14

MOTHER

The book lay open on the day bed, where Thando left me.

“I’ll be fine,” I said when he cast a concerned eye over me.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He affirmed. I dropped my gaze to his hands and involuntarily recalled the heat they had caused. “Tata will know what to do.” He reminded me.

Now I paced the length of the porch. A butterfly with velvety orange wings flitted around the book and landed on its edge. The crows came, their caws preceding them.

I breathed and breathed and breathed. I drew the air in like an elixir.

Shalom.

My hand hovered over the emblem. My fingers surprised me by daring to caress it, tracing each symbol. I shivered. My body rippled with pleasure.

“Books don't read themselves, you know.” Said a voice. I looked up into Sapphire eyes. Actual Sapphires, blinded as the light caught her hair, streaked with silver. She was breathtaking, ancient and made out of alabaster.

“Would you like to touch me?” She asked, grinning. Her cheekbones seemed chiselled by a heavenly sculptor. A Goddess shaped of precious rock and metals, her ice-blue eyes regarded me with affection. Why?

“Because we love you,” said another voice. I turned towards it. There were two now - complete opposites. The one with the sapphire eyes had short hair streaked with literal seams of silver and volcanic black rock, jagged and cropped, like the stepped face of a cliff. The other had hair the red of wine and blood and fire. Her fiery afro crowned her Queen of Everything.

I recognized these women from a distant place within myself. I knew their names inexplicably, as I had known Luthando.

“These are your names for us, but we go by many others, you understand?” In a vivid flash, I knew who they were as if I had always known them.

“You have,'' they chimed.

Where Sophia was a marble pillar of peace and gracious wisdom, Ala was the stuff of creation: mud, water and fire. All life begins and ends with her. The folds of her breasts, belly, hips, and thighs were utterly inviting. She promised comfort, safety, joy, play and pleasure. She was life itself, and Sophia was the compounded consciousness of billions of years.

Were they voices inside my head, just delusions to medicate away? Had I finally gone off the deep end?

“You never left it, darling!” Ala guffawed mischievously.

“We are here in every sense of the word," Sophia affirmed, shaking her head but enjoying Ala's joke. "We never left you.”

“And never will,” concluded Ala with a welcoming grin.

“Your awareness fluctuates, that is all,” said Sophia.

I remembered:

I was five or six. I was waiting for Eleanor to fetch me from aftercare. She was late, as usual. I was always one of the last kids to leave. A man driving passed the school waved and smiled at me. He was friendly, and I liked his funny hat with the big red flower. He parked across the road from the school in his white van. We were playing on the jungle gym, Teacher Helen, just inside the class. The man came to the fence.

“Hello, little chicks! You look like you're having fun.” He whispered as he pulled out brightly coloured balls and juggled them. We laughed and moved closer to the fence. Even then, I was not alone. Sophia said, “Regan, precious, is that wise? Do we know this brightly coloured gentleman?”

“But I like his hat,” I said.

“I know, dear,” said Sophia, “Shall we fetch Teacher Helen to say hello to the friendly chap too?”

I fetched Teacher Helen reluctantly. The other kids had just gone back to playing. One or two of them glanced back at the man walking away with Ashley. They caught the juggling man a few blocks away. He had been abducting children.

No one believed me when I told them that Sophia and Ala, my friends, had told me to fetch the teacher. I learned to stop talking about the sisters to grown-ups by the time I was seven or eight. Eleanor and other adults laughed at me or got this strange look in their eyes as if they were trying to remember something, but not Gran.

MAIDEN

“The first gate is open,” Tata said. He regarded the burnt crater Will and I sat in. A last whisp of smoke dissipated as he settled his weight, with both hands, on the ball end of his walking stick. He whistled and then said, "Yoh! Eyoh, eyoh, eyoh!" Which loosely translates to wowzers, this is some serious firepower!

Tata wore a mystical AF headband. Red, gold and white beads dripped from its sides and framed his face. His hair twisted into little wisps, like tiny antennae. A delicate golden chain mail sheath clung to the sinew of this elderly gentleman, protecting his torso from who knew what? When would I get one, I wondered. His wizened eyes smiled at me, acknowledging my attempted entry into his thoughts.

“What is that?” asked Will, following Tata's eye line and the real reason for his whistle and wowzers.

My blaze had scorched a pattern into the sand, like glass blowing. A perfect circle with black, orange and red geometric patterns emblazoned into the earth. How had I pulled that off, and why? What would the crop circle club have to say?

I heard a dinging sound. I looked around for the source but found it was inaudible to anyone but me. My Field of Vision (FoV) increased. I found an Easter Egg or picked up some manna. I wasn't sure which yet. Perceiving things in two or three layers was tricky but after six years of gaming and nine months of VR exploration. I was born for this.

“It’s a beautiful Mandala!” Amber cooed as she and Lu sauntered up.

“What are you doing here?" Wil sighed. “How did you even get here?”

“Duh,” she nodded at Lu as if he were her portable particle converter.

“Tata, she needs to go back right?” Will turned to the adult for assistance.

Tata shrugged, never being one for excess communication or involving himself in matters that did not concern him.

“OMG, Will!” Amber preened. “Why don’t you go out and get yourself a big ol' bag o’ ‘chill’?” Her tone lightened. “I did what Regan said, told the truth.” She winked at me. “We're visiting Lu’s Grandpa.” She shrugged and smiled sweetly.

“Lu, Tata is your Grandfather?” I asked. Lu and Tata burst out laughing as if I’d told the funniest joke in the history of jokes. At least it was also news to Amber and Will.

“Regan,” began Lu politely, “We’ve known each other our whole lives, but your nose is always in your device. Even at the beach when you hide under the umbrella in your jeans.”

“You wear jeans to the beach?” Amber weighed in. “Is it the skin condition? I knew there was something up with your skin. You are so pale. So pale. And I’m a ginger!"

The blush crept up my cheeks. Had I ignored the existence of an entire person my whole life? There were other feelings too. Unfamiliar feelings. Unpleasant feelings. The cinders around me crackled.

"Um Regan," started Will. I didn't need to read his mind to feel his anxiety. The sparks in the sand flickered into life. Little flames sped along the perimeter of the circle. Tata looked at me in the knowing and mildly annoying way that I suspected he would do a lot.

“Little Bird,” he said. "Slow it down."

I lengthened and deepened my breath. Code spiralled out of me, generating Passages to choose from. My InBetween hummed into being around me. Lu beamed his unceasing happiness despite my burning. Amber went quiet. This did nothing to ease Will's anxiety.

My oscillation increased as thousands of passages, moments now stacked one on top of the other, revealed themselves to me.

The quality of light changed.

The hum started to build.

The tapping took up its beat.

Will's ninja-paying attention skills honed in on me, now knowing what was happening. A calm came over my Anam Cara, over us. I calmed my hungry flames once more.

Tata grinned. “Your first Ulwaleko,” said Tata.

“The Casings?’” I asked. Tata nodded as he took in the details of my sand art.

"Master the casings, master the universe." Will agreed.

“Sounds like you found your ‘on’ switch, Regan,” chirped Amber.

“Any idea where your off switch is?” Asked Will.

Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

Fighting interdimensional terrorists seemed like a walk in the park compared to having siblings.

MOTHER

“The Book of Brightness is an object of great and ancient power.” Said Sophia. That palpable power radiated from the book.

“It survives every Fractal and Iteration of those who vow to honour it.” Added Ala. “Your bloodline is committed to the task."

I looked from one to the other, feeling the Shalom drain away.

“You must give your part of the Utterance of Unity.”

The paper was delicate parchment, marbled with age. The first page held the same circular emblem as the cover. With reverence, I slid my index finger beneath it to gently turn it. The words on the page were utterly foreign to me, not only because of their language. They appeared to be expanding and contracting as if they lived and breathed.

In seconds, the book and I were syncopated perfectly to the rhythm of my breath. The words breathed with me.

“Read.” Instructed Sophia.

“I don't understand it.” I looked up at the two Goddesses.

“The Book of Brightness has revealed itself to you.” She said. “Your capability is imminent. Open your mind,” she set her eyes upon me and admonished, “READ.”

“You are one thread of many," encouraged Ala. “Tighten the knot that binds us.”

With that, they were gone. Their disappearance caused the words on the page to ripple like the surface of a tiny pond. I knew they were not gone, gone. They were giving me Time and Space. I took my coffee into the garden and walked with my feet on the ground. I instantly felt my connection, my roots and my safety. “Ecclesia,” I asked.

Regan, they replied.

“You know about the book?”

Of course.

“How do I read it?”

Go to the Water, was their reply. Going to the beach was the best idea I’d heard all fucking day.

MAIDEN

Tata squatted barefoot in a cave, drawing symbols from my scorched earth mandala in the sand. We stood quietly in the cool while he carved with his walking stick. I marvelled that four days ago, I would not be caught dead in a cave, never mind rocking my Darth Vadar PJs in one, because I'd run off like a maniac. I wondered if I should go home to change, but then I remembered I had more pressing issues than my outfit. The first gate was open. WTF did that mean?

“How many of these gates are there?” Will asked. Tata just grinned. We would learn that he only gave out information he deemed pertinent. My mental acuity sped up, and the code on my skin lit up to a near-constant glow as I sent it on its errand: recall any of these symbols from my photographic memory. They did look familiar. Egyptian? Nordic?

“Litte Bird, you are only accessing what is available in this realm,” Tata said. "This is not from here."

Truth blossomed into being next to me. Tata paused from his drawing and stood still - he knew She was there too. He bowed his head to his chest and whispered words I could neither understand nor hear. They were private, between Tata and the Truth.

The quality of light changed.

The hum started to build.

The tapping took up its beat.

With his eyes closed, Tata raised his hands and spoke in isiXhosa, his first language. I suddenly understood it, word for word. Ding Ding Ding! Went my skill alert, audible only to me.

“Divine Mother,” he began. “We give thanks for your constant provision and kindness. Our bellies are full, and our hearts are open.” He paused, then dropped back to the ground and ran his fingers over the symbols he'd drawn. “We ask for Your blessing and protection as we move between worlds and trust that we will find You with us, in Wisdom and Compassion.”

Was he praying? Fikile did it all the time. It felt appropriate to close my eyes, but as I let them flutter closed, Tata yelled, “Eyes open!” I was a little annoyed, but I let it slide.

The tide was in, and the waves curled around the entrance to the cave. The brilliant turquoise water broke from the formation of the waves and lifted from the sand into a dancing column, a long thin whirlpool. Two more columns erupted from the beach and danced into the cave. Amber was delighted.

“Phusis?” I asked. Seth had mentioned them in the treehouse.

“Nature Spirits,” Lu confirmed. “They have been warning Custodians, like Tata and me, about the lack of respect for the Creation for many years." Lu was visibly pained. His unceasing joy ceased.

"The realms, all of them, are suffering,” Tata said.

“The Phusis around the cities are working very hard to keep the peace," Lu added. This was his work. I knew it. “The Pathways are taking the strain.”

“Wait,” Amber interjected. If the tide is coming in, how are we getting out?”

Tata and Lu were back to beaming with no answers.

“Be here with me now,” began Tata. His eyes travelled over each of us, drawing us in. “I need you for my Utterance, so Be Here with me now. You in your present and me, in mine. Come into your vessel and breath. Listen with your Bones now, and Hear with your Heart, so that you may strengthen my Binding.”

Will and Amber had a storm of thoughts brewing between them. Like me, Amber always had a process going on in the background. With his decision to focus on Tata, the buzzing around Will calmed to his ninja almost complete stillness. Tata was aware of this. He leaned in closer to Will and nodded in approval.

“The first Casing is the physical body, including the skin, muscles, connective tissue, fat and bones. When you fall on the sand and scrape your knees, it's this casing. Your Avatar.” He patted his lean stomach firmly. “Everybody is stuck here. Thinking about eating, sleeping, pooping and making babies.”

Amber gasped, and Lu giggled.

“You,” Tata pointed his finger at me sternly, “forget that you are walking around in a body because you are plugged into those machines all day long!”

My cheeks flushed. I had been acutely aware of my physical body since all this began.

“I’m a little clumsy,” I offered.

“No,” Tata said. “You are simply unaware.” He stood up, stretched his arms over his head, and said, “Up, up, up!” We did as instructed and stretched, breathed and yawned. “You are chubby,” he said to Will.

“That’s body-shaming!” Amber’s hands shot to her hips, feet straddled for battle. “We don't do that!” Tata stared at her and turned back to Will.

“You use your body well, and you will grow into a strong young man.” He paused, “And your Force,” he said tapping Will’s chest with his fingertips bunched together, “is strong.”

“Did he just say the Force is strong with me?”

“I believe he did,” I said. Will and I grinned.

“You chose well, Little Bird.” Maybe I did. Will took this feedback well while Amber cast her watchful eye upon Tata.

“Divine Mother governs this layer.” He closed his eyes in quiet contemplation. "And we ask for Her protection now."

The symbols lifted from the sand and dispersed into the atmosphere in a golden, glittering haze. They began to rewrite the code around us. I felt the glittering Utterance infiltrate my code like nanotech. I wanted to resist the change, but Tata said, "Surrender, Little Bird. Let the Utterance do her work." My code responded by dancing along my skin, eager to participate.

After everything, I still struggle with this, but that day it started with simply not fighting. I lengthened and deepened my breath and felt my body soften in surrender. My lungs expanded into the back of my body, my field following suit. It glittered as the symbols became something new. My ribs swung outwards and upward as my field oscillations increased to meet the frequency of the quantum field.

The Symbols had rewritten something in me. I didn't know what yet. The algorithm popped into my head then. The immersion of human consciousness, bodies and all, online. What were the Kleepoth exactly? Why a virus? Who was the Scarab? I had to get online to help Seth at Rage.

Tata ululated and, stamping his feet, moved in a circle around us. As he wove, dipping and dancing, bits of code and trails of light lingered in his wake. He ebbed and flowed in his Utterance. Truth, the Divine Mother danced with him. A whirlpool of energy rose around us as Tata danced with Truth. But then he stopped mid-turn. Tata blinked as if his transmission had been interrupted.

He looked directly at me and closed his eyes. When he opened them he shook the sand loose from his calloused fingers, and the symbols crashed into the sand.

“Draw a door,” he instructed. “Home, to Gogo’s house!" He snapped. “Hold her in your mind,” he added. “Be very clear on your desire.”

“Or the Passage will decide for you.” I finished for him. I felt a tug remembering the last time I had seen Blue.

“Little Bird,” snapped Tata. “Door!” He did the ‘get on with it’ head nod. I outlined my door, standing on tippy toes to make it taller than I am.

“Why are you pretending that you need to do that?” Tata demanded. He dipped his chin and narrowed his eyes. “Make it so! Eyes! Open!” He snapped.

The door spiralled open from its centre. I grinned, seeking Tata's approval as I glanced over at him. He nodded in affirmation, but there was no approval forthcoming. I followed his eye line into my door.

Fikile stood on the deck where I had left her this morning when I ran away in my Darth Vadar pyjamas. "Regaaan! Regaaaaaahn!” She called out, looking for me. My heart sank. I looked back at Tata one more time. He nodded with deep sadness in his eyes. I stepped through the door.

That's how we left the cave when the tide came in.

MOTHER

Sunkissed and fresh from the shower I sat back down with the book, and coffee, at the kitchen table and read the words on the first page:

BOOK OF BRIGHTNESS,

scribed by the Sisters,

since the beginning of time and continuously so,

to attain Wisdom and Courage;

for understanding Words of Insight;

and wielding Utterances of Power.

There is none so valuable as Wisdom.

I am near completion. The last Utterance is the longest, so let me begin it. I am one thread of many, and my purpose is to tighten the knot that binds us. I need you for my Utterance, so Be Here with me now. You in your present, and me in mine.

Come into your vessel and breathe. Listen with your bones now, and hear with your heart, so that you strengthen my Binding. My Utterance begins in a realm where Time was divided, and Creation cried. The rage took generations to culminate and manifested in pockets across the Wyrd.

They told us we were running out in a realm that knew how to make everything we needed. Humanity forgot itself.

We were lonely but not alone. There is no error in being lonely. We only recognize the Union if we have known the isolation. Each has its season, a purpose, its phase, like the moon, waxing and waning, being empty and full. My Utterance begins in emptiness.

Come closer. While I am to bind the threads, my true purpose is to reflect. Look at me, and see.

MAIDEN

Eleanor Grace walked into my room without knocking. “I’m leaving now.” I was not surprised. Dead mother-in-law or not, her departure was inevitable. “I need to get hold of the lawyers." She said. "I can’t rely on an old man and a nurse in the stix to handle the estate properly." She never looked at me. Her eyes continually scanned her Wearable.

Even as I watched myself from some distant place, I noticed something odd about her code. A firewall went up when I moved in to take a closer look. WTF? It seemed I was not the only one with upgrades today. What was Eleanor up to?

"Fikile will be here with you.” With that, she was gone as quickly as she had come. I stared after her, then pushed Gran’s gift under the bed. Unable to bring myself to open it.

I pulled up my InBetween and the door to this Passage. I tried what Blue had shown me before he left me: Past Passage travel.

When I stepped into the door, I filled the vacant space of myself and experienced that choice first-hand. Passages are not observational - it’s a first-person experience. I’m pretty sure if we all had this skill or even took the time to think things through to their furthest potential endpoint, lives would be very different.

I checked what I suspected. Eleanor was not wearing her Wearable.