Gary Potter was sitting in the dimly lit, magically-enhanced pub, The Leaky Kettle, nursing a glass of Firewhisky. After spending the morning telepathically messing with Carol Voldemort during the filming of today’s Countdown episode, he felt a wave of triumph. However, something far more pressing loomed ahead: his upcoming job interview at the Ministry of Magic.

Gary glanced at his watch, which immediately sprouted tiny wings and began flapping in anxious circles around his wrist. "Five minutes to go," he muttered, slipping his iWand into his coat and tugging on his slightly singed mittens.

Just as he prepared to leave, the pub door flew open, and Hermayonaise stormed in, looking flustered and clutching a scroll.

"Gary!" she yelled, nearly tripping over a stray enchanted broom. "Did you forget about your wand recalibration? It's today!"

Gary blinked at her, frowning. "Recalibration? No, no, I’ve got that interview at the Ministry. The recalibration can wait."

Hermayonaise rolled her eyes in exasperation. "It can't wait! Do you remember what happened last time? Your iWand malfunctioned, and you summoned an army of flesh-eating pixies into my flat! It took weeks to get the teeth marks out of everything!”

Gary winced, rubbing the back of his head. "Right, the pixies… But the Ministry job is huge! I could finally stop living off the royalties from my book."

Hermayonaise snorted. "Your book? You mean your Chosen One Memoir? Gary, that was a glorified list of recipes you stole from Voldemort. You need a real job. And you can't go to that interview with a malfunctioning wand—you’ll end up hexing the interviewer!"

Gary raised an eyebrow, taking another casual sip of Firewhisky. "What are the odds of that happening again?"

As if on cue, his iWand started vibrating violently in his pocket, spewing glittering sparks across the room. One stray spark hit the pub's resident rat-turned-barista, Scabbers, who immediately transformed back into a disgruntled middle-aged wizard wearing a stained apron.

"Merlin's beard!" Scabbers shouted, brushing glitter off his apron. "Who let this menace back in?"

Gary shoved his iWand deeper into his pocket, giving Hermayonaise a sheepish grin. "Fine, fine, I’ll get it recalibrated. But I’m not missing that interview."

Hermayonaise glared at him. "Well, hurry up, or you'll turn the entire Ministry into pixie food."

After a bit more grumbling and a final gulp of Firewhisky, Gary reluctantly followed Hermayonaise out of The Leaky Kettle and onto the bustling streets of Diagon Alley. His iWand, still vibrating intermittently in his pocket, seemed to protest every step.

"Honestly, I don’t see why this recalibration is necessary. It’s been fine," Gary muttered.

If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.

Hermayonaise shot him a glare. "It’s never been fine, Gary. Last week, it set your robes on fire because you sneezed near it."

"That was one time!" Gary protested, but even he knew his wand had been more temperamental than usual.

They arrived at WandWorks Recalibration and Repairs, a small, crooked shop wedged between a magical pet emporium and a suspiciously dark alley. The sign above the door was flickering as if it, too, was in dire need of recalibration.

As they stepped inside, Gary was greeted by a wall of ticking clocks, chimes, and various enchanted objects all misbehaving in their own delightful ways. Behind the counter sat an elderly wizard, thick spectacles perched precariously on his nose. His name tag read: Waldo Widdershins – Wand Specialist and Calibration Master.

"Ah, Mr. Potter!" Waldo said in a scratchy voice, squinting at Gary over his glasses. "Come for a recalibration, have we? Your iWand’s been giving you a bit of trouble, I hear."

Gary cleared his throat. "Trouble? That’s an understatement. It’s trying to sabotage my life."

Waldo chuckled, beckoning Gary over to a strange contraption that looked like a cross between a dentist’s chair and a carnival ride. "Pop it over here, then. Let's see what we’re dealing with."

Gary handed over his iWand, and Waldo immediately held it up to his ear as though it were a seashell. After a moment of listening to the wand hum and sputter, Waldo nodded sagely. "Ah yes, classic case of malfunction. Might’ve picked up a rogue enchantment somewhere. Maybe from a cursed cauldron?"

"Or too much Firewhisky," Hermayonaise muttered under her breath.

"Right then, time for the recalibration test!" Waldo said cheerily, patting the armrest of the strange chair. "Stand here, Potter."

Gary raised an eyebrow. "You need me to stand on this phonebook?"

"Oh yes. For the test, you need to perform a spell while maintaining perfect balance—on one leg."

"On one leg?" Gary sighed but climbed onto the phonebook. "What’s the spell?"

Waldo tossed him the iWand, which sparked in Gary's hand. "Levitation spell. Simple enough. Just balance, hold the wand steady, and levitate… this!" He grabbed something from behind the counter, revealing a small, but completely mundane, houseplant.

Gary blinked. "A houseplant?"

"Yes, yes! Must be a ficus for proper calibration. Any other plant just throws it off," Waldo said with the utmost seriousness.

Gary, now perched precariously on one leg, held the iWand aloft. "Alright. Levioso!"

A stream of sparks shot out of the wand, lifting the ficus into the air—until Gary wobbled, lost his balance, and fell backward off the chair, the ficus careening through the air and knocking over a shelf full of enchanted alarm clocks. The clocks all erupted in a cacophony of magical ringing, some of them sprouting legs and running around in panic.

Gary lay on the floor, groaning, while Waldo peered at him from behind the counter. "Hmm. A bit more unstable than I thought. Let’s try again. But this time, do it standing on one leg, while holding this pineapple."

"A Pineapple?" Gary said incredulously.

"Oh yes, a very specific calibration technique. Pineapple magic has quite the reputation in the wand recalibration world. The bitterness draws out unwanted errors, while the sweetness gets it working in sync with the will ."

Gary, now holding a fresh pineapple in his left hand, awkwardly lifted his iWand again. Balancing on one leg, he gave the levitation spell another go. "Levioso!"

The ficus floated smoothly this time, hovering in mid-air as if weightless. Gary gave a smug grin. "See? Easy."

But just as he said that, the pineapple in his hand burst into flames.

"Ah, well, that’s the flare-up!" Waldo said, clapping his hands. "Means the recalibration is nearly complete. Just one last step!"

Gary’s eyes widened. "What step? I’m holding a flaming pineapple!"

Waldo retrieved a large, slightly chipped porcelain teapot from beneath the counter and placed it on the floor in front of Gary. "Now, if you could kindly drop your wand into this teapot. It’s the final part of the process—locks in the recalibration."

Gary blinked. "Into the teapot? That’s... not going to break it?"

Waldo smiled serenely. "Trust me. This teapot’s been enchanted by the finest wandmakers. It’ll absorb the rogue magic and stabilize the core."

With a sigh of resignation, Gary dropped his iWand into the teapot. For a moment, nothing happened—then, with a soft pop, the teapot emitted a puff of lavender-scented smoke and the sound of distant chiming bells. Waldo beamed and handed the iWand back to Gary.

"All done! Good as new. And now, completely pixie-proof!"

Gary took his wand, cautiously giving it a test wave. A single spark fizzled out, calm and controlled. "Huh. No flaming pineapples this time."

Hermayonaise rolled her eyes. "Thank Merlin."

Waldo clapped his hands together. "That’ll be ten Galleons. And a complimentary pineapple for your troubles."

Gary stared at the fruit. "Uh… thanks?"

As they left the shop, Gary turned to Hermayonaise. "You know, that was oddly smooth for me."

She smirked. "Yeah. The wand works—let’s see if you can say the same after the job interview."