventory!" And another screen appeared.

Two screens, like the ones during his character creation, the one on the left showed a typical equipment page complete with boxes or "slots" for his items and an image of what he currently looked like in the center. The one on the left was the traditional Inventory page. This particular one had tabs at the top, like file folders on a browser. The first tab was just labeled "Items" And showed square boxes in rows set 10x10 for what appeared to be 100 slots. In the first three slots were little icons with names underneath. The first slot was Bread x5 and after touching it once a loaf of hard bread materialized in his hand. The number on the icon also went down to 4. Holding the bread up and pushing it into the surface of the Inventory screen made the bread disappear again and the number went back up to 5. Nodding to himself once again, he turned to examine the other two icons and saw a set of 5 red potions and 5 blue potions, labeled simply as Beginner Healing Potion and Beginner Mana Potion. Touching the icon for the red potion but holding his finger there, a small window popped up with the item's information.

Beginner Healing Potion - Heals 50 HP.

Seems simple enough. After cautiously releasing his finger the potion didn't materialize. It seemed that touching it once made it appear but holding down the "button" made the info window appear instead. Holding down the icon for the blue potion he got the same message but for MP this time. "Well good to know I've at least got something to take the edge off if I get hurt. Now what about these other tabs," he thought as he looked up and read the names listed. "Weapons", "Armor", "Crafting", "Currency", and "Valuables" were what he read, and for the most part, they were self-explanatory. Quickly cycling through each tab, they all had the 10x10 layout, and with the exception of "Weapons" and "Currency", they all were empty.

In "Currency" there were the rows as usual and also like the "Items" tab there were three icons. There appeared to be 100 Copper coins, 20 Silver coins, and 5 Gold coins. Quite a bit more than he initially thought he'd get. It seemed as if that god wanted to at least give him a fighting chance at this. Also above the grid was a total for his current currency, which with some simple math, let him figure out how much each was worth. 100 Copper = 1 Silver and 100 Silver = 1 Gold. There was probably something above gold like Platinum or White Gold or somesuch but as he didn't have any currently he couldn't be bothered about it. At least the currency he knew about was simple enough.

Clicking on "Weapons" once again he saw only one icon, that for a Short Sword w/ Baldric. Pulling up the info, he saw that it was a simple common iron short sword, with a leather baldric that he could adjust to either hang from his waist or over his shoulder. Touching the icon made it appear and he started fiddling around with it so he could figure out how to wear the damn thing. Again the leather wasn't the greatest and the sword was functional...and that's all that could be said. Finally, with it sitting comfortably(somewhat) on his hip he pulled the sword from its sheath and gave a few practice swings. Now, as he was a bit of an otaku....ok a lot of an otaku....he had fought with a few different weapons before, like at renaissance festivals and such. He'd even had a few beginner lessons from different martial arts styles he tried but never could seem to stick with. Nothing in-depth mind you, or even enough to be called basic proficiency but at least he had somewhat of a clue on a basic stance and where to stick the pointy end. He'd watched enough documentaries, dramas, and reenactments to make an absolute mess of things but it was better than nothing.

Deciding that it would do for now, he straightened his shoulders and looked around one more time before setting off in what could only be described as a random direction. Though he did stop to mark the tree in this location in case he went in circles. It didn't take more than a few minutes for something else to occupy his mind again though, and this time with a bit of wonder. Although 33 is not old, the absolute wear and tear of his body, coupled with a diagnosis of osteoarthritis in almost all of his joints, made pain a constant, if greatly unwelcome, companion. Even walking down the street would make his knees ache something fierce. So to be able to trek through a forest, which is difficult at best if you're not used to it, without any discomfort was a very joyous thing for Kieran. So much so that he missed the rustling of bushes until it was too late.

It was only good fortune that what jumped out was just a rabbit if a rather large one....with...a very sharp looking horn. "Oh, come on! Really? A Horned Rabbit?" he thought with a snicker at the typical beginner monster after silently trying to figure out which command worked for the Demon Eye of Truth. Apparently "Appraise" was enough to activate it.

Name - Race - Horned Rabbit Level - 2 Job - Occupation - Title - HP - 48 MP - 10 STR - 7 AGI - 12 CON - 9 INT - 1 WIS - 1 CHA - 3 LUK - 2 GRO - 14

Looking at the stats of this particular monster, he shouldn't have any problem dealing with it. But unlike most who would be put in this situation, Kieran wasn't about to underestimate this fluffy ball of death. That was just asking for a beating and a good chance he'd have to waste some of his health potions, a precious resource at this point as he had no way of getting any more. And so it was with great vigilance that he slowly stepped away from it, easing his sword from the sheath so as not to startle the rabbit into attacking before he was ready. Unfortunately for him, the rabbit had other plans as it jumped towards him horn first faster than he would have believed. It was at this point that luck, or LUK, saved him as he tripped on a branch behind him in his haste to dodge and fell down, the rabbit passing his sprawled form. Quickly scrambling up to face this deadly adversary, "Did I really just call a rabbit a deadly adversary!?" it was with no small amount of shock that he saw the rabbit turning to face him once again. But that wasn't what shocked him. It was upon seeing the tree that rabbit had grazed with his horn as he passed him that was now sporting a deep gouge. "Yeah that would have definitely hurt," he muttered quietly before turning his eyes back to the, now upgraded to, ferocious demon, his eyes straining for any hint it was about to leap at him again. Before he could figure out what exactly that looked like however, the rabbit lunged at him again. At least this time he was ready.....well, that is to say, more ready.....as he threw his body to the right to try and dodge. Mostly successful, he was spun a bit more as the rabbit's body grazed him and pushed him off balance. "At least it wasn't his horn," he said as he panted lightly from nervousness at the situation. Once again he set himself up to face it, and once again the rabbit got ready to jump. But this time Kieran noticed something, and honestly, he wasn't sure what and was already moving by the time the rabbit jumped. With more time to plan, he struck out with his sword and, more from luck than anything else, sliced into the creature, knocking it down with a thump. Panicking slightly that it might get up and attack him in anger, he jumped towards it and started stabbing downwards repeatedly with absolutely no finesse, just a desire to avoid dying to a little girl's pet on steroids. With a final squeal, Kieran must have hit something vital as the rabbit died and at that exact moment he heard a familiar sound, though one he'd never thought he'd hear in real life.

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

'Dundundun dun dun dun dundundaaa'

"Did.....did the victory battle theme from FF just play!?" he almost screamed in shock. "Well someone certainly has a sense of humor," he commented dryly as the corpse of the rabbit disappeared before realizing that there were several messages that had popped up in the bottom left corner of his screen. Kinda where a chatbox would be....

"You have learned Basic Sword Mastery ★✰✰✰✰"

"You have learned Dodge ★✰✰✰✰"

"You have earned the following items: Rabbit Fur x1, Rabbit Meat x1, Rabbit Horn x1, Copper Coins x 4"

"Well that makes things quite a bit easier if I don't have to dismantle things," he said as he checked his Inventory quickly to make sure they were there. "Though why a rabbit would give me money I have no clue. Not that I'm going to complain," he grinned before taking a breath and replaying what lead up to the battle as well as what he could have done better. Even as inexperienced as he was he realized there were quite a few things that could have gone horribly wrong since that fight came as such a surprise. If he hadn't fallen the first time the rabbit jumped he definitely would have been hurt. Which would have made subsequent dodging that much harder and would have likely incurred more wounds. And if it had been something stronger than a Horned Rabbit he might have died already....

Shaking his head he quickly stopped that line of thinking and instead thought about what he could do differently next time. First would be to actually pay attention to his surroundings as he traveled. Trying to be quiet probably would go a long way to not being ambushed again. Next would be to immediately draw his weapon as soon as he heard something since in this forest, the chances that what he'll come across(or will come across him) will be friendly are going to be extremely low. And being able to apologize to a friendly person will be much better than getting mauled while he fumbles to pull his weapon out. After that....well it will just be about getting experience fighting monsters. There's no way he'll be able to instantly see the muscles bunching in the monsters leg before it attacks like in anime or manga. At least not yet. There might be something in the Skill Store but he'll worry about that later when he has the time and has gotten whatever points he needs to actually buy something.

Now while we're on the subject of planning ahead, finding edible food would be a very good idea. Sure he has a few loaves of bread and even just picked up some meat, which thankfully will stay fresh in his Inventory, but if he's still here in a few days that is going to be a big problem. And thankfully, with the Demon Eye of Truth, he should be able to tell what is edible and what isn't. "The damn skill costs enough so it better!" he thought a little grimly. "Well, might as well start trying now," as he started to "Appraise" everything in sight. Most of it, as you would rightly assume, was just normal things. Trees, rocks, grass, weeds, sticks and such were obvious items to find in a forest. But his luck was still holding as he saw a patch of oddly colored grass growing at the base of a tree.

Medicinal Grass - Basic herb used for healing common wounds. Efficacy is greatly enhanced if made into a potion.

"Well isn't that handy," Kieran muttered quietly before kneeling down and starting to harvest. "If I remember correctly from all those stories, you need to collect the whole plant, roots and all to make the most out of it." Carefully digging each plant out with his hands, it wasn't until the seventh or eighth plant that he received another notice.

'Teriin'

"You have learned Basic Herbalism ★✰✰✰✰"

Quickly pulling up his status and finding the new entry, it read.

Basic Herbalism - Allows for the successful harvesting of common plants, herbs, and spices, as well as the knowledge of what parts are useful

Grinning at gaining another useful skill and also at the new speed in which he could harvest the Medicinal Grass he was soon feeling accomplished as he looked at his Inventory which had a new icon. Medicinal Grass x 23. Not a bad little haul," he thought, just a bit smugly before standing up and brushing himself off. Looking around he realized it was around noon now but felt he should explore a little more before finding a safe spot to have a bite to eat. And marking the tree here to help him if he got lost he set out once again, this time a bit more cautiously. "Now how did they explain how people learned to move stealthily?" he pondered as he slowly crept through the bush. He remembered certain martial arts stories about treading on rice paper until you didn't break it but that wasn't going to happen with him. "I think I once heard that military special forces rolled their feet from outside to in as they stepped....how the hell do you even do that!?" he screamed inside his heart before just giving up and hoping for the best. "Well, I can at least pay attention to where I step. No sense stepping on twigs that will break and alert everything to my presence...probably shouldn't step on that type of grass either as it's a bit crunchy sounding. I should also probably focus on my hearing as it would be hard to see anything coming in a forest," he decided, straining his ears even as he kept moving slowly forward. After a while, and just when he was about to stop and take a break, he was rewarded for his efforts when the sound of a nearby bush started shaking. Quickly but quietly, he pulled his sword out and got ready to attack as soon as whatever it was decided to show it's, most likely, ugly face.

It was with great vigor that Kieran literally leapt upon the poor Horned Rabbit that poked it's head out from the bush, sword swinging wildly as he sought to end it's miserable existence before it had a chance to react. And with a swish and a meaty thunk, his sword found itself lodged deeply in the head of the aforementioned rabbit.

'Dundundun dun dun dun dundundaaa'

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he pulled his blade from the corpse which then disappeared into particles of light. "That was way easier this time around," he said happily before checking the new messages he received.

"You have learned Stealth ★✰✰✰✰"

"You have learned Sneak Attack ★✰✰✰✰"

"You have earned the following items: Rabbit Fur x1, Rabbit Meat x1, Rabbit Horn x1, Copper Coins x2"

"Huh. Not that I'm not grateful for finally learning Stealth but....why did it take so long? I know it's possible to learn skills outside of combat as is evidenced by Basic Herbalism. But it wasn't til I got into combat again that I was able to learn Stealth and on top of that Sneak Attack as well for a successful....well sneak attack. Maybe it's just easier to learn certain skills in combat?" he thought about it for a few moments before shrugging and deciding on dealing with it later. For now, he should find a safe place to take a break and eat something. Scanning his current area his eyes abruptly stopped on a tree filled with fruit. A quick Appraisal later and he was quickly climbing the tree to find a sturdy branch to rest on while he collected what he could on the way.

Pomfris - A citrus-based fruit with an edible skin. Contains no poison and is a favorite of animals and humans alike.

Finding a rather wide branch and resting his back against the trunk, he pulled out one of the Pomfris and took a hesitant bite. His eyes widened in pleasant surprise as he tasted what seemed to be a mix of an orange and a strawberry. The skin was very thin and reminded him of an apple as did the seed-filled core. "That...was really tasty. I should collect as many as I can while I'm out here," he said smiling at the thought of having a large supply of the tasty fruit. "Well, obviously I can't cook the meat I found in a tree, nor would I want to until I find a safer place to hole up since the smell might attract predators. At least I can eat some bread to help fill me up." The bread, of course, was as hard as it looked but thankfully was soft on the inside. A bit tasteless compared to what he was used to but it did the trick. Finishing off the bread he quickly downed another fruit to take the edge off his thirst. "My immediate concern will be to find water and then look for someplace to camp for the night. I don't want to wait too long and be stuck someplace because it got dark quicker than I thought it would." That decided he clambered down the tree and tried focusing his hearing again, hoping he might be able to tell the direction of a water source.

"Concentrate," he thought as he closed his eyes to better focus on what he could hear. At first, it was very hard to focus. His thoughts kept wandering and the slightest notice would throw him off balance so to speak. "Concentrate," he reminded himself as he fought to keep his focus steady. The sounds of the wind blowing through the trees, the insects buzzing lazily through the air, the birds chirping randomly, all sought to distract him with their song. "Concentrate!" he demanded as he sought to expand his mind to encompass what he could hear and start to make things out. The sound of something slithering in the grass, the light, hopping tread of what most likely is another rabbit a bit further away, the flap of wings passing above and to the right of him. "CONCENTRATE!" he bludgeoned his mind before his body started to relax from the tension he inadvertently held. And as it did so he could faintly hear the soft lapping of water against earth to the left of his current position. "YES!" he cried triumphantly, breaking his accidental trance-like state as his hearing went back to normal and a sound played in his mind.

'Teriin'

"You have learned Focused Hearing ★✰✰✰✰"

Focused Hearing - Through thorough training of your ability to hear you have been able to go beyond normal limits and focus your sense of hearing through concentrated effort

Breathing a sigh of relief upon reading the description he stood up and started heading towards the direction he heard water....stealthily of course. "I'm not sure if that was harder or easier than I expected. Focusing that much was definitely not something I'm used to. If it's like the usual type of skill it will probably get easier to activate as it levels. The range will most likely increase as well." About fifteen minutes later, "Man that was definitely farther than I thought it would be," he came across a small lake, the water crystal clear as he could easily see fish swimming. Looking around he spotted what appeared to be some type of deer quite a bit further down the shoreline drinking. "Well it seems that the water is safe enough since the animals are drinking it," he thought dryly before facepalming and checking with his Demon Eye. "Yup, it's safe." And with no further ado, he quickly knelt and had his fill of the refreshingly pure water. "Too bad I don't have any type of container," he thought a bit sadly before shaking it off and deciding to look around the lake. He had made it about three-fourths of the way around, "Of course I chose the long way," before spying what looked to be a cave. "Hopefully, it's not occupied, and if it is it's something I can take down easily enough," he mumbled to himself before pulling out his sword and creeping towards the mouth of the cave. Stopping to the side of the mouth, he activated Focused Hearing in the hopes he might notice if there was something inside or not. After a few minutes of intense concentration, Kieran let out a breath and eased his shoulders before slipping quietly through the opening. While he didn't hear anything from where he was he wasn't going to take any chances.

Luckily the cave was a bit shallow and unoccupied to boot. From the looks and smell of the place, it hasn't been used by anything in a long time. No bones or fur that he could make out, nor was there evidence of a campfire. With the chance of walking in on a very angry predator now gone he finally took the time to take a closer look around. The cave itself was only about 20 feet deep and the ceiling was about 7 feet high as well. About 3 feet wide at the entrance it tapered out to, at its widest, about 12 feet towards the back. All in all, if he could find some way to secure the entrance this should make for a good camp, at least for the next few days while he got used to this new world. Nodding his head in determination he set out once again to see what materials he could scrounge up.