“Nope”

Frey muttered underneath his breath and moved to turn. But found himself stuck. He tried once, twice, thrice no, four times before realizing he was really stuck. The cat ttook an interest in his struggling, unfolding from it’s cat-loaf position, a clatter of bones against stone following its move.

Frey tried to look behind himself to see what was keeping him stuck. Realizing that the gate had somehow closed in on his lantern-pack without crushing him, though holding him frozen in place. The cat took a step forward, bone clattering against stone, tilting its head to the side as its bony tail wagged behind it.

“Nope nope nope nope”

Frey spoke louder as he struggled with getting unstuck, wiggling like the most enthusiastic worm. Eyes held fast on the slowly closing bone cat, practically licking its bony lips with its bony tongue. Yes, Frey knew bones didn’t have tongues, but at this very moment, they did.

He struggled more, harder and faster. But no matter how hard he struggled, his pack didn’t seem to budge even a centimeter, held fast by the looming gate. The cat noticing, its tail wagging a little faster behind it, taking its time as it did the iconic cat rump-dance before jumping on their prey.

“NOPENPOENOPENOPENOPE”

Frey shouted in alarm at the sight, stopping his wiggling momentarily to painfully push aside the clasps holding him in place. The cat wiggling its bum a little faster, then faster. Frey struggling harder and harder. Staring with wide horror-filled eyes at the boney eyed cat’s eye holes, staring back at him with mirth and glee, he just knew.

It pounced, Frey pushed the clasps holding him in place just enough to slip away. Its paw clashed, crashed into Frey’s still stuck lantern-pack and pushed it out of the room alongside Frey, whom felt his lungs practically implode by the unorthodox punch, punch partially blocked by the lantern-pack now flying behind him.

He flew, then he crashed, tumbled around until he stopped. The sound of wood tumbling alongside. Gasping for breath, spittle of blood flew out instead, followed by intense coughing, gut wrenching coughing that felt like his insides were punching him repeatedly.

Quickly, he realised he wasn’t breathing, concluding that his lunges must have burst, and presumably other things, probably. Painfully, hurriedly while coughing, which quickly turned to a soundless wheezing, Frey pulled out his luckily unbroken bottle from his pocket and drunk it, or rather, let the godly liquid douse him and his insides.

Cold came, followed by the sweet relief of pain fading, and Frey took a gasping breath for air. Coughing as his lungs filled with air. Then, as the coughing subsided, sighed deeply.

“Fucking cats.”

He muttered, pushing himself up into a monk’s sitting position, turned and looked at his lantern-pack, seeing it perfectly fine, except for the lantern that had strewn glass all around on the ground as its flame flickered from being exposed to air. He nodded to the lantern and thanked it for its service, then moved towards the pack to search for his bag. Finding it unblemished and perfectly fine. Looking within, he breathed out in sweet relief, finding his many health potions also perfectly fine.

Turning towards the gate, he blinked a little.

“He, got ya”

He whispered to himself, seeing a bone-paw severed from the rest of the bone cat, sprawled out in-front of the closed gate. Obviously, in the cat’s overzealous vigor, it had pounced and overextended itself, exposing its paw to the gates closing maws, severing it. And as the saying goes, a wounded kitty is easier kicked than a live one.

Or he assumed there was a saying like that, because it obviously sounded smart.

Searching for a bit, he collected his spear, putting another potion in his pocket and slung his bag over his back before walking towards the gate. But stopped mid-step, looking towards the lantern-pack, thinking for a second. Then shrugging his shoulder and grabbing it, dragging it along as he walked back to the gate.

Back at it, he pushed aside the deviously big paw, half the size of his torso, and dropped the lantern-pack. Next, he slowly pushed the gate open, only opening one of the big doors in case the cat was waiting for him.

Slowly, the gate opened. Frey, finding courage after no new bone paw or bone teeth had tried to attack him, dared to peak inside. Spotting the cat walking in small circles on the opposite side of the room, walking in the same kind of circles a dog would walk when they were trying to make a spot more comfortable for sleeping. It walked, then seemed satisfied, and plopped its bony rump down on its preferred spot, lying its bony head atop its paws. Its paws, not paw, but paws. Frey noted with no small amount of annoyance. Somehow, it had regrown a bony limb.

This did not stop what needed to be done. The cat was obviously guarding the door leading further up and Frey would need to defeat it to get past. So, he opened the gate further and, using one of his legs, pulled the lantern-pack further in, in until it fit snuggly within the maws of the gate and took a step back. Taking several steps back, he listened intently for any creaking or cracking, finding that the lantern-pack held against the weight of the gates.

Nodding in satisfaction, ignoring the fact that the flimsy wooden pack somehow was stronger than the bone cats bones, he stepped over his newly made exit-plan and into the cat’s lair. Something that pulled the cat’s attention as it raised its bony head to look at him with hollowed eye-sockets. Frey met its stare with his own, taking a pose as he exposed his side to the cat, resting the spear behind him, slightly hidden by his sideways pose and lifted his other arm towards the cat, looking like a certain kung-fu character before saying.

“Get over here, kitty”

Using his hand to gesture for the cat to come closer. The cat tilted its head, then raised to stand. Frey, trying to hide glee welling up inside as his awesome pose and awesome challenge had been accepted. The cat yawned as it stood, ears tilting back as its body started stretching, then walked in a small circle and lied back down with its butt exposed to Frey, tail wagging slightly.

Frey glee disappeared real quick as a frown took its place.

“I really hate cats.”

He said not quietly, getting a flicker of an ear by the cat before it went back to ignoring him.

“If you won’t come here, I’ll get over there! Get ready, you stupid oversized cat!”

Frey bellowed, hitting his chest to emphasize his seriousness. A flicker of the tail was the cat’s only response. Frey feeling a vein pop on his forehead, pushing his spear forward as he charged the cat with a high-pitched shout, bag dropped by the entrance with the lantern-pack.

Finaly, the cat seemed to take an interest in him, lifting its body in a deviously fast move and turned to face him. What Frey hadn’t expected was that the cat had the high ground, and was waiting for him. Obviously, this didn’t discourage Frey. His spear was far too OP to be beaten by any mere high ground, even if it worried him a little. He knew the sacred texts, after all.

Coming within a meter from the cat, it swiped a clawed bony paw at him, a distance a little further away than Frey felt comfortable striking with his spear. But he met the paw easily, swiping at it with his already extended spear. Claw against spear, the spear won easily, cleaving half of the clawed paw, clacking as it bounced hard against the floor on Frey’s left.

Frey hadn’t cut the paw perfectly though, making it so that what was left of the paw continued on with its strike and hitting him, a deviously hard hit that flung him sideways into the ground. But after a quick, dexterous roll, Frey jumped back up on his feet with only a mild bruise. The same couldn’t be said for the bony cat.

The cat took an awkward step back and stared at its cloven paw, blinking at the sight. Obviously not. Then, started to lick the wounded paw, obviously not. But the way its head bobbed up and down, seeming to meet resistence where its tongue would meet paw, looked to Frey as if it might really have a tongue. An invisible tongue, an invici tongue.

Then, to Frey’s disbelief, even with his own magical potions, saw that where the cat licked, pieces of bone seemed to just, appear. Appear and form back into the shape of a paw.

“That’s BS, total fucking BS.”

Frey muttered as the cat healed itself, realizing he had just stood there and let it. And as it finished, it lowered its body and faced Frey again, taking a stalking step forward. Frey position himself ready for the attack, and the cat pounced.

Once again, its paw flung out and Frey intercepted it. But this time, with inhuman reaction, the cat pulled back and Frey’s spear met only air, exposing his other side and staring wide eyed into the cat’s hollow sockets. Its other paw then flew out, not as fast as the first strike, and slammed into Frey’s exposed side, sending him flying yet again. Luckily, he’d kept his spear within grasp. Unluckily, his body felt like a whirlwind had passed through it, and several claw marks drew lines of deep red blood along his exposed arm, feeling unresponsive to him.

Fishing out his potion, he uncorked it quickly and drank its content. Cold followed by relief, he jumped up on his feet and then jumped backwards several steps, looking around crazed for the cat. Spotting it standing in place, staring at him.

Frey then tossed his empty health potion, and the cat suddenly jumped, jumped with speed too fast to react too. Never-the-less, he brought his spear up and met, nothing.

The cat had landed away from him and was staring down with, confusion? Frey used the opportunity to jump forward and swipe at its exposed side. Cleaving off a rib before getting back-pawed by a bone paw in response. His spear partially blocking the hit, ruining the paw as he was, yet again, flung back. This time losing grip of his spear as its paw broke his fingers and presumably the rest of his hand.

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Turning the flight into an epic parkour roll, he quickly came back on his feet, only to fall down on his knee from the white-hot-blinding pain in his hand. Shaking his head, he looked up and spotted the cat licking its paw. Using the cat’s distraction, Frey took a step forward, wanting to grab his spear but stopped as the cat noticed, taking its own step forward, awkwardly, as it avoided using its wounded paw.

Frey backed up, and the cat stopped, going back to licking its wounded paw that was quickly being healed.

Cursing, Frey turned around and ran-jogged towards the gate, grabbing his bag in the process and jumping over his lantern-pack.

Outside the room, Frey took several more steps to get some more distance away from the room, then started quickly shuffling through the bag as he fumbled around for a potion, holding his broken hand to his chest. Fishing out a potion, he uncorked and drank it. Breathing out in sweet, cold relieving relief, wondering if he might accidentally develop a cold fetish from all this sweet relief.

Turning towards the gate, he halfway expected the cat to come bursting through, hunting him. Breathing out as it didn’t, almost turning into a puddle of calmed nerves, almost.

Shaking his head and returning to the present, he sat down and rested an elbow on his knee, hand scratching his chin, pondering deeply. Pondering thoughtfully and looking like a sage on the cusp of revelation, upon enlightenment. Eyes brown and searching, staring at the looming gate, looking for answers. Staring at the epic picture of the woman fighting the big cat, probably lion, or tiger, the not skeleton cat. Eyes seemed to widen somewhat, seeming to see something within the epicness of the art.

“I’m screwed.”

He murmured, mushing his cheek onto his opened palm, eyes slightly mushed too as he stared up at the epic painting. A painting split in two by the opened gate, still looking epic. The woman also looking kinda hot, he realized, totally digging it.

Pushing his hand down into his pocket, he rummaged around in an up and down motion. Not that. And fished out his small amount of gold coins, bringing them up to his mushed face and stared into their glittering surface.

The sounds of nothing coming over Frey as he did, sitting with his head in his hand, mushed calmly within a calm and dark room. The dim flickering of faded lantern light and the sliver of light coming out of the gate glittered beautifully with the gold coins in his hand. Eyes glimmering in bright brown, staring down deeply into the coins, breathing in a deep breath, breathing out even deeper. A calm that only existed within the furthest reaches of a mirror still ocean, gliding on a sailboat without a destination.

Frey started rolling the coins alongside his knuckles in a show of expert dexterity, glittering and glimmering wonderfully. He then sighed, flicked one of the coins up into the air and grabbed it with his hand as he looked up at the slightly opened gate.

“Welp, if I’m to die, I’ll die rich at least.”

Picking himself up on his feet while grabbing his bag and placing it over his back, he slowly, and confidently, moved towards the gate, whistling on a tune he still did not remember the words to.

Peaking in, he spotted the bone cat lying near his spear with its paw obviously healed. Looking a little harder, he spotted that the rib he’d managed to shave off had also been healed. As Frey whistled, the cat lifted its head and stared towards the slightly opened gate, staring at his small whistling head peaking inside the wide, circular room.

He took one big step and entered the circle of cat, locking eyes with the cat before opening his arms wide, stopping his whistling to shout out in loud glee.

“Here I am, cat, you big stupid poop. I know you can understand me, at least I hope so. So here is my proposition: can’t we be civilized and do this fair and square? We both know you hold the advantage over me.”

The cat raised to a standing, head slightly tilted as it stared with its hollowed sockets down on Frey. It wasn’t close enough to attack, but if it wanted to, it could easily jump and reach him. It didn’t though, seeming content with waiting. A good sign for Frey as he dared to take a slow step forward, a step towards the cat and, most importantly, his spear. Both hands raised but closed, holding the glimmering gold within.

“Yeah, good kitty. You’re an honest kitty, not like those other kittys, are you? You wouldn’t be a dishonorable pussy-cat, right?”

The cat tilted its head to the other side, bone ears flopping aside, resting atop its bony head. Why it had bone ears, he did not know. Frey took another step forward. The cat kept still.

“Yeah, you good little kitty. You like me talking to you like this, don’t you? Yeah, you're such a good little kitty.”

Its tail wagged slowly behind it, Frey taking another step forward, the cat could now reach him with its paws, yet it did not strike. Frey kept going, smiling brightly as he did. Just one more step and he’d be by his spear.

“Yeah, you like that, don’t you? You little retard-“

His mouth swung close as if clamping down after biting into the sourest lemon. Eyes going wide as he saw the cat going deathly still, tail not wagging, stare growing darker. Frey quickly laughed, a forced and awkward laugh.

“Aha, hehe, sorry, a slip of the tongue-“

The bone cat pounced forward with its maw stretched open, fangs deadly sharp as it clomped down. Frey just barely jumping aside whilst spinning his body, managing to just escape the bone cats maw as it scrape his back. Spinning further, he promptly fell, but quickly got up again, turning towards the bone cat.

The bone cat twisted and turned towards him, baring fangs. And if it had any vocal cords, Frey assumed it would growl.

“Shit”

He muttered, turning around as he bolted off in a random direction, having spun so that the exit was between him and the cat, hearing the sounds of bone against stone behind. Daring a look, the bone cat reached a claw out to swipe at him, but missed. Maybe luck, maybe skills, Frey assumed skill as he continued running at full tilt, having to angle slightly as not to run directly into the rounded wall.

Nearing the wall, he angled even more and looked behind again, seeing the cat dangerously close. He continued running, staring with unbelievable concentration on the cat, staring until he noticed its legs tense, and stopped. Stopped as fast as he possibly could, slipping hard onto his back in the process.

The cat had already pounced though, flying forward towards where Frey would have been, crashing into the stone wall as Frey doubled back with just two slips of his feet, running back towards his spear. Frey didn’t look behind this time, assuming, but mostly just hoping that the cat was dazed, using all the muscles in his body to pump fast, fast towards his spear.

His world suddenly shifted in the wrong direction, and his head slammed hard into the ground, world turning dark. Then it was light again, and he noticed he was on the ground with a bolting headache and some fierce burning in his leg. Quickly, but weirdly sluggish, he pulled his potion from his pants, pulling of the cork and seeing the liquid pouring out weirdly. Slowly, Frey realized it was because he was lying on his side, so he sluggishly put the thing in his mouth. Cold, followed by relief and clarity, came back, and he burst up from the ground.

He remembered the cat, then immediately spotted it, seeing its face crumpled in on itself, looking around wildly as its ears seemed to move independently from one another. From the way it looked around, and its crushed eye-globes, Frey assumed it to have gone blind, presumably it had collided with the wall earlier.

But as Frey watched, the cat sat down and started licking its paw, using the same paw to clean itself. Though, where it cleaned, cracked head turned to a healed head, eye globes going from cracked to not.

As one of its eyes healed, it stopped and immediately looked over at Frey. Frey, though, had used its blind state to look around, spotting his spear at the same time as the cat had spotted him. He looked at the cat, the cat looked at him, then to the spear and then back at Frey. Both realizing what the other was thinking, both moving at the same time.

Frey towards the spear, cat towards Frey. Both using muscles faster and harder than they’d ever used them before. One with non-existant, one with muscles built through many challenges. Challenges that quickly told Frey that he wouldn’t make it. The cat would get to him first.

So instead, he slowed down, paced himself and turned his attention fully towards the cat. One paw touched the ground, two pushed off and came dangerously close to Frey. Frey still waited.

It came down again. One paw, two paws- Frey saw his opportunity and threw. He threw a glimmering, shining little gold coin, threw it a step behind himself as he burst forward. The cat pushed off, and it pounced, flying towards Frey.

But it didn’t. It flew and caught the coin mid-air within its bony maw, the coin bouncing around within its hollowed skull before dripping out. Frey slid, grabbed his spear and turned back towards the cat, whom blinked with lidless eyes in surprise at, nothing.

Using his opportunity, Frey dashed forward before the cat could fully comprehend what had happened. Using all of his strength, not necessary, he swung, bringing the spear down upon the cat’s exposed neck.

It seemed to notice and turned its head towards Frey, bony head getting split open in two by the spear that could pierce anything, splitting the cat’s two hollowed eyes into two halves. It flinched back, and one half dropped to the ground with a bony clatter. Frey didn’t relent, pushing forward and swiped the spear to the side, cutting off one of the cat’s legs.

The leg easily parted, and the cat dropped to the ground. It opened its mouth, a non-existent meow escaped its cloven face. Frey simply lifted his spear and cleaved the rest of the head off. Something that made the rest of its bone body implode in on itself, each bone falling down separately onto the stone ground, clattering loudly.

Frey took a step back, avoiding the falling bones in case something else would happen, and stared at the pile. Stared for a second, for several, for an entire minute before he released a breath he didn’t know he was holding and slumped down with his shoulders.

He let himself breathe for a moment, breathing quite hard, closing his eyes as his body looked dangerously close to falling forwards. Then as the moment passed, he sighed and patted himself on the back, smiling big as he moved forward to start scavenge around the bone pile, looking for something, anything.

After only a few minutes, he saw a glimmer and picked up his cold coin, immediately hugging it and kissing it several times, forgetting that the same coin had been licked by a kobold not too long ago.

“Aaah, my precious”

Frey whispered slowly, gently caressing the coin against his chin as he sat squatted. Caressing it for an uncomfortably long time. If the coin could speak, it would not be too happy, or maybe it would be, Frey couldn’t tell, it was a coin.

Eventually, he stopped and pocketed the coin with the rest and looked around. His eyes stopped on the door that presumably lead further up the tower and walked towards it. Walked a little awkwardly as he had to step over and around the pile of bones.

Getting out of the mess, he came to the weird security door and put a hand on the slightly cold knob. But stopped himself from opening it. He breathed out, blinked, then looked behind and down on the corpse of the bone cat. An expression on his face that seemed, oddly comforting, oddly, mellow.

“Nice try.”

He stated simply, before opening the door and leaving what he assumed to be a boss behind him. The door then opened to reveal a brightly lit corridor, also lit impossibly like most rooms, leading to a staircase that led up towards what he assumed to be the next level of the tower. But Frey’s eyes weren’t drawn to the staircase, no no no, Frey’s eyes were drawn to the succulent, brilliantly curved and almost deviously sexy booty.

It stood, almost whispering to him, whispering to be opened, promising a treasure trove of either wonderfully succulent potions, or gold upon gold coins.

Frey screamed like a highschool fangirl, soundlessly of course, he wasn’t a girl, and ran up to the booty with his hands on his cheeks, falling down on his knees as he came upon the chest, reaching down with slightly trembling hands.

He unclasped the not-lock after only a few tries and, slowly, opened the chest. Light seemed to bellow out from it, shining impossibly bright onto Frey’s face, making it impossible to see its content. It wasn’t shining bright, of course, but to Frey it was. His face was a beacon of happiness, smiling so brightly that even gods would be envious of his happiness.

He reached within and pulled out the treasure, feeling rather than seeing something that seemed oddly bowl shaped. His mind giving him a million wonderful treasures to imagine, bringing the treasure up to his face to see through the light.

“Yeeeeeet”

He shouted as he threw the treasure away, going up on his feet to grumble loudly, cursing god and the gods for this deviously, presumably planned plan of absolute mockery. The thrown helmet clattering loudly behind him, glimmering in a soft magical light, never to be used as Frey moved on, up towards the stairs and up further into the tower of Embla. Loudly cursing the stupid god that had put him in this stupid, and impossible tower.