Kai eyed Ted sceptically.

‘Normally I’d expect a few more questions from a newly arrived.‘ he said.

‘You’ve explained it all very well.’ Ted said, reassuringly. ‘I think I just need to go out and get on with things. Go out and fight, you know.’

Kai said nothing for a second, eyeing him up as if to try and get him to confess. Ted held the madman’s gaze. This wasn’t his first rodeo in an interrogation, or dealing with the unhinged. They always believed their own delusions; if they thought that you believed it too, you had a much easier time of it.

‘You’ll forgive me if I don’t fully believe you.’ Kai said. ‘But if you’re willing to move on, then I’ve given the required introduction and you’ll learn everything you’ll need over the next few weeks. But this is a real chance to learn more about the world before you experience it, so I’d sincerely recommend you ask a few questions first; things will be easier if you do.’

They gazed at each other for another few seconds, and then Ted sighed. ‘Fine. Tell me more about the world. Who is the Authority? How am I on his side? What are GateKeepers? Is that enough questions?’

Kai seemed delighted by Ted’s acquiescence.

‘It’s a good start! So, you’ll have had religions in your world that effectively told the story of Good and Evil, I assume? Most worlds do, whether human or arachnotype or even the mollusca. The stories all differ, but have a theme of a good creator and an evil destructor. The stories are all echoes of a single truth, and a real battle. The battle is here, fought over several planets in this reality. The sides are the same as they ever were; good versus evil, creation versus destruction, truth versus deceit. You’ve found yourself on the right side.’

Ted had to admit, it was a pretty good story, even if a little religious for his liking. Even as a child he’d never been made to go to church; his family hadn’t even pretended at Christianity.

‘And how did I end up on the good side?’ Ted asked. ‘I was a thief for most of my life.’

‘Well that’s a little complicated, but it’s effectively down to public opinion.’ Kai said.’If the majority of people think you were a good person, you end up on the good side.’

‘That’s ridiculous. What if you were just really good at lying? Even now there are people being found out after death for having been child molestors or murderers’ Ted asked. ‘And how did I get the majority of people to think of me as a good person?’

‘It’s a slightly flawed system, but it works most of the time. At your time of death, if the majority of the world has a positive view of you, you join the good guys. If they have a negative view of you, you join the enemy. From what I can see of your statistics, your job as a Lollipop Man gave you a positive public opinion score that outweighed any negatives from your personal relationships; your heroic death also gave you a huge boost to public opinion. Dying to protect children, I believe?’

‘Well, I stopped them crossing the road.’ Ted said. ‘I’m not sure if that counts. But that sounds like a mental system. So the good guys are going to be full of bad guys who convinced the world that they were good, and the bad guys get all the losers who didn’t have any friends?’’

‘It’s not quite like that, and like I said, the system has flaws. But remember, it’s a global opinion. It takes into account your nationality, age, race, gender, profession, and personal relationships. I can’t tell you specifics about your own world, but if you try and imagine the global view of individual nations and career paths, it works out that both the Authority and the Enemy believe the resource allocation is fair.’

That sounded questionable, and Ted jumped on it.

‘Resource allocation? That makes it sounds more like a game.’

‘It’s part of the rules of conflict. The same would have existed in your world, I’m sure.’ Kai said, unruffled.

Ted reminded himself not to get too deep into this. When he got out of this room, and found himself in some rundown house in Bristol, none of this would be anything except filler information on the police report. The rest of it would be Ted shouting about how the fuck Pedro had managed to find him in his new life as Ted the Lollipop Man.

‘Rules on not bombing civilians and biowarfare, sure.’ he conceded. ‘Okay, so, GateKeepers?’

‘Yes! Gatekeepers are a small regiment that normally get seconded to other teams to support aggressive offensives through difficult ground or into secure facilities. You’ll use your skills to bypass entrances and doorways, whilst protecting those you’re supporting either via stealth or large area defences.’

‘So it is linked to my past as a burglar?’ Ted asked.

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‘No, I don’t think so. Like I said, we’ve got Lollipop Man down as a guardian and transport based role; the Authority has therefore bestowed you with the relevant skills to pursue that here in a combat position.’

‘A lollipop man isn’t a guardian.’ Ted said, frustrated, nearly rolling his eyes. ‘I stood in the road with a big round sign and told children when they could cross.’

‘Oh.’ said Kai, a little deflated. ‘I did wonder about the name ‘Lollipop’. I thought it was a mistranslation; they happen sometimes. Or it was an idiom from your original language.’

‘My what?’

‘Your original language. What you spoke on your world.’

‘My…’ Ted trailed off. Because he hadn’t said the word ‘My’ in English. He’d said a completely different word that meant ‘My’, but sounded more like ‘Mago’. He’d been speaking for minutes now, and he hadn’t noticed. How had he not noticed?

‘What’s going on?’ he said, in whatever language it was he was speaking.

‘Ted, come on now.’ Kai said. ‘We’ve been through this.’

‘You didn’t say anything about a new language. Why can’t I speak English? What is this? Have I got a brain tumour? Did I hit my head?’ Ted asked, panic entering his voice once more. This was suddenly more than a madman with a crazy story and a plush office. He’d learnt an entirely new language and forgotten his old one. And he hadn’t even noticed! He’d thought that Kai had had a posh English accent, but that didn’t even make sense anymore.

‘No, you haven’t. Well, not since you entered this world. You’ve been assimilated into the People, and linked to the world’s central processing system. It’s how you can speak the People’s tongue, and how you are granted access to your personal information.’

‘I thought you meant I had a login somewhere! Not that you’d messed with my brain!’ Ted spluttered. Then he calmed himself. Or at least, tried his best to. His understanding had just shifted somewhat. He wasn’t in a weird kidnapper’s hospital, as he’d thought; that might have made sense up until now. But there wasn’t anywhere in the world that could mess with your brain enough to teach you a new language and remove your old one while you slept, no matter what the conspiracy theorists said. It was impossible.

Which meant one of two things. Either Kai was telling the truth, and this whole nightmare was actually a new reality. Or Ted had gone insane, and was either in a coma, or in some sort of living delusion.

He wasn’t sure which one was worse.

He also had no idea how to act if it was the latter option. You never get advice on how to act if you find yourself in a coma living in a bizarre fantasy land. It wasn’t like how to deal with quicksand, a fact every child learnt at seven years old for no reason whatsoever. Should he lean into it? Or try and find the plot holes?

‘When you come to this world, Ted, you’re not just being transported or copied. You’re being reincarnated, but the Second World isn’t exactly the same as before. You’re no longer Ted the Lollipop Man, you’re a newcomer to a new planet in the midst of a war. You’re also a member of the Authority’s Army.’ Kai explained calmly. ‘So some adjustments need to be made. I hadn’t mentioned it, but you’ll probably find that you’re in better shape than you were before. You’ll be at the peak of your physical fitness. As a member of the Army you need to be able to receive orders and interact with the world, and in order for that to happen the world has a Central Processing System that interacts with you. It’ll help you understand and improve your attributes and abilities, your rank and your missions.’

‘It sounds like I’m in some sort of stupid video game.’ said Ted. He’d spent a lot of time playing stupid video games over the last two years. When you’re in hiding, you’re supposed to keep a low profile, and there wasn’t any profile lower than the man who spends thousands of hours on Skyrim, Dark Souls, and Fallout. If he was honest, he’d enjoyed the games, but he’d also resented them for being his only outlet when he should have been out living.

‘Well, you remember how I spoke about echoes.’ Kai said, a smile spreading across his odd face. ‘I’ve found that quite a lot of nations have said something similar. Most civilised peoples have ended up creating systems of games that represent what has been set up in the Second World quite well. Even the mollusca, and like I said before, they’re very different to us!’ he laughed. Ted didn’t respond to the comment, uncomprehending.

‘So when do I get access to fire magic then?’ he asked sarcastically. ‘And I assume I get given a dragon to ride?’

‘Oh no, I wouldn’t have thought so. We’ve not seen a dragon on this world yet, but there’s always something new popping up. With regards to magic, GateKeeper is quite a magic based role, so you’ll be able to access some basic spells once you enter basic.’ Kai responded lightly. ‘But we’re really reaching the edge of what I should be explaining to you. I think it may actually be time for you to go, my friend.’

‘WHAT?!’ Ted explained loudly. ‘No, I’m not going now! What do you mean, there’s magic? I was taking the piss! Is this actually a video game? Is this a joke? Were you going to let me leave the room without telling me about magic and then let me wander around like a moron before I got hit by some wizard and turned into a frog?’

Kai laughed, finding Ted’s outrage rather funny. ‘You’d have found it all out at basic training Ted. This first stop is really just the welcome party. There’s a lot more to learn. You’ll see.’

‘Well, just so you know, I still don’t believe any of this, and I’m not happy. But just in case this is real, and I am dead, and I’m not being chased by Pedro anymore, you can start calling me Theo again. Now where’s the door?’

‘It’s behind you.’ Kai said, once again raising his hand and pointing at a door that suddenly appeared behind Ted. It looked the same as the other two doors Ted had walked through. ‘But I’m afraid you’re registered as Ted now. I can’t change it, any more than I could change you being a Lollipop Man.’

‘I was a thief. And my name is Theo. I prefer both of those to Ted the Lollipop Man.’

‘I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do. It’s been very nice to meet you Ted.’ Kai said, and his arm wave was now dismissive. ‘Please continue on your journey.’

Ted stared at Kai for a few more seconds, before turning, and walking out the door.