“You have free time until dinner. Go have fun,” my lady Felicia said to me.
“Eh?” It was so sudden that I couldn’t understand her command.
“Go have a meal, pick flowers, watch street performance or kill someone. Anything that makes you happy.”
But what makes me happy is being near you, my lady!
Certainly, I wouldn’t dare say that to her. So instead, I said, “My duty is to assist you, my lady.”
“Nothing you can assist me with right now. I’m just training with the spear sentries.”
“Go have fun, Lili. I don’t want to see you until dinner time, understood?” my lady Felicia said to me as she tested swinging the carved wooden stick that functioned as training swords among the spear sentries.
I know my lady didn’t say that out of spite, but her words still made my eyes moisten. I turned my face down so that my lady couldn’t see my eyes that was about to break into tears. Without letting her see my face, I bowed and said, “As you wish, my lady. If you need me, I will be at the baron’s mansion.”
“Okay, I’ll be back by dinner time,” my lady Felicia said as she turned towards the spear sentries, “Alright, everyone! Let's do sword spars today. Pick your partners and practice for half an hour. Then we’ll swap partners. Merisa, you’re my first partner.”
I left my lady Felicia as Merisa nodded her consent. I would very much have liked to be my lady’s first sparring partner, but what could I say when she explicitly told me to disappear? What if my lady told me she didn’t want me around anymore? What would I do then?
I don’t want to live in a world without my lady Felicia.
Without realizing it, I had already arrived at the mansion. Unlike the other noble mansions in Forlendia, the Metrune mansion only had one front entrance, and that was the main entrance that we used to come and go regardless of our status. Of course, there were other doors leading out, but the lord had very specific commands regarding entry and exiting.
There was no such thing as ‘servant entrance’ as the lord told everyone. We were told to come and go through the front door. The mansion was designed in a horseshoe shape. The mansion’s main building, the center of the horseshoe, was what most people would see, it was where the lord’s family lived. Behind the main building were two long buildings. The western arm was where the horse stable, storage area, tool shed and kitchen area were located. The eastern arm was the servant quarters, where mother and I, as well as Fariha and Sul lived. It was separated into five fairly spacious rooms. All the buildings opened up towards the central garden between the three buildings where there was a vegetable garden and two rows of flower bushes.
I knocked on the main door twice to inform whoever was inside that I was coming in. Then I opened the door and entered, only to be greeted by the serious faces of my mom, Baron Metrune, Lady Latreia and Fariha. Fariha was holding and nursing her cute baby in her arms, whom the lord as the father, named as Rukacia Sekany Metrune. They were all sitting at the dining table, with the lord sitting at the head of the table.
What’s with everyone? Did I do anything wrong?
The Lady Latreia spoke first. “Lili, where is Felicia?”
Oh no! Am I going to be scolded for coming home without my lady?
“She’s with the spear sentries, my lady. I’ll bring her home right away-“
“No need,” Lady Latreia cut me off, “Sit, Lili.”
Mom gestured for me to sit between her and the baron. I thought it was inappropriate, but I sat there anyway. On the opposite side of the dining table were the baroness and Fariha. As I sat, Lady Latreia who was also Baroness Metrune gave me a complicated glare.
I have no idea what’s going on. Lady Latreia has never shown such a face. Is it anger? Is it dissatisfaction? Is it disapproval? I don’t know. I have never seen Lady Latreia looking other than slovenly or bored.
I sent a glance to mom. She patted my hand gently and gave me a soft gaze probably to calm me. What it actually did was make me more nervous instead. I had a feeling this matter concerned me greatly.
“Lili, you probably know this, but you are aware that this baby is my daughter, correct?” the baron gestured to the baby in Fariha’s arms.
“Yes, my lord,” I said in confirmation. How could I not be aware of it? Lady Felicia outright told me the baby was her younger sister because the baron ‘couldn’t keep his spear where it should be hidden’. I was also there alongside my lady and mom when we heard the baby’s first cries almost two days after we returned home from Lytis.
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“Isn’t she beautiful?” the lord smiled warmly.
“Yes, my lord.”
“Get to the point, dear,” Lady Latreia said.
“Patience, Rhea... well... Lili, I’ve decided to formally recognize Ruka as my daughter,” the lord said with the face that made him seem unsure of himself.
What does that have to do with me, though?
“Well, Lili, would you like to be one of Ruka’s older sisters?”
Oh... so the lord only wants me to take care of Lady Ruka. I got nervous for nothing.
“If it’s only that, of course-“
“AHHH!!! I can’t take this anymore!” Lady Latreia suddenly screamed as she threw her arms in the air.
“Rhea, things like these need to be done slowly.”
“Tell her straight or I’ll tell her myself, dear. You know I don’t have patience for things like these.”
What’s going on? Did I assume wrong?
“Uhm, Lili... your real name is... Lilicia Selthiere Metrune.”
Huh?
Mom held my hand tighter.
Looking a little pale, the lord continued, “You are a daughter of Metrune, the union between Suin and I, almost 12 years ago. You are Felicia’s older half-sister, by a few minutes.”
The world paused for me in that instant. The words ‘daughter of Metrune’ and ‘older half-sister’ continued to ring inside my head. For hours, maybe days, maybe years, maybe decades, my mind kept replaying the words over and over again, as snapshots of my time with my lady continued to play in my eyes. Eventually, the words ‘Felicia’s older half-sister’ settled and the world started moving again.
I was at a loss for words.
“I intended to officially declare Ruka as my daughter, but my wife Rhea pointed out the very valid problem. It was that I never admitted that you were my daughter. It would be unfair if I declared my youngest daughter as a Metrune child when I did not do the same for my eldest daughter – are you alright, Lili?”
“No no no no...” I shook my head with both hands holding the sides. This was too much for me to take. All this time, I thought my father died in a war. How could I possibly imagine that my father had been by my side the whole time? How could he make me believe that I had no father? How could mom even allow this?
“Lili,” the baroness’s voice sounded so close to me. She was standing between me and the baron, with one hand on my shoulder.
When did she get here?
“Walk with me, Lili,” the baroness said while standing there waiting for me to get up.
Slowly, I pushed the chair backward and stood up. I looked at mom and she just nodded to me. Then the baroness glided away from the dining table and towards the front door, looking unnaturally elegant all of a sudden.
“Go,” mom urged me, “We’ll be here when you get back.”
I approached the baroness who waited for me in front of the door. Without even putting on her walking cloak, the baroness opened the door and walked out into the evening sun. I followed close behind before she told me to walk beside her.
“Lili, do you have a problem with becoming a Metrune’s daughter?” she asked a few moments after I started walking beside her.
“No, it’s not that, my lady.”
“Are you afraid we will take you away from your mother?”
I’m not afraid of being apart from mom. I’m not a child!
“No, it has nothing to do with that, my lady.”
“Are you afraid you will have to call me ‘mom’ instead?”
“Eh? No! I would be honoured, but I don’t deserve it, my lady!” I denied vehemently.
“So it is as I thought...” she let her words trailed off.
“What is it, my lady?”
She stopped suddenly. Then she turned towards me and with both hands on my shoulders, she said, “Even if you’re not sisters, nothing can happen, Lili.”
Eh? What is she talking about?
“Felicia is a noble lady, Lili. She must marry one day. No matter how much you love her, it will not bear fruit. You can’t expect your relationship to work.”
“How-” I closed my mouth as soon as the word left my lips.
“Fufufu, who do you think I am? I am the baroness. You’re looking down on me too much, Lili. I know everything.”
Amazing! The baroness is too amazing. I’ve kept this secret for so many years, not even mom or my lady Felicia knows about it.
“You don’t have to say anything, Lili. In front of me your secrets are so plainly naked, it is as if you’re not wearing any clothes at all. But let’s get back to the topic, won’t you become a Metrune’s daughter, Lili?”
“I-I don’t want the relationship between me and my lady Felicia to change, my lady.”
“You know you can’t be together in the way that you want, don’t you?”
“But... if I become a noble lady, I will one day be married off... It’s okay if my crush is never answered, my lady, but please, allow me to stay by my lady Felicia’s side.”
I knelt with both knees on the ground as I begged the baroness. I only had one wish, and this was the only wish I hoped to be fulfilled. I could not dare ask for more. Just this wish, please allow me this one selfish wish. I will never ask for anything else.
“Fine, then. Let’s go back. We’ll think of something that can work for you,” the baroness said as she helped me up.
“Ah, my lady, please don’t tell anyone about this.”
I will die of embarrassment if mom knows about this.
“Suin already knows, actually.”
My mouth opened wide in shock. “Why did you tell mom, my lady?!”
“Well, I didn’t... that was... heheh... that was... too funny... hehehe... hahahaha.” The baroness suddenly broke into laughter as she slapped the trunk of a nearby tree. Her laughter continued for almost ten minutes when the lord came out looking confused at the baroness who laughed against the rose bushes with her hands slapping the trunk of a soft-wood tree.
In the end, it was decided that my status would be recognized as a daughter of Metrune by the name of Lady Lilicia Sethiere Metrune. The formal family tree would be updated and a copy would be sent to the royal capital for archiving. My status as a daughter of Metrune would not be publicized except to other nobles and I could continue to masquerade as attendant to my lady Felicia. Needless to say, my lady Felicia would never know that I was her older half-sister.
Of course, I also made the baroness and mom swear to never tell my lady Felicia about my feelings for her.