FVR
Chapter Four.
----------------------------------------
It was the highest Joel could ever remember being - aside from in buildings. He had never hiked, never climbed mountains, never skydived, or bungee jumped. But right now, sat atop a branch on an old oak tree, he felt as if he were stood atop the highest peak in the world. It had not occurred to him how strange his new behavior had been, nor had he realized how comfortable he felt in his movements after a year of chronic pain. Instead, he felt simply, and utterly, relaxed.
Joel looked out at the area around him. The expansive landscape - which sprawled out in every direction - was truly overwhelming. Lush forests waved in the gentle breeze, caressing his skin and flooding his senses with the earthy scent of oak and pine. The gentle rustle and sway of the branch he sat on lulled him into a tranquil state, and as his eyes looked up, the blue sky smiled down, not a blemish of cloud to be seen on the light blue canvas.
The devs have a screw loose with the gore settings, but the vistas in this game sure are special.
His eyebrows furled as a realisation seemed to pass through his mind. What was I just thinking?
An unfamiliar calmness had consumed him, yet his mind hung with a haziness - a fog which covered every word in his mind that he could not immediately hold on to. He held a free hand to his head and rubbed his temples deep in thought. It's a game? He asked himself. It's a game? He repeated. He had a word on the tip of his tongue, he could feel it there - he could practically see it - but he couldn't put it into words. Every new brush of the wind or heat from the sun seemed to take him further into the fog. The feeling recalled a sensation from his childhood, one of confusion the first time he ever played a game. The control settings were too sensitive and he found himself turning too sharply, or by too much. It took ages to adjust the settings, he recalled.
That's it! In a moment of brief clarity, he found the word submerged in the fog. He thought for a second, the mental haze stayed clear for just long enough for him to remember that he was inside a game.
"Settings," he said aloud, but nothing happened.
"Inventory."
"Pause."
"Menu."
"Character, I don't know..." Nothing happened. I really don't get it. All those notifications before and...
"Notifications!"
Nothing.
"Urgh!" But it's a game?
He struggled to recall what the notifications had said, but the mere thought of that room flooded his mind with images he was desperate to forget. His body shivered, and tears welled up in his eyes, though the wind quickly dried them. Peering down through the twigs and leaves of the tree, he spotted Fluffy, who was playfully nudging a passing woodlouse.
Don't suppose you'll turn into a human and help me out? He thought wistfully.
Fluffy paused its torment of the woodlouse and lifted a back leg to clean itself.
Guess not.
Joel's thoughts lingered for a moment as he looked down at the battle hardened feline. Fluffy seemed docile, but the ogre and wolves weren't.
"What about the monsters?" He asked the air. "How long until they respawn?" Again, his words fell to the air with no response. They come in waves, right? "Time until next wave," he said, and a small messaged silently appeared at the top of his vision.
〘Time Until Next Wave:〙
〘16.31.09〙
〘16.31.08〙
〘16.31.07〙
"You pedantic bastards," he said under his breath. "How specific do I have to be!?" He rubbed his head in frustration.
He, again, railed off the words from before in various combinations, but nothing happened.
I've got plenty of time, he thought, the cushion of sixteen hours remaining softening his mind despite knowing the dire consequences when the time hit zero. His eyes drifted back over the horizon. Let's check out that embankment, he mused, driven more by boredom and a thirst for adventure than by any survival instinct.
Climbing back down felt more awkward than ascending. His footing felt less secure with every step, compelling him to use what little strength he had in his arms.
As he continued to climb down, he found himself favoring his left leg every time he needed to gain balance. He had been completely unaware of this favoring until he jumped from the lowest branch and landed poorly on his left foot.
"Fu!" He exclaimed, stopping himself from swearing in front of Fluffy.
He shook his foot in an attempt to wave away the pain, which actually worked.
Fluffy paused cleaning for a second, and looked on curiously as the lumbering twig of a boy bounced on one leg.
"It's fine," Joel said, shaking off the last of the discomfort, "I just landed wrong."
Joel sat down for a second with his back against the tree, as Fluffy returned to cleaning itself. Ah, he's a boy. I hadn't noticed before.
He thought about the name he had given the courageous little creature, lost in thought for a moment, reminded of a song.
"A boy named Fluffy," he chuckled softly.
Fluffy shook his body and proudly strode over to Joel for a cuddle. Joel’s fingertips sank deeply into the embrace of Fluffy’s soft fur. The rhythmic rise and fall of the animal's chest offered a soothing sense of comfort, and with every gentle stroke, Joel could feel the tension in his body slowly melt away.
After some therapeutic petting, Joel slowly rose to his feet and turned to face the direction of the embankment.
"Come on, I saw something this way."
"Meooow," Fluffy replied with a feline smile.
Joel made a mental note of the potions and left them by the tree. No point in carrying them for now. I'll grab them later.
***
They walked through the denser parts of the meadow, where the foliage grew thick and wild. Fluffy forged ahead, fearlessly navigating through the underbrush, his small body tackling every obstacle with unwavering determination. Joel, on the other hand, struggled to keep up, both physically and mentally. The guy really is something, he thought, watching Fluffy's confident progress.
Joel awkwardly stepped over bushes, ducked under low-hanging branches, and occasionally tripped on exposed roots. Each misstep made him more determined, however, and despite the challenges, he pressed on stubbornly, refusing to stray from his path. The hike was tough, but Joel's resolve kept him moving forward, following Fluffy's lead through the untamed meadow.
The moment the path smoothed out a little, he glanced up and paused. He gazed toward the embankment and marveled at the beauty of the landscape unfolding before him. The verdant expanse, dotted with wildflowers and framed by the distant horizon and perfect sky, seemed almost surreal in their splendor.
A pained smile poked at his cheeks, and he looked back down to the woodland and carried on his way.
The longer he walked, however, the more uncertain he felt. Each step seemed strange, not because of the terrain but because of the act of walking itself.
After several minutes, it suddenly dawned on him: he had been walking normally. No limp, no pain. How do I keep forgetting this? He wondered, astonished by his newfound ease of movement. The realization filled him with a mix of bewilderment and relief, as if he were rediscovering a part of himself he thought he'd lost forever.
He stopped again for a moment and focused on his right leg. He almost had to force back the memory of the pain in his calve and how it shot up into his thigh. It was agony. But I keep forgetting about it... It's similar to drinking the potion, he recalled, I felt desensitized afterwards, like I didn't have a care, but this is... worse. Joel reflected on his feelings as he looked around, his eyes drifting across the perfect nature of his surroundings. It's this place. It's like I'm constantly being numbed.
Joel glanced down at Fluffy, who was entirely unbothered, playfully battling a slug. With a chuckle, Joel shook his head and shifted his gaze back toward the embankment. As he took in the serene landscape, his worries began to fade away, replaced yet again by a sense of calmness unique to the game.
***
The embankments true size had been difficult to judge from atop the tree, but as they drew nearer, he could make out its rather imposing height as it rose a dozen feet above the ground. They continued to trek onwards - Fluffy having defeated the slug in glorious combat.
The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.
Joel's eyes widened with a vindicated realization upon reaching the peak of the embankment; what had seemed like a simple, solitary embankment, now revealed itself to contain a tunnel entrance sloping deep into the earth.
A thin row of roughly cut planks of wood trailed down several feet, then steered off into a pitch-black cave. Joel's skin crawled at the thought of what lay in wait.
As he took a step closer, shivers tickled down his spine, urging his feet to run and his eyes to follow. I should stay here, he thought quietly, in this meadow. His feet stayed still, but his eyes looked down at Fluffy; his innocence was a perfect reflection of where Joel found himself - embraced by a peaceful breeze in a dream-like meadow. A place so perfect that he had to wonder why the game didn't just keep the players here.
"The monsters. They're inside, aren't they?" He asked, taking a step back.
Fluffy rubbed his trembling head into Joel's leg, then climbed up with his two front paws. Joel picked him up and held him in his arms.
"Sixteen hours," he recalled. Enough time to rest and make a plan, but I don't know how to feel about staying here too long. The thought nearly made him laugh; the dread of not feeling dread didn't make any sense to him.
Joel took a step back and placed Fluffy on the ground. "We've got plenty of time. We should return to the pond, see if there's anything we can gather before going further." He glanced at Fluffy, his tiny legs already tensed, ready to leave. "Actually," he said, surveying his surroundings, "let's take the long way back." A less direct path curved around the that avoided much of the overgrown foliage that seemed to circle part of the meadow. It spread much further, but it had much less in the way - a much easier walk for Fluffy, he thought considerately, and myself.
***
Joel chose much smoother paths on the way back, with fewer roots to trip on, and more bugs for Fluffy to fight. He took his time with searching every crevasse and bush, he even lifted a few rocks trying to look for hidden items or chests, or something he could use as a weapon - but nothing stood out to him other than a sturdy vine, about a meter long. This might work? He thought, getting an idea for how to carry both Fluffy and the bottles.
Several hours slipped by unnoticed as they roamed the vast meadow. Joel's perception of time had grown hazy, with each passing moment blending into the next. He felt as if he could wander for days in any direction and find nothing, all the while his stamina being strangely unaffected by the exertion. A subtle hint of frustration crept into his mind as thoughts of the infinite hallway came back to him, but Joel couldn't seem to muster the emotion to care. He continued to roam, unaware of the hours slipping away like dust on the wind.
After what must have been a full loop of the area, Joel gave up. Defeated, he picked up a tired Fluffy and returned to the pond, which had never been too far away.
Joel had plenty of time to kill before heading to the cave, but he felt nothing remained to be gained from this area except its tranquility. Rest and appreciating the calmness were the only things left to do. As they navigated their way back to the tree from the pond to collect the potions, exhaustion weighing heavily on them, Joel noticed what had been missing. There's only one Fluffy, he thought.
"What's that about, eh?" He asked, glancing at the foxlike kitten.
Fluffy seemed too distracted by his tail to reply. That, or he didn't understand English.
"Haven't got a family that's concerned about you?" Joel relaxed with his back against the tree, contemplating his own question.
It's been hours. They're probably wondering where I am. The thought of their panicked faces when he didn't return home momentarily stirred anxiety in his heart, which faded swiftly with the caress of the cool breeze and the warmth of the sun on his skin. This place. It's too relaxing...
"Whatever," he said with a hushed tone.
Joel's mind slowed with the pace of the wind. He imagined his parents, and how they were. Then emotionlessly wondered how much distress they would suffer before they found any trace of him; how would they feel when they discovered their son had made such a selfish decision, and how long it would take. Days, perhaps even weeks. He could almost see them storming into the building, demanding he leave the game. They would rush to his side, and unplug him while he slept. But before that, they would be consumed by worry, and he knew it. While Joel could not feel any sadness over the thought, he did feel something. He felt his parents loved him deeply, and felt how hard they struggled to find the right words. But a whole year of witnessing his moodiness and his isolation had undoubtedly taken its toll on them, and he felt that too.
As he sat in that blissful place, he remembered his desperate struggle to escape his suffering and how it must be better if he stayed here. Better for his family, better for his health, better for the world as a whole.
I... can't do that to them. A part of him wanted to cry, but he felt too desensitized - too numb. He wanted to be angry at his lack of sadness, but he felt the opposite, he felt happy.
Tilting his head onto the tree, he looked up at the leaves fluttering above. How long has it been since I was outside like this? How long since I was this happy? He closed his eyes and relaxed his shoulders. He felt no pain or discomfort in his back, despite not having a pillow to lean on. And his leg stood strong under the weight of his body, despite the climbing and hours of walking it had just endured.
"I don't know what to do," he gave Fluffy a soft smile as he rubbed his cheek against Joel's leg, "what do I do?" He asked, Fluffy replied with a purr. Joel settled himself down on the grass, gently lifting Fluffy and placing him in his lap. "Can you come with me?" Joel asked selfishly. A somber thought that Fluffy would likely disappear when the wave ended, or when Joel moved to a new area, passed his mind. But the thought of going without him seemed lonely.
Fluffy replied with his usual meow, which Joel somehow understood as a yes. Perhaps he does understand English?
Joel lingered for a few minutes, lost in thought and wondering if there would be others like Fluffy out there, or if he would bump into people at some point. Is there anyone else out there? He stopped to wonder if continuing meant joining with other people. The boy with the goatee said something about being group twenty-something. Surely that means there are others?
"Right?" He asked, but to no reply. Fluffy had snuggled into Joel's lap so cozily that he had drifted off to sleep. "Quick sleeper, eh? Yeah, me too." Joel said softly, stroking Fluffy gently before leaning his head back on the tree.
Before he closed his eyes for a well-deserved rest, he checked the timer.
"Time until next wave."
〘Time Until Next Wave:〙
〘11.20.06〙
〘11.20.05〙
〘11.20.04〙
"That's fine," he said with a weary sigh and a deep yawn. "Plenty of time."
***
As Joel woke, with the soft sensation of the grass beneath him and the warmth of the sun which continued to shine, his first thought went to his parents. He blinked away the brightness of the sun, and wondered if they had slept at all since he had left. His mind wondered, emotionless, to the thought that at any moment they could wake him up.
A familiar meow greeted Joel, and his eyes glanced over to find Fluffy sitting a few meters away, basking in the sunlight. Greeting Joel with a purr as his eyes caught Joel's, Fluffy stretched, then walked confidently to Joel's side. Gradually sitting up, Joel began to feel more refreshed, but his mind remained hazy. The serene nature around him seemed to want to lull him back into his slumber.
"Time until next wave," he yawned.
〘Time Until Next Wave:〙
〘01.17.03〙
〘01.17.02〙
〘01.17.01〙
I slept for ten hours? The thought should have sparked a flurry of anxiety, but the gentle warmth of the sun eased him into a sense of comfort. He literally had to force himself to stand up.
Ah! He leaned back down, grabbing the sturdy vine in one hand and a bottle in the other, then sat for a moment, pondering of how to create what he had in mind. Joel looped the vine around the neck of one bottle, then secured it with a knot. He tested it by shaking the vine to ensure the bottle was secure, then repeated the process with the second bottle before tying off the vine. Finally, he stood, placing it over his body and wearing it like a sash. Moving the make-shift sash around so that the two bottles dangled by his hip, he felt ready to leave. He smiled proudly at Fluffy, who seemed to marvel at the ingenuity - or the shimmer of the liquid, Joel couldn't tell which.
He stretched down and lifted Fluffy up into his arms, "this way I can carry you and the bottles too." Fluffy purred and happily rubbed his head against Joel's chin. I'm going to miss this, he thought to himself, aware of how hard it would be to see him disappear.
This time, the walk to the embankment took a little longer, as Joel opted for a clearer, more scenic route. Still, however, he felt no stress about the time.
He thought about his parents again, and how he wanted to see their faces, but he knew the only way for that to happen was for him to leave. He thought about how it felt climbing the tree, and the feeling of the gentle wind in his face. But mostly, he thought about how empty it all felt. Being so used to feeling pain, or sadness, the joy he felt due to his indifference seemed strange. While the desensitizing effect of the area certainly had a peaceful aspect to it, it also felt insincere. Like he had lost a part of himself. That might just be the cost of happiness, he mused, cold indifference and the inability to feel sadness.
As Joel walked up the embankment, he took one last look around. The gentle rustle of leaves in the breeze, the distant chirping of birds, and the soft sunlight, gave a feeling that Joel wanted to carry with him forever. He took one final deep breath of the fresh air, then let it all go. This place, while lovely, was empty.
To not feel sadness, so that I will only feel joy. What a waste.
Joel held Fluffy in his arms as he turned his back on the meadow and walked into the cave. The sun seemed to grab at his back as they ventured down, its tender caress now a firm pull. But Joel persisted on, his feet guided by the gravity toward an unknown fate.
***
Standing at the base of the cave, with the light from the sun now behind them, out of reach, Joel's senses gradually returned and his mental fog began to fade.
Fluffy trembled in Joel's arms, but he did not try to flee. "It's okay," Joel reassured him, "it's going to be okay."
Enough light fluttered in and bounced off the walls to illuminate two paths, each with a sign at their respective entrances.
Exit. On the left.
Continue. On the right.
A thought suddenly dawned on Joel why this area felt so serene, so blissful, so desensitizing. It's to calm people after the first wave. He didn't know if he was right, but it made sense to him. The haze on his mind completely faded, and with it, the joy he had felt.
People who sign up for the trial might not know what to expect. With no menu or Heads-Up Display, they can't leave. The only way out is to die. I don't know why they would do that. Maybe I'll find out in there?
"This whole place is a chance to let people decide." His eyes moved from the right path, "do I stay," and back to the left, "or, do I go?" Far into the distance of the left path, there sat a small, white speck that caught his eyes. An exit. This is it; he collected his thoughts. Something tells me this is the only chance they'll give me to leave on my own will.
His mind took him back to the tree and he pictured the scenery from high above. This place had made him feel so happy, so at peace. He hated the game for what it put him through, but he loved that it made him feel so at ease, if only for a short time. His thoughts trailed back to his parents and how they wouldn't know where he had gone, or whether he was safe and sound; his lower lip quivered as the emotion that had been dulled started to well within him. I don't want mum and dad to suffer, he cried silently. His breathing quickened, and his hands shook beneath the weight of the delicate creature nestled in his embrace. But, he exhaled as his chest trembled with every breath. "I can't choose to go back," he broke out in a tearful cry, "I can't choose pain."
He bit the inside of his lower lip as he forced out a painful truth, "I'd rather die here..." Tears streamed down his cheeks, each one carried the weight of his pent-up emotions. Both choices led to more pain, but only one of them took him a second further from it. A moment longer, he begged. That's all I want. Just a moment longer without that pain.
His arms held tightly onto Fluffy, the soft fur doing nothing to steady his racing heart. He looked down the middle of the tunnel, and the same feeling that he had when fighting the wolf consumed him. The feeling, that if given words, would only translate as, I'm going to die here. But this time, it was his choice to willingly step forwards. His choice to walk towards an unknown pain, knowing that the alternative offered something far worse.
"Right," his voice cracked as he said the words, "let's go. Together."