The Game of Dunking

Good afternoon, everyone! It's me your beloved and beautiful Lady Felicia! How are you doing this fine day?

Just for those who are just trying to catch up. I’m now in Lytis. Yes, we're still in Lytis. Can't go anywhere yet because that damned toilet paper Suletrius didn't ransom anyone from Mruna. So now I have to find a way to get enough money to ransom everyone, including the lower officers that Suletrius was supposed to ransom as well.

By the way, the grand total is 400 gold. Never in my life have I ever seen that much gold. How exactly can I get enough?

So when big brother Meul invited me for a game of Rebellion, a light bulb appeared in a corner of my mind. As Malcolm, I was never a good gambler, but I did know a trick or two about cheating in a poker game.

That was how I scammed three men out of all their gold. In the case of one of them though, I scammed him out of his mercenary company too. Marvellous, truly delightful. Now I just have to wait for two more years before I can wreak havoc with my own mercenary company. Uhehehehe.

Right now, I'm counting my hard-won gold.

"Yup, that's 20 gold. You can go now, Mr. Kute," I said as I gave Mr. Kute a hug.

"This is the most expensive hug I've ever gotten," Mr. Kute complained before leaving the restaurant.

Let me give you a comparison. In the River Country, even the most expensive courtesans will only set you back around 2 silver. For the much lower status back alley prostitutes, they could go as low as 3 big copper. Yup, you can get a prostitute for lower than the price of an average meal here. In other words, this hug of mine is more expensive than a high class courtesan or a luxury meal.

"So Felicia, what do you want us for actually?" Daddy Soom asked.

"One moment, please," I said while counting the gold I won from Mr. Ordric.

When I confirmed it was 20 gold, Mr. Ordric stood up from his chair and said, "I'll clear out my stuff and leave the city then."

"Huh? Why?" I asked as I scooped up all the gold into a pouch.

"Because I'm no longer the leader."

"Did I say that?" I looked up at him. Standing like this, he really was very big.

"No, but you're the owner. You're the leader now."

"As if I have nothing better to do than to lead a bunch of sweaty, smelly mercenaries. You keep your job until I tell you you're fired, Mr. Ordric."

"I can stay?" he asked in disbelief.

"Of course. You're the best man for the job so far. If you want it, the job is yours until I fire you or you die."

He stood a little taller and straighter now. With a bow, he said, "Thank you, princess."

"Change the name to Felicia's Merry Men, though."

"Merry Men?"

"Unless there are also women?"

"No, there's no women, but-"

"Then it's Felicia's Merry Men."

"..." Mr. Ordric looked like he wanted to say something but kept his mouth shut before he gave a salute and left the restaurant.

"So, Felicia. About why we're here..." Daddy Soom repeated.

"Ah right, about that. I want to sell some stuff to both of you."

"Oh? Some family jewels? Selling some inheritance to pay off the ransom?" Daddy Soom asked.

Daddy Malor interjected with, "Are you going to sell it outright or just use it as collateral for a loan?"

"Oh no no. You misunderstood, dear daddies. It's a couple of trade goods. Both have to my understanding, never been seen here before. Though one of them is similar to brandy in a way."

"Never seen before? Felicia, I'm sorry. I like you, I really do, despite how you always try to squeeze silver out of my pockets-"

"Thehehe, was I too obvious, Daddy Soom?"

"I don't mind it, I can afford it. I imagine if I have a real daughter, she'd be trying to squeeze money out of me too."

"If you have a daughter, it will be worse," Daddy Malor added, "She will try to squeeze money from your pockets without giving you even a kiss on the cheek. I'm speaking from experience."

"My point is... Felicia, I'm a merchant. You must understand that there is a possibility that I will refuse to buy your goods. I will likely even try to cheat you of your goods' real value. As a patron, I can be generous, but as a merchant, I am rather merciless."

"And ruthless. You have no idea how he is really like, Felicia."

"Says the guy who stole the fishing contract from right under my nose. How did you enjoy swimming with the fishes, Malor?"

"I swam very well, Soom. Thank you very much for pushing me off the ship back then, truly allowed me to understand the fishing industry. When I said ruthless, I of course was referring to how you pressured every merchant in Lytis to not sell any grain until the prince agreed to lower the tariff last year."

"Didn't you benefit from that as well?"

"It's not like I was complaining about it."

"Then what was the point of mentioning it?"

"Of course, to make you look bad in front of Felicia."

To these two top merchants whose shadows looked like a cat (Daddy Malor) and a dog (Daddy Soom) scratching at each other, I said, "Wow, you're such good friends!"

"Huh?!" both of them looked at me with a frown on their faces.

I tilted my head to the right. "Ara? Did I get it wrong?”

"Dead wrong!" Daddy Soom said at the same time Daddy Malor said, "Very wrong!"

"Well anyway, would you at least have a look, Daddy Soom and Daddy Malor?" I pleaded with teary, twinkling eyes.

"If it's just looking, I suppose it's fine," Daddy Soom agreed as Daddy Malor echoed his consent.

"Great! Alek," I called my bodyguard as I took out a small folded message from the pocket of my apron. "Take Mr. Soom and Mr. Malor to the ship. Give this letter to Quartermaster Gani."

"But princess, I can't just leave you here."

"I've been doing fine on my own here for a week. Just one day won't make any difference. Go."

"But my duty is to protect you, princess."

"Your boss works for me. Therefore I decide what your duties are. Right now your duty is to take them to the ship and give the letter to Gani. Is that clear?"

"Yes, princess. I'll be back soon," Alek said as he lead the two merchants out.

Suddenly I felt a hand grab the top of my head. Looking around, I saw it was my boss Ms. Nara. The big sister. Instead of the attractive old lady (lol) that I saw for the past week, she now looked like a demon.

"Now that you're done scamming my customers, would you mind getting back to work, your great highness?"

I winced as her grip on my head tightened.

******

"Good job, everyone. See you tomorrow" Ms. Nara said as she handed a salary of 5 big coppers to both new girls.

They said their thanks before leaving through the front door. I waved goodbye to my cute juniors. Then I took their place and stood in front of Ms. Nara.

"What do you want? Ms. Nara asked.

"What about my salary?"

"You already make more money from tips than I can afford to pay you. You still want a salary?"

"Tips are tips. Salaries are salaries."

"No, you're only working here part-time anyway."

"Please!"

"Don't pull my skirt!"

"Please!"

"I said no!"

"Eh? Are we playing a game?" the pest said as she pulled on Ms. Nara's skirt too.

"Stoppp!!! Don't pull my dress!"

"Please!" I said as I endured her foot on my face.

"Please!" Sul joined delightfully.

"Nira, stop laughing and help me!"

"Princess!" came a familiar voice.

"What do you want, Konto?" I asked while still pulling the skirt of Ms. Nara who was leaning against the bar in an effort to get away from my insistent and inappropriate hands.

"It's Keito."

"As I said, what do you want? Wait, aren't you supposed to be guarding my gold?"

"I left that to Gani, since he's already holding the gold from the sale of Mrugs and lollipops anyway."

How irresponsible can you be?

"So again, why are you here?" I asked while tugging Ms. Nara's skirt.

"I'm here to escort you home, princess."

"Why would you call the ship my 'home'?"

"Sorry princess, pirate habits. I'm here to escort you back to the ship."

"Oh fine, just wait a moment," I said before turning back to Ms. Nara, "Please!"

"Please!" Sul echoed.

"Alright! Alright! Just let me go!"

Ms. Nara then gave each of us 5 big coppers each as she fixed her barmaid dress.

"So how much money did we get from the two merchants?" I asked as I walked in front of Koito.

"There was a bidding war, but we got 170 gold for the mrugs and 30 gold for the lollipops after tax. The merchants handled the tax."

Mrug means mud wine. It's a kind of vodka made from sugar beets, potatoes and wheat, all of which I have in excess in my warehouse in Mruna. I've ensured that 30 barrels of these alcoholic beverages be carried in the ship, both planned as trade goods and for shipboard consumption. Crewmen (except for children) are each allowed one mug of mrug each day during off hours. The limit is essential, as too little is bad for morale while too much is bad for discipline. It has around 80% alcohol content.

I made a rule that each part of mrug must be watered down with equal part of lemon juice. I will have no vulgar drunks on my ship. Besides, adding lemon juice gives it a flavour and also reduces the risk of scurvy. Some would even add in fruit juice from the canned fruits into the mix. So what the sailors were drinking were actually cocktails at 40% alcohol instead of pure mrug.

"Wait, only 170? For the whole shipment of mrug?"

"What do you mean whole shipment of mrug, princess?"

"How many barrels did Gani sell?"

"Six barrels, princess."

"WHAT? I told him to sell all of them!"

"All?!" Koito paled, or I thought he paled. Hard to tell in the darkness.

"Yes, I said-kyaaah!" I screamed when something knocked against me.

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"Ah, I'm sorry pretty lady, I didn't see you there," a man in leather vest said with a grin.

He looked very familiar. "Hey, aren't you...?"

"Oh shit!" he cursed before turning around.

"Kaito, catch him!" He was the thief who stole my gold!

Kaito quickly ran ahead of me. Seeing that the distance kept decreasing, he made a gamble and performed a hard tackle. Success! "For hurting the princess, you're - hey, if it isn't Taito!"

"Keito?" the thief looked around surprised, "Oh man, it's been a long time, what have you been doing?"

"Oh, I'm escorting a princess nowadays. What about you?" Kaito said as he dusted off the thief.

"Wow, you've gone up! Me, you know, robbing, stealing, pickpocketing, scamming, that sort of stuff."

"Haha, you never change!"

"Well, hard to change your habits. Besides, that's everything that I know. So you're not doing that piracy business anymore?"

"Yeah, about that. I'm going to continue soon, after this job, I mean. I'm gonna have a real ship this time, no more longboats for me!"

"Hey, excuse me. Do you two know each other?" I asked.

"Oh yes, this is my little brother Taito. Taito, say hi to my boss."

"Hello, I'm..."

It became quiet as we allowed the wind to blow

Suddenly the thief turned around and tried to escape, again.

"Hey Taito, what's the hurry?" Kaito said with his hand grabbing the thief's collar.

"Hey Keito, by boss, do you mean to say that this is the princess you talked about?" the thief asked while trying to pull Kaito's hand off his collar.

"Yup!"

"But she's a barmaid!"

"She's working part-time as a barmaid."

"I've never heard of a princess working as a barmaid!"

"Have you ever met a princess?"

"Well no, but..."

"So you're the thief, huh?" I cracked my knuckles. "Let's have a little chat, shall we?"

I had Kaito pull the unwilling thief back to the ship. Kaito didn't understand why, but he did as told. Meanwhile, the thief pleaded for his life while telling me that he didn't know I was a princess and if he had known, he wouldn't do what he did back then.

I'm not a princess, but I don't appreciate anyone stealing from me.

"Alright, sit down," I said after one of the night sailors brought a chair at my request.

"Ok," he sat down on the chair, while being surrounded by angry-looking sailors.

We are currently at the top deck of my brig, The Abundance of Lollipops.

"I'm sure you know why I'm currently pissed at you, my dear thief. But I'm willing to put that aside and grant you forgiveness if you give me back my 12 gold coins."

"Ahh... umm... about that..."

"Something's wrong?" I said as I cracked my knuckles.

The other sailors surrounding us also cracked their knuckles as if trained. Kaito did it too for some reason. Isn’t he your little brother, Kaito?

"Ahh... you see... I spent it all... I'm sorry."

"I see. While I was busy working my cute ass off for a week because of you, you've been spending my gold like a king. Am I understanding this right?"

"Ahh... umm... I'll pay you back?"

"Why would I believe the words of a thief?"

"My word is my bond! Ask Keito!"

I looked at the pirate captain, and all he did was make a naughty grin.

"Keito! Save me!"

"Somebody get me a rope," I asked as I walked to the ship's port railing.

"Here, captain," one of the sailors handed me a long rope used for rigging.

Meanwhile, two noblemen, whom I didn't know, came out of the staircase that led to the rear private cabins. While stretching their legs, they looked curiously at the gathering in front of them. As I tied one end of the rope to the railing, their eyes turned my way. I decided to ignore them. I could care less how this looked in their eyes.

"So, if I trust your words, how soon will I get my gold back?"

"Tomorrow! I swear! I'll return your gold tomorrow!"

"I see," I said as I tied the rope around his waist and torso, "How many people will you steal from to get all that gold back by tomorrow?"

"As many as necessary! I swear, I'll return it all!"

"Uh huh? Frankly, I don't like that. Privateering is acceptable, but the people you'll steal from won't be my enemies. That would be injustice."

"I'll only steal from rich people! I swear! Only rich people!"

"Is that so? But rich people aren't my enemies either," I said, then I pointed at two random sailors, "You, grab his hands. You, grab his legs."

The two sailors complied. With the sound of the thief's pleading, I had the sailors carry the thief to the port side of the ship. The thief struggled, but these were seasoned sailors. If they could row large oars, they could certainly handle a single struggling thief.

"Throw him off the ship," I said coldly.

"Wait, stopppppp!!!" the thief cried as he was thrown into the cold waters of the Mrun River at night.

I looked down with my hand on the railing. Then I said to the two sailors, "Very good. Pull him back up, then repeat it nine more times. You're permitted to ask the other sailors for help."

With the party in full swing and Kaito laughing at his little brother's misfortune, I sat on the chair vacated by the thief and said to Mr. Lars, the second mate. "Bring me Gani."

It took Mr. Lars only two minutes to bring the still sleepy Gani from his sleeping quarters on the second deck.

"Good evening, my lady," he said with a bow and a yawn.

"Good evening. So Gani, mind telling me what you understood from my letter today?"

"Err... You told me to sell all lollipop candies and mrugs to your merchant friends and let them have a taste of each."

"Indeed, so why did you only sell six barrels of mrug?"

"Ehh... ummm... that... you have to ask Mr. Lustri, my lady."

"Why must I ask Mr. Lustri? I told YOU to sell them, did I not?"

"Ehh... only Mr. Lustri can explain it, my lady."

"Mr. Lars."

"Yes, captain."

"Go wake Mr. Lustri and bring him here."

"Yes captain."

Mr. Lars left faster than I could see, like a ninja, except he was a sailor. So he was like a sailor ninja or ninja sailor. He brought Mr. Lustri just as quickly as he brought Gani. The only difference was Mr. Lustri was wide awake.

"Good evening, captain. Is there a particular reason for you to summon me?"

"Good evening, Mr. Lustri. So I've been talking about how Gani sold ONLY six barrels to the merchants today, I trust you knew about that?"

Despite the poor lighting, I could tell that Mr. Lustri suddenly started sweating.

"Yes, captain. I was there as well."

"I see. Gani has been telling me that the reason for him selling ONLY six barrels when I clearly ordered him to sell all of them was YOU, Mr. Lustri. Care to explain why?"

In the dim light of the lanterns, I could see Mr. Lustri glaring at Gani while mouthing the word 'traitor'. To me, he said, "It was necessary, captain."

"What's necessary is to raise enough money to ransom those captured. Why was it necessary to sell only six barrels of mrug when you can sell more?"

"That... captain, I'm sure you are aware that mrugs raise the sailors' spirit, don't you?"

"Of course, what's your point?"

"You may not notice it, captain, since you don't drink, but mrugs are essential to the crew, captain."

"Essential in what way? Mrug is my creation in the first place. If not because I created it, we won't even be carrying a single barrel of mrug. The crew will be drinking only beer."

"Yes, captain. But you're not aware that drinking mrug during their time off has been something they can't live without, captain. It's something they've been looking forward to every day, captain!"

"Your point, please."

"Without mrugs, they will have nothing to look forward to. The crew will mutiny, captain!"

"Mutiny, huh? And who would be at the forefront of the mutiny?"

"... That would probably be me, captain."

"Because you've been drinking two mugs a day instead of the allocated one mug?"

"Yes - wait, how did you know that?"

"Gani, Mr. Lustri, do you see that group of cackling sailors that continuously bring up a soaking man and throw him back into the water?"

I pointed to the group of eight sailors who were taking turns bringing up the thief onboard by the rope before throwing him off the ship again. It was like a party as they laughed and shared a single mug of mrug. I decided to overlook them stealing a drink while they were on duty just for this time.

"I've been wondering about that," Gani remarked.

"I want both of you to sit together on the railing right next to them," I said while pointing at the section of the railing in question.

"Uhh, okay?" Mr. Lustri said as they both sat on the railing facing my way.

"No, turn around," I told them.

They turned around, so that they faced the water while sitting on the railing.

I then gave Gani a kick on the back, effectively kicking him off the ship. I gave Mr. Lustri a kick on the back too, just as the sailors threw the thief into the water for the sixth time. I looked down into the water at the three men swimming under the midnight sky.

"Hello, nice of you to join me," the thief said to both of them as he was pulled back up for his seventh dunking.

"Don't mind us, we're just having a bath," Mr. Lustri said nonchalantly.

"Get back here quickly so I can kick you off my ship again, you assholes!"

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Hi all, it's Ai-chan again. Different schedule this time. Sorry about that.

Again, there is none of this parts nonsense in the LN. The LN is also better written. Thanks again to everyone who reads.