Wheezing and cursing, Frey slowly made his way up the damned stairs. Stairs probably invented in the depths of hell only to be transported here by the blasted gods. Frey cursed them all, cursed their stupidity and awful behaviour, cursed this new world for his plight.
Frowning deeply, he continued up. Noise of his slow steps echoing loudly in the mellow staircase. Noise soon to be joined by another noise, a noise that slowly grew louder and into what Frey knew to be voices. He hurried his pace, gripping his spear firmly as his steps drew longer, making him even more fatigued, tired, ignoring it for the ray of hope somewhere above him.
Cresting the summit, he was met with light, blinding his eyes that had been accustomed to the low magical light of the staircase. Voices grew silent, and Frey wheezed and breathed heavily, falling down on knees as he rubbed at his eyes.
“He came.”
“Yes… he did”
“You know what that means.”
“…”
Two guys spoke, sounding human. One sounding a little, excitable, the other, a little muted and maybe, sad? Frey rubbed harder at his eyes, blinked and looked forward, feeling the muddiness disappear, replaced by the sight of two men dressed in very formal attire, looking like generals from a bygone age. They sat behind a very decorated table with what appeared to be mugs in front. They looked at each other as the one on the left reached down and picked up a bag from his pocket. He then handed the bag to the rightmost gentleman, whom smiled wide, nodding as he grabbed the offered bag.
“Pleasure doing business with you.”
“You still owe me from that barbarian man.”
“I do not. Remember that time I offered to buy you a beer at the sleeping giant?”
“What? I thought you were just being friendly!”
“Nope, that was me paying you back.”
“No no no no, that can’t be the case. You’d have to buy me a hundred beers to pay me back then.”
“Nu-uh, I said no taksies baksies when I gave you that beer.”
“I was drunk, you buffoon! That doesn’t count.”
“It does and it will. We are even.”
“We are not-“
Frey quickly interrupted the two gentlemen with a loud cough, bringing both of their attention back to him as he stood by the top of the staircase, having finally caught his breath. Two gentlemen similarly dressed, but with vastly different faces. One with a more oval head while the other had a more rectangular. One had lots of hair, including a thick beard, the other lacking any hair, even eyebrows. One tall, one small. Both stark contrasts to one another, but striking an eerily similar vibe.
“Gentlemen gentlemen, I imploor you to be more civil in the company of strangers. I come-eth here to speak-eth to you…eth. Now, can I-eth ask-eth for thy name-es?”
The two gentlemen blinked in-sync, turned to each other, raising their eyebrows in-sync and spoke up, in-sync.
“What is he saying?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is he mad?”
“I don’t know”
“Should we be wary?”
“I don’t know.”
“If you say I don’t know again, you’re gay.”
“I don’t know- HEY! I’m most certainly not attracted to the opposite sex!”
Frey took a step forward and grabbed the two, gentlemens? Attention again, speaking up and over their conversation?
“Uhm, sorry. Thought you guys were the roleplay kinda types.”
“Roleplay?”
One of the two answered, the one without any hair, looking towards his, friend? For a reply to his unanswered question. Getting a shrug in response.
“Sooo, about those names?”
Frey asked, a little unsure, looking at the two of them, back and forth. Blinking a little as he felt something was strange. For he could swear that the one on the left was the one with hair, not the one on the right.
The two looked to each other, then back on Frey as the one with the hair spoke up, being on the left.
“He is Bob”
“Bob is I”
Frey nodded, then looked towards the other, guy, looking quizzically. The one on the right then pointed to the one on the left, without hair, and said.
“He is Bob”
“Bob is him”
“Me is Bob”
“Him is Bob”
“What?”
Frey interrupted quickly, blinking several times as the two kept pointing at each other, at themselves and at both at the same time. Repeatedly.
“Names aren’t necessary.”
“What is your name?”
Said the two at the same time, looking at each other with a hateful glare. Frey blinking, wondering what the fuck was going on.
“Names are an accessory of the soul. Of course they are important.”
“Names are but frivolous things that weigh down a perfectly perfect personality.”
“Your personality is bad.”
“Your name is bad”
“Your bad”
“Your mom is bad”
“That’s what she said”
“Eeeeeeeey!”
“Eeeeeeey!”
The two high-fived at the, joke? And turned their gazes back onto Frey. Blinking in-sync as they waited for Frey too, respond? High five them? He had no clue, wondering if he could just go past them and ignore whatever was going on.
“Can I just leave?”
Looking at each-other, the two men shared a look, then nodded in-sync before saying.
“Of course you can.”
“But do you not wish to hear what we have to say?”
“No, no I really don’t. Can you guys just open the door and let me through?”
The two shared a look, looking confused, as they turned back to Frey. The one on the right, the one with hair, spoke up questingly.
“Wait, you don’t want to know what’s beyond this door? To know why you are here?”
“You do not wish for us to ask cryptic questions, give cryptic answers for the small-small price of telling us your chosen weapon?”
Frey looked from one to the other, not bald to bald.
“No, and what? And no and no. I don’t care and I already know why I’m here. No need to ask.
“He does?”
“He do?”
“What about us?”
“Do we know?”
“Does he really know?”
“Do we want to know?”
“I want to know.”
“Me too.”
The two spoke quickly, almost too quickly for Frey to follow. They then turned to face Frey, both with almost glimmering eyes, smiling wide as they waited for a response.
“What? What do you want to know?”
“How do you-
“Know why you-
“Are here?”
They spoke over one another, making it hard for Frey to completely understand, looking at one to the other, from bald to not-bald, left to right. Yet, he understood their question, even if asked strangely, and smiled wide, taking a superman-pose as he looked up into the darker ceiling.
“Because I’m the chosen one”
The two blinked at Frey’s proclamation, looking towards one another, then back at Frey, then back at each other. Frey keeping his awesome pose, smiling big as he awaited the praise. Only met by booming laughter as the two laughed like two schoolchildren.
“He thinks he’s chosen!”
“How old is he?”
“Like twelve?”
They shouted in between laughter, one slamming their fists into the desk while the other leaned back dangerously onto their chair, their mugs spilling out a frothing liquid. Laughter that brought a frown to Frey’s face as he shouted back.
“Hey! I am the chosen one! The guy at the entrance told me so! I am literally the chosen one. God chose me to climb this tower for fuck’s sake!”
“Listen to him! And here we thought he was special!”
“I really thought so.”
“Want to make a bet with me?”
The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.
“I sure do.”
“I bet he wished for a flaming sword.”
“I bet he wished for a sword that can pierce anything.”
The two quieted down a little and locked gazes with the mirthed Frey, who stared back with an angry glare, zipping up his mouth, pushing his spear behind his back and using his body as a shield. The two, stupid guys, smiled at the move. One looking towards the other, the other looking towards the one.
“I change my bet from sword to spear.”
“I do too.”
And looked back on Frey, who grumbled soundlessly as he decided to ignore the two, walking towards the door beside them instead, hopeful that these two weren’t guards to hell or something. Though they probably were. They followed him with their gazes, leaning over their desk a little to try to catch a glimpse of his spear.
Ignoring them while hiding his spear even more behind his body, he clasped a firm hand on the cold knob connected to the weirdly modern security door, and started opening it, sighing in relief as nothing else happened, immensely glad that it wasn’t locked. But while he opened the door, one of the two spoke up.
“Want to bet if he’s going to be mad upon discovering how un-special he is?”
“No, that isn’t a bet I’m willing to take.”
Then Frey opened the door, took a step forward and slammed the door behind him, mumbling angrily about stupid idiots.
Then his brain processed his new surroundings, taking a moment to register it, angry as he was. But when he did, anger immediately faded away, replaced by awe as he looked upon a vast, vast and humongous underground cave? Cavern?
No, cave or cavern didn’t do it justice, for even with the whole thing lit up, he could not see the ceiling, nor could he see an end to the cavern, not only because it was big, but because there were houses in the way. Large houses, small houses, enormous houses. Houses that defied all logic and aesthetical reasoning, looking as if picked up from different eras, countries, times and customs. Some looking like modern skyscrapers, reaching far, far up, and some looking like traditional Japanese inns or run-down hotels from the eighties.
He stared and gawked, for it looked like he’d just entered a city, a strange city, a truly bizarre city, a city that somehow fit inside a cave that fit inside a tower.
He gawked, then gawked some more as he saw the people. The truly stupid number of people that walked around, like ants on an anthill, like New York on a busy day. And everyone seemed oddly dressed, dressed as if being in a stupidly big comic-con. Outfits mismatched, matched, cool-looking, stupid looking, sexy looking, awfully looking, a blend of weirdness and absurdity that made everything so much stranger.
And Frey hadn’t walked in un-noticed, as he spotted two- no, three figures walking quickly towards him, dressed in what he assumed formal attire, although all from different times and cultures. Amongst them, there was a modern tie-wearing man, a girl in what appeared to be a leathery skin-tight outfit, exposing light cleavage, and a small man in a top hat and monocle.
As they came up to Frey, Frey placed the butt of his spear into the ground and straightened his back, staring down at the three people that were smaller than him, obviously. The girl came first, and Frey stared down her cleavage, the girl noticed and pushed it out a little further as she smiled sweetly, saying.
“Hello there newcomer, you look like a strong, independent man who needs no help from no strangers. But would such a man really say no to such a beautiful woman asking such a big and strong man for a little help?”
Frey stared down on the woman, spotting the two other men quickly waddling up in an attempt too, come to him first? Frey could only guess. Instead of paying attention to them, he payed attention to her boobs-to what the leathered wearing girl was saying, looking down at her boobs- at her and nodding along. The girl perked up, her boobs doing the same, looking up with a dazzling smile.
“Oh, how wonderful, for you see, I’m lacking a weapon to defend myself in this horrifying world and would so gladly do anything for a weapon such as yours.”
She said through shining teeth, eyes glimmering and boobs- body swaying, hand touching his arm that held his spear. Frey breathed out through his nostrils as a thoughtful frown came upon his face, frows furrowing as he looked down on the leathered girl. Then the two other men came up on each side of the woman, the monocled man speaking up first.
“My dear newcomer, please don’t bear this whore a word. I can offer you a fair price for your spear-“
“Newcomer! These two are despicable heathens. They don’t understand how we modern men think. I can assure you that my prices are much better than theirs!”
“Shut it you fucking retards. I got to him first, so just fucking go away!”
The woman snarled, looking from one to the other, her boobs- body swaying from side to side, Frey staring down, transfixed. The two men didn’t even look fazed upon her cursing, eyeing each other before looking back on Frey.
“My wonderful newcomer, would you not tell us your name? I’m Grenwald-“
“Where are my manners? I’m Ben, a modern name like ours shouldn’t be counted out even if we are fewer than these brutes”
“I’m Freya, don’t listen to these guys. I’m all that you need. So why don’t we move to a more secluded place and we’ll talk about your spear a little more?”
Frey’s nostrils flared open, breathing out a little heavier, staring down on her boobs- body as he wondered what spear she was referring to. Hands going sweaty as he fingered his own, spear. The two men pushed themselves closer to Frey in an attempt to draw his attention, pushing into the girl sandwiched between them, mushing together her boobs- BODY. Eyes going wider, breathing heavier, Frey pushed a hand up to his face to wipe away the sweat forming.
Suddenly, something bumped into his back, and he, with much dissatisfaction, looked away from the boobs- the girl to look behind himself. Spotting two other formal wearing people, this time another girl wearing a Japanese salary man clothing, the other what Frey could only describe as a colorful dress on a guy.
“Konichiwa, nanu desu san?”
“Don’t listen to him, he doesn’t even know Japanese. Instead, listen to me. I’ll give you a fair price, the best price-“
But was interrupted by the boob- the girl in front of Frey as she shouted at the two newcomers to “get the fuck out of here”, only to be ignored as they continued to try to shout over her at Frey about their “fair prices”. Frey wanted to look back on the boob- on the leather girl, but was rudely interrupted by even more people, four to be precise- six. Then even more and more. Soon Frey realized he was being mobbed, swarmed, and that they all wanted his, ahem, spear.
This wasn’t his idea of the harem he wanted, and it was turning out weirdly, annoying, as many bodies pressed into his, feeling rather cramped. He looked around, realizing that even more people were coming, shouting about prices, about selling, about fuck-all if it was up to him. Something about his items from chests?
Suddenly, and loudly, Frey lifted his arms up and slammed the butt of his spear into the ground, creating a small circle around him as he shouted out.
“No thank you! I don’t want any more visitors, well-wishers or distant relations… So, go away.”
The shout turning a little quieter as he motioned with his spear and hand for everyone too, go away, shoo shoo, shush them away, bending down a little to do just that. Being taller than everyone in the crowd, a head taller, in fact.
The people seemed to gawk, silence as they stared at him in confusion. One guy, though, the modern formal wearing man perked up at his words, saying “Hey, isn’t that a ref-“ before all hell let loose. Everyone shouting to speak over one another, bumping harder to get closer to Frey, mushing him into a fine paste, if he was a pastry that is. As he was but only human, he felt his insides squirm from the pressure. Even if a part of that pressure came from boobs, he did not enjoy it.
Quickly, he pulled his spear and, making sure to use the butt of it, pushed people aside. Pushing hard as his muscles tensed, moving a small portion aside as he pushed forward. People seemed to gasp at the move, the girls obviously gawking at his bulging muscles and some moving aside, others not caring, continuing to block his way.
Eventually, and with much pushing, he made a small pocket for himself. The pocket turning to a sprint, a tackle, and he was free. Looking behind, he realized that even if he’d escaped the mob, the mob hadn’t stopped chasing him, moving towards him as if a giant blob of a monster.
The sight rippled like a tremor through Frey’s soul, opening up a fragment of an unpleasant memory. He frowned, a serious frown, and continued on his run, running down strange cobbled roads into a town inside a cave, inside a tower, hunted by mobs of strange people dressed in clothes one would only see in strange places.
It was a truly bizarre experience. An experience that Frey never could have imagined experiencing, even after considering the monsters. An experience that was truly unsettling to Frey, as he was the recipient of the unruly mob.
Running at full sprint, Frey’s head bobbed from side to side, looking for any alleyways, sideways, or dumpsters to hide in, feeling weirdly nostalgic. Gazing back, the mob continued on, swallowing up any unlucky bystanders as it continued on to chase him.
The sprint went a little slower, muscles tiring, and his searching turning more frantic, gasping for breath as he whipped his head around and around. Wondering how the fuck those people could keep up with his ridiculous pace.
He kept running until his head spotted a peculiar little house down a rather empty pathway. A house oddly odd in a city where every house was odd. It looked odd, for it looked so normal, so uninteresting that its mere presence became interesting. A house painted in deep red with a sloped roof that was bricked and also painted in red, albeit lighter red. Hanging down the house, there sat a sign reading “Sara’s general shop for all your needs”
The normality of the house and the oddly fantastical sign tugged at Frey, at his mind and soul, nostalgia blended together, finding himself unconsciously steering towards it as he slammed into the door and burst within.
Inside was a small, but cozy room filled with many unique items and trinkets. Going from normal to magical and even more things. He looked around with almost crazed eyes, trying to take it all in whilst looking for a place to hide, freezing mid-sentence as a cozy, womanly voice spoke up.
“What the fuck do you think you are doing?”
Though she wasn’t using cozy words. Turning towards the voice, he saw a girl his age, black hair and beautiful green eyes, about the height of his shoulders. A pretty normal face for his standards, but normal wasn’t bad if she had big boobs- there was nothing. Frey continued down with his gaze, knowing that a small chest wasn’t too bad if they had a big ass- the counter was in the way, blocking his view from seeing her, ahem, legs.
“Hello? World to stupid? Are you home?”
She said, not even trying to hide the glare in her voice and face, also staring Frey down from top to bottom, sizing him up, seeming to find him, lacking.
Frey ignored the obvious jab on his manhood and jumped forward, glancing behind himself before resting his body slumply down on the counter, leaning dangerously close to the girl as he pleaded with all his might.
“You have to help meee! I’m being chased by a mob of dangerous individuals!”
The girl kept her posture still and relaxed, not even seeming slightly fazed by how close Frey had thrown himself.
“Why?”
Frey looked up with delight in his eyes, happy that she hadn’t dismissed him immediately, and spoke up.
“I won’t cause trouble! I just need to hide here before they find me.”
The girl seemed unimpressed for some reason and raised a brow. She then looked above Frey and pointed towards the door with a thumb, saying.
“You mean them?”
Frey looked behind and spotted several heads peaking in through the windows, the sight looking like a horror film in the making. Of course, the sight didn’t scare Frey. He just squeeled a little and moved to hide behind the counter. Only his head peaking above said counter as he whispered to the girl now beside him.
“Please help meeeeeee.”
To which she sighed, sighed deeply, moving around Frey and up to the door. Frey’s eyes going from horror film towards her ass- her legs, seeing a rather large pair of, legs. He smiled at the sight, smiled as they swayed wonderfully, moving up towards the door, opening it, then simply crossing her arms and staring out over the mass of bodies.
The mob seemed to go still as she emerged, freeze and then scatter away as if a bunch of cockroaches. He blinked at the sight, wondering why they would scatter at her mere presence. The girl didn’t seem fazed though, walking back into her shop and closing the door behind her. Her face was a blanket of neutrality, looking like a normal day at work.
Then her head went up and met Frey’s eyes, a frown forming as she stated simply.
“There, happy?”
“Yes, thank you very much”
He replied with a low bow quickly following, almost hitting the counter with his forehead. The girl’s frown faltered, faltered to be replaced by a small smirk as she crossed her arms and leaned onto one of her legs, her ass-LEGS looking quite splendid.
“If you're done staring at my ass, I’ll tell you a bit about this town. And after that, I will consider you helped and you will leave. Do I make myself clear?”
Frey’s eyes quickly moved up to meet her green eyes, her frown returned while her eyes burned with a passion that made Frey’s bone quiver, a pair of eyes he’d seen before, making his butt clench in anticipation. Nodding quickly, Frey stood up and bowed deeply once more.
“Yes ma-am, thank you ma-am, I am very thankful, ma-am”
Leaning onto her other leg, her frown waned, replaced by a more neutral-business like face, rather emotionless.
“Take a seat newcomer. There are many things you need to know before you get swindled down to your underwear.”
“I’d gladly be swindled down if it was by you.”
Frey said with a wink, then walked confidently towards the chair the girl was pointing at, tired eyes looking unimpressed at Frey. She then moved towards the counter, behind it and then towards a backdoor Frey hadn’t spotted until now. A minute later, she came back out with a small stool over her head and sat it down in front of Frey, Frey only glancing at her ass once as she did. Upon sitting down, she crossed her legs and stared at Frey neutrally, Frey giving back a big, toothy smile, saying.
“Hello there”
An eyebrow rose while her face remained neutral, staring at him for an uncomfortable amount of time in silence. One he didn’t mind, as he spoke up with a truly great impression of yoda.
“Mmmm, Trained in the ways of the jedi, you are not.”
Her brow came back down, face of neutrality, showing absolutely nothing as Frey felt his awesome joke fall flat, deflating just a little, sadness bubbling.
Ignoring Frey’s plight, she pushed her hand forward and looked at Frey expectantly, waiting for. Waiting for. For him?
His smile faltered, and he glanced up at her. Her face of neutrality morphing into slight irritation as she said.
“Too good to shake hands with me?”
To which Frey quickly took her hand and replied.
“Oh nonono, I would never say no to such a beautiful woman. It just, er…”
Frey went silent, glancing at their clasped hands, then away, looking a bit, unsure.
“Sara”
“Huh?”
“My name”
“Oh, yeah, I already knew that. The sign outside your shop makes it kinda obvious.”
Frey looked down on the hand, now unclasped from hers, feeling rather warm. Looking up at her, a smile formed on his lips again, and reached up to his eyes as he said.
“Frey”
He then paused, for dramatic effect.
“My name, that is”
A hand reached up to her face, pinching the top of her nose as she closed her eyes and exhaled for a long time. Frey’s smile growing bigger, leaning back like a rebellious little child.
“I’ve got a bad feeling about this”
She muttered, and Frey simply smiled in response. Smile slowly fading, replaced by his eyes widening and mouth gawking, pointing pointedly at her. One of her eyes opened slightly, peaking at him with an ill hidden smirk, badly hidden behind her hand.
“M-M-M-M-Marry me please.”
“No. Now shut up and listen if you want to live.”
Closing his eyes, Frey leaned back as if his heart had been struck, face morphing into one of pain. Joking pain as he could not help but smile.