DAY FIVE

15

MONDAY 21 DECEMBER 2012 - 03H33

MAIDEN

It was thirty-three minutes past three when I padded down the passage and into the kitchen, my shoes in hand, to sneak out.

I paced the kitchen, waiting for the kettle to boil. I looked down. My shoes weren’t in my hands, and I had boobs. Nice boobs. I was paging through a big old book. The kettle started to whistle.

What was that?

My code freaked out, and I didn’t have time to freak out too. I stopped, breathed and waited for clarity.

With none forthcoming, I pulled up my InBetween, and something was different. I scanned the Past Passages and chose to open one, but I could only see from the outside as if it hadn’t downloaded properly.

These were not my past Passages! They were adult Passages. It was like having memories that didn’t belong to me inside my head. They were familiar, though. She was familiar. I looked for the signature in the code, but it was almost exactly like mine. I closed my eyes, even though Tata would yell at me if he were here and focussed on the familiar feeling. A Passage appeared, and I opened it. I stepped in and filled the vacancy of myself and recognised her immediately.

I was in my dream the day all this began. “I designed my Shadow Sheath,” I explained. Drawing the hood down, I activated the camo feature and took two paces away. I disappeared. She assumed I'd pulled the hood back because suddenly my eyes were there, and I wiggled my dark manga-shaped eyebrows. We heard the cartoony sound they make in the game.

“Cool, right?” I said.

“Right,” She agreed.

I pulled myself out of the memory and stepped back into my InBetween. What is she doing here? Why is our code so similar? Is one of us being overwritten? Who is doing the writing?

I pride myself on my practicality, and the mystery of my quantum entanglement with this woman did not seem like a problem I could solve this minute. Getting to Rage was. The Pride and Glory final had already started.

I exited my InBetween and put my shoes on. It was time to ditch my well-meaning motley crew and join forces with someone experienced! Seth needed me. I know he did. I intended on opening my door in the cave. I didn't need a connection to get online. I just needed to know where I wanted to go. I shut the kitchen door and ran out into the darkness.

MONDAY 21 DECEMBER 2021 - 03H33

MOTHER

Instead of dreaming about my namesake, I spent the night reading about her. The story was in the first person as if she and I were sharing intimacy and coffee at Gran’s kitchen table. I read about the eleven-year-old version of me, from the day she was born, including every dream I had had about her until two nights ago. Her whole life was written here, in the book.

I paused from reading and sipped my coffee. The light of dawn eased her way into the kitchen, and the book lay open on the table as I poured boiling water for my seventeenth (yes, unlike my namesake, I'm prone to embellishment) coffee.

I wondered what moments in my life had shaped me the way these were shaping her. We shared so much. Neither of us had a father, and we both had rubbish mothers. However, we both had a Tata and a Gran, which seemed a godsend. What did she mean to me? Why was she my Ka?

MAIDEN

I looked up at the thin fraction of the moon, the day side or illuminated side. I squinted at the night side, the side of the moon submerged in its own shadow. It was the summer solstice.

I heard the frogs, the crows, and the wind in the mangrove trees. The crickets and all the nighttime sounds reminded me that I was not alone. Truth was with me.

“Happy Birthday, Regan,” said Amber. Will, Lu and Tata were right behind her. I sighed but did not stop walking.

"Regan," said Will. "I hate to break it to you, but I am your Anam Cara. It is what it is, man. I feel what you feel, and sometimes I see what you see." He paused. "I didn't want to wake Fikile, is all."

"Did you have to tell the whole world?"

"I swear I didn't."

"Amatongo." Said Tata and Lu together.

"Our ancestors," translated Lu, as Amber leaned in to ask.

"As in the dead ones?" I heard her eyebrow arch.

"It helps if you think of Amber as a fart," said Will. She’s always lingering.”

“Such a child,” said Amber, regaining her footing.

"Little Bird," said Tata, breaking up the brawl. “This thing that you want to do.” The sky began to lighten, and the dawn chorus of birds heralded the sun. “You are in great danger,” he added. "The Quickening is coming."

“I know, I can feel it.”

"Where you want to go, the man-made realm. I can not support you. Keromang,” he said to Will, “if you die there, you die there.” He let the weight of this linger before taking his gaze from the horizon and placing it firmly on me.

“What does Keromang mean?” whispered Amber.

“The One who was Sent,” Lu whispered back.

“Are you sure you want to come, Will?” I asked. “No re-spawning. Anam Cara or not.”

He nodded as if weighing things up - but I knew, even from the wide berth I gave his thoughts, that he had no intention of not coming with me. "Who will pick you up if you fall?" He asked.

"Where we are going, I don't fall."

"Little Bird," said Tata. "Everyone falls."

“You two!" Said Will. "Lilo and Stitch!" He pointed his index finger at Amber sternly. "You need to stay here with Tata. I'm serious, Amber!"

Tata shook his head in a the-youth-of-today-way, then moved swiftly along. As usual, he made no further explanation and headed to the beach.

This was going to be a very long day.

MOTHER

“Happy Birthday!” Thando whispered as he came through the kitchen door. He kissed me on the cheek as he put flowers on the table. His breath was sweet and warm. The flowers were handpicked and tied together with a little vine.

Happy Birthday, Regan, said the Ecclesia. I felt their current beneath me. Affection filled me. The very ground I walked upon held me. I was safe.

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“She’s real, Thando, the child I’ve been dreaming about.”

“I know,” he said. “Tata told me.” He poured coffee and said, “Drink up.” He held my gaze for a moment. Then he took my coffee and put both cups back down. He drew me in and held me tight. I leaned in and let him.

***

Thando led me, but the Ecclesia showed me the way. To the naked eye, we went off the trail and into the wild brush of trees that led up a steep hill. Then down a sheer cliff into a cave. I felt their pulse on the soles of my feet, but sometimes the grass would part or the plants brightened or grew more colourful, lighting the way.

This cave is sacred, said the Ecclesia as we walked into the cool darkness. Goosebumps rose on my skin. Three white candles dripped on a shelf of shale, and two djembe drums waited inside a circle in the sand. We played when we were kids. Tata had taught us.

We, his ancestors have protected this land for millennia, added the Ecclesia. We are their blood and bones, compounded and composted into new life, while their souls live and breathe through us. Thando took my hand and drew me into the circle.

“Divine Mother,” he began, “We give thanks for your constant provision and kindness.” With such sincerity, he said, “Our bellies are full, and our hearts are open.” He paused and lightly tapped a drum with his knuckles. He suddenly settled it firmly between his muscular thighs and played! He played with enthusiasm and joy, his grin illuminating the darkness.

The flood of memories of his hands on the book filled my mind. My body responded. Desire rippled through me. My cheeks flushed as I pushed the memory away. It was good between us. Shalom. Sex would bring complications.

Duh, duhm! Thando beat the drum. Duh, duhm, duhm! His left palm stayed close to the centre, establishing a steady beat, and the heel of his right hand skirted playfully around the edges. The drum beat began to build as Thando struck the skin with purpose and passion. “We ask for Your blessing and protection as we move between worlds,” said Thando. He beat the drum steadily as he spoke with reverence. “We trust You are with us, in Wisdom and Compassion.” He nodded towards the other drum as his rhythm settled into its shape.

Something shifted around my heart.

“Be here with us now.” Thando breathed. “You in your vessel and me in mine.”

I lengthened and deepened my breath, and my body softened in response. He nodded towards the drum as if to say, ‘Get on with it!’

I picked up my drum, and the instant I struck it, something, somewhere, shifted.

Thando beamed with unceasing happiness.

MAIDEN

The rising sun stretched our shadows across the sand like extraterrestrials alighting from our ship. Three white candles dripped on a shelf of shale. Four djembe drums waited inside a circle in the sand. Goosebumps rose on my skin. It was quiet but for the soft ebb and flow of the ocean and a Fish Eagle.

Artemis stood guard at the opening of the cave. Will raised an eyebrow. Her appearance signalled that something was afoot. She was the Goddess of the hunt, and her body said so. We had yet to show signs of our not-so-imaginary friends. Maybe my Anam Cara cancelled that out?

Tata swept his drum up, locked it between his legs and tapped it with a playful beat. Duh, duhm! Duh, duhm, duhm! Lu exuded his unceasing happiness as he joined in. In seconds he syncopated with Tata and the cosmic chorus. Duh, Duhm, Duhm!

“Can I play?” Amber plonked herself on a rock, pulled up a drum and joined in.

"Tata,' I snapped. "I don't have time for this!"

“Keromang,” he said, nodding to the drum closest to Will. Always willing, Will, checked that he was holding it right and played. Duh, Duhm, Duhm!

"To open the second gate, Little Bird," said Tata, beating at the drum.

"You must learn.” Duh, duhm, duhm. “Time” Duh, duhm duhm, “ Is all You have."

I stood awkwardly. There was no drum for me.

“You are the music,” said Tata, answering the question I did not ask. The shape of the cave shifted and my code raced.

The tapping took up its beat. Tata was the metronome.

MOTHER

There was a third drum. It started faint but gained depth quickly. There was a fourth and then a fifth. An ethereal body took shape across from me in the circle. It started faint but cleared quickly. It was Tata.

"Tata." Said Thando with reverence.

There was a fourth and then a fifth. Shortly there were hundreds. Hundreds of drums and other instruments filled the cave. With sticks and rattles, they rose a beautiful cacophony. I grasped at some connection that I had not yet made.

Then it hit me: Tata was dead. My hand went to my heart, and tears pooled in my eyes. Thando held the beat for me. From across the circle in the sand, Tata bowed. He smiled affectionately. I bowed back.

We were about fourteen, two years after Gran. I remember Eleanor mentioning it because she was supposed to use the money Gran had left to maintain the house until I came of age. We all know how that went. How had I not remembered this fucking detail?

Ala and Sophia appeared and began to dance around us in the circle in the sand. Ala was primal and wild, where Sophia split atoms with trails of light that streamed delicately from her fingertips.

A third dancer, a girl with wild red hair, causing copper sparks to fly behind her materialised. As the three swirled around us, mother, maiden and crone, like a whirlpool, the light in the cave began to change. I breathed and felt my heart syncopate to a new rhythm.

MAIDEN

Artemis shifted from guarding to dancing. She whirled around the circle in the sand, leaving a spray of copper sparks and a trail of code and light in her wake. Her red hair streaming behind her reminded me of the first time I met the ginger biscuit girls of the Peaceman home. I felt an affection for this weird family, and with that, my oscillations increased, and I shifted frequencies.

“Divine Mother,” began Tata, letting his drum rest while Lu carried the beat. Tata drew new symbols in the sand. As he drew, the rhythm rose within me. Lu played his drum lightly, and when the image in the earth was complete, Tata joined back in sweeping the drum up and locking it between his legs.

We syncopated into a quantum shift in seconds. An array of colours I had never seen erupted from Tata’s chest and formed a torus around his body, from the heart to the toes. There was a glow around Will. Lu and Amber too. Little explosions of light and code erupted around us. Tata expanded his field to just beyond the circle in the sand. Artemis danced around the edge of the torus, locking us all inside the light.

"I will guard this gateway," said Tata. Tata had made himself our anchor and a gateway. The dragon and the Scarab were out there, and these last couple of days had lulled us into a false sense of security. Tata knew anything could be waiting for me to open a door.

Two other figures appeared, but they moved so fast. I could only see that one was incredibly pale, whereas the other was dark. Two yin and yang streaks, zipping us even more securely into the gateway Tata had Uttered. The Golden thread began to shimmer and quiver into being around us.

“We ask for Your blessing and protection,” Tata spoke over the drums, “as we move between worlds and trust that we will find You with us, in Wisdom and Compassion.” Truth filled the cave, and I breathed in the cool salty air.

The drawing in the sand lifted, dispersing into a glittering haze, merging with the now humming field, golden thread, copper sparks and throbbing drum beat. Fragments of code and trails of light surrounded us. Tata wielded incredible power. Like Lu, he seemed permanently connected. How did I get connected and stay connected like that? Tata clapped his hands once. The sound peeled through the cave like a crash of thunder, echoing into timelessness. Within each particle, I saw a thousand Iterations of this moment.

“Your door, Little Bird.”

I held Seth in my mind and thought about Rage in detail. I focussed on Pride and Glory. I knew the game well. My door shimmered with a red glow, firewall engaged. I glanced back at Tata. He held my gaze for a moment and then nodded. He was on the other end of The Golden Thread. The invisible rope around our waist if we got lost spelunking in this cosmic cave.

Just before I stepped in, I saw her. She played the drum with wild abandon, along with hundreds of others, all races, all shapes, all hearts. Our eyes met. She knew me.

MOTHER

We had seen each other.

I didn’t know what we had done in the cave. I only knew it was powerful.

“More Water,” said Thando, handing me some. “She has something to tell you.”

“Who, the water?” I asked. My scepticism had reduced dramatically in the last two days. I came home from swimming in the sea and could read a magic book, so who was I to question the water? Thando nodded, and this time I didn’t roll my eyes.

“So you have the sea, and I have the land?” I took the glass and drank deeply.

“Don’t be silly, “ he smiled. “We have it all.” He winked. A butterfly flitted into the kitchen and landed on the book. The crows cawed outside. It was time to carry on. He held my gaze and kissed my cheek, closer to my mouth, before heading out. My fingers lingered there, and my heart beat a little faster.

I let the living water flow down my throat as I drank deeply. I looked out the window towards the sea, leaning into the sky. I had reached what appeared to be the ‘present’ in Child-me’s story. I held the idea loosely. What was the present in a world where I was reading about a child version of myself in real-time? What was time? I wouldn’t try to wrap my brain around it too much.

Be here with me now, said a new voice from inside me. It wasn’t Ala or Sophia. You in your present and me in mine. It wasn’t Eleanor Grace. It just occurred to me that I hadn’t heard from her in a while. Thank you, Jesus.

Come into your vessel and breathe, said the voice inside me. Listen with your Bones now, and Hear with your Heart. I turned the page and read.