Prince Hans's Perverted Hands

"Lady Felicia Belphere Metrune thanks Prince Hans, Lord of Lytis for granting me another audience," I said as I made a curtsey.

"Always a pleasure, Lady Metrune. Carlton, please give the lady a chair," the prince said as the knight, Carlton brought forth a chair that seemed to have been prepared beforehand.

"Thank you for your kind gesture, your highness."

"So I assume you've brought the gold?"

"Kaito, please bring forward the gold."

Kaito and his two henchmen went ahead. Each of them carried a chest full of gold coins. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough.

"I'm sorry, your highness, I couldn't get enough money for the ransom. I only have 380 gold with me."

I did try to sell more barrels of mrug, but both Daddy Soom and Daddy Malor refused to buy it. Apparently they planned on making the mrug premium spirits and having too much supply would just lower its value. They made it a point to tell me how essential it was for there being ONLY that much mrug and told me that if I tried to sell it to the other merchants, I could kiss their future aid goodbye. I wasn't prepared to lose the two top merchants of Lytis just yet.

Because of that, I had to add the tips from my waitressing job to make up the amount of 380 gold.

"I appreciate your honesty, my lady. Too bad, but this is still not enough."

"I-I know, but surely we can work something out?"

"I can release both the baron and your brother. As for the others, you will have to choose who to bring home."

"Please, your highness. Is there another way? I can't choose who to live and who to die. Please don't force me to make that choice, your highness!"

"Impossible! Unacceptable! I have already reduced the ransom amount greatly. You want me to reduce it even more? No, you will have to choose who to bring home. There shall be no more negotiation, unless... no!"

"What is it, your highness? Is there a way?"

"You won't like it."

"How would you know I won't like it, your highness?"

"Well," he took out something wrapped in leather and handed it to the knight Carlton, "Would you wear this, my lady?"

I don't like that look in his eyes.

I accepted the package, opened it and what greeted me was... a teddy! No, not teddy bear! It was lingerie, the kind that women in my previous world wore for their husbands on their wedding night. It was so sheer!

Wait, is this silk? They have silk here?

"I-I suppose I could wear it... for my husband. Is this a gift, your highness?"

"Yes, it's a gift, but I want you to come to my bedchamber tonight, wearing that."

It took a few moment for my head to register the implication of his words. When it finally clicked, I was outraged.

"You pervert! Lolicon! Scum! Lecherous bastard! Dirty douchebag!" I scolded.

Kaito and his henchmen unsheathed their swords. Before they could pull their swords halfway out of its sheaths, the soldiers lining the audience hall moved forward. With the tips of the spear against their necks, Kaito and his henchmen couldn't do anything to the prince.

"It's funny. I hear you say something, but half of it is total gibberish, my lady. Is it safe to assume that those were all insults?" the prince asked as if unaffected by the commotion.

"Damned right they were! You worthless excuse of a human being! No, not even human. You're dirt! Toilet dirt! I will market another brand of toilet paper with your name on it!"

"Is that so? I don't know what this toilet paper is, but I'm pretty sure it's an incredibly offensive insult."

"Of course it's an insult, pervert! Everyone will know your name as that thing they use to wipe their butts with!"

"I see. Carlton, execute everyone in the dungeon."

"Wait a damned minute, you bastard! How can you just execute over 100 people just like that?"

"They're your people, aren't they? You've just insulted me with what you've just admitted is the worst insult possible. My heart is very sensitive, I'm terribly hurt by your words. Carlton, please make sure they're executed by tea time. I'd really hate to wait."

"It will be done, your highness."

"Wait wait waaaaaaait!!!"

"Is there a problem, my lady?"

"Damned right there's a - uhum!" I forced myself to make the sweetest smile I could while inside I was still seething in anger, "Hehe, it was a joke, your highness. Just a joke. Why are you being so serious?"

"A joke? Didn't sound like a joke to me."

"Oh you know us Forlendians. We joke all the time. That's how we greet each other. My father insulted me all the time. I insult my brother all the time. Everyone knows it was just a friendly banter. You shouldn't take it seriously, your highness. Hohohoho!"

Ahhh, this pain in my heart.

"Is that so? So you don't mind wearing that and sleeping with me in my bedroom tonight?"

"That-"

"Carlton, tell the jailors to execute-"

"Waaaiiitttt! Yes yes, I look forward to sleeping with you tonight, your highness."

"Princess, no!" Kaito made some noise in the back.

Unless you can actually kill the prince, Kaito, just keep quiet. Oh my painful heart. Mother, it seems like I'm going to lose my virginity tonight. I feel like crying.

"I am delighted to hear your acceptance, my lady. Rest assured that with all that gold and tonight's intimate encounter, all your people will be set free. Carlton, escort the lady to the royal bath. Send a couple of servants to attend to the lady's needs. I look forward to your presence in my bedchamber after dinner, my lady."

"Uuu... how has it come to this?" I asked myself as I was led to the prince's bedchamber by his knight Carlton.

In my hand was a tray carrying a bottle of what was supposed to be the best wine in the River Country and two empty goblets. I was wearing the sheer teddy, a poor excuse for clothes that reached just under my pubic mound. Considering that it was totally sheer though, it was absolutely pointless. As Malcolm, I would have loved to see my girlfriend wearing this, whenever I had a girlfriend. Unfortunately they were all total snobs. So until my death at 29 years old, I never had any thought of getting married.

Now I'm going to lose my virginity to someone I've only met twice. Oh the shame!

"This is his highness's bedchamber, my lady. Please enter through here," Carlton said as he opened the single door on the right wall.

"Alright, this is it," I murmured as I entered the open door. As soon as I was through, Carlton closed the door behind me without making much of a sound.

In front of me was a wooden partition, with an opening to the left. There was a table on the corner to my right, with a pot containing live roses. I had wondered how I was going to get this to work, but thankfully, there was a chance here. I took off the pendant around my neck that carried what remained of the Tincture of Truth. I opened the glass lid and poured everything into the open bottle of wine. Then I put the empty vial back around my neck and swallowed a couple of the antidote pills. Taking a deep breath, I picked up the tray and walked around the partition, seeing the prince lying down under the covers, reading a book without clothes on.

I placed the tray on the table beside the bed and bowed to the prince, "Lady Felicia Belphere Metrune greets Prince Hans."

He looked up from his book as if he noticed me for the first time, "You look pretty good in that."

"Thank you for the-"

"Of course it would certainly be better if you have some curves. You look flat as a washboard."

Them's fighting words, man.

I had to keep my anger in control as I forced a smile. "Excuse me for being flat as a washboard, your highness. I'm only 11."

"Anyway, come over to the bed," the prince said as he put down the book.

"Umm, you're not making room-"

"Go around. I always sleep on the right side of the bed."

Jerk!

I grabbed a goblet and asked the prince, "Would you like a drink, your highness?"

"No thanks. I don't drink poisoned wine."

I almost let go of the goblet but managed to control my shock. "Why-why do you think it's poisoned? Carlton was the one who chose this. Are you saying your own knight wants to kill you?"

"No, Carlton's very loyal. I'm talking about you. You spent some time behind the partition, didn't you? What is it, Graveweed Concentrate? Or could it be Leptum Sap? You Forlendians love Leptum Sap, don't you?"

"Wh-what are those? I've never even heard of them!"

"Am I supposed to believe you, my lady?"

"Jerk!" I said as I sat at the edge of the bed on his side while pouring myself some wine.

"My lady, I said I don't want it."

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

"It's for me, you lolicon jerk! And move over! I'm about to fall here."

I downed the whole goblet of wine. It was quite sweet. Nice aroma too. Not too strong, but then again perhaps Carlton was mindful of the fact that I was a child. I'll have to ask Carlton where he got this wine from.

"My lady, just because your mission failed, doesn't mean you have to commit suicide."

"I'm not committing suicide, you jerk! Why don't you keep reading your book while I finish this bottle myself," I said as I poured myself my second goblet of wine.

The prince simply looked on as I downed my second goblet of wine. If I was going to lose my virginity to someone I barely knew, I'd like to keep myself drunk so that I wouldn't have to remember the moment. I had decided to accept my femininity and the fact that I would have to lie down with a man one day, but I guess I still wasn't ready for it.

"Is it not poisoned?" the prince asked after watching me finish the third goblet of wine.

"It's definitely poisoned! There's snake venom, some of that graveweed, some of that leptum stuff. Oh I also put paint thinner in as well," I said as I poured myself my fourth helping.

"What is paint thinner?"

"Oh, it's a kind of poison that you use to burn people alive. If you drink it, your body will explode like glass. Very nasty stuff."

Oh, I can tell that I m starting to get a good buzz going.

"Give me," he said as he reached for the goblet in my hand.

"No way! Go get your own!" I said before finishing it all.

"You're here to serve me, remember? Pour me one," he said when he saw me gulp it all down.

"Royal jerk!" I said as I moved to take the other goblet.

"No, I want the one you're drinking from."

"Wait, that would make it an indirect kiss!"

"You're half naked on my bed and you're worried about an indirect kiss?"

"Good point. Here," I said as I poured him some wine and handed it to him.

He swirled the wine inside the goblet, sniffed it, probably for poison, then slowly drank it. He waited for a few minutes while slapping away my hand that tried to take the goblet from him. After a few minutes of fighting for that one goblet, he declared that there was no poison and told me to pour him more. I poured it as told, but snuck a drink while he was distracted touching my thigh. When he noticed, I had already finished my fifth goblet.

Without realizing it, I was already lying on top of him as we shared wine from the same goblet several times. We shared several deep kisses too, but it wasn't because I liked him or anything. I was still lucid despite being a little giggly, perhaps influenced from my previous life's alcohol tolerance.

As Malcolm, I could outdrink anyone. Malcolm was one of those magical people who couldn't get drunk ever. In the eyes of some people, Malcolm was more magical than a unicorn. Still, I wondered when the tincture would start working on him. Or perhaps I had drunk everything? Could it be that there was no longer any amount of the tincture when he started drinking? Did I mess up?

Suddenly he went quiet. At first I thought he was asleep, but when I said, "Who are you?" he replied with, "Hans The Great".

Wow, such a conceited answer. Do you even realize nobody actually calls you by that name?

"What do you think about Lady Felicia?"

"Beautiful, but flat as a board."

Do you want me to punch you, jerk? Whose hands was it that groped my butt and flat chest just now, you lecherous jerk? That's it, from now on, your name is Hands. Not Hans, Hands. Prince Hands The Groping Lolicon!

Still, since it worked I got up from the bed. With a goblet of wine in one hand, my teddy in disarray, my face flushed and my voice giggly, I looked like a drunken prom date. I opened the door with difficulty and saw Carlton standing watch outside.

I poked my head out the door. "Heeey Caarltoooon. The prince called. Ah, but don't come right away. I'm not dressed."

He nodded his understanding as I closed the door and walked unsteadily towards the bed. Snuggling against the prince from the left side of the bed, I readied myself for the plan I thought of in the bath. When I heard the door open, I snuggled closer to the prince, with my lips next to his left ear. I posed as a shy maiden, hiding my face beside the prince's.

"Did you call for me, your highness?"

"Yes, I did, Carlton," I whispered into the prince's ear, which he echoed word by word.

"The lady and I have agreed on a ransom of 200 gold. Release all the prisoners and send them to her ship," I whispered again, which he again echoed word by word.

"All, your highness? At 200 gold? I'm sorry, we shouldn't do that, your highness. The expenses alone-"

That pissed me off. Seriously, this thing has a time limit, I can't have him argue with the prince! What will happen if he passes out in the middle of an argument?

"Do not question me, Carlton! You are here to follow my orders. When I say release them all, you release them all. Don't argue with me! Is that clear?" I whispered into the the prince's ear.

But what came out was "Denocotomecotton! Ueeereofolowmyord. Eniseelesemoluurelesemolonaguemiitake?"

"Ah? What language was that, your highness?"

I guess that was too complicated. (lol)

"Don't question me, Carlton. Just do it," I whispered again with much simpler words.

Thankfully it worked this time.

"Yes, your highness. I will do as you ordered," Carlton made a salute.

"Also, import toilet paper from Mruna," I couldn't help but add a shameless plug.

"Toilet paper? From Mruna? I will ask the chamberlain to handle it, your highness."

"Good, go," I whispered, but this was not repeated. It seemed like the time limit was up.

"What are you waiting for? How long are you going to stand there?" I said directly.

"I shall go right away, my lady," he said before turning around and leaving us alone.

Now that everything went according to plan, I went back to the bathroom, changed clothes, then met up with Kaito (my name is Keito). I had him hand the 200 gold to Carlton. After confirming that everyone was released, I told Carlton that I had to leave and asked him to hand the prince a letter I wrote for him. He accepted it, and after confirming that the prince was still alive, he allowed us to leave the castle. We arrived at the ship just after midnight.

It was a success! I got out of it with my chastity intact! Yay me!

Of course, I had Kaito and his goons swear to not speak a word of what happened tonight under pains of torture. What kind of torture? I don't know. I'm pacifist, remember? I'll just leave them to Lili. I'm sure she can make use of some guinea pigs for her poison experiments.

******

Something is wrong. There are too many people on the ship!

"Mr. Lars, who are all these people?"

"They're the people the prince released from the dungeon, captain."

"But there are too many people here. Forget 100 people, I think there are even more than 200 people. And some of them are even bringing their families on board!"

"You didn't know, captain?"

"Know what?"

"Not only Forlendian prisoners, they sent us everyone in their dungeon, captain. That includes criminals and other undesirables. Many of them met up with their families and brought them along."

"Wait... criminals? How many in total?"

"315 people, not including Forlendian prisoners of war, captain. This also doesn't include the children."

Good ancestors! I have to feed this many people?!

"Kaito!"

"Yes princess?"

"Take this gold. Have Taito take you to the house of either Merchant Soom or Merchant Malor. Ask them to sell you enough supplies for 200 people for a week. Tell them Felicia sent you."

"Yes, princess!" Keito saluted as he dragged the now dry Taito to the port.

After his royal dunking, I had decided to make a compromise. I told him that he would be my spy in the River Country and he would be allowed to steal or rob anyone, as long as he sent me information about Lytis in the future. His salary would be 1 gold for each piece of useful information, delivered by Kaito in the future.

Still, what should I do with all these illegal immigrants?

"Mr. Lars, do a survey. I want to know who these people are, how many in their family and what skills they have."

"Now, captain?"

"No, next week. Of course now! Get it done by sunrise!"

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