Few minutes after the incident. Lev comes back to our table with 4 b-55 shots on a plate. Viviane looks at lev with anticipation in her eyes and embarrassment on her face.
"You can have it back when you're sober or leaving my bar." Lev is completely unmoved by her begging eyes.
"Finnnne."
"Hey Viv, for the record. I think you were going to hit that sign." I said. Trying to cheer her up.
"I know... I was so fixated on that bloody plastic plate that I didn't see him rushing towards me......" I doubt that would make a difference. Even if I'm on crack I still don't think I can see him coming. (Of course, I keep those thoughts to myself.)
"Uhhhh, I'm getting too sober." Viviane blew off the flames on one of the shot glasses, throwing her head back dramatically and down that shot to forget the unpleasantness.
Vera finally raises her head off the table. Stares at the shots for a second then down one too......and rests her head back. What's up with her? She was fine just a while back. I thought while motioning toward the brown, white, and green shot.
"Hey Viv, what's up with her？ I ask, pointing at Vera.
"Oh, she's drunk as fuck." Vívame says while playing with one of the empty shot glasses all over the table.
"But...... didn't she drink the least amount?" How many was it? Two? Maybe three?
"Yeaaaah, shocking. I know. She beats me at almost everything except vision and drinking."
"And causing mayhem." I add.
"Screw you, mate." Viviane smiles and takes the last shot glass but before drinking it. Her movement stops.
"Lee ?"
"Yes ?"
"Did I say b52 or b55 ?"
".........55 ?"
Her eyes widened at the realization. with a terrifying expression, she immediately puts the shot down.
"Something wrong ?"
"Fuck! I can't drink absinthe!" She says with a very desperate voice.
"What will happen if you do?" Now I'm panicking too.
"I'll get really REALLY fucked up." Oh shit ......maybe she'll be alright? It's been a minute or so by now.
Right after the thought came over my mind as if punishing me for jinxing it. Viviane hunched over, her whole body leans forward. She's now covering her mouth with both of her hands. Her face looks paler than usual.
"Viv? Can I get you a water or something?"
With all of her will. Viviane fought back nausea and spoke. "No....... I need you to get me outside."
I helped her make the way out as carefully as I can without too much motion or walking too fast like I'm carrying a ticking bomb. I can feel a few drinkers looking at us, I pay them no mind. I got better things to do than care what others think.
Warden watches us slowly move towards the exit. Without a word he opens the steel gate, I gave him a thankful nod. He returns me the same.
The lack of lights in the basement makes the road back to the surface even harder than it was. I glance at the brunette I'm supporting my arm. Her face is even paler than before, though her lipstick is still there I can see her lips are unnaturally white too.
The stairway up feels like a malicious challenge created by the devil himself.
Is this what Sisyphus felt while pushing the boulder to the top of the mountain? Does he know the rock will inevitably fall?
Halfway through the stairway towards b1.
The boulder falls.
She pukes with both of her hands on the wall, holding herself in place. I avert my eyes for the next two or three minutes and do my best not to pay attention to the sounds of digests hitting the floor.
"Do you need a minute or......" I ask her after she's done.
"No, I think I'm fine now...... but I still want to catch some air...... company me would you?" She looks almost identical to her sister with that tiresome expression.
"Sure viv. Take your time." Slowly but steadily, she gets back on her feet.
***
The Russians are still playing poker at b1. The same guy glanced at us again and shift his focus back just like when we first arrived.
The last set of stairs that leads outside seems...... magical in these circumstances. The sound of late-night partygoers making their way back, the Neon lights, signboards, lamp posts, and cars passing by. All of them got concentrated into a vague imagination of a world just out of reach by us still trying to slowly climb up the stairs.
The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
Thirteen stairs later. We're back at the alleyway.
Viviane sits by the wall and starts rubbing her eyes. I'm by the opposite wall, also sitting on the ground. Wordlessly, both of our attention got drawn to the street outside of the alley. We're still close to the main road therefore even at this hour.
The sounds and sights of other people's lives can still be heard and seen from the 3-meter width thread of sight that is the entrance of this alley.
The dark and deserted alley with rubbish on the ground, marks of somebody's vomit, and pipelines crawling up on the wall that leads to AC of buildings next to it, and two people sitting by it; the brimming road that's full of life and pedestrians committing at making themselves look desirable, professional, cool, to shine, to captivate, to be seeing.
Two different worlds, neither can see the other's full features unless you decide to step into it.
***
"Do you think what we do is ok?" Viviane asks without looking at me.
"You mean our line of work? "
"No, I mean being used to it." She turns her eyes back to me.
"Killing, associating with violence, disobeying moral codes of the public. And don't feel a goddamn thing about it." She continues.
"... viv...... I can't represent anyone but myself when I say this but.......When I first got to Faust I had dreams, large childish dreams of writing my own stories like the protagonist of legends and fairy tales."
"And?"
And I got fucked hard by reality.
"..........and it didn't even take six months for euforia to annihilate them."
"Euforia?" Viviane looks puzzled.
"It's just ...... someone used to call this city 'Euforia' and I picked it up from him." I pause............ I shouldn't. "My first kill was back when I was 16 or 15. The funny thing about it was. I didn't feel regret, remorse, disgust, thrill, or any emotions at all. All I thought about was I should get out of the scene quick and make sure I don't look suspicious. In the years to come that's all I think about whenever I'm about to kill or harm someone. Consequences."
Viviane tilts her head and frowns. For a while, she didn't say anything. I don't know if she's judging me for it, and to be honest. I don't have anything in defense either. Earlier today if I have enough reasons, I would've killed Vera too.
After a while, she speaks again.
"A man, reduce to the single instinct that was gifted to every living soul in this world. Survive."
"I felt terrible the first time I kill someone. I couldn't move. If it wasn't for Vera I would probably stand there until the cops come and arrest me. For days I couldn't sleep. Not because the victim was hunting me, but because of how easy it was to end a life. I was shocked by the insignificance of life. Everyone has their own coping mechanisms for this kind of stuff. Yours is letting your reasons and intellect take over. Mine was believing how unimportant it is."
"And does that make us........ a horrible person." I ask. Unironically. I want to know it. Because I can't tell.
"I'm not sure if it does for you. But I'm pretty sure it does for me...... kill people for a living with your sister........ what kind of sane and not-horrible person would do that ?"
Don't do it you stupid fucking fuck. Don't tell her.
"I'm not an orphan........ I had a home and a family. And one day is all gone. All I have left is this...... terrifying city towering over a little kid who lost everything and couldn't even remember what happened. Day by day, the little kid cares less and less about his family and old home. All he thinks about is how to get his next meal. And before he knew it. He abandoned the search for a way back to his parents, to his past. Then the city took him, just like the countless dreamers it devoured. It forces him to fight against and enjoy himself at the same time."
"One night, the kid realizes there's no point in staying here and struggling. And also, he misses having a home, a safe shelter in a storm, and relying on someone else except himself. Then........" Why the hell not, you've talked too much anyway.
"Then the same night he understood. He has no home, no one to rely on and he has to face the storm alone. Nothing that happened to him makes sense anyway. Why should he? He might as well stay in this 'city of dreams' and see how fuck up it will make him become."
Is that ..... no. Nono not now, not here....... Don't pity me Viv.........please.
"The world is an irrational, unhinged place. There's no need to care about being 'sane' or 'right'. So, Viv my answer to your question is.
Yes. It is ok to not feel a goddamn thing."
Viv looks at me with her sister's unreadable expression. I wouldn't dare imagine what she's thinking.
After an eternity. She slowly crawls across the alley, towards me. Her green pupils shine even in dark. She's getting closer. So close that I can see the gold in her eyes again. Her hair falls down, her makeup is ruined, but blood seems to rush back to her cheeks so it's not so pale now. She's closer than ever. And I'm up against the wall. There's a war in my mind.
so close I can smell the booze and sweets radiating from her. I look her in the eyes, she does too. What are you looking for? What is there to give you? Five centimeters away from her.
There. She stops.
Who will jump first? Down the rabbit hole.
The world is an irrational place.........
Don't remember who goes first, but that last line of barriers is gone. Her lips touch mine. Hers are softly relaxed, mine are stiff and surprised. Out of pity? Fake signs of love? Going with a whim? I don't care. In the back alley of lanes, a small piece of me stays, he wouldn't leave. And she does too, I'm certain.
After it ends, she slowly backed down and sit next to me by the wall. With a smile she otters.
"Odysseus."
"That's who you are. This city is your Aegean Sea. And you'll find your home again eventually. Guessed you have become the protagonist of legends and fairy tales after all."
"And I hope one day you can have a proper ending to your story." She pulls out a pack of cig. Takes two out, puts one on my lips, three tries on the lighter before the fire were produced, she lights mine then her own. I take long drags; she takes small puffs. Before both of our cigarettes burn out, neither of us speaks. It's only after she throws away her cigarette end that she breaks the silence again.
"Hey, lee."
"What's up?"
"Do you think we could be one of them?"
She motions her head towards the street outside, a world that I briefly forgot.
I look at them, then look at her.
"I don't think we need to."
Her smile and joyful expressions are back on her face.
"Let's go back. Vera should be awake now and I still need my guns back."
***
On the way down Viviane starts giggling.
"What's so funny?"
"It's just that... you just kissed someone who was puking ten minutes ago." She starts laughing loudly. I really did. Didn't I.
"You know, you REALLY don't have to remind me that." I start laughing with her. While we descend back into the dark.
The world is an irrational place........ Why care about being sane ?