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The Potion Master

The Ministry cafeteria was bustling with its usual lunchtime crowd. At the center of the chaos was a long line snaking around a large cauldron that bubbled ominously behind the counter. A tall, intimidating wizard with a perfectly groomed mustache stood at the front, glaring at the line with an expression that could curdle milk.

Gary, Hermayonaise, and Ronny stood at the back of the line, eyeing the Potion Master nervously. Neville Longbottom, who had just joined them with a flourish, whispered eagerly to Gary, “Oh, mate, this is your first time here, isn’t it?”

Gary nodded. "Yeah, what's the deal with this guy?"

Neville, who had assumed an air of exaggerated seriousness, began to explain with wide eyes. "That's the Potion Master. His potions are legendary, but he's got rules, you see? You follow the rules, you get the potion. You break the rules, you're done."

Ronny chimed in, "He's not joking, Gary. One wrong move and you’re out. No potion for you."

Gary raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "He’s that strict?”

Hermayonaise nodded solemnly. "Worse. He once banished a guy for sneezing before ordering. The Ministry had to intervene just to get him back in line."

Neville leaned in, his voice a conspiratorial whisper. "The key is to be precise. Look him in the eye, order clearly, and don’t—under any circumstances—try to make small talk."

Gary, looking skeptical, grinned. "This sounds ridiculous. How hard can it be?"

Neville shook his head. "It’s not as easy as it sounds. You get one chance. No hesitation, no mixing potions that don't mix, and for Merlin's sake, don’t mention anything about his mustache."

Gary blinked. "His mustache?"

"Don’t ask," Ronny muttered.

They moved forward in the line. The witch in front of them was already stammering as the Potion Master glared at her with contempt.

"Uh, I’ll have... the Calming Draught and, um, a... a Pep-up Potion, please?" she squeaked.

The Potion Master's mustache twitched. "You do not mix Calming Draught and Pep-up Potion. What are you, an amateur? No potion for you! Next!"

With a flick of his wand, the witch was ejected from the line, appearing at the back with a look of utter shock.

Gary's eyes widened. "That was brutal."

Neville nodded sagely. "I told you, mate. He’s like a cauldron—one wrong ingredient and he’ll blow."

Hermayonaise studied the menu with the intensity of a scholar preparing for final exams. "Just stick to something simple, Gary. Don’t get fancy. You can barely summon a muffin without it turning into a sentient scone."

Gary puffed out his chest defiantly. "Relax. I’ve got this."

"Remember," Neville whispered urgently, "speak clearly, no stuttering, and never change your order mid-sentence."

They finally reached the front of the line. The Potion Master’s gaze fixed on Gary, his wand raised and ready to cast judgment.

"Next!" he barked.

Gary cleared his throat, feeling the weight of the Potion Master's stare. "Uh, I’ll have the—"

"You will speak clearly. You will not stutter. What do you want?" the Potion Master demanded, his eyes narrowing.

Gary gulped. "I’ll have a Felix Felicis... and, uh, maybe an Elixir of Life."

Neville’s eyes widened in horror, mouthing "No!" but it was too late.

The Potion Master's eyes flared dangerously. "You do not mix Felix Felicis with the Elixir of Life! It creates chaos in the body! No potion for you! Next!"

With a flick of his wand, Gary was propelled to the back of the line, landing unceremoniously next to the stammering witch from earlier. He stood there, dazed, while Hermayonaise and Ronny stepped forward.

Hermayonaise, her face calm and composed, stepped up to the counter. "I’ll have a Wit-Sharpening Potion, please."

The Potion Master gave her a curt nod, and her potion appeared instantly on the counter.

"Good choice. Next!" he barked.

Ronny glanced back at Gary, who was still rubbing his shoulder from the fall, and then turned to the Potion Master. "I’ll take a Draught of Peace."

The Potion Master paused, eyeing Ronny with suspicion. "No funny business?"

Ronny raised his hands innocently. "Wouldn't dream of it."

With a wave of his wand, the Potion Master handed over the Draught of Peace, nodding curtly. "Next!"

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Neville stepped up next, looking like he was preparing for a duel. "One Pepperup Potion, no alterations."

The Potion Master’s eyes flickered with approval as he swiftly handed over the potion. "Acceptable. Next!"

Hermayonaise, Ronny, and Neville walked over to where Gary stood sulking at the back of the line. He shot them a defiant look. "This is insane. How can you run a business like that? What if I really needed that Felix Felicis?"

Neville patted him on the back sympathetically. "You just went too big, mate. Baby steps with this guy. Next time, go for a Pepperup or a simple Blood-Replenishing Potion."

Gary crossed his arms. "I don’t see why it’s so complicated. Felix Felicis, Elixir of Life—what’s the big deal?"

Hermayonaise sighed. "Felix Felicis boosts your luck. Elixir of Life prolongs your life indefinitely. Mixing them would make you an immortal with constant good fortune. You'd never stop moving, never rest. It would be chaos."

Gary’s eyes widened, a hint of excitement in his voice. "I mean, that doesn’t sound so bad."

Ronny snorted. "Until your heart gives out from pure adrenaline and you end up as a permanently wide-eyed statue in the lobby."

Gary looked horrified as the next customer in line was banished for ordering a "Love Potion No. 9."

The Potion Master snarled, "No! No gimmicky potions! Next!"

Neville shook his head, whispering to Gary. "See? No gimmicks. This guy lives for the rules."

Gary returned to the Ministry cafeteria the next day, determination written all over his face. He marched straight into the line, clutching a scroll filled with potion notes Hermayonaise had made him study overnight.

Neville met him in line, looking both hopeful and skeptical. "Alright, Gary, remember what I said. Simple order, no jokes."

Gary nodded, muttering under his breath. "I’ll have a Pepperup Potion, no extra ingredients. No fancy orders."

They finally reached the counter again. Gary stood tall, ready to conquer the Potion Master. "One Pepperup Potion, no extra ingredients."

The Potion Master raised an eyebrow but nodded approvingly. "Very well."

Gary grinned as the Potion Master placed the Pepperup Potion on the counter. Feeling cocky, he added, "And... a Calming Draught to go."

Neville's eyes widened in horror. "No, Gary!"

The Potion Master’s face darkened. "You do not order a 'to-go' potion at my counter. No potion for you! Next!"

With a flick of his wand, Gary was ejected from the line yet again, the potion slipping out of his grasp. He landed at the end of the line, his face flushed with embarrassment.

Neville shook his head. "Should've quit while you were ahead, mate."

Determined to outwit the Potion Master, Gary concocted an elaborate plan over the next two days. He approached the counter with a calm demeanor, placing an order for a simple potion without mixing any ingredients.

"One Dreamless Sleep Potion, please," he said confidently.

The Potion Master nodded and placed the potion on the counter. Gary, believing he'd finally won, couldn’t resist a smirk.

As he reached for the potion, he casually remarked, "You know, this would go great with a shot of Felix Felicis."

The Potion Master’s eyes blazed. "You dare suggest such an atrocity? No potion for you! Lifetime banishment!"

With a dramatic flick of his wand, Gary was sent flying out of the cafeteria and into the corridor, his robes billowing behind him. The entire cafeteria gasped as the Potion Master crossed his arms and glared at the now-empty space where Gary had stood.

Hermayonaise, Ronny, and Neville rushed out to find Gary sprawled on the floor, groaning.

Ronny couldn’t help but laugh. "A lifetime banishment? You really outdid yourself, mate."

Neville nodded sagely. "The Potion Master's law is absolute. You don’t mess with the potion hierarchy."

Gary stared up at the ceiling, utterly defeated. "I just wanted a potion."

Hermayonaise smirked. "Well, you've got plenty of time to think about what you did. Lifetime is quite a while."

Word of Gary's lifetime banishment spread quickly through the Ministry. As employees lined up for their potions, whispers of his legendary downfall filled the cafeteria.

Gary sat at the edge of the corridor, watching the Potion Master banish customers with a mixture of awe and bitterness. "One day," he muttered to himself. "One day, I'll get my potion."

The trio watched Gary slump against the corridor wall, his expression a mix of frustration and defeat. Neville, always the optimist, snapped his fingers as an idea struck him.

"I’ve got it!" Neville whispered excitedly to Hermayonaise and Ronny. "If Gary can’t get a potion, we'll just brew one ourselves. How hard can it be?"

Ronny's eyes lit up. "That’s brilliant! Gary, we’ll make you a potion right now."

Hermayonaise shot them a skeptical glance. "You two? Brew a potion? This is Gary we’re talking about. Do you really want to risk his health—and ours?"

Neville waved away her concerns. "Oh, come on! How difficult can a basic potion be? I’ve got some ingredients back in my office. It’ll be quick."

Reluctantly, Hermayonaise agreed, and they dragged Gary to an unused meeting room that Neville had quickly transformed into a makeshift potion lab. Bottles and jars cluttered the table as Neville, with a determined expression, began tossing ingredients into a cauldron.

"Are you sure you know what you’re doing?" Gary asked nervously, watching Neville dump what looked like dragon scales into the mix.

"Absolutely!" Neville said confidently. "How do you think I survived all those years at Hogwarts? Improvisation!"

Ronny leaned in. "What are we making, anyway?"

Neville hesitated, then shrugged. "Something to lift Gary’s spirits. A simple Joyous Potion."

Hermayonaise’s eyes widened. "That requires precise measurement! One drop too many and—"

"Nonsense," Neville interrupted. "Here we go!" He gave the cauldron a final stir and poured the steaming concoction into a goblet, presenting it to Gary with a flourish.

Gary hesitated but, feeling the weight of the entire day's fiasco, decided to go for it. "What’s the worst that could happen?" he muttered before downing the potion in one gulp.

For a moment, nothing happened. Gary looked around expectantly. "I don’t feel any—"

Suddenly, his hair turned a bright neon pink, his robes transformed into what could only be described as a sequined dance outfit, and a loud, upbeat disco track blared out of nowhere. Gary’s feet began to move on their own, breaking into an unstoppable dance routine that took over the entire room.

Ronny burst into laughter, nearly doubling over. "What did you put in there, Neville?!"

Neville stared at the goblet in horror. "I might have mixed up the Joyous Potion with the Euphoria Elixir... and some leftover Boggart-repelling salt. And, um, maybe a bit of Cha-Cha-Charm...”

Gary spun around, his face a mixture of panic and forced enthusiasm. "I can’t stop dancing!" he cried, his voice quivering as his legs moved to the beat.