Disclaimer: If you recognise it, surprise, I don't own it.
Chapter 32– Trolling.
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I watch on as these hunched-over monstrous figures swarm around, only their torches showing their horrifying features. Like, what the fuck is going on? I am even more confused because of the fact that they are big monsters dressed like they are from medieval times, and they brandish medieval weapons like axes and spears, and yet some of them have some kind of gun. They look like futuristic blasters, which is at total ends with everything else about them, and now that I take a closer look, some of them have some kind of antenna things on top of their protective caps.
"So, it is definitely an invasion. The lights all going out, and then all these guys showing up was definitely planned. But what kind of invasion? A magical one? Alien? I really can't tell with these guys." I hear Felicia start pondering from beside me as I continue to watch them spread out on a mission, only the fire illuminating their ugly features.
"Hm. I am going to go with both. Given the fact that these guys are ugly troll motherfuckers and dressed in medieval garbs, and yet there are some futuristic alien details like their guns? I am going to guess this is something from Thor's wheelhouse. Hell, they probably are trolls or orcs o something." I find myself thinking about my earlier meeting with the man and find that it is such a strange coincidence that I would accidentally run into him, and then something like this would happen. Maybe that is just fate at work or something? But that is above my pay grade, so I am going to try not to think about it.
"So, what do you want to do about it?" Felicia asks, and I find myself hesitating for a moment. After all, myself and Felicia just had a breakthrough, and I kind of want to stick around Felicia for now and to leave after the fun and go straight to business seems kind of off. I feel like that is what Peter does, he hits it and then quits it to go save lives, and I don't want to do anything like that. I think I should just ignore this and leave it for someone better equipped to deal with it, and Felicia and I can just go back to ours and continue to see where this new... thing takes us.
"I have to go and help them out since I am Batman right now. I will just try and do what I can until someone else gets here to handle it." The words come out of my mouth even though I very much did not want to do what I said, but as I watch the group of orcs head out with an apparent destination in mind, I can't ignore them. They are running roughshod over everything in their way, including cars and people, if they aren't fast enough to get out of the way, and they are quite trigger-happy with those guns of theirs. I am not a self-sacrificing, over-the-top, do-gooder like Peter, but I am also not the kind of asshole who would just ignore this sort of thing when I could help. Why did I have to retain the memories of the two best moral and upstanding people raising me?
"Alright, let's go then!" Just as I am about to leap off the side and glide down to try and kick some ass, I hear that behind me, and at first, I dismiss it thinking it was just her saying goodbye, but then I listen to the words and look back at her in confusion. She must understand that I am surprised because she giggles as she walks over, dragging one of her claw-tipped fingers down my cheek and over my chest as she joins me on the ledge. She is in front of me now, standing on the edge and lifting my chin up slightly with her fingertip, forcing me to lock my eyes with her currently emerald green ones.
"I never say no to a good time." And then, she moves backwards and allows herself to fall off the building. And all I can do is keep staring at where her beautiful eyes used to be, even as I hear her wild laugh ring out into the dark night, somehow louder than all the cries of fear and worry, and then I hear the telltale crack of a whip that brings me back to reality.
"I really am in over my head, aren't I?" I find myself saying aloud as I leap off of the building, freefalling after her. She is a wild girl, and I know that. Felicia is like a whirlwind, and she enjoys the thrill and excitement of the ride. She is an adrenaline addict, and I know the suburban life is not for her, at least not now. She is a wild ride, and if I get on, then life will not be peaceful, and I will be dragged along through a whole bunch of stuff. So why is there a big smile on my face as the air buffets against my face and my eyes are locked onto her swinging figure in the distance? I'm already too far gone, and strangely I am fine with it.
I quickly suppress the smile on my face with difficulty, resetting myself back into that Batman mentality. Batman's slight smiles are reserved for children and for when he one-ups a fellow hero and a few other special occasions. I am not the best Batman, but fuck it, I am making my own version. I am more Batman Beyond than the original Batman, anyway. Spreading my arms, my cape stretches and then hardens, catching the wind and sending me soaring up into the air towards the direction Felicia is moving in.
Being much closer to all the action, and without having my sight being so focused from the binoculars, I notice that the Orcs are all actually moving towards a specific destination. It seems like, at first, they spread out to get their bearings, and then once one of them found what their objective was, he sent some kind of signal to the others, and then they started to converge. Because right now, they all look like big ants that are starting to funnel into a street and head towards one specific building, most of them begging to pour in while others wait outside.
Felicia is heading straight towards them and is wasting no time in going and kicking some ass, and I can't let myself be shown up here. This is supposed to be my expertise, after all, while hers is stealing stuff. I quickly speed up, trying to close in and surpass Felicia so I can get closer to them first and gauge how dangerous these things are with my spider sense. And if it blares, then I will immediately direct Felicia to leave, knowing the servos in her catsuit (Which hugs her body, so it is a mystery where those servos are. Pym particles?) give her enhanced abilities, but it is not even mid-tier for strength.
It seems I wasted too much time dazed on the roof because I only just caught up to her when it was too late, and she had already swung into battle, kicking an Orc in the face. Thankfully her attack had some effect as the monster was shoved back, though the heavy kick didn't knock them off of their feet. These guys are tough. Moving to do my own bit, I dive bomb and land a double kick on the face of some other beast, and my attack actually does send the thing flying away. Okay, I am feeling confident with us taking these guys on.
"Hit them hard and fast, don't let them get a hit on you." I direct, having felt the thickness of their skin and their durability with my first attack and knowing from that that their strength should be equal, which means problems for us. If they were to get even one solid attack on Felicia, then I think she would be down for the count. However, I know her capabilities, and I trust her. She is as slippery as an eel, and I know she won't be touched unless she wants to be. That had other connotations for me, but whatever.
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"You act like this is my first time at the fair!" Felicia shouts as she slides around the giant hammer fist of an Orc before using the outstretched arm as leverage to jump forward and nail the Orc in the face with her knee. She quickly moves on, dancing around the battlefield and having fun kicking ass, using purely her legs to kick in all of their faces and wear them down. Watching her ass glide around like she was doing some beautiful dance, I am suddenly reminded that vestiges of myself cover the inside of that suit, and my seed is spilling about the inside of her. The thought distracts me for a moment, and it is only my spider sense that allows me to backflip away from a yellow haymaker.
Snapping back to reality, I quickly move and start to take down my fair share of these fuckers. I start slowly, testing my strength and how much I would be able to use on them that would put them down for the count but not kill them, having only had to fight humans before. I am not trying to kill them because the idea that this is something to do with the nine realms or whatever is still rattling around my head, and the idea that the death of too many of these guys could lead to a war doesn't sit well with me. Maybe I am overthinking it, but as I put down another big yellow brute with my fist, I come to the conclusion that it is better not to cross a line that can't be uncrossed without knowing the ramifications.
Of course, that was before I looked further down the street and spotted the guy splattered all across the pavement and some of the brick walls. I spot the corpse and notice the sheer amount of midsection he is missing that is now covering the surroundings. These guys aren't being nice, and so I shouldn't be either. I stop holding my punches. I start hearing beastly screams. I don't know whether or not I am actually killing these guys, they are just too tough for me to do so, but I am definitely making them hurt.
I only manage to catch myself and come out of my fury of attacks to narrowly send my grappling gun out to snag a guy and pull him out of harm's way. Not wanting to waste time, I pull out a Batarang, one from my lethal pouch, and fling it forward, stabbing it through the eye of the assaulting fucker and sending him to the ground. I quickly surveyed my surroundings to make sure no one else was in danger before diving back in to resume my ass-kicking. I noticed Felicia off to the side, still kicking ass and having fun.
"--WAR! If ever a race were bred to violence and treachery, to destruction and deceit, such is the race called Troll!" The fighting comes to a lull when we hear that shout from up above, and I look up to see Thor standing up above on one of the ledges of a building, swinging his hammer and then leaping down toward the action. At least, that was until my spider sense started to ring like crazy. A familiar ringing, having just felt it earlier on today.
"But, by Asgard, they will not war again! They will not- UNNNHHH" He is cut off when out of nowhere, he is blasted in the face, cutting his speech short with a ZAZZCT. And then he is sent spiralling out of the air and crashes into the sidewalk, making a big crack in the ground. I guess throwing your hammer and letting yourself be dragged around by it isn't the best way to travel. My own random thoughts aside, my mind is quickly brought back to the here and now when I feel my spider sense go off again, and I avert my eyes from the pathetic mess that is Thor to find the threat.
"On your feet, warrior. I want you standing when I defeat you." A calm gravelly voice booms and that was him talking normally. I wouldn't want to be there when he shouts, and I can hear the undertones of anger and rage that lace his voice. Turning to the voice, my body freezes, instinctually knowing that this is someone that could easily crush my skull to a pulp if they so desired. He stands there, yellow just like the rest of his ilk, but he is a head above the rest of them, and he stands there with menacing authority.
His big yellow feet are bare but make indents in the pavement. He wears a green kind of onesie jumpsuit thing on with a belt around him that looks way more high-tech and nicer than the other ones. Not only that, but while the others are quite hairy, none of them really have a lot of facial hair and their heads are fully covered by their helms, but not this guy. It is as if he does not need the head protection.
Aside from his, frankly, since I really don't have another way to say it, bestial face, his hair is like a brown lion's mane. This was the guy that was setting off my spider-sense, the same guy that was setting it off before when Thor stopped those thugs. This guy has been on his trail since then, and he has waited to strike until now. This guy isn't just fucking strong. He at least has enough mental capacity to wait until the right time to strike. Brawns with a bit of brains. We need to get the fuck out of here.
"Fires of Surtur! Did the ray blast deafen you, Asgardian? I said-" I can only watch as the big yellow Orc- no, wait, Troll apparently- lumbers up to Thor, who is still dazed and trying to get up, and attacks. "-Get--on--your--feet!" He punctuates each word with a devastating attack, the first being a tremendous uppercut that makes the Asgardian fully airborne, allowing for the flurry of punches to follow.
Seeing the way this was going and knowing that this was way out of my area and that there was nothing I could do to help, I began to think about a tactical retreat. I knew my limits, and to go beyond them, even if I wanted to, would be the height of idiocy. Not to mention the fact that Felicia is here as well, and she is my first priority, so we need to retreat and get to safety. Somebody else can handle this, and I am sure the Avengers can show up to help one of their own, or one of the thousand warriors on Asgard can mount a mission to go and save their prince. It is time for us to leave.
And yet, when I go to search my surroundings to grab Felicia and skedaddle out of there, she is nowhere to be seen. I twist left and right, but I can no longer see her form battling amongst the crowd. And it is a crowd. Because now that I look, there are big yellowish trolls everywhere I look. It seems like they have gotten their object, which was probably to lure out Thor, and now they are waiting for orders. More than fifty but less than a hundred of them, and they are surrounding me. I was so caught up by Thor's stupid monologue and then his beating that I didn't realise, and now I can't see Felicia anywhere with all these big guys surrounding me.
"Holy cow! This is the last time I drive a cab in this neighbourhood! From now on, I'm stickin' to Brooklyn!" I turn back to the serious pounding that Thor is taking just in time to hear a taxi driver say that as Thor is bodied into the side of his yellow cab, The big guy having tackled him straight into it. The cab is practically demolished, and the taxi driver is quick to get the fuck out of there before it blows up or something.
"If it ain't the muggers who getcha in this town, it's the crazy superheroes! This place is suicide!" The poor cab driver shouts as he leaves the wreckage and immediately starts to sprint for his life, having the good sense to leave. As he does so, I can't help but relate to what he is saying. I met an Avenger for the first time today as he stopped some reckless crooks, and then I left only to run into him a couple of hours later in the middle of some kind of invasion by Trolls. It seems like New York really is a hot pot of bedlam, and somehow I managed to avoid all of this stuff.
"The human speaks the truth, Thor! To resist Ulik is to court death!" It seems that Ulik- that actually fits him, four letters, sounds a bit like someone being sick- also heard the cabbie, and he used his words to brag about himself. I thought he was about to ask Thor if he was mistaking the mountains for Mount Tai or some shit. Courting death, and face slapping and shit. Maybe that is just how people act in the big leagues. Anyhow, I need to get some distance and find Felicia, and for that, I need to get a vantage point. I use my grapple to shoot myself to the top of a streetlight and try to spot Felicia but no dice.
"I can rend the Earth-" It seems Ulik wasn't done because he continues to try and show off when he allows Thor a moment of respite as he goes to grab the ground beneath it and heaves it up out of the land, and then throws it at Thor. "And I can crush it!" Having found his bearings, Thor stands on his two feet and breaks the earth in two with Mjolnir. I get the feeling that he is having a comeback, and being satisfied that he has this well in hand, I devout all my focus on finding Felicia. Most likely, she saw the direction things were heading and broke off, but on the unlikely chance that she is in the fray, I will keep looking.
"Yet still, knowing my power, thou doth persist! Art thou mad, Troll? How many times must we fight, as we've fought before, before thou will admit defeat-" Thor speaks, and then going from zero to one hundred, he suddenly lunges and dashes forward, hammer first. "-and bow thy head in surrender?!" He smashes Mjolnir into the side of Ulik's face, and he did it with such force that I heard a thunderclap, and yet Ulik took it like a champ.
"I'll never surrender, Thor! Never! I was born to conquer- this world and my own-" Ulik begins, giving Thor as good as he got. And they both just stand there as titans of strength, hammering away at each other and refusing to take one step back. Even with my focus being on finding Felecia and traversing above the crowds, I can't help but look over at them. "and conquer them I will, with the aid of a GOD OF THUNDER!"
The words ring ominously in the air, and I can't help but look back at them in confusion. Those mysterious words. He will conquer with the help of the god of thunder? That really makes me feel unsettled.
I need to find Felicia.