On the third day after Femme was forced to log out, I realized that I did actually miss her, and not just for the added security her presence provided. Waking up in my cold bedroll, I suddenly thought of her lips on my body and flushed. She’d made an impression on me, not just with her crash course on “how to play IF like a pro,” but also with her boundless enthusiam for sex, I realized. Was that love or lounging, I wondered, dragging myself to my feet. If I had to wonder, it was probably the latter, I realized, though I did feel a great deal of gratitude for all her help over the two weeks we’d spent together. Ah well, time to face the day.

I was traveling down a long cobblestone road bordered by forests on both sides. The rune roads in IF were considered safe zones, so long as you didn’t stray, and only camped in the prepared campsites alongside. The rune roads had protective wardstones that glowed blue and prevented violence. It was a shame that only low level areas had them, I thought to myself, but for now, at lvl 19 after considerable effort on Femme’s part to restrain her libido long enough to grind levels with me, I was using the rune roads to travel to a rather distant low level area.

We’d agreed that using the nearest low level areas to the amazon starting zone was a bit risky, as we did not know if Thotslayer was still looking for me, and I was unlikely to be able to handle her on my own. IF was large enough that searching every zone appropriate to my level was too time consuming to be worth it, so if I went far enough, the odds of Thotslayer actually finding me were very low.

I was still pretty nervous about the fact that I was risking my life for something as “trivial” as levels in a game, but you have to take it in context. My real body would be fine, even if I died, what I was really risking was only my memories. Certainly, that felt like the same thing as risking my life, but somewhere, there was a flesh and blood version of me that would continue existing even if I died, so that gave me confidence, sort of like having unshakable faith in an afterlife, I suppose. Also, I was risking my memories so that my memories would be saved at the end of eight weeks, because if I became a player wraith, my memories would almost inevitably be lost. The long term survival rate of player wraiths was pretty much zero, according to what Femme told me.

A scream broke my reverie, and I turned to look. Nothing to see of course, just some birds flying away from the disturbance, but somewhere in the left hand side forest, some woman had just let out a very cliche call for help.

Femme had warned me about this. “The game generates random quests all the time. You will be walking somewhere, and some actor will be mortal danger, and only you can save them. Experienced players call it; “the hero trap”, and we avoid them like the plague. They are always way too hard for your current level, and the rewards are almost never worth the risk. Don’t be dumb; stay well away.”

I shook my head, resolved to follow Femme’s advice and ignore the bait. But a second more desperate scream broke the silence, “Oh no, please don’t eat me!” the voice said, sobbing.

Getting eaten was a shitty way to die, I thought to myself, and that actor really did sound terrified. Which is why I found myself running into the forest despite mentally kicking myself every step of the way. Femme would be disappointed in me for not following her advice, I thought to myself, but I didn’t know if I could live with myself if I had to listen to someone being eaten alive and not do anything about it.

I burst into a clearing to find a young woman with a long red hooded riding cloak and an enormous wolf growling at her. The situation immediately triggered a feeling of recognition, but my lack of real world memories meant I couldn’t put my finger on why.

The wolf was bigger than both of us put together, and while the red riding hood girl was petite, I was actually a pretty substantial woman despite not having an ounce of excess fat. The wolf’s head was level with my own, and its baleful yellow eyes immediately met mine as I drew my knife. Above its head, the words, “Big Bad Wolf, lvl 25 Quest Elite.” appeared.

Damn, six levels higher and an elite? I should run, I thought to myself, but I knew I couldn’t possibly outrun such a creature. My left hand trembled a bit, but I clenched it, my right hand was already gripped tightly enough around the hilt of my knife that my knuckles were white from the strain. The girl’s enormous eyes turned to me with a pleading look, she’d somehow managed to trip and fall on her butt while backing away from the wolf. The treasonous thought did cross my mind; I don’t have to outrun the wolf, I just had to be faster than a girl who has already tripped.

But, I stood my ground, struggling to find my courage, until the wolf made the first move. It lunged forward with shocking speed, its enormous mass almost blurring with the sudden acceleration. Belatedly, I threw myself to the side, but the wolf managed to latch on to my right arm, savaging it with its teeth until its momentum carried it past me, causing it to lose its grip. The force of the blow, and the agony of my wounds, nearly threw me to the ground, but my body’s ingrained combat reflexes saved me as I managed to recover my balance and in a stunning display of agility, catch my knife with my left hand before it slid from my now useless right hand’s grip. The message “You have taken crippling damage to your right arm,” flashed in red across my vision as I turned to face the wolf that was now behind me. My health indicator read 62%, two more hits like that, and I’d be dead.

Not a great start to the fight, I thought to myself, as I lunged forward, trying to deal some damage as the wolf slowed to a stop and turned around. It’s greater mass made it slightly slower at reorienting itself, and I saw a chance to slash left handed at its face. I aimed for its eye, and missed leaving a shallow gash on its cheek that did only 8% health damage. The wolf’s fur was thick and tough, like iron wool, absorbing much of the force of my blow.

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I’d mostly managed to piss it off, I realized as the volume of it’s growl grew louder. Damn it, I thought to myself, this was such a stupid way to get myself killed, falling for the first hero trap the game threw at me.

But, my fear was gone. Now that the fight was upon me, my mind was surprisingly clear. My choice had been made, for good or ill, I would do my best to survive, no room for regrets.

The wolf drew back its massive head, giving itself a bit more space to lunge at me with greater force. But now that my mind was serene, I saw an opportunity. I threw myself forward, rolling on the soft grassy ground, and as I left my roll, my knife lunged upwards at the exposed belly of the terrifying beast, trying to gut it with my sudden attack.

A hit! 22% health damage, a deep long gash. But the wound didn’t spill out the wolf’s innards, instead, it leapt away, clearing even more space between us as it prepared for another dash attack. I was on my knees, having failed to recover my feet after my desperate attack. I couldn’t possibly dodge the next assault. I’d been lucky so far, with the ambidextrous knife user and the acrobatic knife fighter perks I’d purchased with my knife skill points, my body had gotten me this far, but I wasn’t going to survive this with only my knife.

It was time to use my class specific skill I realized. This was the one spell Femme and I had worked hard on. The “Arcane Spell Creation” interface had become available at level 5, and it was clunky, a mess of drop down options, sliding values for mana cost, duration, cooldowns, damage, bonus effects, drawbacks, and a “level point cost to learn.” The unpolished interface, when I’d shown it to her, had reminded Femme of some obscure old 2D game she’d played once, called “Oblivion”. What Femme had suggested was that we dump all my level points on one broken spell that could turn any fight in my favor. With her help, we’d fiddled around with all the options until we found a combination that she considered to be “completely broken.” I named the spell in her honor:

Fatal Kiss; This spell applies a coat of raw magic to a single weapon. When applied to a target as an on-hit effect, the magic invades the target creature and destroys it from the inside by ripping the life force out of it’s blood cells. Drawbacks: Only works on creatures that have blood. Hit must cause bleeding to apply effect. Effect spreads from point of contact via blood vessels; damage varies by where on the target's body it is applied. Can not be applied to arrows, bolts, or bullets. Damage type: Chaos. Bonus effects: Life energy is transferred to caster; vampiric. Causes blood loss status. Causes oxygen deprivation status. Causes pain status. Mana cost: 100% of current mana, damage scales with mana consumed. Cooldown: 1 hour. Duration: coating lasts 1 minute when applied, only affects 1 target, coating is consumed on application of effect. Damage: Extreme, over time effect; 1 minute. System comment: Will produce bloodless desiccated corpses, what horror have you unleashed?

The wolf lunged forward, and rather than try to avoid the strike, I leaned into it, literally jamming my left arm into the wolf’s mouth. The knife, now coated in an evil looking cackling red lightning, sank into the fleshy roof of the wolf’s enormous jaws, and as it clamped down on my arm, breaking it, dislodging the knife from my grip, and dealing a heavy 38% of my health as damage, it also forced the blade deeper into the base of its skull.

The wolf screamed in agony, releasing my now useless arm. I fell back weakly, both arms crippled, in too much pain to continue to fight. If this spell wasn’t enough to win, I was toast, I realized.

I need not have worried. The double damage from my knife’s cruel weapon effect bumped up the multiplier on my spell to a full x5 damage. I suppose, if I’d used a trash item; a weapon with no damage multipliers, it wouldn’t have been enough to do serious damage to the wolf. But as an assassin main, Femme had seen the potential lethality of using a spell to mimic the effects of poison. She told me that if she had this spell on her assassin, she’d be unstoppable, and watching the spell work, I believed her.

I felt the spell’s healing effect kick in as the wolf’s blood began to literally burn within its veins. If I’d applied the spell’s effect to a limb, I would probably still have died, as it spread slowly, taking a full minute to circulate throughout the entire body. But the first organ to suffer blood loss in the wolf’s body was its brain, so it only managed a few unsteady steps before collapsing.

The horrible wounds on my arms began to close up as a red glowing fog poured out of the wolf’s mouth and into my limbs, repairing my health steadily as the wolf’s life ebbed away.

I was sickened, and I staggered away and was ill. This was the first time I’d used the spell, I’d known it would be gross, but I’d underestimated the ick factor. I could feel the spell eating away through the unconscious wolf, killing it as it’s brain starved away with no blood.The wolf was dead, and my health back at 100% before the spell’s duration ran out, but it continued to deal its damage against the blood inside the wolf’s corpse, causing it to wither as I watched. What a horrible spell, I thought to myself, I vowed never to use it on a person, I didn’t think I could live with myself if I did.

“Congratulations: You have reached level 20, you gain +20 level points, and increased int, agility, and wisdom stats. You may now use the “Arcane Contract Creation” class specific ability” The system message informed me. I clicked accept to dismiss the message, I’d figure out what my new ability did later.

“You saved me,” the young red hooded woman exclaimed, coming up to me and throwing herself on her knees to tearfully hug my waist. “Thank you so much.”

Gently I pried her loose, “It was nothing,” I lied. I felt a touch of greed in my heart as I wondered what reward the woman would offer me. Maybe that cloak? Could it have some defense bonus? At the very least it could replace my T-Shirt in protecting my modesty by covering up the semi transparent chainmail bikini I was wearing beneath. I was already imagining myself wearing the silly looking apparel when she started unbuttoning it. It was held in place by only one button at the top, so it didn't take long. What I didn’t expect was that she was completely naked underneath, her young nubile body fully exposed as she spread the cloak open.

“Please claim your reward and ravish me, my hero!” She gushed, her face flushed a deep red that matched her cloak, the crimson of her wavy hair, and yes, matched with the now exposed hair in other places of her body.

“What. The. Actual. Fuck.” I exclaimed in disbelief. I was so not in the mood for this, having just been violently ill and having just watched a giant wolf mummify from a spell I’d used. If this was my reward, then no thank you. What sort of game was I trapped in?